Tuesday 20 November 2012



Date of First Visit: 8th November 2012






Europa League Group D

Attendance: 18,003 (2,600 Toon fans in the away

section plus just az many ‘hidin’ in the home 

sections PLUS! anotha 3,000 who were unable to

get tickets who watched the match on big screens

in the centre of Brugge!) (11,000 empty seats!!!)


Day One: Wednesday


Meesel and ‘The Caped Crusader’ caught the nine

bells train from ‘The Central’ to King’s Cross and

then ‘onward’ by Eurostar from St Pancras (which

iz reet next door) to Brussels, where we were

basin’ worsels for two neets

After dumpin’ wor bags in wor hotel we met up

with ‘Colonel Gaddafi’ (that’s reet he’s STILL

alive and livin’ in Bracknel, Berkshire!) and we

heeded for ‘the night life’, where, menacingly

there were gangs of kids of African dissent

hangin’ aroond the street corners givin’ us ‘dodgy

looks’ az we made wor way doon to where the

bars were from wor hotel, which waz aboot a ten

minute walk from the train station (‘The Caped

Crusader’ had been mugged in Brussels by some

of them a few years orlier when we played



Anyway!---we arrived at the forst ‘waaterin hole’

where the beer waz 10%! which iz twice az strong

az wot we normally drink!

‘The Colonel’ said he had met a couple of the

regular away travellers on the Eurostar but couldn’

recall one of their names, although he could

remember that ‘Blondie Alan’ waz one of them! 

He tried to describe the other one and said that we

knew him well.

He described that he had a ‘tash’ and waz built

like a ‘brick sh*t hoose’ but we couldn’t ‘picture’

just who he waz on aboot!

There waz a roond beer mat on the table and so aa

took it and said to ‘The Colonel’ “Can you draw a

photo fit picture of him?” He nodded and so aa

gave mee expensive ‘Parker Pen’ (which looks

remarkably like the ones yi get in ‘Ladbrokes

bookies’!) and he started sketchin away!

When he’d finished, his ‘artists impression’

looked like it waz  sketch of ‘Adolf Hitler’(see top

photo!) but az we divvint naa ANYBODY who

looks like this we were completleee ‘stumped’!

(apart from ‘Adolf’ that iz!)

Anyway! ---‘The Caped Crusader’ had a

brainwave and decided to phone ‘Blondie Alan the

Morris Dancer’ up to find oot just who wor

‘mystery man’ actually waz! (“Er!”---a message to

‘Blondie’---“there’s NE hidin place from ‘your

past!’---‘Morris Dancer’ it iz!)

Straight away he telt us that wor ‘mystery man’

WAZZZ!?----‘THE BEAR!’ who DOESN’T have

a ‘tash’ and haz a shaven heed!---unlike hiz ‘photo

fit’, complete with flowin’ locks’ and ‘Hitler


“It looks nowt like him!” we said in unison az

‘The Colonel’ cowered behind the table!

Anyway!---we moved on to a few more boozers

before heedin’ back to the hotel on the ‘Brussels

Undergroond’ (we wernt takin’ any chances on

waalkin back!)

PS: We hord later on that some Toon fans had

been attacked with lumps of wood with nails in

them in the red light district of Brussels and

were mugged!

One lad got stabbed and two ended up with broken bones!


Day Two: Match Day


Next mornin’ we were up with the larks and

heeded back to the station to catch the train to

Brugge, which waz an hours ride away. The were

a few Toon fans on it and they were drinkin’

merrily az the train sped alang!

On arrival in Brugge we avoided the packed main

square full of Toon fans, where a big screen had

been erected for those without match tickets and

heeded for some bars ‘off the beaten track’!

The bars aroond the square were aall sorvin’ beer

oot of plastic glasses at extoshanite<(Geordie

Times spellin’!) prices, but the ones we foond had

‘propa’ ones to drink oot of at reasonable prices!

(two reasons to avoid the main square!)

Eventually!—we heeded in the direction of the  

groond back through the main square where the

police presence had quadruplet since we forst

waalked through and thoughts of bein’ held there

against wor will, went through wor minds and so

we made A SHARP exit to anotha boozers on the

otha side, oot the way!

We then decided to heed nearer to the ground az

police vans and horses aall of a sudden suroonded

the square in a well planned ‘pincer movement’!

(ie: it waz F*****’ time to get oot!)

We decided to heed for the hotel where ‘Big Al’

and ‘Sarnie Steve’ were stoppin’ across the river

which cuts Brugge in two---anly to confronted by

a line of ‘dibbles’ blockin’ the picturesque bridge,

complete with castles!

“Wor hotels on the otha side of the bridge!” ‘Big

Al’ said, az he pointed to it in the distance, But

they still wouldn’t let us pass and threatened to

arrest us IF we didn’t de az we were told! And

pointed us in the direction of the city centre---and

so we had to de a three qwaata of a mile detour

across another bridge near to the train station to

get ower the river!

The hotel they were stoppin’ in had a bar and we

decided to stop there til it waz time to gan to the

match---which we were telt waz a twenty minute

waalk away from the hotel---WRANG!---it waz

much fortha and az the local ‘dibble’ (bless em!---

NOT!) had banned Toon fans from usin’ busses or

taxis to get to the game, it waz ‘shanks’s pony’to

the stadium! (Wot a way to be treated—“EH!”)

Havin’ got through FIVE ticket security checks

(that’s reet!--- FIVE!) we eventually got into the

stadium with ten minutes to spare, but we were the

lucky ones az quite a few missed the kick off!

Az expected there were thousands of empty seats,

which begs the obvious question---“why wernt we

given more???

Brugge took the lead in the 14th minute through

Ivan Trickovski who shot past Tim Krul in the

Toon goal and doubled their tally just six minutes

later when Jesper Jorgensen hit an effort just

inside the post in front of the Toon fans!

We fought back however!, when Anita hit a right

foot screamer into the Brugge goal in the 41st

minute and Shola Ameobi levelled things just two

minutes later when he stabbed the baall home after

he received a through baall from hiz younger

brother Sammy, to send the Toon fans wild with

delight! (the forst time incedentleee, that two

brothers had started a MAJOR European game

together for The Toon!) (Matty and Richie

Appelby had both featured for us in the Anglo

Italian Cup back in 1992!)

In the second period we nearly won it when

Sammy ‘Ami’ hit the bar with a great shot, but

there waz ne more scorin’ in the game and after

bein’ locked in for half an hour (when!-- before

the match, we had been telt that we would be let

straight oot!) we were eventually let oot for some

post match ‘liquid refreshments’ and heeded to a

bar we had passed on the way up where some very

drunk Toon fans had been watchin’ the match on

the telly.

One waz SO inebriated that he’d stripped off and

waz runnin’ roond the bar with nowt on! The

barmaid however, waz not impressed with the size

of hiz ‘yee naa wot’ and said sommik in

Flemish/Belgian/Dutch? that! (usin’ mee vast

knowledge of International languages!) aa  

deciphered to meen! (YES!—yiv guessed it!)  

That he waz a big DICK with a little  P****!


We then heeded back to the hotel where ‘Sarnie 

Steve’ and the rest were stayin’, and a Toon fan

telt us that hiz mate had been nicked by ‘the local


“Wot for?”—we asked

“He got to the fourth checkpoint and waz asked

once again to show hiz ticket, but he must have

dropped it at the previous one and so they arrested

him for attemptin’ to get into the match without a


(HONEST!---IT’S F*****’ TRUE!!!)

It waz then back to Brussels late on and we

eventually ‘retired’ in the orly hours



Day Three: Friday


An orly train from Brussels to St Pancras and the

onward back yem from King’s Cross next mornin’

meant that we were back for ‘two bells’ on Friday

afternoon for a few ‘liquids’ with the lads in 'The

Hotspur', before catchin’ the bus yem and yet

anotha European adventure waz ower and (of

course!) anotha groond ‘off the list’!




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