THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST 'AM v THE TOON **** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

 Posted from 'high noon 'bells' onwards, Friday 18th February 2022

Storm Eunice iz said to severely disrupt travel today az we attempt to get to London by train from The Toon. We are booked on the 4:26 bells' sorvice to King's Cross (London) where a red weather warnin' haz been issued, warnin' of 'A danger to life'!---and anly to travel if its 'absolutely necessary'!

Of course it 'IZ absolutely necessary' az The Toon are playin' at London Stadium in a '12:30 bells' kick off tomorrow!

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz taken nee chances and travelled doon yesterday!!!!---Just to make sure he gets to the game!!!!!

If wor train iz cancelled then we have othaa plans in operation!

There's a train at '5:30 bells' in the mornin'----or if thats cancelled plan 'C' iz to drive doon later tooneet!----We won't be beaten easily!

We will of course, keep yoo wor loyal readers posted on developments this afternooon and a full Geordie Times match, booze and weather report will appear here sometime on Sunday!---Provided we make it back by then!  

So watch this space intently az we update wor jorney to London (or not az the case may be!) from '4:00 bells' onwards this afternooon!

UPDATES HERE AZ THEY HAPPEN!⬇️

4:32 pm bells

Here's the train, on time at 'The Central', az it passes the 'New'castle'🤪👍

'6:39pm bells'

Aall woz gannin Well until we got to Donny(Doncaster) where we are waitin' for a new train crew to take us onward to London!

We have been told that it will be anothaa 45 mins before a new train crew will arrive!--but 'fear not' we have plenty of liquid lubrication to keep us gannin!

*7:25pm bells'

The train driver haz torned up(horray!) but NOT the train guard!!

We can't move til he/she torns up! "ZZZzzz!!!"

🥱😴

*7:34pm bells'

We are finally on the move after a 1hr 20min stay in Donny Station!!!

'11:11pm bells'

Finally arrived at KX

Weather is calm 

Nearly 7 hours of train torture!🥶

"Good f***in' 🌙 night!"

Match report on Sunday

Drew1-1 (Joe Willock)

 

IZ THIS A CURSE ON THE SOS?

 Posted '12:54pm bells' Thorzday 17th February 2022

"THE CURSE IT IZ CAST!"

Guess who opened the Stadium of SHHH! (yee naa wot!) in July 1997????

Since it's openin' the SMBs have went on a doonward spiral and are still in the old 3rd Division (now Leegue 1) for the 4th season in a row!

We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions???

From the sun'lind fans Facebook & Twitter pages

AMANDA FIGHTS BACK AGAINST 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'!

 Posted '12:20pm 🔔 bells' Wedinzday 16th February 2022

*SO 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' DIDN'T PAY A PENNY PIECE FOR HIZ 300 SD SIGNS FROM 2019 TO 2022!----(WOT A SUPRIZE!)---DERBY FANS BEWARE!---YOUR BLACK N WHITE STADIUM WILL SOON BE RED AND BLUE SHUD TFC BUY YOUR CLUB!

"HERE COMES THE 'SUN'!"

 Posted 1:00pm bells Tuesday 15th February 2022

HERE COMES THE 'SUN' 1

AND LAST TUESDAY AT SJP!

HERE COMES THE 'SUN' 2

MASSIVE CLUB!

THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' St. Valentine's Days 2022💕

"A BITTER SWEET VICTORY!"

For the 3rd game in a row we won, but this woz tempered by the news that Kieran Tripper haz broken a bone in hiz foot, which iz devastatin news for aall Toon fans!

A VAR penalty decision went against us in the 30th minute of the forst half az we attacked The Leazes goal----A free kick on the edge of the box woz awarded instead and Kieran Trippier stepped up to take it and for the 2nd game in a row az it flew into the net to rapturous applause and celebrations from the Toon fans!

And then at the start of the 2nd period he went doon near the dugoots and worryingly stayed doon for a while, before bein helped of the pitch!----Later photos show him on crutches at the RVI in the shadows of SJP with a foot cast on!----Bad news indeed for aall concerned!

Manquillo aalso woz injured and woz taken off just before the break---anothaa body blow!

Villa scored in the 62nd minute but after a very lengthy VAR check the goal woz (thankfully!) disallowed for a hairline offside to loud cheers of relief!

NUFC held on in the 2nd half and 7 minutes stoppage time woz added for Trippier's injury and a medical emergency in The Gallowgate End! (We thought that 10 minutes would be added---but we wornt comlainin!)

WE held on to win the game, but it woz indeed a bitter sweet moment az we applauded and cheered the players off the pitch!

The win takes us 4 points clear of the relegation zone, a point behind Evaatin and 2 behind Leeedz!

But how will we fair withoot wor new talisman and captain, while he iz oot injured???? (It woz later conformed that he had a broken metatarsal!)

*Attendance: 52,207 (3,000 unhappy Villa, who, before the match sang: "You're just a small town in Scotland!" when the Scottish border iz 61 miles north! ("HA! HA! You're just a small town in Wales!"---Bormingham iz 79 miles east from the Welsh border!) (Yes!--Aa 'Googled' it!)

Full time az happy fans leave SJP

Not such happy news an hour later!

THE TOON V THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔 bells' Saturday 19th February 2022

HAPPY TOON FANS LEAVIN' SJP AFTER THE EVAATIN GAME!                       (MORE OF THAT TOMORROW----PLEEEEZE!)

NUFC gan for wor 3rd win in a row against Villa at '2:00 bells' tomorrow!

After the great 3-1 win against Evaatin in midweek, everybody iz on a 'high' and victory would pull us further away from the bottom 3!

Kieran Trippier iz carryin a calf injury and haz missed trainin'--so it doesn't look good for him!

Thankfully there are nee more reported injuries from the Evaatin game, so hopefully we have enough to get a good result?

With anothaa blank Saturday a'm off to Cleethorpes today, not to watch Grimsby, but Cleethorpes Toon who are at home to Dunston in a Northern Premyaa Leegue East fixture!

(Cleethorpes groond iz aboot a mile from Grimsby's, who of course play in Cleethorpes az well!)

A match report on that game will appear sometime next week, while the NUFC match report shud be online by Munday neet!

Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP!

 Posted just after 'high noon 🔔 bells' Friday 11th February 2022

*The mackem goalie with little  dinosaur arms 🦖iz the goalie NUFC fans love to hate!

And here are 2 hilarious photos of a Toon fan dressed in a dinosaur costume in The Leazes End durin wor 3-1 win ower Evaatin on Tuesday neet!

*THE MOMENT jordan pickford SPOTS ONE OF HIZ RELATIVES IN THE LEAZES END!🤪👍🦖

"IF ONLY I HAD LONGER ARMS!"

SHEARER'S STATUE SHIFTED SOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 10th February 2022

News reaches us (a day late az per usual!) that Alan Shearer's statue iz to be moved from the old demolished toilet block on Barrack Road in the shadow of SJP, to a more fittin' place at the corner of The Gallowgate End/Milburn Stand entrance on Strawberry Place!

This iz great news az wor former owner 'The Fat Controller' refused to have the statue on club land!---Wor new owners however arn't bitter or twisted like him and a plannin notices haz been posted on lamposts near the groond to demolish the plinth and move the statue to a new plinth!

ALAN SHEARER AT THE ORIGINAL UNVEILING ON BARRACK ROAD   

The NINE BAR underneath The Gallowgate End iz next on the list (hopefully) and shud be renamed SHEARER'S again, az 'The Fat Controller' changed the bar's name oot of spite, when wor record goalscorer critised the club and him in particular!

In othaa news wor U18s were unfortunately knocked oot of the FA Youth Cup at Blackpoool last neet and were well beaten by 3 goals to nil!

 SPECIAL THANX TO 'GLENNN FROM ASHINGTON' FOR PIX

Aalso Nohrich anly drew 1-1 with Palliss last neet, so we stay oot of the relegation zone by one point --for the time being at least (The othaaz aroond us play on Saturday)--while we aren't in action at home to Villa on Sunday! 

THE TOON 3 THE EVAATIN TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards Tuesday 9th February 2022

"A GREAT WIN! ---BUT DIVVINT COONT YAA DINOSAURS YET!" 🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

Wor best win for many a year and I meen that most sincerely folks!

The crowd were certainly up for it and gave their backin from the kick off to the final whistle az we came back from an unfortunate own goal by Lascelles at The Gallowgate End in the 36th minute----to level things at The Leazes End 2 minutes later with anothaa bizzare own goal after Lascelles's heeder rebounded off the bar and hit an Evaatin defender and the baall ended up in the net!

We went aheed 11minutes into the 2nd half when Saint Max sent in a low cross and Ryan Fraser poked the baall home from 5 yards oot!

The decisive goal to give us a 2 goal margin came from a fantastic 'rocket shot' free kick from Kieran Trippier 10 minutes from time from ootside the box, which gave 'Little Arms Dinosaur' Jordan Pickford nee chance az the baall squeezed just inside the near post to send the vast majority of the 52,000 crowd into level 10 decibel noise! 

'Little Arms' the mackem 'dinosaur', it shud be said, took merciless stick from the moment he took the field to the last minute and one joker in the front of The Leazes End wore a dinosaur's costume in 'tribute to him!!!🦖 (Pickford even sarcastically waved to the crowd in The Milburn Stand az he came off the pitch at full time!!!!)

A great 3 points to lift us oot of the relegation zone and just one point behind wor opponents!!---But wait a minute!---Nohrich play tooneet and will gan above us if they win against Palliss---which in torn will send us back into the 'mire'!----SO! divvint coont yaa chickens "er!" 'dinosaurs' yet az there iz still a lang way to gan!🐣🦖🐣🦖🐣🦖🐣

*Attendance: 52,186 (3,000 Toffee Noses)

The moment Pickford spots a long lost relative in The Leazes End!

 

THE TOON v THE EVAATIN TOFFEE NOSES **** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 7th February 2022

A NEW FLAG DEPICTIN' WOR NEW BRAZILIAN 'BRUNO' WILL BE UNFURLED BY 'WOR FLAGS' TOMORROW IN 'THE GALLOWGATE END'!

Yet again NUFC have anothaa 6 pointer to play, this time against Evaatin and their new manager Frank Lampard!

Evaatin are 4 points above us in 16th place and a win for us would have us breathin' doon their necks in the race to avoid the dreaded drop!

2 of the othaa teams aroond us are aalso in action tomorrow neeet----

Bornley are at home to Moan U and Wotfaad are away at West 'am!

It will be a tense and nailbitin' affair for certain az wor 5 new boys will be in action----and we can anly hope that they hit the groond runnin and we can nick the 3 points!

Callum Wilson's injury looks to be worse than wot we thought and he could be oot til the last few weeks of the season!

The failure to sign anothaa striker will hopefully not come back to haunt us in May!?

The game iz a complete sell oot, az are wor games v Villa at SJP on Sunday and away games at West 'am (3,000 away tickets) and wor visit to Brentfaad (1,700 away tickets)

In othaa news wor Director of Futbaall vacancy haz been filled by highly respected Dan Ashforth, who leaves Brightin and a formal annooncement iz awaited!

A full Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here on Wedinzday sometime!  Az per usual watch this space intentleee!