THE 'REAL' DEAL PART 2!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Wedinzday 19th April 2023

HALF A SHEEP'S BRAIN! "BAA! BAAA!"

SCENARIOS LESS COMPLICATED NOW!

Chelseeez 2-0 defeat at the hands of Real Madrid last neet in the qwaataa finals of The Champions Leegue, meeenz that they are nee langer a threat to WOR Champions Leegue qualification, az they sit in 11th place in The Premyaa Leegue table, with nee chance of catchin us!               

They are in a doonward spiral and its aall one mans fault!

🢃🢃🢃  

(Had Russia not invaded Ukraine, then Chelseee would still be owned by that Russian billionaire and not a Yank, who hazzent got a clue aboot the beautiful game!) 

Simply put---If NUFC finish in the top 4 we will qualify--"er!"--provided Moan U divvint finish 5th and win the Europa Leegue!

If that happens then we will be in The Europa Leegue instead!

A 3rd top finish guarantee's a Champions Leegue spot!

If Moan U finish in the top 4 and win The Europa Leegue, NUFC WILL qualify with a 4th place finish!

Hope thats sorted your 'half a sheep's brain' oot!???  

Updated 8:25pmBells Thorzday 20th April

Breakin news   We understand that NUFC WILL qualify in 4th place even if Moan U finish 5th and win Europa Leegue 

Updated 10:00pm bells

PS they lost 3-0 in Sevilla az we text this!

(5-2 doon on aggregate! )

Thanx to International RUSScue for puttin me reet!

THE 'REAL' DEAL!

 Posted '12:57pm bells' Tuezday 18th April 2023

Tooneet The Chelseee Pensioners take of Real Madrid in the 2nd leg of their Champions Leegue qwaataa final at Stamford Bridge!

Why are we mentionin' this?----Whey!, if Chelseee somehow owercome their 2-0 fost leg defeat in Spain, then they will be in the semis!

If somehow they manage to win The Champions Leegue then they will automatically take one of the Champions places, despite bein in 11th place az we speak, meanin that if NUFC finish 4th in the Premyaa Leegue table, we will miss oot and drop doon to The Europa Leegue!

A forthaa complication iz that if Moan U win the Europa Leegue, then THEY will automatically qualify for the Champions Leegue az well, even if they finish ootside of the top 4! 

A maximum of 5 Premyaa Leegue clubs are allowed in next seasons Champions Leegue IF both Chelsea and Moan U win their respective European leegues, meenin that 3rd place iz guaranteed no matter wot!  (I hope yoo are followin' aall this and takin it in???)

So lets aall 'root' for Real Madrid toooneet at '8:00bells', wethaa your watchin on the telly or listenin on your radio!  (Truck radio for me!)

THE COMPLICATED SCENARIOS!

Moan U win Europa Leegue and finish 5th---NUFC need to finish 3rd to qualify (4 teams qualify)

Chelsea win Champions Leegue---NUFC need to finish 3rd to qualify (4 teams qualify)

Both Moan U and Chelsea win----NUFC need to finish 3rd to qualify (5 teams qualify)

Chelsea lose and Moan U lose---NUFC need to finish 4th to qualify

(4 teams qualify)

Moan U finish 3rd or 4th and win or lose----NUFC need to finish in top 4

(4 teams qualify)

THE HAZBEEENZ AND VILLIANS 3 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 16th April 2023

*THE VILLA PARK JINX STRIKES AGAIN!"

We aalways knew this would be a tough game and personally aa thought that the game would probably end up aall square, but little did aa realise that Villa would play oot of their skin and that we would have 'a bad day at the office'!

The warnin bells were ringin after just one minute when the home side hit the post at The Holte End of the groond!

10 minutes later and it woz 1-0 to them az the attacked wor goal, their goal comin through Ramsey, who hit a shot across the goal and into wor net!

They then hit the bar az we struggled to get into the game and they had several chances to increase their lead in the forst period!---NUFC were very lucky to gan in just 1-0 doon at the break!

Villa Park of course iz a very unlucky groond for the The Toon az we have been relegated TWICE here in recent times! (2009 and 2016!)

The Villians went straight for the jugular again in the 2nd half and a disallowed goal by Watkins in the 62nd minute for offside failed to stem the tide and an aaful mix up in the box a few minutes later had Villa 2-0 aheed through Watkins again (who woz onside appartently this time?) and the game at this point woz lost, az we hardly got oot of forst gear!

A thord goal near the end through Watkins again, compounded wor misery az the Villa Park jinx struck again!---NUFC havvint even scored a goal here for nearly TEN years! (Gouffran in September 2013!!!)(Wor goal in wor 1-1 draw in 2016-2017 woz an own goal!)

This woz wor heaviest defeat of the season and without doubt wor worst performance!

The great news on the train back woz that Sporz had unexpectedly lost 3-2 at home to Bournemoooth to keep the gap from them to 3 points and we have a game in hand!

We just happen to be playin' them next Sunday at SJP and this game haz now took on massive proportions!  Win it and we gan 6 points clear of them with a much superior goal difference (Sporz will anly have 6 games left after this, while NUFC will have 7)

A draw will keep the gap at 3 points and a disastrous defeat will mean that Sporz are level on points with us!

So this iz a "must win, must win game!"---in wor quest for Champions Leegue qualification!  

Attendance: 42,055 (3,000 downbeat Toon fans in the Doug Ellis Stand)

PS: An adult ticket for the away end woz £30, while a concessions ticket for 'zimmerframeites' and 'sprogs' woz!----wait for it!--£29.50!(Very generous of them to knock 50p off, wasn't it???) 

A Toon fans with a '12:30 bells' kick off protest banner!             ie: We divvint like orly kick offs az the scoreboard shows! 🥶

PUB CRAWL PHOTOS 5 new away boozers visited--Runnin total for season now 132 different drinkin dens!

On the way to Bormingham!

THE HAZBEEENZ AND VILLIANS V THE TOON *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted from '6:00pm bells' onwards on the train to Bormingham, Friday 14th April 2023

At '12:30 bells' tomorrow dinnaatime we face one of wor toughest tests of the season, when we take on 'The Hazbeeenz and Villians' at Villa Park in downtown Bormingham.

While NUFC are on a run of 5 straight victories, Villa have won 4 in a row, so sommik must give! 

Villa Park iz NOT a happy huntin' groond az far az we are concerned, indeed its the place of nightmares, az we have been relegated there TWICE!, in 2009 and 2015! (Villa were aalso relegated in 2015)

In 2009 they made banners with "Sob on the Tyne" and "Who's your next messiah?, Ant or Dec" and hung them from The Holte End balcony waall!

This iz sommik that we won't EVER forget and needless to say, we divvint like them at aall, because of that!

Miggy Almiron iz set to retorn but Saint Max will miss oot coz of a slight hamstring injury!   Not suprizingly aall 3,000 away tickets were snapped up lang ago, so it shud be a crackin hostile atmosphere, come '12:30 bells' on Saturday!

A brief match and booze report of sorts will be done on mee mobile telling bone on the train back tomorrow teatime!---So expect plenty of misstayks az the train jolts alang the tracks!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

*We lost 3-0 and az the train iz heavin I won't have a chance to dee a match report today!

This will now follow at 'high noon bells' tomorrow for the horror report!🥶

ST. JAMES' PARK CHOSEN OWER STADIUM OF "YEE NAA WOT" FOR EURO 2028!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Thorzday 13th April 2023

Some great news reaches us that SJP haz been chosen az the north east's choice for the Euro 2028 bid!---The mackems had put in a rival bid, but we were aalways gannin to be the winners!

10 points to say SJP and its city centre location iz better than the SOS

1: Direct Inter City trains to Central Station from north, south and west!

2: A1 major truck road runs through the Toon (Western Bypass)

3: Toon International Airport just 20 minutes away from SJP via road and Metro links

4: 4 times az many hotels within easy reach of SJP

5: Party City with 108 pubs within walkin distance of SJP

6: Many more quality restaurants near SJP (Nee cheesy chip shops!)

7: Superior catering and more executive boxes at SJP

8: Bigger groond capacity 

9: MAGnificent architecture (Nee pigeon duckets, like near the SOS)

10: Stunning quayside Tyne bridge-scape, az seen on 'The Geordie Times' 9 seater 'canny tranny'!

Bids that failed!  The Theatre of Muppets (Old Trafford), London Stadium West Ham, Croke Park Dublin and of course The Stadium of "Yee Naa Wot!"💩

Needless to say that the SMBs are not happy bunnies!😅

AWAY PUB CRAWL UPDATE!----127 AND COONTIN'

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 13th April 2023

For wor away game at Brentfaad last Saturday, we visited 2 new boozers that we had never been tee before!----It's a few days late to update this, but thiz IZ The Geordie Times!---wot the hell did yoo expect??? (Kew isnt far from Brentfaad on the south side of the Thames (Brentfaad iz on the north side!)

ABOVE PHOTOS FROM TAP ON THE LINE  KEW

(GET YOUR CHEAP WINE HERE!)

The runnin total for different away boozers visited this season iz now 127!----For good measure we aalso visited The Betjamin Arms near King's Cross on the way back----a boozer we have aalready been tee this season, so we cannit coont it!

"USA ALL THE WAY!"

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 12th April 2023

THE NEWS OF WOR TOUR OF THE USA HAZ REACHED NEW YORK!

"TOON!--TOON!--USA ARMY!"

A tour of America in July haz been annoonced, with 3 games planned against fellow Premyaa Leegue opposition, which will pleeze wor legion of fans across 'the big pond'!

Forst game in Philadelphia on Sunday July 23rd iz against The Hazbeenz and Villians, followed by The Chelsea Pensioners(Their old nickname!) on Wedinzday July 26th in Atalanta and finally v Brightin on Friday July 28th in Harrison? (Never hord of the place?)

This iz after wor friendly against Rangers at Ibrox Park, Glasgow on Tuezday July 18th---A testimonial for Rangers goalie Allan McGregor

The Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024 starts on the weekend of August 12th

The Geordie Times will of course let yoo naa of any othaa pre season friendlies----Normally we play at least one at SJP----likely to be on the weekend of August 5th

HEBBURN TOON 1 DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 1 *** NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE EAST DIVISION

 Posted  '5:55pm bells' Tuezday 11th April 2022

We decided to heed for Hebburn on Sooth Tyneside to watch the derby Between Hebburn and Dunston on Easter Munday!---A mini bus woz hired for the 15 faithful Dunston fans who made straight for the Hebburn clubhoose on arrival at the groond!

It had started off a nice day but before lang it started p*ssin doon az the game kicked off! Hebburn were in 3rd positon in the table and guarantied a play off position with just a handful of games left!

While The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston sat in 6th place just ootside the 5th place needed to get into the play offs!

Dunston (in their aall red strip) took the lead through Pearson, who hit a fine shot into the corner of the net----just before that disaster had struck when Shaw woz sent off in the 34th minute!

The Bad Blue Boys held onto thier 1-0 lead until half time, but with a man advantage Hebburn struck back in the minute to level the tie through Murray in the 55th minute with an easy chance!

Dunston managed to haad on til full time to claim a point and with a game in hand on those above them, a play off place iz still possible (but improbable) az they must win their last 3 games to have any chance of catchin the teams above them!

The fans stayed til '7 bells' when the mini bus torned up for the retorn jorney to Dunston---Many highly inebriated by then!

Attendance; A very good 538 includin aboot 30 from Dunston, includin Committee men!

THE BEES KNEES OF BRENTFAAD 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYA LEAGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from 'High Noon bells' onwards, Easter Sunday 9th April 2023

"ALEXANDER THE GREAT, RIGHT ON 'Q'!"

Before the match we heeded to Kew Gardens for a few 'liquid lubrications' in a couple of bars near the train station!

Which begs the question, which letter of the alphabet sounds the same with 4 different spellings?  Answer iz the letter 'Q'   ie; Right on 'Q', a QUEUE, a snooker CUE and KEW Gardens! (Yet another peeece of useless information from The Geordie Times!)

On the way to the groond there were match stewards holding direction signs to the away end, az it's a maze to get tee, hidden behind  blocks of flats and factories and can't even be seen from a 100 yards away on the main road!

(For those of yoo under the age of 55 'My Boy Lollipop' woz a number one hit song in the 1960s by Millie!

(She's probably dead and buried by now!?)

This woz a game with so many twists and turns, its hard to get them aall in!

The sequence of events woz az follows (deep breath!):

8th minute: After havin' most of the play, former Toon player Ivan Toney scores for Brentfaad, but after a lengthy VAR review the goal iz disallowed for offside, az the Toon fans celebrate this!

27th minute: It haz been aall Brentfaad and The Bees get a stonewaall penalty when Botman scythes doon Schade in the box!

Ivan Toney who haz a 100% penalty record with Brentfaad takes it, but its weak and The Pope in the Toon goal dives to hiz left and saves it, much to the relief of the 1,700 plus diehard fans in the corner behind that goal!

41st minute: Anothaa penalty iz conceded by us, when Isak iz adjudged to have fouled Henry, when gannin for a 50/50 baall!

45+1 minute: After one of the most lengthy VAR checks in history, the ref gans to the monitor and decides that it iz indeed a penalty! (Oh no it wasn't!

Again Toney takes it, but this time The Pope iz unable to stop the shot, despite divin the reet way! 1-0 to 'The Bees Knees' (Brentfaad's nickname iz 'The Bees'---get it?)  NUFC havint had a shot on target---a 'half' to forget!

'Steady Eddie' changes things after the restart and brings on Wilson for Longstaff and Gordon for Murphy----a master stroke az we are a completely  different team, az we attack the goal at 'wor end'!

54th minute: NUFC equalise az Joelinton runs doon the wing and moves inside the penalty area near the byline---He shoots at a very tight angle and the baall gans into the net off the Brentfaad goalie!---game on!

61st minute: Callum Wilson taps the baall to 'Alexander the Great' near the edge of the box and he hits a rocket shot into the top corner of the net to send the Toon fans into extasy!

65th minute: Callum Wilson makes it 3-1 to us BUT after anothaa lengthy VAR check the goal iz ruled oot for hand baall!

We endue an onslaught near the end, but 'The Pope' makes a couple of brilliant saves to help us get the 3 valuable points, (It IZ Easter after aall!--The Pope--Jesus---get it?) which takes us back to 3rd top above Moan U, who won orlier on!

A hard won game---Brentfaad's forst home defeat since last September and NUFC's 5th win in a row!---"HAPPY EASTER!"

Attendance: 17,107 (1,730 very happy away fans!)

GREY'S MONUMENT HAZ A NEW OCCUPANT!

*Pub crawl pix to follow:   Just 2 new boozers this time! 

THE "BEEZ KNEEZ" OF BRENTFAAD V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 5:00pm bells' Good Friday 7th April 2023

BRENTFORD COMMUNITY STADIUM LAST SEASON*** 

(TOON IN LIGHT BLUE) GROUND NUMBER 354

Havin just come back from eest London on Thorzday followin wor 5-1 thrashin of West 'am on Wedinzday neet, we are off to 'the smoke' (London) again tomorrow, when we face Brentfaad in west London at '3:00 bells'!----The kick off time meenz that the game won't be on the telly---the forst time this haz happened in 2023!

Hopefully we can get the 3 points and 'cement' wor 3rd place in the Champions Leegue!

It won't be easy az Brentfaad are hard to beat at their tiny 17,300 capacity new stadium!  Aall 1,730 away tickets have been snapped up (10%) az we aim to win there again after wor 2-0 victory in wor inaugural visit last season, with goals from Joelinton and Joe Willock! 

Az per usual a full 'Geordie Times' match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Easter Sunday!---

Lets hope it's a "Happy Easter!"