THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 5:55am bells' onwards, on the trains back, Friday 11th March 2022

BRUNO'S SPECTACULAR BACK HEEL VOLLEY WINNIN GOAL!

THE TOON ARE IN THE AALL LIGHT BLUE STRIP

*"THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL!"🤣👍

Before the game Sooothamton manager Ralf Hasslewhinger(or whatever he's caalled?) said that NUFC shouldn't be allowed to play any players signed in the transfor window az the original game woz caalled off on January 2nd coz some Toon players had Covid19!

And guess wot happened?

After the home side had opened the scorin through Stuart Armstrong in the 25th minute, up popped January signing Chris Wood to climb above the Sooothampton defence 5 mins later, to equalise with a powerful heeder from a Shelvey cross at the far end from the 3,300 travellin faithful!

*

*A few more chances for both sides followed, and we went in aall square at the break!

*The 2nd half started az NUFC kicked towards wor own fans and then the big moment of the game happened when Bruno back heeled an exquisite (we naa aall the big words!) baall into the net in the 52nd minute from a Dan Burn heeer, to send The Toon fans crazy with delight behind that goal!

And guess what??? Brazilian Bruno woz a January singing az well!

Ralf Hasslewhinger woz NOT a happy bunny!🐇

After intense pressure from 'The Simon Templar Mob', we somehow survived the onslaught and took aall 3 valuable points to move us to 31 points and 10 above 3rd bottom Bornley!

The Toon players celebrate with the fans and in the dressing room after rhe game!

Leeedz, Nohrich and Wotfaad aall lost to make it  porfect day on the soooth Coast!

That's 9 Premyaa Leegue games unbeaten now under Eddie Howe, who must take great credit for wor uptorn in form!

Happy days indeed!🤪👍

*Explanation: 'The Saint' woz a cult TV series in the 1960s, starrin Roger Moore az Simon Templar---Sooothampton's nickname iz of course 'The Saints'----Hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'!

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!

The Whiskey Blue Bar woz great, apart from the red n white striped drinkin straws!

The post match celebrations took place here!

*Just been annoonced at 'high noon bells'

Just got yem after a 6 hour jorney back from Sooothampton: Eddie Howe haz deservedly won the manager of the month award for February!🤪👍👏

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 9th March 2022

MARCH 2020---THE LAST TIME TOON FANS WERE AT ST. MARY'S                  (WE WON 1-0 WITH SAINT MAX SCORIN WOR GOAL!)

Tomorrow sees the start of a hectic week followin NUFC az we have 3 away games in that period!

Forst we are off to Sooothampton tomorrow by train via London and then back on Friday afternoon (The Toon to King's Cross and then Waterloo to Sooothampton and then the same in reverse!)----away again on Saturday afternoon to Chelski in west London and back again on Sunday neet!---Then the followin Thorzday we must travel by train to Liverpoool, where we play Evaatin at Goodison Park and back again on Friday afternooon!

Thats 3 owerneet stays in Sooothampton, London and Liverpoool in that time and of course at great expense! And 8 trains in total!

The Geordie Times will try to dee a match report on the Sooothampton game on mee mobile tellin bone, on the train back, so expect plenty of errrors and misstayks!----If thats not possible coz the trains are chocker, aa will endeavor to dee it on mee laptop when aa get yem!

So pleeeze, bare with me!

Cheers!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

NUFC FIVE STAR ***** FORM TABLE!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 7th March 2022

*****

The current form guide for the last 6 games puts NUFC in 2nd place behind The Liverbirds with FIVE wins and ONE draw!

Nearly aall the results went wor way ower the weekend and we can anly hope that it continues tooneet when Sporz take on The Toffee Noses of Evaatin in 'norf Landan' (A home win pleeeze!) Update: Sporz won 5-0!

We are NOT oot of the woods yet!---and the next 4 games, which are aall away, will be pivitol in wor bid to avoid 3rd bottom place!

Sooothampton on Thorzday, Chelski on Sunday, Evaatin the followin' Thorzday and Sporz at the beginnin of April!

Wor form guide for the last 8, 10 and 12 games are aalso very good az well!  NUFC havvint lost a Premyaa Leegue game since Man City beat us 4-0 at SJP on December 19th!----thats ower 11 weeks ago or 78 days!

"HAPPIER DAYS INDEEED!"

***** 

*****

*****

*****

 

THE TOON 2 'NEE WHERE NEAR' BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 6th February er sorry March  2022

"AFTER 9 PREVIOUS ATTEMPS WE BEAT BRIGHTIN AT LAST IN A TOP FLIGHT GAME"

A hard fought victory ower a determined Brightin side lifts NUFC to 28 points and 7 clear of Bornley in the last relegation place!

It wasnt an eazy victory by any meeenz az Brightin shud have been aheed at half time, but were 2 goals doon thanx to Ryan Fraser and Fabian Schar in a 2 minute period orly in the forst half!

A through baall by Chris Wood to Jacob Murphy split the Seagulls defence and he ran through to hit the left hand post!---The baall rebounded to Fraser and he fired home to put us 1-0 up in the 12th minute at The Leazes End!---Shell shocked Brightin then conceded a 2nd in the 14th minute, when Ryan Fraser sent ower a free kick and Fabian Schar rose above their defence to heed home and sent the vast majority of the 52,000 crowd wild with delight! (Brightin had a followin of 1,500)

But there were many scares az we just couldnt stop them from creatin several chances and there were quite a few near misses at The Gallowgate End before and after wor goals!

The 2nd half woz dominated by them again, az they went for 'the jugular' and eventually their persistence paid off, when a corner in the 55th minute foond an unmarked Lewis Dunk and he heed past Debravka in The Toon goal to half the deficit!

It looked certain that they would get an equaliser az Toon fans chewed their finger nails and pulled their hair oot!---But somehow we held oot and there woz aall roond relief when the ref blew for full time to loud cheers for the relieved crowd!

The stats say that Brightin had ower 70% possession  and they definitely shud have got sommik from the game---but thankfully DIDN'T!-----Playin' below par and winnin' iz the things good teams dee and 4 months ago we would surely have lost this game with Brucey in charge!

We are unbeaten in wor last 8 Prem games and have won 5 oot of the last 6! Happy days!

Nohrich and Bornley both lost heavily and Wotfaad divvint play til today----Its lookin much better with a 7 points gap, but we now have FOWER (4) away games 'off the belt' before we are on home soil again!-----ie: NUFC still need anothaa 10 points to make sure of safety!----Sooothampton are next away on Thorzday and then Chelski away on Sunday, Evaatin away the followin Thorzday and finally Sporz away at the beginnin of April!

Happy fans leave the groond!

PS: Before the game, az woz waalkin alang Stowell Street (near SJP) when aa felt sommik on mee Toon hat!---Aa put mee hand on mee heed to find some bird had shit on me!-----Aa took mee hat off to try to clean the shit off with a bit of tissue paper, but couldnt get it completely off, so torned it inside oot and put it in a carrier bag aa had in mee pocket!----Havvint a clue if it woz a 'seagull' who dropped the contents of its arse on me, but it definitely woz a lucky omen!

It's in the washin machine az we speak!  

The Bodega after the match!  We'd had a canny few pints by '7 bells'! "Hic!"

 

THE TOON v 'NEE WHERE NEAR' BRIGHTIN *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th March 2022

Forst of aall, can we say that we feel for the people of Ukraine, who have been forced to flee their country by Russian aggression! (Ower a million so far!)

NUFC have played 3 times in Ukraine in European competitions, twice in Kiev and once in Karkiv!

It's hard to believe that both those places that we have been tee, to watch The Toon, have been bombarded and reduced to rubble and wor hearts gan oot to aall Ukrainians!

A 'Geordie Times' match report on forst visits to both Dynamo Kiev (ground 158) and Karkiv (ground 297) can be foond in the right hand column under 'Archive grounds match report list'

Tomorrow at SJP we face a Brightin team that are on a bad run and so hopefully we can pick up the 3 points to steer us clear of the relegation zone!----We are still anly 4 points above Bornley in 3rd bottom place, but they lost in midweek against Lestaa and have now played aall their games in hand that they had ower us!

In the current 'form table' NUFC are 2nd anly to Liverpoool ower the last 6 games, while Brightin lie in 16th place!

*Amazingly, this will be wor 10th meetin' with Brightin in the top flight and we have yet to beat them!!! (5 draws, 4 defeats!) So its aboot time we did!!!

Callum Wilson and Kieran Trippier are both still 'crocked', but Saint Maximin will hopefully be in the startin line up at the '3:00 bells' kick off time!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---SO!---az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS: We say 'Ne where Near' Brightin, coz their groond iz 'nee where near Brightin', which iz 6 miles distant!

355 the walk stadium, king's lynn (v norwich u23s)

 Ground number 355

Date of First Visit: 28th February 2022

The Walk Stadium, King's Lynn, Norfolk

Norwich City U23s 3

Newcastle United U23s 4

FA Premier League 2

Attendance: 270 (7 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!)

TURNER-COOKE FREE KICK TO PUT NUFC 1-0 UP!

"A 'WALK' ON THE WILD SIDE!"

The jorney doon to Norfolk started at '11:20am bells' when aa picked 'Big Al' up in The Toon, near The Forth Boozer in Pink Lane (NOT the sheet metal workers son!)

Just ower 4 and a half hours later and on dodgy roads from Newark (A17 etc) we arrived at wor destination and parked up in a street next to the groond at aboot '4:30 bells'!

The game kicked off at '7:00 bells' and so we had plenty of time to find a boozer for a few 'gargels' and there woz one a 5 minute waalk from 'The Walk Stadium' caalled strangely 'Live and Let Live', which woz a reeel ale bar (not much for me az aa woz drivin!) 

Anyway! 'Alex of St George' and 'Biffa the Beer' torned up, to make the total number of 'groundhoppers' 4 in total---so far!

It woz soon time to heed for the groond where a match ticket had to be bought from a kiosk before gannin through the tornstiles!

Big Al asked for a ticket and the lassie who woz sellin' them asked if he woz a home or away supporter!---"It doesnt matter!" he said but added that he woz a Toon fan!-- She game him an away ticket and said he could sit or stand anywhere he liked in the groond! (So wot woz the point of 'home and away' tickets if yoo could gan where yoo liked???)

I said give me the same and 'in we went'!---It woz absolutley 'chuckin it doon, with the wind swirlin' aboot az we took wor seats in the impressive large main stand which looked az though it had been built aboot a 100 years ago! (The groond woz opened in 1879, apparently!) 

2 more 'saddos' appeared, namely 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', to make a grand total of 6 who had travelled doon! (There were actually 7, but 'Byzzy' woz nee where to be seen---but had been spotted in the centre of King's Lynn orlier on!)

The torrential rain and wind woz on the wild side az the game kicked off and so it woz!----'A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE AT 'THE WALK STADIUM! (sic!) (PS: A'v used a similar title to this when aa went to a Northern Alliance game in WARK, Northumberland a few years ago!---Which woz---"A 'WARK' ON THE WILD SIDE!")

There were a fair few Nohrich sprogs in attendance and it woz larger than wot we expected az Nohrich iz some 44 miles distant east from King's Lynn!

"TURNER-COOKE 'COOKS' DELIA'S BOOKS!"

This woz a 7 goal thriller in the rain and the goal sequences were az follows!

20th minute: A Turner Cooke free kick from just ootside the box gave NUFC a 1-0 lead at 'The Refreshment Kiosk End'  (see top pic)

"CAN YOO SPOT THE REFRESMENT KIOSK?"

32nd minute: A Kamara shot level things for 'The Canary Custards'!

HT: 1-1

Durin the half time interval we spotted wot looked like an alien from another planet at the front of the  main stand!!! 

 But in fact it woz the Nohrich mascot caalled 'Carol Canary', supposedly dressed up in a canary suit and young fans took 'selfies' with hor!

The costume looked like sommik oot of a horror movie and nowt like a canary! (Which of course iz Nohrich's nickname!)

"DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SETS--NO!--THIS IZN'T AN ALIEN FROM A HORROR MOVIE!"

Aa needed a 'gypsy's kiss' so aa heeded for the 'tool-shed' and couldn't believe wot woz written on the bog seat!

Are they that stupid in King's Lynn???

The 2nd half started off disastrously for the young Mags az the 'home' side scored straight after the kick off through Hutchinson, with 2 goals in quick succession to put us 3-1 behind and seemingly beaten az Nohrich attacked 'The Refreshment Kiosk End' and had several chances to increase their lead az it 'chucked doon' (rainin'!)

HOWEVER!---We are made of sterner stuff theeeze days and fought back with a shot from Adam Wilson just after the hour mark at 'The Jordan Fitness Terrace End' (No we havvint made this up!)  3-2 to them! 

72nd minute: Turner-Cooke 'cooked Delia's books' with a fine shot to bring the score back to 3-3 at The  (Delia bein' Nohrich's celebrity chef owner)

90th minute: Just when it looked az though the game would end in a draw, up stepped Issac Westendorf to fire across the box to win the game for wor U23s with us 6 celebratin wildly!  Wesdorf took hiz shirt off to celebrate and woz sent off by the ower zelious ref for a 2nd bookable offence ----a bitter sweet moment for Issac

A few mins stoppage time woz added, az Nohrich tried to get the score to 4-4, but we held oot for a fantastic 4-3 win!

The jorney back took 4 hours and 418.4 miles after leavin wor hoose aa woz back yem at aboot '1:30am bells'

Another one off the list!

*The Geordie Times---a grovelling apology!

We said that the Nohrich mascot woz caalled 'Carol Canary'

We later foond oot that 'she' woz in fact caalled 'Captain Canary'!

The Geordie Times apologises profusely to 'Captain Canary' for any hurt or distress this may have caused her/him?

NOHRICH U23S V THE TOON U23S TOONEET IN KINGS LYNN! NEW GROOND!, NEW GROOND!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 28th February 2022

Updated Tuesday

THE WALKS---KINGS LYNN TOON FC

After a days break after gettin back from Brentfaad in west London 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again today, az we heed for Kings Lynn Toon FC in Norfolk, where NUFC U23s are takin' on Nohrich's U23s in a Premyaa Leegue 2 fixture!

This iz of course another new groond after payin wor maiden visit to the Brentfaad Community Stadium on Saturday!

Kings Lynn iz a roond trip of 422 miles from The Toon and we are on wor travels very soon to get there for the '7:00 bells' kick off!

National Leegue Kings Lynn have played at The Walks Stadium since 1879 and like SJP (since 1880) iz one of the oldest futbaall groonds in the world!

Admission iz a fiver for both big kids and zimmerframeites and a quid for sprogs!

A Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here sometime later this week----hopefully tomorrow!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

Updated Tuesday:

Unfortunately av got to gan to graft soon and a'm just half way though the story---and so it wont appear here til tomorrow! (hopefully!?)

NUFC won 4-3 in a thriller in the rain!

354 brentford community stadium, brentford

 Ground number 354

(141st ground visited that has staged League footbaall)

Date of First Visit: 26th February 2022

Brentford Community Stadium, London

Brentford 0

Newcastle United 2 (Joelinton, Willock)

Premier League

Attendance: 17,039 (1,713 Toon fans)

"TO BEE OR NOT TO BEE!"

This woz the 59th different groond that The Toon had played a Premyaa Leegue game on, and The Geordie Times haz been to each and every one of them now!

The train doon from 'The Central' (station) took ower 4 hours to get to King's Cross (London) and we made straight for Hammersmith in west  London, when we got the forst of many gargels!

2 boozers are reet next to each othaa ower the road from Hammersmith tube station and that's where we plonked worselz doon for the pre match 'gargels', until it woz time to heed for the game!

A half hour tube ride to Acton and a 20 minute waalk to the groond followed, but this must be the most hidden groond in the UK az there are blocks of flats and other high buildings surrondin' and hidin' the brand new stadium!----The away fans are segregated az yoo approach the tornstiles and again, fans had problems gettin in az some tickets wouldnt work in the scanners! (Like at Leeedz)

Luckily mine 'scanned' and 'in aa went'----the concourse woz packed az usual and aa had to fight mee way to the 'tool-shed' (p*ss corner!), before aa heeded for mee seat in row 16! (Its a brand new---so why didnt they make the concourses bigger?)

To be honest aa wasnt impressed with the stadium at aall, az the roof at the far end goal suddenly sloped doon at the left hand side, where some tower blocks owerlooked that stand!

With a capacity of anly 17,000 this iz currently the 2nd smaallest stadium ever, to grace the Premyaa Leegue (Bournemoooth woz the smaallest with just 11,000 seats) This iz in total contrast to other London top flight clubs like West 'am, Sporz and The Arse, who aall have 60,000 capacities!) Chelski's iz 42,000, Palliss iz 27,000)

Brentfaad were on a very poor run with just 1 win in 10 before the game, while we were on a 6 game unbeaten streak----and this bore oot az the match started, with The Toon playin' in wor aall light blue strip!  We attacked 'The Tower Blocks End' (wot else?) in the forst period and were well on top when the definin' moment of the game happened in the 11th minute when a bad tackle by Brentfaad's Dasilva had Matt Target lyin' in agony just ootside the box!

It went to VAR and the ref went ower to the pitchside monitor to check the tackle and a red card woz produced to put them doon to 10 men for the rest of the game! 

NUFC then went for 'the jugular' and a pinpoint cross from Ryan Fraser in the 33rd minute foond Joelinton's heed and he nodded in a with power to send the 1,700 faithful wild in the away end opposite!  Joe woz SO excited by hiz goal that he ran the full length of the pith to celebrate with us!

We were completely on top and it woz nee suprize when we doubled wor lead 10minutes later when a Fabian Schar cross foond Joe Willock and he hammered the baall into the net to 'sting The Bees' (Brentfaad's nickname!)

That woz the score at half time and though The Toon couldnt add anymore it woz a comfortable victory whic saw us climb to 'the dizzy heights' of 14th in the table and 4 points above the relegation zone!

A special mention must be made for Brentfaad's Christian Ericson who got a standin ovasion from BOTH sets of fans az he came on at the midpoint of the 2nd half! (He suffered a cardiac arrest on the pitch aboot a year ago and many thought he would never play again!) 

On the final whistle at '5 to 5 bells', we made a mad dash to the exits and back to Acton station----We were on the '6:30 bells' train back to The Toon (the last direct train!) and made it with 30 minutes to spare! (Brentfaad iz aboot 10 miles from King's Cross station)

HAPPY DAYS!🤪👍🍺

* 

Futnote: This woz 'Dave from York's 300th groond followin The Toon's 1st team, resorves and juniors!  

That makes him a fully fledged member of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers club!'

Congratulations Dave, yoo sad b*stard!

🤪👍🍺

BRENTFAAD v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 25th February 2022

THE BRENTFAAD COMMUNITY STADIUM----NUFC PLAYED HERE LAST SEASON AND LOST 1-0 IN THE LEEGUE CUP, WHEN GAMES WERE PLAYED BEHIND CLOSED DOORS DUE TO COVID!---SO THIS WILL BE TOON FANS FORST EVER VISIT HERE!

It seems that every game NUFC play iz a 'must win game', and after Bornley's unexpected 2 wins in a row, they are anly 2 points behind us in 18th place AND with a game in hand!

We reeely MUST beat Brentfaad at their new stadium, to drag them into the mire!  Nearly half the Premyaa Leegue clubs are in danger, from Lestaa in 12th place with 27 points, to Bornley in the last relegation place with 20 points!

Brentfaad are on a poor run and just last month they were 10 points clear of us, but with just 1 win in 10 and NUFCs 6 game unbeaten run, meeenz that we are just 2 points behind them now and will leapfrog them shud we win!

Saint Max iz doubtful, which meeenz that if he doesnt play we will be withoot 3 key players for the 2nd game runnin' (Trippier and Wilson the others)

We are on the 6:55am bells' train tomorrow and the '6:30pm bells' back-----the last train from King's Cross because of line work!

It will be a hectic rush back from Kew Bridge (where Brentfaad play) to catch it, az it's a good hour by tubes back to KX----Will we make it in time????----Read The Geordie Times tomorrow neet to find oot! 

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have anothaa new groond to visit on Munday neet, when wor U23s travel to King's Lynn in Norfolk to play Norhich U23s!

Match reports from both games will appear here the day after they've been played!----Az per usual "Watch this space!" 

Updated '6:30pm 🔔 bells'

Won 2-0! (Joelinton, Willock) Caught the train

Happy days! 

SQUEEEKY BUM TIME!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 23rd February 2022

Updated 1:45am bells' Thorzday

NUFC arnt in action til Saturday, when we travel to west London to face Brentfaad, but quite a few of wor relegation rivals are!

Tooneet 'The Bornley Hillbillies' are at home to Sporz, Wotfaad are at home to Palliss and Leeedz are away to Livaapoool!

2 away wins and a home win pleeeeze!

And then on Friday neet, Nohrich are away to Sooothampton and a home win would be very nice indeed!

It's squeeeky bum time again, folks!😵

Updated 1:45am bells' Thorzday

2 oot of 3 went wor way

Wotfaad lost 4-1 and Leeedz were thrashed 6-0 to dent both their goal differences!

But Bornley won 1-0 to lift them to 3rd bottom and 2 points below NUFC---with a game in hand!

The Leegue table iz now gettin very congested at the bottom, with NINE teams in danger!

* It's 'squeeeky bum time' indeed', from Lestaa doonwards!