"THE QWAATAA OF A THOOOSAND CLUB!"

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Wednesday 11th October 2017

On this day 12 years ago aa visited mee 250th groond watchin' 'The Toon' and a archive match report on that game iz published below!

"IT'S AALL YOGI BEAR'S FAULT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 11th October 2017

"HA! HA!--IT'S ALL MY FAULT THAT 'THE TOON ARMY'

HAVE GOT TO TRAVEL TO LONDON THIS XMAS!"

At last the FA have admitted that there WILL BE live games on Xmas Eve, with chief executive Peter Scudamore sayin' that aall games chosen will kick off before '4 bells'! ("ER!"---sorry! That shud read RICHARD Scudamore!---Peter Scudamore woz a jockey!)

So that's aall reet then???---shud wor game at 'The Jellied Eels Mob' (West Ham) be one of 'the chosen few', then it will kick off anytime between '11 bells' in the mornin' and '3 bells' in the afternoon!---It STILL doesn't make it any easier for travel arrangements az the train and air prices will be at a premium and the roads will be 'rammed' on Xmas Eve of course with friends and family travellin to see loved ones ower the festive period!

Wot it meenz in effect---IZ!---we will be forced to travel doon to London the day before and hope (against hope!) to catch the last train back to Tyneside after the game! (dependin on the kick off time of course!)

To compound things--and make it a bit more expensive to travel' the Xmas fixtures for live telly, due to be announced this week, wont now be announced til October 19th (the nearer the game--the more expensive the tickets are!)

Yogi Bear, who invented the TV haz got a lot to answer for, az before hiz 'invention' aall games kicked off at '3 bells' on a Saturday or '7 30 bells' midweek ("ER!"---or woz it LOGIE BAIRD who invented the telly?)  🔻

"THE DEADLY QUESTION!"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Munday 9th October 2017

News reaches The Geordie Times that wor next 3 games have aall been selt oot!

Sooothampton away next Sunday <(wot!---yet anothaa Sunday away day?) where we have sold wor allocation of 3,200 tickets

Palace at home on Saturday 21st October iz now completely sold oot--it's not known if Palace have taken up their full allocation of 3,200?---we expect NOT and that they will have around aboot 1,000 in level 7 of The Leazes End!

Bornley away on Munday 30th October iz sold oot az well and we will have 2,500 fans behind the goal! (wor FIFTH away game in a row where we wont be playin on the traditional Saturday '3 bells' slot) (and EIGHTH if yoo include the last 3 games from last season!)
PS: the last time we played an away game at '3 bells' on a Saturday woz at Borminghham City on March 18th!---SEVEN months ago!

And then there's the dreaded fixture list for December, where we fully expect to be playin on yet anothaa away Sunday, which just happens to be Xmas Eve v West Ham!

I told 'wor lass' and she asked me 'the deadly question'

"What will yoo do if they play on Xmas Eve?"

"You'll just have to spend Xmas Day on own then!", I defiantly replied!

"OH!" she said, "I wont need to cook the turkey then!--yoo can have it on Boxin' Day!"

Seriously! I WILL be yem for Xmas----even if I have to drive to London and back on Xmas Eve!

(see article below!)

'

"WOULD YOO 'ADAM & EVE' IT!"

Posted '1:50pm bells' Friday 6th October 2017

"Can yoo leave my presents here pleeeze Santa!"

News that The Liverbirds game away to The Arse in London iz pencilled in for Xmas Eve at '4 bells' meenz that a dinnaatime 'slot' iz still available for that day shud the above game take place!

The London Stadium haz been selected az a 2nd possible game that day when 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham take on NUFC!

Pleeze god NO!---not a game on Xmas Eve away in 'eest Landan' when transport will be limited and trains and roads will be packed with people gannin yem for Xmas!

We've said it before, and we'll say it again!

"NO ONE LIKE US---THEY DONT CARE!
NO ONE LIKES US---IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Footnote: 'Adam & Eve' iz 'Cockney' rhymin' slang for 'Believe'!

'BIG SIX' LOSE FORST ROOND BATTLE!

Posted '1:05pm bells' Thorsday 5th October 2017

THE 'BIG SIX' ARGUE THEIR CASE!

News that the majority of the 20 Premyaa Leegue club rejected 'the BIG SIX's bid to increase their share of the TV money haz reached us! (That's Moan U, Man C, The Arse, The Liverbirds, Sporz and Chelski!)

But just who decides who the BIG SIX are??

It's not so lang ago that Chelski were strugglin' az well az Man City, who even dropped into the 3rd tier of Inglish futbaall in the late 80s

A record low crowd of bearly 3,000 torned up for one game v Macclesfield and Chelski were getting below 20,000 before the very rich Russian torned up!

In othaa words IF a very rich Saudi prince bought 'us' then we would be in the same bracket az them (THE BIG SEVEN?)

For me the TV deal iz fair and it works OK az the likes of Bournemoooth and Wotfaad can play on a leveller playin field az their share iz the same az the rest!

It woz reported that Everton voted that the BIG SIX SHUD get a much bigger slice of the cake, which iz amazin' ---az wot they are sayin iz that their arch rivals across Stanley Park shud get much more than them! (Can yoo imagine the mackems voting for 'US' to get more than them!?)

When aa started following futbaall in the 'swingin sixties' there woz NE telly deals and the anly domestic game yoo could watch live woz the FA Cup final! (NOT EVEN the semis in them days!)

Everton were in the BIG FIVE az it woz then, alang with Moan U, The Arse, Sporz and The Liverbirds---NE sign of Man C or Chelski in them days!  
Aye!  Man C won the leegue in the 1960s, but so did 7 othaa clubs!

Because there woz ne TV deals back then, away clubs got a 3rd of the home teams gate money and this iz how the likes of Bornley and Ipswich survived!---Indeed BOTH of these teams won the old Forst Division title back then!

The 8 teams who won the old 1st Division title in the 1960s were:
1960 Bornley
1961 Sporz
1962 Ipswich
1963 Everton
1964 Liverpool
1965 Moan U
1966 Liverpool
1967 Moan U
1968 Man City
1969  Leeedz

Moan U in particular wornt happy aboot this and they got it changed, so home clubs would keep AALL of the gate money and away clubs got nowt!

(Moan U v Bornley for example would attract 50,000 with Bornley getting a 3rd of that---Bornley v Man U would attract less than 20,000, so Moan Us 'cut' woz much less!)

Once 'the change' happened then Bornley and Ipswich would struggle and this would happen today if there woznt  a level playin field!

Do we reeely want the same clubs guaranteed to win the leegue every season coz they are much richer?--NOT if yoo support one of the '14 so caalled  smaaler clubs! (ie: there would be ne chance of anyone doin a 'Lestaa'!)

Lets hope they keep it the same for the sake of futbaall!---but ne doubt somebody will put a 'spanner in the work' and derail it!

PORT VALE v THE TOON U23s *** TOONEET

Posted '12 30pmbells' Tuesday 3rd October 2017
Updated Wednesday 

Wor U23s are in action again tooneet in the Checkatrade Trophy (group D)--this time at Vale Park, the home of Port Vale FC!
A few NUFC mad sad groundhoppers are gannin who havvent been here before, but 'yours trueleee' wont az av been here before on at least 2 occasions to watch wor forst team!

We hope to have a match report of the game on line before 'midneet bells' and hopefully a couple of pix az well from those who will be there!
APU watch this space!

PS: PORT Vale iz miles from the nearest sea port so divvint heed for the coast to find it!---heed for the toon of Burslem in the Potteries near Stoke and the 'othaa Newcastle! (under Lyme)


Updated Wednesday
Lost 1-0!   The appropriately named Tyron Barnett scored the anly goal of the game when the baall came off hiz 'barnet' and into the net in the 21st minute!
This game reeely caught the imagination of the Potteries public az just 824 were there to witness it, includin' 105 'NUFC mad sad groundhoppers'.
'Alex of St George' woz there and he text me to say that the game ---and the town of Burslem (where Port Vale play) woz "UTTER CR*P!"
(PS: "I know!---I've been there before!")

THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 2nd October 2017

RICHIE PREPARES TO TAKE A FREE KICK AZ WE ATTACK

THE GALLOWGATE GOAL

A minutes applause for former chairman Freddy Shepherd who died last week woz held before kick off and Toon player wore black armbands
We said before the game that many Toon fans would be very happy with a point from this game and that's exactleee wot we got!

A bit fortuitous we admit, az The Liverbirds missed quite a few chances before they scored---in particular when 'old boy' Wijnaldum hit the bar in the forst half at the Gallowgate End and an incredible 3 misses after the baall had richoshaded back into play, but somehow we survived!

However there woz nothin' that Toon goalie could de in the 29th minute when Coutinho hit an unstoppable shot from ootside the box into the top corner of the net, to give wor visitors the lead!

How many would they now get?--we thought?---but we are made of sterner stuff theeze days and just 6 minutes later Joselu scored when a superb Shelvey through baall to him came of a Liverbirds defender onto Josolu's shin and the baall trickled into the corner of the goal at The Leazes End!---a bit lucky perhaps, but they aall coont!

Just 5 minutes into the 2nd half Ceiron Clark made a hash of a clearance and this nearly cost us, but the resultin shot by a Liverbirds player (cant remember who?) went (thankfully) ower the bar!

'We' did have a few of chances at The Gallowgate End but couldn't find the net again! 

Then--when the baall looked to have crossed the goal line (for a goal kick to us) the linesman signalled 'play on' and Chamberlain's resultin shot went narrowly ower the bar, with Elliot beaten!
(If WE could see it woz a goal kick from 'high up in the gods' of The Milburn Stand, how come the ref and linesman couldn't at pitch level???)

AZ YOO CAN CLEARLY SEE--(BUT NOT BY THE LINESMAN OR REF!)

THE BAALL IZ OWER THE GOAL LINE

BEFORE IT IZ CROSSED

It would have been a great injustice had he scored, but we were thankful for a precious point against one of the 'so caalled' 'big six' which leaves us in ninth place before anothaa international break next weekend!

The banner reads (Geordie translation): "We will follow you everywhere--we'll aalways have yoo back--in spite of the lies they tell us--we'll nevaa doubt yoo--we are with yoo!"

Footnote: Amongst the 52,000 crowd woz Amanda Staveley (pictured above---NOT the one in the cap!) who brokered the deal with the sheikh who bought Man City.
Rumours are abound aboot a possible takeower of NUFC! 

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Manquillo, Shelvey, Marino (Hayden 74), Richie, Perez (Diame 90), Atsu, Joselu (Gayle 79)

Attendance: 52,303 (3,200 'Mickey Mousers')

Highest crowd of the season

*

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

'DOORMAN' GRANDSON JAMIE IN THE LEAZES END CLUB!

THE TOWN MOUSE (NEW BAR!) IN ST MARY'S PLACE!

A PINT OF FROTH IN TILLEY'S BAR

"HAVE YOO GOT A 99 FLAKE PLEEEZE?"

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 29th September 2017
Updated Sunday 1st October

Yet anothaa Sunday game for live telly---this time 'a home one' with a '4:30 bells' kick off!
Mitro iz available aftaa suspension and we would expect him to play some part az a goalscorer iz desperately needed aftaa Josalu's 4 easy misses in wor last 2 games!---(At least he iz getting in the positions to score--but-- he must take the chances offered to him 'on a plate' or else he will be dropped!)
Flo Lejeune iz aalso available aftaa bein' sidelined with injury

The Liverbirds arnt playin well and rumour haz it that Klopp iz off to Bayern Munich at the forst opportunity, shud they want him!
Many Scousers wouldn't be too upset at this, az their team hasn't improved since he came! (ie: they have ne chance of the leegue title)

IF we can score orly on then this will put wor visitors on the back foot, but a draw would be the most likely outcome me 'finkx'

The game iz a complete selloot with the 'Mickey Mousers' takin up their full 3,200 allocation az per usual--but they arnt 'happy chappies' az their game away to Arsenal on December 23 iz pencilled in for live telly on---XMAS EVE!--no transport to get them yem eethaa!---lets hope it doesn't happen or else this will set a 'bench mark' for the future! (SKY have asked Arsenal if they can play the game then and get stewards to work--and if the London 'dibble' can police it!)

Sunday iz aalso 'Rafa Day' az both Toon and Liverbirds fans have great affection for him! (He actually won 'little things' with them!---Like 'The Champions Leegue'!)

"CAN 'WE' HAVE 'ONE OF THEEEZE' PLEEEZE!"

We hear through the grapevine that a massive Rafa banner will be unveiled by 'Gallowgate Flags' in er! 'The Gallowgate End'!

Az we write this (10 am bells) it iz p*ssin doon ootside, but hopefully it will clear up by the '4 30 bells' kick off time!

Havin beat the 'Mickey Mousers' on their last 2 visits here, we are gannin for the 'hat-trick' of victoryzzz, but many Toon fans would be happy with a draw against one of the 'so caalled' 'big six'!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime this evenin OR tomorrow!
Az per usual 'watch this space'!

JUSTICE IZ DONE!

Posted 6 33pm bells Wednesday 27th September 2017 at Trowell truck park M1

Brighton's Tommer Hemed haz been banned for 3 games for hiz stamp on Yedlin on Sunday!
Despite Match of the Day NOT highlitin hiz stamp the FA have foond him guilty of violent conduct az charged!
Justice haz been done!

R I P FREDDY!

Posted 6 30pm bells Tuesday 26th September 2017 at Trowell truck park M1

News reaches us of the death of former NUFC chairman Freddy Shepherd
Freddy woz instrumental in signin Alan Shearer for a then world record fee of £15 million!
He aalso oversaw the groond capacity rise from 36,000 to 52,000 plus in 2000

He aalso woz determined to sign Michael Owen and he 'got hiz man' even though 'the man' didnt reely want us (we were hiz 5th choice club and hiz body language spoke volumes--"I really dont want to be here, but 'mega money talks"--and he reluctantly signed az ne one else wanted him! -'-Addin a 'Relegation CV' to hiz portfollio in 2009!

While Shearer woz one of wor best ever signings scorin a club record 206 goals
Owen woz one of wor worst az he milked the club of aroond aboot £30 MILLION before disappearin into oblivion!