"POTTERS!-POTTERS!--HERE WE COME!"-

Posted 2 10pm bells Saturday 9th September 2017 on the Cross Country train to Newport!

Its a long haul to wor owerneet stay in Newport before wor game at Swanzee tomorrow az its 13 stops and 5 hours plus to get there on the choo! Choo! train!
Plennty of 'supplies' have been brought to pass the time away and wor forst port o call when we get there will be Potters "Dive' Bar near Newport station! (Stab proooff vests recommended!)

More updates when we get there at '7 bells'!

Forst bar 7 30 bells (not Potters!)

And then some othaaz!

274 REViSITED*** SWANZEE 2010

Posted 4 25pm bells Saturday 9th September 2017 on a train near Derby!

Its more than 7 years since we forst visited Swanzee's new abode--' and we make ne apologeeez for 'diggin up' this 'little gem' from then!
INTERNATIONAL 'RUSS-CUE!
(See match report from that game below!
Ground 274)

274 liberty stadium, swansea

(GROUND NUMBER 274)
Date of First Visit: 13^th FEBRUARY 2010

LIBERTY STADIUM, SWANSEA, WALES

SWANSEA CITY 1

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Carroll)


CHAMPIONSHIP

Attendance: 15,188 (1,500 Toon fans)


“INTERNATIONAL ‘RUSS’CUE!”

(somewhere on the 'M4' sooth Wales)
"divvint worry lads!---aa'll get yiz ti Swanszee for the kick off!----ne problem!"

Day One: “THE CANTERBURY TALES!”

Aa had a gut feelin’ when ‘Sarnie Steve’ pulled up at mee front door at fower bells in the afternoon in a RED! Seat Ibiza car that sommik would gan wrang on this near 800 mile roond trip to sooth Wales. (ie: red is NOT mee fave colour!)

Wor forst port o caall was Tewkesbury in deepest Gloustershire where we’d booked a hotel for the Friday neet to split the jorney up, before heedin’ for Swansea the next day for the ridiculously timed 12:45 bells kick off at the bequest of Sky telly.

On arrival at the hotel just off the M5 motorway some five hours later at ‘8:30 bells’ we dumped wor bags and coats in the room and asked the lassie on reception where aall the ale hooses were and she pointed us in (wot we thought!) was the reet direction.

Before heedin’ for the bright lights of Tewksbury we made for the restaurant next door for a mixed grill ‘nose bag’ as we were clammin’

After leavin’ the restaurant we waalked around aimlessly ‘like lost sheep’ in the bitin’ wind in just wor tee shirts for aboot twenty minutes through Tewkesbury Industrial Estate in the direction the lassie had pointed, still digestin’ the gammon steak, when we realised that we must be heedin’ in the wrang direction as aall we could see were loads of brand new factory units? (but ne boozers!)

(women have got ne sense of direction---have they?)

So we did a swift u torn back towards the hotel where we eventually spotted a signpost for the toon centre. (at last!)

After wot seemed like three days (er! Anotha twenty mins actually!) we saw wot looked like an illuminated pub sign in the distance and quickened wor pace!----‘GULF PETROL’ the sign screamed as we got closer and we reduced to ‘snail pace’ strides in dispair! (“a gallon of unleaded pleeze, barman, on the rocks!”)

However!---wor despair soon torned to ‘unbridled joy’ as just a hundred yards alang the road from the petrol station we spotted anotha sign behind some trees which read -------‘THE CANTERBURY’------at last!---somewhere to quensh wor thirsts and waam up as we were f*****’ freezin’ by this time!(wish a’d brung mee ‘nanny goat’!)

It was half ten by this time and the barmaid informed us that last orders were at half eleven, so we had ‘ne choice’ but to make ‘pigs of worsels’ and shovel as many ‘liquid refreshments’ as we could doon wor ‘john o groats’ in just one hour!----several pints later we staggered back to the hotel for some much needed ‘shut-eye’ and we crashed oot big style!------------“ZZZZZzzzzz!!!”

Day Two: “THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!”

There was ne brekky included in the £29 room price but as usual ‘Sarnie Steve’ had come prepared and like a magician pullin’ a bunny rabbit from a top hat, he pulled a plastic bowl and a spoon from his owerneet bag, filled it with a mini packet of Kelloggs cornflakes!, added some milk and sugar and chomped away merrily at the cereal as he sat on the corner of his bed!

(“the best to yoo each mornin’!”)

(Aall aa had for my brekky. by the way!, was a corled up at the edges, stale cheese ‘n’ tomato sarnie, left from the previous day!) (times are hard, yi naa!)

We set off from the hotel for the 2 hour drive to Swansea at 8:30 bells and aall was gannin well---- until!------aboot 3 miles from Cardiff West services on the M4 a loud bleepin’ noise could be hord. And at forst aa thought it was Sarnie Steve’s mobile phone. However!---Steve informed me that it was in fact comin’ from one of the dials on his dashboard which was flashin’ off and on!---not a good sign.

At forst he thought that it was the petrol gauge but on closer inspection it was the temperature gauge which was on red alert!

“Normally if the gauge is on red, smoke would be comin’ oot the bonnet, so aa’ll try and get to the services and see wot the problem is”, he said.


That was temptin’ fate!---and sure enough 10 seconds later smoke started porin’ from my side of the bonnet!

“Steve!”, aa shouted, “STOP!—STOP!”, and he pulled ower onto the hard shoulder brakin’ sharpish.

When he opened the bonnet huge plumes of smoke engulfed us and aa just knew that we were in trouble,----‘BIG TROUBLE!!!’


After lettin’ the engine cool doon a bit, Steve unscrewed the radiator cap to reveel that there was nee waata in it! Luckily he had some waata in a plastic container in the boot and filled it back up.

Then!---travillin’ at very low speed on the hard shoulder we made for the services----the temp gauge was OK at forst--- but!--- aall of a sudden it went ‘off the scale’! We managed to limp into the services and park up near the petrol pumps as smoke again engulfed us!


(Phew!---wi’d just made it!)

Steve again started to unscrew the radiator cap but it was still boilin’ hot and just before a’d finished sayin’: “Steve! divvint tek the cap off yet!” it suddenly blew off and we got covered in aall kinds of shit as the dorty waata went everywhere includin’ mee face and hair!

We spent the next 5 minutes searchin’ fruitlesleee for the ‘said cap’ before a litter picker spotted it underneath the front wheel! (“cheers mate!”)

An AA patrol gadgy just happened to be parked nearby and he telt us that in his opinion the car had probably blown the heed gasket and that it was ‘cattle trucked’! (ie: we wernt gannin anywhere!)

How were we gannih get to Swansea some 50 miles distant was the big question now, with anly 3 hours to kick off??? Sarnie Steve suggested that we get a taxi to Cardiff train station and then catch a train---but!---that was a ‘non-starter’ as the roondaboot beside the motorway was chocker with traffic heedin’ for the centre of Cardiff for a international rugby match between Wales and Scotland in front of an anticipated 70,000 plus crowd!

The otha alternative was to get a taxi aall the way which would cost us ‘an arm an’ two leg’!

Then Steve had ‘a brain wave’---“The rest of the lads flew to Bristol last neet and hired a car tih tek them to Swansea. Hopefully Russ (the driver) will be able to come and pick us up if he hasn’t went ‘on the hoy’!”

One phone call later and Russ was on his way to save us! (praizzze the lord!!!)

The plan was to leave the car at the sorvices and get the ‘AA’ Relay’ to toe us back to the Toon, provided we could get a lift back from Swansea after the match (fingers and toes crossed!)


From wot seemed like 20 hours (as time was tickin’ by very quickly) and like a scene from ‘International Rescue’, Russ suddenly appeared in a bright silver hatchback to, er!, ‘rescue us’ (Thunderbird One, perhaps?) and before we knew it, we were on wor way to Swansea with less than 2 hours to kick off

By amazin’ coincidence ,with his thick black hair and dark eyebrows, Russ actually looks remarkableee like ‘Scott’off the Thunderbirds cult TV series (“er!”---or was it ‘Virgil’???) and he sped us on wor way doon the ‘M4’ at break-neck speed!

He wasn’t in a happy mood as he thought he might have been ‘done’ by a mobile speed camera on his way to pick us up, but ‘duty caalled’---he had to get us there for the kick off!

Less than an hour later we spotted Swansea’s gleamin’ white new stadium in the distant valley with just 55 minutes to spare before kick off. (wi’d made it!---special thanx to International ‘Russ’cue!)

It was then a mad dash to the nearest waaterin’ hole we could find for a much needed couple of ‘liquid lubrications’, before heedin’ for the groond.

Once inside the concourse we then had to find some ‘kind soul’ to give us a lift back to the services and amazingly the forst fan we asked caalled ‘Trev’ was actually gannin’ there after the match to pick somebody up who’d been to the rugby match in Cardiff. He was on his own so there were spare seats in his ‘jam jar’-------problem solved!

The Liberty Stadium is one of them---‘lets build a one the same as they’ve got at Boro/Derby/Stoke/Leicester etc etc.’ It is certainleee better than lopsided and disjointed ‘Vetch Field’ which was the Swans aad groond on the other side of town. ‘The Ospreys rugby union team aalso plays at the new venue, which (of course) doesn’t help the pitch, but surprisingly it wasn’t in too bad a state for this time of the year.

The Toons followin’ was the lowest of the season with just 1,500 diehards mekin’ the ridiculous kick off time and there were plenty of empty seats in aall parts of the groond as the game kicked off (includin’ 1,000 in wor end!)

It didn’t help that there were ne tickets on sale on the day to any of wor fans who were exiled in this part of Wales and aalso the fact that the big rugby match in Cardiff was aalso televised at the same time didn’t help with the attendance from the home fans eetha!

This match was a special occasion for me as this was the forst new groond a’d visited of the new decade and it meant that a’d now followed the Toon away from home for SIX!? decades! (1960’s—70’s—80’s—90’s---2000’s and now the 10’s (am aa reeely that old????)---------------(The silence is deafenin’!---quick!---pass mee ‘ear trumpet’!!!!)

Lately we hadn’t played well away from home (ie: a 3-0 defeat at Derby orlier on in the week!!) and the same scenario started to unfold as the game progressed with the Welshmen havin’ much more of the baall and chances. Somehow we managed to get to half time still on level torms, but wor luck was aboot to change as the second half restarted when Swansea’s David Cotterill shot past Harper 10 minutes into the second period.

This produced wild celebration from the home fans includin’ the ridiculouslee lookin’ mascot ‘Cedric the Swan’ (or whatever he’s caalled?) dressed up in a swansuit, would yih believe!

"THE SWAN LAKE BALLET--WELSH VERSION!"

(as mascots gan, this one’s really doon the swanny!) (sic!) and he was flappin’ his wings aboot and jumpin’ up and doon like a flyin’ swan from the Swan Lake Ballet! (“Er!”---or shud that be ‘dyin’ swan???) (“a’m not ‘into’ ballet!---a’m not a ‘puff’ yi naa!”)

Anyway!---it was backs to the waall stuff after this as ‘The Swannys’ missed several chances to double their lead with Stevie Harper in ootstandin’ form in the Toon goal. Near the end of the match Andy Carroll got away with what looked like an elbow in a Swansea defenders face and and he was lucky not to get his ‘marchin’ orders’ as the ref missed the incident.

This torned oot to be a key moment as with just 3 minutes remainin’ Leon Best ran doon the reet hand side of the pitch to send in an inch perfect cross onto Carroll’s bonce and he heeded it into the net givin’ the home keeper ne chance. It was wor torn to de the ‘flyin’ swan’ routine as we celebrated in the half empty seats! (or shud that be ‘the flyin’ magpie’ routine?)


That’s the way it ended and we were fortunate indeed to ‘steal a point’. Some of wor fans however, never got to celebrate the equaliser and missed Andy’s goal as they had to leave orly to catch the last train back to England (Skys got a lot to answer for!)

The result left us on course and ever closer to a swift retorn to the top flight as we regained top spot from West Brom in wot was wor 14^th ! live televised game of the season!.

With the ‘celebrations’ ower, it was now time to face the dreaded jorney yem and ‘Trev’s’ forst mistake was to park his car in a car park ower the road from the groond as it took ower half an hour to get oot ! (great start!)

We wern’t complainin’ though as we were more than grateful for the lift and he soon had us back at Cardiff sorvices where we phoned the ‘AA’ at ‘fower bells’


“It will be at least an hour and a half!”, the lassie said on the other end of the ‘telling bone’ and so we had ne choice but to watch the traffic gan by once again as we listened to a match on the car radio

We’d now spent more time in Cardiff services than we had in Swansea and we were a bit pist off by this time!
Eventually the ‘AA’ van torned up and he telt Steve to start it up
When Steve torned the ignition on there were strange noises as the engine coughed and spluttered into life “I don’t like the sound of that!” the ‘AA’ gadgie said in a broad Welsh accent and he added that it would indeed have to be towed aall the way back to The Toon.


To cut a (very!) lang story short we eventually left wor ‘second home’ at six thorty bells’ with the wreck (er!—sorry!) ‘Steve’s pride and joy?’ on the back of a tow truck for the forst leg of wor retorn jorney to Ross on Wye which is on the Welsh border. From there another ‘AA’ truck would be waitin’ (hopefully!)

It was!—but the driver had to tek an hours break and as luck would have it (luck!???) we used wor special ‘nostril radar’ and ‘sniffed oot’ ‘The Travellers Rest’ waaterin’ hole’ some qwaata of a mile in the distance and asked him to pick us up from there.

After mekin’ pigs of worsels once again it was back on the road (9:15 bells) for the next leg of the jorney to Lymm Truck Stop on the M6 near Manchester where we were to catch wor thord and last breakdoon truck to the Toon.

Day Three: “WELCOME TO LYMM TRUCK STOP!”

It was just after midneet when we got to Lymm and the ‘jam jar’ was transfered to truck number three for the final leg. After another break at Hartshead Moor sorvices on the M62 (closin’ time by now---so ne drink here!) we set off again at ‘2 bells’ and as Steve took a huge bite from his last sarnie (he’s not caalled Sarnie Steve for nothin’!) he said in a half cheerful voice: “Look on the bright side Fink----at least we haven’t had to pay for any petrol on the way back!”

(Must de this more often aa thought------NOT!)

We finally made it back to Tyneside in the late orly hours (if yi see wot aa meeen?) shattered –knackered and ready for a lang lang kip!


It was 5 past 4 bells as aa put mee key in the front door, some thirteen and a half hours since the final whistle!---yet another ‘disaster day’ to add to the neva endin’ list!----goodnight from him---and goodnight from me! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!

©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

Footnote: it wasn’t the heed gasket that was knackered---it was the waata pump, which cost ‘Sarnie Steve’ a couple of hundred quid to get fixed

"GET WELL SOON RAFA!"

Posted '1 17pm bells' Friday 8th September 2017

We said that Rafa wouldnt be at the Swanzee game, but  not through illness (we thought he'd been gone by now!)
He's got an infection related to a hernia opp he had 2 years ago and might miss the trip for that reason and we wish him well and a speedy recovery!

Jonjo iz back after hiz daft 3 match suspension, while Mitro starts HIZ daft 3 match suspension! (Yi cannit make it up!)

Dummett and Mbemba are oot az well coz they are 'cattle trucked'!  but  Lejeune and Yedlin might ' fill in' at the back

The game kicks off at '4bells' on Sunday for live telly!---Makin it virtually impossible to get there and back after the match by choo! choo! train---(the forst train doesnt leave 'The Central' til '8bells' Sunday mornin and doesnt get to Swanzee until 30 mins before kick off--add in 2 train changes az well !)
The jorney back IZ impossible az the match wont finish til '6bells'! (Overneet stay in Newport needed!)
NUFC were allocated 2,000 tickets but they were still on sale yesterday!
PS: Just hord-'-Swanzee haz sold oot! (Eventually!)

A match report will appear here eventually!

MORE JOYOUS NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1 00pm bells' Thorsday 7th September 2017

EDGELEY PARK, STOCKPORT

("New groond!--New groond!")

The draw for the Premyaa Leegue Cup haz been made involvin wor U23s and we have been drawn against Bornley, Swanzee and Colchestaa United in group 'D' of the competition
The exxstatic news for the mad-sad groundhoppers iz!---we will have at least 2 new groonds to visit---and possibly 3!

This iz because Bornley are playin their 'home' tie against us at Stockport Coonty's groond for some unknown reason? (Stockport iz quite a hike from Bornley!)--- And wor game away to Colchestaa iz a new groond for us az well!
Add in the fact that Swanzee havvent decided where they are playin the tie against us---then it could be a TREBLE TREAT!

The games are on a home and away basis and the group winners progress to the knockoot stage!

Lookin at the dates the Colchester game away iz 2 days after wor 1st team are due to play Chelski away--and so we could kill '2 birds with 1 stone'---provided they move the Cheski game for live telly to a Sunday!?  (Bet they dont!)

Dates for your diary:
Fri 29 Sept  Bornley at Whitley Park
Fri 3 Nov  Swanzee at a groond to be named
Mon 4 Dec  Colchestaa at Weston Homes Stadium
Thu 18 Jan  Bornley at Edgeley Park, Stockport
Mon 12 Feb  Swanzee at Whitley Park
Mon 26 Feb  Colchestaa at Whitley Park

Othaa new groonds this season:
Sat 23 Dec  West Ham at London Stadium (1st team)
Sat 17 Mar  Sporz at Wembley (new leegue groond!)
Mon 16 Apr  Reading at Wycombe Wanderers (U23s)

SWANZEE TICKETS STILL ON SALE!?

Posted '1:30pm bells': Tuesday 5th September 2017***'Updated '11 00pm bells' @ Woodall sorvices truck park, M1

A Swanzee ticket

"Get yours now!"

Wor allocation of 2,000 tickets for wor away game at Swanzee this Sunday have still not sold oot!
Many Toon fans have complained on social media that its unfair for the likes of 'me' to get priority for away tickets under the loyalty points scheme az they cant get their hands on any tickets!
They CAN!   Swanzee ticket are now on sale to non season ticket holders! (ie: Joe Public who haz NEVER been to a game could get one at the ticket office!)
Soothampton away tickets are aalso on sale for those that have 25 loyalty points (thats those who have attended 25 away games in the last 22 years!)

In March 1995 The Toon played Everton away in the FA Cup qwaata finals and the ticket office woz swamped with ower 20,000 applications for the 6,000 tickets on offer!

To stop this 'mayhem' / NUFC season season ticket holders were asked if they wanted a random system where anybody could get a ticket by 'luck of the draw' ---ÒR a loyalty points system where fans were given priority on away games attended!
Fans voted for THE LOYALTY POINTS SYSTEM which haz been in place ever since!

Of course many fans just want to gan to the big games like Man U, Liverpool or of course WEMBLEY, but give the likes of  a near 800 miles roond trip to Swanzee on a Sunday afternoon at '4 bells' a MISS!---_az its live on the telly anyway!

Personally I have in the region of 500 loyalty points and I am guarenteed a ticket, az I have an 'Away season ticket' az well!
You may say that this iz unfair and a lottery shud be used---but listen to this--20 odd years ago we played Man U away and because of buildin work NUFC were anly given a few hundred tickets

  The club had 2 busses to this game and 'the carrot' woz you were gaurenteed a ticket if you travelled with them!
Some of wor own fans on the busses sold their match tickets for up to TWENTY TIMES the ticket price to othaa fans desperate to get in (some fans paid £300 for £15 tickets!)
If you were one of those 'fans' who sold 'your soul' for a vast profit that day---"then hang your head in shame!"

ie: _If there woz a lottery, then fans who had ne intention of gannin to any away games, could apply for  tickets and they might be lucky and get one--- and then sell them on the black market!

Dont forget it woz the NUFC fans who voted for the loyalty system in the forst place!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) (328 & coontin'!)

THE MEADOWHELL MENTAL MOB 1 THE BAD BLUE BOYS 3

Posted 11 05am bells Sunday 3rd September 2017 *** Dilibrit missteak updated Tuesday

                  Jimmy 'Charge sheet' 1 one the                                 Meadowhell Mental Mob!

Withoot a Toon fixture this weekend, we (Me, Grumpy Stumpy and The Silver Fox!) decided to heed for North Shields on the  Metro where Dunston were playin in 'The River Tyne derby'

Shields play in the Meadowell district of the toon, which woz the scene of serious riots in the orly 90s!  And it woz with trepidation az we left the Metro and waalked through the estate to the groond, some 10 minutes distance from the station!

We somehow made it in one piece and heeded for the clubhoose situated behind one of the goals.
We were 'greeted' by some of the North Shields Ultras and luckily we naa quite a few az they Toon fans just like us!

Jimmy 'Charge-Sheet' woz there alang with Bill Quay Kev, Sensible Tony (anything but!) and a few othaas!
Jimmy iz so caalled az he haz 100s of 'charge sheets' against him from the 'Dibble' (police!)
He haz loads of tattoos, with the most prominent the Tyne bridge on hiz neck and a Dr Marten boot on hiz baaldin heed, with the word 'SKINHEAD' below the boot! (See top picture!)
Not a man to cross---unless yoo have a ' death wish'!

Some of the Mental Mob!

The game kicked off with The Meadowhell Mental Mob on the embankment to the left of the clubhoose and they were 'takin the p*ss oot of Dunston, claimin that they were ' A smaall toon in Whickham!  (The village on a hill above Dunston)

But it woz The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston who had the last laugh az their centre forward, caalled Fitzgerald (who Dunston had signed from WHICKHAM!) scored a superb forst half hat trick to silence 'The Mob'

 In the 2nd half az Shields attack the goal nearest to "The Mental Mob', they gave the bearded  linesman horrendous stick az he ran up and doon the line, claimin that desision after desision woz wrang and at one point  I thought they were gannin to climb ower the fence and attack him! ---it woz that hostile!

"Who wud want to be a linesman here?"

The Meadowhell side did pull one goal back, but The Bad Blue Boys held on to claim victory!
After the match we heeded back to the clubhoose for a bit 'chin wag' with the locals, before heedin back to The Toon for some more 'liquid lubrications'!

"We woz there!"

(A bus/Metro ticket!)

Attendance 300 (est) (40 Bad Blue Boys)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place in several locations!

A nice touch!  The North Shields cluboose pays tribute to The Undertaker and Liam from the Lamp who were tragically killed on their way to New Zealand in July 2014 to watch The Toon, when the plane they were travellin on got shot doon ower the Ukraine!

(NE29 iz the postcode for North Shields!)

T

Did yoo spot wor delibrit missteak?

We said that the Dunston centre foreward woz caalled FitzGERALD when in fact hiz name iz FitzPATRICK!

Award yorsel 6 'Brownie' points if yoo got this reet!  _(Paper cuttin from the Sunday Sun)

JUST WHERE DO WE GAN FROM HERE?

Posted '6 30pm bells' Friday 1st September 2017 at The truck park, Trowell sorvices, M1

        "Its my train set and I'll do what I like!"

The unbridled joy of promotion in May haz been replaced by utter dispair in September!
We thought (wrongly!) that wor beloved  owner? known affectionatly az The Fat Controller to Toon fans had finally lornt hiz lesson after 2 disastrous relegations (and several near misses!)

Unfortunatly HE HASNT LORNT A THING and yet anothaa relegation battle looms with ne hope of anythin better!
We now have players who naa that they are not wanted anymore (Gayle for example!) and they must be az dispirited az the rest of us!

We fully expect that Rafa will 'walk' before wor away game at Swanzee a week on Sunday and that yet anothaa 'yes man' will replace him!

Promises of trophy challenges are laughable ( a resorve X1 v Forest in the Leegue Cup) and a 'Chamions Leegue' top 4 finish are ridiculous (more like a bottom 4 finish!)
The Checkatrade Trophy looks wor best bet, playin against the likes of Crewe, Port Vale and Colchester! (with wor resorve side!)

£210 MILLION haz been spent by Premyaa Leegue clubs yesterday-- but not a PENNY by us!!!

Its a very sorry state of affairs!---thats for sure!

NUFC TRANSFOR WINDOW DEADLINE DAY ***THE STORY SO FAR!

Posted throoughoot transfor deadline day
Thorsday 31st August 2017

                      "ANOTHER FINE MESS!"

ITS JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT BELLS AND THERE HAVE BEEN NE SIGNINGS BY THE
'11 00 BELLS' DEADLINE!
ITS GROUNDHOG DAY!    ITS A SHAMBLES!   HELP!

IN
Atsu , Lejeune , Jacob Murphy , Manquillo, Joselu, Merino (loan)
Kenedy, possible loan (DIDNT HAPPEN!);

TARGETS
Lucas Perez  an Arsenal striker
Cenk Tosun £ 8 million bid aledgedleee
Anothaa target iz Sooothampton  defender Matt TARGETT! (NON SIGNED!)

OOT
Anita, Sammy Ameobi, Gouffran, Vuckic, Satra, Riviere, aall released
Thauvin, Mbabu, Daryl Murphy, Hanley, Siem De Jong, aall sold


Lazaar on way (hopefully!)
Armstrong, Sels, Toney, aall loaned
Gayle-- £15 million bid from Fulim
Toon want £20 million---Norwich and Leedz aalso interested (DIDNT HAPPEN!)
Tim Krul haz moved to Brighton

EARLIER, WHEN WE HAD A BIT HOPE!
Its 6 45 bells at Trowell Sorvices on the M1 az I write this from mee truck cab---just ower 4 hours to gan til the window closes and NE new signins today yet!?

THE ALEX 1st team 1 THE TOON U23s 2 **** CHECKATRADE TROPHY GROUP D

Posted 11 35 pm bells Tuesday 29th August 2017 @ Woodall Sorvices on the M1 !

The Toon ran oot 2-1 winners in wor forst ever Checkatrade Trophy game at Crewe Alex

Goals from Liam Smith and Luke Charman secured the victory in front of 1,351 spectators includin 135 Toon groundhoppers housed in the ridiculously named 'Ice Cream Van Stand'!!! (Even The Geordie Times couldnt have made that one up!)

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz sent us some pix from the game (and a very brief match report!) az I write this at Woodall Services on the M1 near Sheffield!
"The wonders of modern technologeee!"

Toon fans in The 'Ice Cream enclosure'!
"Can I have a '99' with a Cadburys flake pleeeze!"