2 MORE TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED!

Posted '3:30pm bells' Tuesday 7th August 2018

Two more telly games have been added to wor list!
Thankfully just one of wor games in October and November haz been moved from a Saturday, when we play Bornley away on a Munday neet!

October
Sat 6th Moan U away on BT at 5:30 bells
Sat 20th Brightin home at 3 bells (ne TV)
Sat 27th Sooothampton away at 3 bells (ne TV)

November
Sat 3rd Wotfaad home at 3 bells ( ne TV)
Sat 10th Bournemoooth home at 3 bells ( ne TV)
Mun 26th Bornleee away on SKY at 8 bells

*

NON ATTENDERS IN WAR OF WORDS!

Posted '2:50pm bells' Tuesday 7th August 2018

"Welcome to the 

NUFC pantomime!"

A war of words haz broken oot between wor absent owner and Newcasil MP Chi Onwonga <(I 'fink' thats hor name!) after Onwonga presented a motion in the House of Commons aboot how unfit wor owner woz to run wor club and declared a while back that she would not be attendin' future games at St James Park, because of the Wonga money lenders logos on the front of wor strips!

She embarrisingly caalled Rafa Benitez, Rafa 'BEN-NETT-EZ'!  in hor House of Commons speech!----Which just gans to shows hor 'knowledge'? of futbaall on Tyneside!

Az far az we are aware, she haz NEVER seen a match at St James' Park anyway, so how she can boycott us if she's never been, iz a 'no brainer'!

Wor 'beloved'? absent owner, who hazzent been to a home game for 15 months replied that he haz ploughed millions into the club, but failed to mention hiz skinflint transfor policy, where players must be sold before we can buy!
"I'm the pantomime villain!" he added!

The letter which woz written on NUFC headed paper, woz sent to The Secretary of State in protest at Onwoga's criticism and woz signed with an unreadable scribble, which suggests that someone else actually wrote and signed it! (Allegedleee!)

"ANOTHER FINE MESS!"

Posted '4:35pm bells' Munday 6th August 2018

It haz just been reported on SKY SPORTS NEWS that Toon players have REFUSED to de scheduled walk up sessions for the TV at the club's trainin groond this afternoon, because of a dispute with wor 'beloved owner'? aboot bonuses for the forthcomin season!
Again, yi couldn't make it up, with just 5 days to gan before wor forst Premyaa Leegue game of the season, at home to Sporz!😨

"DA DOO-RON-RON-DON!---DA-DOO-RON-DON!"

Posted '2:08pm bells' Munday 6th August 2018

The Hilton Hotel, Gatesheed

New that Salomon Rondon haz finally arrived haz just reached 'The Geordie Times'!

He woz spotted yesterday in the Hilton Hotel next to The Tyne Bridge in Gatesheed, which iz within sight of St James' Park!

We understand that its a swop deal with Dwight Gayle, who heeds in the opposite direction to West Brom!

The striker iz a Venezuelan International and iz 28 years old!

Hopefully more signings will be added before the transfor deadline on Thorsday!? (BUT! divvint haad yih breath!)

THE TOON 0 FC AUGSBURG 1 *** FRIENDLY

Posted just before 'high noon bells' Sunday 5th August 2018

Photo taken by granddaughter

Freya, aged 4 (hor 1st game!)

"BLANKETY BLANK!"

For the thord pre season friendly in a row against forrin opposition, we failed to score, on a boilin' hot day on Tyneside!

This iz a very worryin situation considerin that the transfor window closes next Thorsday!

It woz 'Kids Day' at SJP az more than half the crowd of 21,000 plus were below the age of 10, az parents/grand parents took advantage of the fiver admission for youngins to take them to the match!
This included 4 of my own grandkids, 2 of which were makin their 'debut' visit to 'The Cathedral on the Hill'! (Kia and Freya)

A thouroughly borin game woz won by a solitary heeder from Augsburg striker Gregoritsch at The Leazes End in the 2nd half, which sent their 30 or so shirtless visitin fans in The Leazes Corner wild with delight!

 Spot the topless Jawman fans 

In the far corner!

We had a few chaces durin the game, but Joselu, Perez, Ritchie an Atsu, in particular, aall failed in attempts to score!---hence the need for a new front man!

With Sporz wor visitors next Saturday in The Premyaa Leegue, we fear the worst unless wor absent owner puts hiz hand in hiz pocket to sign a proven striker we so desperetleee need!

The Newcasil Sunday Sun

A new rumour haz emorged that the club iz still up for sale, az to the reason for relutance to spend some of the cash generated from the sale of 'Mitro' to Fulim for £22 million!

We await with baited breath to see if West Brom's Rondon signs on the dotted line before next Thorsday!?

After the game we heeded for the chip shop next to Raffety's Bar in Pink Lane! (Very near The Central Station!)
From there we heeded into Rafferty's Bar next door where a mad tea party took place!

The original 'Mad Hatters' Tea Party'!

The Geordie Times'z

'Mad-sad groundhoppers'

 'Tea Party' in 'Rafferty's bar'!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, (Schar 57), Dummett (Manquillo 69), Ritchie (Kenedy 69), Hayden (Shelvey 57), Diame (Ki 29), Atsu (Murphy 57), Perez (Roberts 83), Joselu

Attendance: 21,331 (30 shirtless Ausburg fans!)

*PS: Includin today (Munday 7th August) 'The Fat Controller' haz been absent from the NUFC directors box for 456 days!  

The last home game he attended woz on Sunday May 7th 2017 when we beat Barnsleee 3-0 to win The Championship!
We DO expect to see him next Saturday though!---He IZ a Sporz fan after aall!

THE TOON V AUGSBURG OF JAWMANY *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Friday 3rd August 2018

ST JAMES' PARK 110 YEARS AGO!
(Can yoo spot the gadgie climbin' ower
the Leazes End waall?)
(Middle right of picture behind goal!)

We play wor one and anly forst team friendly game at SJP tomorrow v Jawman side Augsburg and we can anly hope that we put in a better performance than wor 2 games in Portugal!
They play in the Bundesliga and finished 12th oot of a 18 club leegue last season!

If yoo buy your tickets today they will cost £10 for big kids and £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites
For some bizzare reason they DOUBLE in price if yoo buy them on match day? ( not something we havvent done before!)
Aa meen, its hardly a high profile game against a very average side, to get yoo rushin' for the tornstiles, iz it!

But we ARE a 'bizzare club' and nothin' suprizes us anymore!

Kick off iz at '3:00 bells'

Match report and pix on Sunday!

PS: Tickets for wor forst away games against 'The Taffy Noses' of Cardiff  on Saturday 18th August @ '12:30 bells', are now on sale!
We have been allocated just under 2,900 tickets which have been priced at £30 for big kids, £26 for zimmerframeites and £16 for sprogs!

A'M TURNIN' JAPANEEEZ!

Posted '8:45pm bells' Thorsday 26th July 2018
Updated '4:47pm bells' Thorsday 2nd August

"A'M TURNIN JAPANEEEZ!, I 'FINK' A'M TURNIN JAPANEEZ!--(AH REEELY 'FINK' SO!")

News that Swiss international Fabian Schar and Yoshinari Muto  form Japaan have signed for 'The Toon' haz now been conformed!
Schar's fee iz said to be in the reeejin of £3 million, while Moto's fee iz said to be aroond aboot the £10 million mark! 

WE can anly hope that this iz true, az the transfor window draws ever nearer!  Obviousleee,  'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo (wor loyal reeeders!) the news, 'second hand'--'forst' when its (hopefully) 'rubber stamped'? (PS SKY SPORTS have just conformed this in the last few minutes!)

RAFA NOT HAPPY! *** PLAYERS IN DISPUTE!

Posted '1:52pm bells' Thorsday 2nd August 2018

"It's MY trainset

and I'll do what

I like!"

"THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEED!"

Rafa made theeze worryin' statements after wor 4-0 hammerin' at Braga last neet!

"Things are not going well on and off the pitch!
I am worried!
Fans are concerned--they have to be--we are concerned!
We are not doing things well, on and off the pitch!
This should be A WAKE UP CALL for everyone!
(ARE YOO LISTENIN' 'FAT CONTROLLER'?)
Am I optimistic?, thinking that we can do in 10 days (when the transor window closes), that we can do in 2 months?, I DONT THINK SO!
I have NO IDEA if we are close to new signings!"

On top of THAT!--Players are REFUSIN' to talk to the club's website, or do interviews, as bonuses HAVVENT been agreed! (Again!)

And aall this just 10 days before the season starts!

Wor take on it IZ!---Rafa's patience will finally run oot when the transfor deadline arrives and he could well 'walk the walk', if nothin iz done on the transfor front!
"There may be trouble aheed-' for certain!!!"😨

BRAGA 4 THE TOON 0 *** FRIENDLY

Posted '11:15pm bells' Wednesday 1st August 2018

We hate to tell yoo this, but The Toon were completly ootplayed by Braga tooneet!
We did have chances through Perez and Ritchie, but they fluffed their lines!

In total 19 players got some game time!

With just ower one week of the transfor window left we look like a team who know that we will be fightin yet anothaa relegation battle under 'The Fat Controller's leadership! (Or lack of it, az the case iz!)

HELP!😨

Special thanx to Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa for the pix from Braga!

Updated Thorsday

WOT THE LOCAL PAPER SEZ!
(THE NEWCASIL 'RONNY GILL')

BRAGA V THE TOON **** TOONEET!

Posted '2:38pm bells' Wednesday 1st August 2018

NUFC play wor 4th pre season friendly in Braga, Portugal, tooneet and several mad-sad groundhoppers have stayed over for the game after Saturdays bore draw v Porto!

Due to circumstances beyond my contol I wont be there az I booked the flight/train back on Munday from Portugal, thinkin that a pre season friendly woz to be arranged in Scotland! (Plus mee 'Piggy Bank' iz nearly empty!)🐖

There WOZ a game in Scotland---for wor U23s that iz, who were beaten 2-1 by a Rangers U20s side on Munday neet at Rangers trainin groond!

The game woz behind closed doors however and NEE 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were present!
(They were eethaa in Portugal or flyin back ( like me) az the game woz played! (Yi cannit de them aall!---nee one can!)

However! there WILL be a 'mad-sad groundhoppers' report on tooneets game az 'Mal the Inglish Skooll Teechaa' iz sendin 'The Geordie Times' some pix and a brief match report!

Ne doubt 20 odd players will get some game time, like in Dublin, Hull and Porto, makin' the game a glorified trainin' session once again! (Whatever happened to the days when full strength sides would play in friendlies?)

Watch this space later tooneet for result!