SPORZ 5 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 4th April 2022

"GANNIN' ALANG THE SCOTSWOOD WALK TO SEE THE BLAYDON PLACES!"

A dragged meesel oot of 'mee pit' at '6:00am bells' and heeded for 'The Central' to catch an orly train to London!

On arrival at '11:15 bells' we heeded for The Betjeman Arms for a quick 'gargel before catchin the tube to Tottenham Hale and then an overland train to Northumberland Park!  From there we heeded for a new boozer we had never been tee before in an industrial estate 15 mins walk from the groond caalled The Redemption!

It woz virtually empty when we got there and at £3:60 for a pint of 'Redemption', it woz actually cheaper than the boozers aroond SJP back home!----It's one of them boozers that is cheap and chatty and old wooden pallets held up the bar coonter!!!

They brew their own beer on the premises and that cuts oot transport costs!

THE ANLY DOWNSIDE WOZ THE DRASTIC PLASTIC PINT POTS!

"ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES!" 

There woz one hilarious event that could have been taken from a 'Only Fools and Horses' script!----The door next to the room we were in woz closed and fans with 2 pints or more couldn't open the door. So a Toon fan, who shall remain nameless, caalled 'Ash', who woz sittin near the door, got sick of openin it to let them in, so he decided to wedge a bit of cardbourd under it, to keep it open!---After several unsuccesful attempts he gave up and sat doon!  I noticed a door hook behind the door (which he hadnt spotted) and said to him, why didnt he just hook the door back instead?----He did to roars of laughter from some Sporz fans! (Yi couldnt make it up!)

After a few 'gargels' there, we heeded for the groond where we passed some familier north east place names like Morpeth Walk, Scotswood Walk and Blaydon Close!---- not forgettin the name of the station!

The boozer, by the way, woz just off the WEST ROAD to make us feel completly at home! (The West Road iz aalso the name for the main road oot of 'The Toon', travellin 'west' (would yoo believe!?) 

Withoot doubt this woz the worst 2nd half display from The Toon since 'Steady Eddie' took ower!---It woz like gannin back to the bad old days under 'Bruceless', az we fell apart in the 2nd period!

NUFC PLAYED IN BLACK TOP WITH YELLOW SHORTS AND SOCKS

It started off so well in the forst half az we matched Sporz, az we attacked the far goal from where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed!

Indeed, we took the lead through a free kick from 'Fab' Schar in the 40th minute to send the faithful wild with delight!---That delight torned to dispair just 3 minutes later when Ben Davies equalized with a heeder for Sporz, after a defensive mix up!  HT 1-1

The 2nd half woz a different story however az the home side took the lead just 2 mins from the restart when Doherty heeded home with wor defence aall ower the place!

It woz soon 3-1 to them and the game woz lost when Son fired home from a Kane cross, az we simply couldnt deal with there attacks!

4-1 woz the inevitable outcome though Royal with a simple tap in, az we imploded and finally a fifth woz added near the end when an unmarked Bergwijn fired past Dubravka in The Toon goal to seal the victory and send the NUFC fans into meltdoon!

The end couldn't come quick enough!

ATTENDANCE: 57,553 (3,000 Toon fans, but many had left before the end!)

A one to forget I'm afraid az we heeded back to King's Cross to catch the '9:00 bells' train back yem after a few more drownin of the sorrows gargels back in The Betjeman Arms near the train station!

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SPORZ v THE TOON **** THIS SUNDAY!

 Posted '1:20pm bells' March 31st 2022

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 2nd April

WOR FORST EVER VISIT TO SPORZ NEW ABODE IN THE 2019-2020 SEASON*** NUFC WON 1-0 WITH A JOELINTON GOAL (TOON IN ORANGE)

After a 17 days international break, NUFC are finally back in action on Sunday in n'norf' Landan' when we take on Sporz at their new stadium!

The '4:30 bells' kick off meeenz that we can actually get 'to' and 'back' from King's Cross (London train station) in the same day!---A novelty, az wor previous 3 away games have meant an owerneet stay on each occassion, coz of the dodgy kick off times!

Before we play, there are quite a few games bein' played on Saturday, where teams aroond us are in action--- and we can anly hope that results gan wor way!?

Home wins for Livaapoool and Chelski, an away win for Brightin v Nohrich (coz Brightin are just above us and Nohrich have nee chance of catchin' us) and away wins for Man City and Sooothampton, would make it a porfect Saturday if this happens!?

AZ IT STANDZ! (THORZDAY)

More on this and possible team line up on Saturday! 

Updated Saturday at 'high noon bells'

News that Callum Wilson haz broken doon in trainin' again, meeenz that he will probably miss the rest of the season with 9 games to gan!

Kieran Trippier on the other hand iz said to be near match fitness and could feature in wor game at Sporz tomorrow!

Fab Schar, Jonjo Shelvey and Martin Dubravka are aall expected to be fit and be involved!

Az 'Steady Eddie' (Howe) says: "We are not safe yet!", and need at least 6 more points to be safe from relegation----could be a couple more to make absolutleee sure!

We are on the '8:20 bells' train from 'The Central' (station) to King's Cross (London) in the mornin' and The Toon (of course!) have sold wor allocation of 3,000 tickets!

A match report and booze report will appear here sometime on Munday----Az per usual:  "Watch this space!" 

*Saturday results that effect us and Premyaa Leegue table updates, will appear here sometime later today!

Livaapool 2 v Wotfaad 0 (FT) "So far so good!🤪👍

'Nee where near' Brightin 0 v Nohrich 0 (FT)

The Bornley Hillbillies 0 v  The Blue Moonies of Mancland 2 (FT)

Chelski 1 v Brentfaad 4! (FT)

Leeedz 1 v Sooothampton 1 (FT)

Leegue table after those results: 

AZ IT STANDS (SATURDAY NEET)

(A mixed bag of results az we drop to 15th coz of Brentfaad's 4-1unexpected shock win win at Chelski!)

Brentfaad played 31 points 33

The Toon played 29 points 31

Leeedz played 31 points 30

Evaatin  played 27 points 25

---------------------------------------------

Wotfaad played 30 points 22

Bornley played 28 points 21

Nohrich played 30 points 18

 

THE TOON U23s 4 THE BAGGIE TROOSERS U23s 3 **** FA PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 29th March 2022

JOSH SCOTT (ARROWED) SCORES THE WINNIN' GOAL!

Last neet in a rare appearance at SJP wor U23s won a 7 goal thriller against West Brom in front of a 793 crowd, housed mainly in The East Stand

The scorin sequences went az follows:

0-1, 0-2 (HT), 1-2, 2-2, 3-2, 3-3, 4-3   The Toon's goals were scored by Santiago Munoz (heeder), Niall Brookwell (heeder), Nathan Carlyon (shot) and finally Josh Scott, who fired the winner into the corner of the net at The Gallowgate End!

The win lifts the U23s into 4th place and into the play-off places for a chance of promotion to Premyaa Leegue 1

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 CLEEETHORPES TOON 2 *** NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 27th March 2022

It woz a nice sunny day on Tyneside and az NUFC had anothaa blank weekend, coz of the International break, we heeded for The UTS Stadium in Dunston to see them play Cleeethorpes!

The Bad Blue Boys were indeed BAD, az the visitors inflicted a 2-0 defeat, due mainly to misstaykes from the unfortunate Dunston goalie, who failed to hold the baall from a weak shot for the forst goal ---and then pass the baall to one of their players to concede the 2nd goal--Both in the 2nd half in quick succession!

Dunston simply didn't get oot of the blocks in this errror ridden game!

The drowning of the sorrows then happened in the packed clubhoose after the game, which woz watched by a 333 crowd (plus several freebeez who sneaked in in the 2nd half, when neebody woz mannin the tornstiles!)

A UKRAINIAN FLAG REPLACED THE CLUB FLAG IN A SHOW OF SUPPORT!

BLANKETY BLANK AGAIN!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 26th March 2022

For the 2nd weekend in a row NUFC have nee game, due to yet anothaa International break!

It's crazy when yoo 'fink' aboot it!-----3 lang distance away games crammed into 8 days at the beginnin' of March and then nee games at aall for 17 days!

April iz anothaa crazy month because of this, az we have 6 games to play in 4 weeks!

Wor next game iz away again (in north London) when we face Sporz in 8 days time----wor FOURTH away game in a row!

In April we have 3 home games in a row to compensate!

Wor 'fix' for today iz at wor fave non leegue club, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston, who are playin Cleethorpes Toon at Dunston, with a '3 bells' kick off in a Northern Premyaa Leegue (East Division) enncoontaa!

It's a nice sunny day on Tyneside and there are several non leegue games in wot iz caalled 'NON LEEGUE DAY' for Toon fans to gan tee for their 'fix', includin' Gatesheed, Blyth, Soooth Sheeelds, Hebburn, plus a full list of Northern Leegue ('3:00 bells' ko's) and Northern Alliance Leegue games ('2:30 bells' ko's)

So there iz plenty of choice to support a local non leegue side this afternooon!

A match report on the Dunston game will appear here sometime on Sunday!----Az per usual "Watch this space!"

A 'GULF' IN CLASS!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔bells' Thorzday 24th March 2022

TOON PLAYERS AND STAFF AT THE TRAININ' CAMP!

GULF UNITED 0  THE TOON 5

NUFC hammered Gulf United 5-0 in a behind closed 🚪 doors game in the UAE, with 2 goals from St.Max and Dwight Gayle and 1 from Joelinton to wrap up wor warm wethaa trainin camp in Dubai, orlier this mornin'

Former Toon defender Steven Taylor (believe it or not?) woz the manager for Gulf and he admitted that there woz indeed a "gulf in class!" between the 2 sides!

PS: Both Kieran Trippier and Callum Wilson were there, but took nee part in the game, az they continue their rehabilitation! 

"BRUNO IZ A GEORDIE!"

 Posted '12:22pm bells' Wedinzday 23rd March 2022

*

SHEARER STATUE MOVE IMMINENT!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Munday 21st March 2022

News that the Alan Shearer statue iz to be moved from the demolished toilet block on Barrack Road reaches us!

It iz to be relocated to the stairway on the othaa side of the Bobby Robson statue--and not before time!

We arn't sure exactly when this will happen, but it could be very soon?

It haz been on Barrack Road since 2016, az wor former owner 'The Fat Controller' refused point blank to have it on club land, az he had faallen oot with wor record goalscorer, when he slagged him off!

It's fittin' that it's just roond the corner from the renamed Shearer's Bar! (See story on that in the last but one article!)

A TRUCKIN' TOON TRAVELLER'S TALES

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 20th March 2022

It haz been a hectic 2 weeks of travellin' for me, followin The Toon to 3 lang distance away games to Soothampton, west London and Liverpoool for wor game v Evaatin on Thorzday---AND drivin mee truck between the Team Valley in Gatesheed and Redditch in deepest Worcestershire!

Mee diary ower the last 2 weeks woz az follows!

Munday 7th, Tuesday 8th and Wedinzday 9th March: Truck run to Redditch and back 3 times at 444 miles per roond trip = 1,332 miles

Thorzday 10th and Friday 11th March: Travel to Sooothampton and back by train for wor game at St.Mary's Stadium via London---          Roond trip = 700 miles 

Saturday 12th and Sunday 13th March: Travel to west London and back by train for wor game at Stamford Bridge v Chelski---Roond trip = 532 miles

Munday 14th, Tuesday 15th and Wedinzday 16th March: Truck run to Redditch and back 3 times at 444 miles per roond trip= 1,332 miles

Thorzday 17th and Friday 18th March: Travel to Liverpoool and back by train via York for wor game v Evaatin at Goodison Park---Roond trip = 320 miles 

Total miles travelled for 14 days in a row = 4,216 miles averaging at just ower 300 miles per day!----Nee wonder that I am knackered and yesterday I  'stopped still' and the furthest I 'travelled' woz Shearer's Bar underneath The Gallowgate End! (Roond trip by bus 5 miles!) 

IT's crazy that we had to cram 3 away games in, in 8 days--- and that there iz now a 2 and a half week break from wor last game to wor next game v Sporz in north London on Sunday April 3rd!

And guess wot?---I am off to Redditch again next week!---It's a never endin' jorney!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhoppin' trucker!)

SHEAR MAGIC!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 19th March 2022

After gettin back from the Evaatin game on Friday, it woz a mad dash yem to pick granddaughter Freya up from skoool and then anothaa mad dash to NE 1 in Str🍓wberry Place for the grand reopennin' of Shearer's Bar underneath The Gallowgate Stand!

After an exhaustin' 14 days consecutive travellin' (will publish an artice on this on Sunday) it woz nice to relax and visit a boozer that I have mainly avoided since wor former owner 'The Fat Controller' changed the name of 'Shearer's to 'NINE' a few years ago, in revenge for slaggin him off!

This 'iconic' boozer will now gan back on mee 'Toon Pub Crawl' list once again!