SJP EXPANSION OR RELOCATION!?

 Posted '5:40pm bells' Wedinzday 6th March 2024

*

A MAP OF A POSSIBLE NEW STADIUM FOR NUFC REET NEXT TO SJP

*Much haz been written lately aboot the expansion or relocation of St. James' Park! But one thing wor owners must not dee iz build a stadium miles away from the city centre az this would be catastrophic for pubs, clubs and food outlets that surroond SJP

The last count there were 118 drinkin dems within walking distance of the groond!

For example take The Leazes End aka Companions Club on Leazes Park road within hocklin distance of The East Stand.

Last Saturday before and after the Wolves home game the bar and concert room were packed and they took ower £4,000 in beer sales!

In complete contrast on Sunday they had 5 customers including little old me and took the grand total of £25 in beer sales!

It’s closed from Munday to Thorzday az it’s not worth opening and if it wasn’t for NUFC fans on match days the boozer couldn’t survive and would have to close for good for the above reasons if we moved away from the city centre!

Many of the other 117 drinkin dens would aalso be forced out of business az well !

So it’s imperative <(we naa aall the big words!) that we stay in the city centre for the above reasons!

The East Stand on the left and Leazes Terrace on the right are the reasons for the non expansion of The East Stand.

Have heard that The Friends of Leazes Park are in agreement to move the facade of the grade one listed Leazes Terrace to a new site near the tennis courts in Leazes Park so we can expand The East Stand!

Wether this will actually happen iz anybody’s guess???

Meanwhile the rumours continue unabated!

More on aall this if we find anything oot!?

*PS we understand that a possible site next to The Redheugh Bride where the Arena stands haz been bought by a housing company

(The Arena iz to relocate to Gatesheed Quays near The Millennium Bridge and will be demolished)

*

THE TOON 3 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 0 ** PREMYA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd March 2024

"BACK ON TRACK!"

Havin' not won at home this year and havin slipped to 10th place in the table, it woz vital that we put in a good performance against high flyin Wolves, who were 2 places above us in the table and unbeaten away from home this year az well!

Indeed NUFC did play much better than we did at Bleakburn in the FA Cup last Tuezday and certainly much better than at The Arse the week before!

The goal sequences were az follows:

14th minute: A Bruno shot iz deflected off a Wolves defender and loops nicely for Isak to heed into the net at The Gallowgate End

1-0 to 'us'! 

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER ISAK'S GOAL!

33rd minute: After Dan Burn had missed a great chance to double wor lead, Jacob Murphy runs doon the wing and sends a pinpoint cross for Isak to shoot from close in---The Wolves goalie Jose Sa could anly parry it to the feet of Anthony Gordon and he makes nee misstayk to ---yes! =---DOUBLE wor lead! 

2-0 to 'us' at half time!

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER GORDON'S GOAL!

52nd minute: Near the East Stand, Trippier pulls up sharply with wot looked like he pulled a leg mussil and woz replaced by Livramento---Yet another injury to add to the very lang list!

“WHERE DID YOO GET THAT HAT!?”

92nd minute: 'The Wanabeez' pressed in the 2nd half but couldnt get back into the game with a goal and it took til stoppage time to finish wor visitors off when Tino Livramento forced the baall ower the goal line from a Fabian Schar through baall and it sort of trickled ower the line to give us an infaticcc 3-0 victory!  

CROWD CELEBRATIONS AFTER TINO'S GOAL!

The win puts NUFC up to 8th in the table and a chance of European futbaall next season iz still within wor grasp! 

Attendance: 52,206 includin 3,100 Wolves followers!

*

THE TOON v WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 2nd March 2024

*1,333 REASONS TO KEEP THE FAITH WITH ‘STEADY EDDIE!”

Horrendous and unprecedented injuries have blighted wor season with 29 injuries at various stages!—-so far!

Yet we are still with a chance of European qualification and FA Cup glory—-albeit against the best team on the planet!

Wor leegue game against Wolves iz a tough one—- but every game seems to be tough az we battle on regardless!

We have won 5 oot of wor last 6 away games in 2024—-but in complete contrast we havvint won a home game so far this year, gannin into the 3rd month of 2024!

Wot will happen this afternooon at‘3:00 bells’ iz anybody’s guess???against an in form Wolves side!

It all depends on wot side Steady Eddie can put oot????

*

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

WILL WE BE SINGIN' THE BLUES AT THE BLUE MOONIES!?

 Posted '1:01pm bells' Thorzday 29th February 2024

After wor epic FA Cup win at Bleakburn on Tuezday neet, which finished at just before '11 bells'!, wor manager Steady Eddie said that he hoped the draw for the qwaataa finals would be kind to us!!!!

To draw the one team away from home that yoo didnt want woz written in the stars, az we must travel to The Blue Moonies of Man City, who are probably the best team in the world right now, --sometime in mid March!----Thats wor FIFTH succesive away cup tie this season includin' The Leegue Cup and wor FIFTH succesive away tie in the FA Cup alone!

On Radio 5 live after the draw the commentator said that Eddie must have thought he'd ran ower a black cat! (If only!)

IF we somehow manage to beat them, which iz a very lang shot indeeed, then with the semi finals and final both at Wembley, it would mean that NUFC will have played EVERY roond away from SJP!---How unlucky iz THAT!???

BLEAKBURN ROVERS 1 THE TOON 1 (AET) THE TOON WON 4-3 ON PENALTIES *** FA CUP 5th ROOND

 Posted '1:30pm bells' Wedizday 28th February 2024

"ANYONE FOR TENNIS!?"

Toon fans celebrate az Martin Dubravka saves to put NUFC into the qwaataa finals!

Lets get straight to the point!---this woz an aaful performance from NUFC az we struggled badly to even put 3 passes together and if it wasnt for Martin Debravka in wor goal defendin' The Darwen End where 7,000 plus screamin' Geordies were behind, we would have been 2-0 doon at the break az wor leaky defence went AWOL once again!----Bleakburn (No this isnt a sppellin mistayk, az Blackburn IZ a very 'bleak' place!) wornt much better than us, apart from their 2 chances when they reeely shud have taken the lead!

Indeed!-- if any team woz 'bleak' then it woz surely 'us'!

The game had kicked off 15minutes late at 8:00pm bells' because Toon fans were held up in the queues ootside due to too few tornstiles bein open and slow body searches!---We'd got there just after 7:00 bells' to avoid this, so by the time the game kicked off we'd been inside the groond for nearly an hour!----

Tennis baalls were hoyed onto the pitch by protestin home fans in protest at their Venkys Chicken owners in the 14th minute and the game woz held up to clear them from the pitch! (They've been in charge for 14 years!) 

This game had nil-nil written aall ower it, but it woz NUFC who eventually made the breakthrough in the 71st minute, after glarin misses from Almiron and Barnes, when Anthony Gordon broke the deadlock with a fine strike from inside the box, from a Miggy Almiron cross, to send the travellin faithful behind that goal into meltdoon!

Almiron's goal to send the Toon faithful into raptures!

However!---and to spoil the Toon party in The Darwen End, Lascelles made a hash of a pass to put the home side through on goal where an effort from Markanday woz brilliantly pushed onto the crossbar by Dubravka, but Szmodics woz on hand to slam the baall into the net at 'The Bleakburn End' just 8 minutes later! 1-1

We squandered forthaa chances after that and the inevertable extra time woz on the cards to keep us in wor seats for even langer!

It woz still 1-1 after extra time and several misses by NUFC to finish Blackburn off woz squandered! ----DREADED PENALTIES!

We won the toss and elected to take the kicks in front of the Geordie hoards!  The sequence of the penalties woz az follows:

Schar scores: 1-0 to NUFC

Szmodics shot saved by Dubravka: 1-0 to NUFC

Barnes shot saved by Pears: 1-0 to NUFC

Brittain scores: 1-1

Bruno scores: 2-1 to NUFC

Sigerson scores: 2-2

Anderson scores: 3-2 to NUFC

Ayari scores: 3-3

Gordon scores: 4-3 to NUFC

Hyam shot saved by Dubravka!: final score 4-3 to NUFC! to send the away end into Wembley dream land! (which iz just ONE more win away!)

By the time the penalties were taken it woz nearly '11:00 bells' meenin' that we had been inside the groond for nearly 4 hours!

Attendance: 22,730 (7,432 Toon fans in the upper and lower Darwen End!)

A predictable traffic jam followed az we attempted to get oot of Bleakburn which took ages--and then roadworks on the M6 at midneet (YES--midneet!) delayed us a forthaa 20 minutes and we eventually arrived back on Tyneside some 14 hours after we had left for the 300 miles roond trip!----An exaausitin expierience on the roads and on the pitch!

The draw for the qwaataa finals takes place at '7:00pm bells' tooneet (Alledgedleee!?) and can we pleeeeze have a home draw az wor last 5 cup ties have aall been away in the Leegue and FA cups!

Wor game at Palliss in sooth London will now be moved to a midweek slot, az it clashes with the FA Cup game!

Just one boozer woz visited this time aboot a 15 minute walk from Ewood Park!

BLEAKBURN ROVERS v THE TOON *** FA CUP 5th ROOND *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 27th February 2024

"LAST THROW OF THE DICE!" 🎲 

Wor last and anly chance of silverware happens tooneet when we play Championship side Bleakburn Rovers (no this isnt a sppellin misstayk, coz Blackburn iz a very bleak place!) in the FA Cup 5th roond with a chance of reachin' the qwaataa finals next month!

Wor 'bleak' display (sic!) at The Arse on Saturday neet, must not be repeated in front of 7,200 screamin' Geordies at Ewood Park and we hear that some of wor lot have porchased tickets for the home end az well!

Both Isak and Willock are expected to play, but Wilson, Joelinton, Anderson, Targett and The Pope are still crocked!

We're not sure just who will be in goal though az Dubravka woz missin at The Arse and replaced by Karius in the 4-1 defeat on Saturday neet!

We are travellin' doon in mee 'canny tranny' 9 seater van this afternooon and nothin' more than a victory will be expected!

There are nee replays in this roond and extra time and the dreaded penalties at the end will confirm the victors! (NUFC hardly win any penalty shootouts!)

It could be a very lang neet az Bleakburn fans, who are very unhappy with their Venky chicken company owners, are reported to be hoyin tennis baalls onto the pitch at some point in the game in protest!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

DEVIZTATIN’’ NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

 Posted ‘8:39pm bells’ 🔔 Munday 26th February 2024

MAIDEN VOYAGE SCUPPERED!

The anly groond that ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have never been tee from teams left in the FA Cup iz Maidstone United’s!

They are losin 3-0 at half time at Coventry az we type and wor dream 😴 of a new groond that we were pray 🙏🏻 ing for iz now oot the window 🪟 😭

THE ARSE 4-1THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from '10:00am bells' onwards, on the train back from London, Sunday 25th February 2024 (Expect several sppellin mistayks az a'm deein' this on mee mobile 'telling bone'!)

*JUST LIKE THE BAD OLD DAYS!

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!—-IT’S 3-0 TO THE ARSE AND THIS FAN DECIDES TO GET A ‘FLOODLIGHT TAN ON THE EMPTY SEATS VACATED BY ORLY LEAVERS!

*A totally one sided game in favour of the home side who dominated from start to finish az The Toon put in one of wor worst performances of the season!

In fact it woz just like the bad old days before the Saudis arrived and Broken Nose Bruce woz wor manager and The Fat Controller woz in ‘control’!

The goal sequences were az follows:

18th minute: An attempted clearance by Livramento from an Arse corner deflected off Botman and into the Toon goal az 3rd choice keeper Karius flicked the baall oot, but the goal line tecknolegeee said it had crossed the goal line!

1-0 to The Arse

24th minute: Havertz doubled The Arses lead with a shot from inside the box with wor defence at sixes and sevens! It woz aall one sided with us hardly venturing into their half az we ‘attacked’? the far goal!

Somehow we managed to gan in at the break at anly 2-0 doon!

One of the lads (Russ) told me that the lass in front of him in a pink woolly hat asked him which team Newcastle were????

‘EDDIE HOWE’S RED N WHITE ARMY!”

We wore wor normal black n white stripes and she didn’t naa that????

UNBELIEVABLE!

How the hell 'she' and 6 or 7 of hor mates got tickets who were  obviously not Toon fans, woz a mystery???—-Until a curious Russ asked one of them the ‘deadly question’!    It turned oot that they knew wor Saudi owners!!!!(ie NEE loyalty points needed for them!)

A TOON FAN WEARIN’ A RED HAT!?—-WOTZ THE WORLD COMIN’ TEE????

65th minute: A Saka shot iz diverted into wor goal by Schar!

3-0 to The Arse and game ower az 100s of Toon fans streamed towards the exits—-including the ‘Friends of the Saudis’

*69th minute: It woz soon 4-0 from a Kiweo heeder which deflected off Miley and past Karius!

84th minute: Joe Willock who had come on az a sub, replacing Bruno heeded ower the Arse defence to score a consolation goal for The Toon!—This goal woz missed by aboot 1,000 Toon fans who had long departed by this point!???

It should have been a much heavier defeated, az we were totally ootclassed!

3 teams in particular are miles ahead of the rest—-Man City, Livaapool and The Arse!

We have certainly a very lang way to gan to get anywhere near them!

Attendance: 60,298 (3,000 Toons fans—-just 2,000 at the ‘death’!)

*PUB CRAWL PIX! (5 boozers this time)

THE VIADUCT TAVERN, FARRINGDON, LONDON

THE HOPE (NEAR SMITHFIELD MARKET)

ISLINGTON, LONDON (NEAR ANGEL TUBE STATION)

HISTORY LESSON ON THIS BOOZER BELOW!

THE HERCULES, ISLINGTON, LONDON

ISLINGTON, LONDON

*AND HERE'S ANOTHER HISTORY LESSON FROM FARRINGDON! 

(Thanx to Toon Traveller Tex Taylor, for bein' wor tour guide!)

THE HENRY VIII GATES

THE ARSE v THE TOON **** SATURDAY NEET!?

Posted 'highnoon bells' Friday 23rd February 2024

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON *** A 0-0 DRAW!

We are off once again to 'the smoke' (London) tomorrow for a ridiculous '8:00pm bells' Saturday start, for the benefit of the couch potatoes and pub plonkies! (TNT Sports TV this time!)

This (of course!) meeenz yet anothaa owerneet stay in the capital where we are seriously 'fink'in aboot buyin' a second home az we are here SO often! (IF anly we could afford one at a million quid plus!)

This will be wor 13th owerneet stay for a leegue or cup tie and 19th includin the 3 Champions Leegue away games played so far! (With yet more hotel stays to follow!)

Pope, Joelinton, Targett and Wilson are still knackered, while there iz hope that Isak, Anderson, Schar and Willock will play some part in the game!

The Arse lost 1-0 to Porto in The Champions Leegue on Wedinzday to an agonisin' goal in the 4th minute of stoppage time!---and we can anly hope that this will put a spanner in the works and affect them!

NUFC drew 0-0 at The Emirates last season and we have won just once in wor previous 16 visits to their stadium, since it woz built in the orly 2000's---a 1-0 success in 2010-2011 when Andy Carroll got the anly goal of the game---since then we lost 11 in a row plus last seasons goalless draw to stop the rot!

Havin won 4 in a row away from home, we are tryin' for the 5th against a team gannin for the title! (Unlikely but not impossible!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday on the train back from King's Cross!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

GARDENING LEAVE FOR 'DEVIL'GATE DAN!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Wedinzday 21st February 2024

'DEVIL'GATE DAN THE FLOWERPOT MAN!

For those of yoo (like me!) who are old enough to remember the 'Bill and Ben the flowerpot men' kids programme from the 1960s, we can tell yoo that NUFC Sportin' Director Dan Ashworth haz been put on 'gardening leave' in the old man's garden! (Az the storyline gans!)

NUFC are demandin' between 10 and 20 million quid from The Red Devils of Manchester to release him from hiz 3 year contract!

Or else he'll be tendin' to the old man's cabbage patch and diggin' the weeds for a very lang time to come!

“HOE! HOE! HOE!”

Much more to follow on aall this in due course!