THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 3rd May 2021

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME!?"

Well!--we had a great chance to banish the relegation blues, but failed miserably to do so yet again, with yet another shocking performance, to end wor 4 match unbeaten run!

From the word 'Go' NUFC were 2nd best in every department and it took The Arse just 5 mins to open the scorin at The Gallowgate End through Elneny with a shot from the edge of the box!

We were watchin on from The Strawberry boozer balcony, just yards away from The Gallowgate End, in the freezing cold and light rain!

They couldn't put the shutters doon az it would be classed az indoors(which of course iz still off limits) so one lass on the next table put hor brolly up to keep hor and hor mates dry!(See top photo!)

Thankfully it stopped raining and we were able to watch the debacle on a ☠ channel on a laptop, az they divvint have SKY in The Strawberry!

It woz like a winters day and everybody woz wrapped up for the outdoor experience!

We counted one shot on goal for us in the forst half (a Saint- Max deflection) az wor visitors poonded wor goal!

It somehow woz still just 0-1 at the break and it woz just a matter of time before The Arse got their 2nd goal and this arrived in the 66th minute when an unmarked Aubameyang fired the baall into the net and the 3 points were gone!  Not one shot on goal for us in 2nd half!!!

Like we say, yet another dismal day at SJP in more ways than one!

PS We can anly hope that we can pick worsels up for wor game at Lestaa next Friday, but it now looks az though it will be a nervy last few weeks til the end of the season!

Updated '8:00pm bells'

Fat Sam the Ugly Man's West Brom drew 1-1 with Wolves in the black country derby!  This meeenz that they are 10 points behind NUFC with 4 games to play!

They would need to win 3 of them and draw the other to match wor 36 points total and we would have to lose wor last 4!--

Bornley play West Ham at '8:15 bells' and are currently level on points with us-----A West Ham win pleeeeeze!

Updated '10:30pm bells'

West Ham won 2-1!  the gods were smilin' on NUFC tooneet!🙏

THE TOON V THE ARSE *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Saturday 1st May 2021

THE STRAWBERRY BALCONY WITH THE 'STRAWBERRY CORNER' OF THE GALLOWGATE END AND EAST STAND TO THE LEFT

"WE COULDN'T GET MUCH CLOSER!"---COULD WE!?"

NUFC divvint play til tomorrow at '2:00 bells', so aall eyes will be on the Chelski v Fulim game, which kicks off at teatime today!

A Chelski win will give us a 'free hit' tomorrow, but a Fulim win will reduce the gap between us and them to 6 points and will have us nervously lookin ower wor shoulders!

Even a draw would be a canny result with games runnin oot!

Joe Willock cannit play for us of course az Chelski are hiz parent club, but top scorer Callum Wilson iz fit and hopefully Brucey will play him from the start!

The Arse are not playin very well and sit 10th in the table.

They lost 2-1 to Villarreal in the forst leg of the Europa Leegue semi final on Thorsday and might, just might, play a weakened team, with the 2nd leg next week! (The winners of the competition qualify for the Champions Leegue next season!)

The Toon are unbeaten in wor last 5 home games, winnin' 2 and drawin' 3 and have lost just 1 oot of the last 8, while The Arse have won just 1 of their last 5 games!

However, we have aalready lost twice away to them in January (0-2 in the FA Cup and 0-3 in the Leegue)

We will be watching the game on The Strawberry balcony again, which iz within 'hocklin' distance' of The Gallowgate End---We couldn't get much closer withoot actually bein inside the groond!

A full Geordie Times match and drinks report will appear here sometime on Munday!----Az per usual--"Watch this space!"

Updated on '10:31am bells' Sunday

Chelski beat Fulim 2-0, which meenz they must win 3 of their last 4 games and NUFC must lose AALL of wor last 5 for them to catch us!

A win or a draw today v The Arse shud be enough to secure safety!🙏

(West Brom don't play Wolves til Munday and shud they lose they will surely be relegated!)

THE STRAIN OF THE TRAIN--IT REEELY IZ A PAIN!

 Posted '12:46pm bells' Friday 30th April 2021

  KING'S CROSS  ➡️➡️➡️   

  "SORRY! FULLY BOOKED!"

Mee mate 'Sarnie Steve' (coz he always carries a bag of sarnies on away trips!) booked 4 train tickets for wor away game at Fulim, when they said some away fans would be allowed in! (We took a gamble that we might get some of them!)

Then they said only home fans would be able to attend, so he cancelled the tickets with a £10 cancellation fee, last week!

Now we hear that 500 away fans WILL be allowed, but the trains are now fully booked, az yoo need a seat reservation to travel!

"YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!"

**************************

IMAGINE!?

In other news

Here iz a photo of Dunston chairman cum waiter Malcolm 'Manuel' James serving beer to loyal fans behind the goal at 'The Tea Hut End' last Saturday!

Can yoo imagine NUFCs MD Lee 'Penfold' Charnley deein' the same for Toon fans at SJP???

PS: Dunston's beer garden iz open between '2 bells'🔔🔔and '6 bells'🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔this Saturday az well! 🍺🍺🍺🍺

Aall welcome at this 'liquid lubrication location'! Loads of spare space for!---🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

"SNAKES IN THE GRASSSSSSS 2!"

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Thorzday 29th April 2021

"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

THE GEORDIE TIMES MAIN PIC FROM 22nd APRIL

*West Ham co owner Karren Brady speaks oot aboot the so caalled 'big six's'? attempt to run a European cartel! 

THE MAGNIFICENT 7!

 Posted '10:44am bells' Wedinzday 28th April 2021

*5 weeks ago the smb were in a 12 game undefeated streak and heedin' for automatic promotion from Leegue 1 to The Championship.

 NUFC on the other hand were in a 2 wins in 21 streak and heedin for The Championship in the other direction!

The mackems were full of themsels and couldnt resist a dig that we would be meetin' once again next season!

They even drove to SJP with a missspelllt home made banner and displayed it ootside wor main entrance!

5 weeks later they have went 7 games withoot a win and cannit now win automatic promotion after their defeat to the mighty Blackpool at the SOS last neet!---The playoffs beckon yet again!

NUFC though, have put a 7 game streak of wor own, losin just once in the process to propel us 9 points from the relegation zone!

Of course the mackems could still come up through the playoffs (IF they dont lose their last 2 Leegue games) and we could still be mathematically relegated should WE lose wor remainin games and Fulim win theirs!----

These 2 scenarios are now highly unlikely together!

Can't see any smb banners ootside SJP now ---can yoo? 

*

*What gans aroond comes aroond!

YOO CAN'T BEAT BLACKPOOL THIS TIME OF YEAR! (NUFC360 TWITTER)

IT'S PLONKY TIME FOLKS!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Munday 26th April 2021

THERE ARE BAR BILLS!---AND BAR BILLS!!!

4 Toon mates celebrated wildly in The Strawberry, opposite SJP on Sunday, followin wor 1-1 draw v Liverpoool on Saturday, which virtually guarantees NUFC safety from the dreaded drop!

They got a very big shock when they asked for the tab bill after 44 pints between them!!! "Hic!"🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺"Hic!!!!"

Who says we are aall 'plonkies'? 

                          The end game!--get the £20 notes oot!

THE LIVERBIRDS 1 THE TOON 1 ***,PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th April 2021

96th minute equaliser from Joe Willock! (Just to the right of the penalty spot!)

"FROM UTTER JOY TO ABJECT DISPAIR TO UTTER JOY!"

For the forst time in 5 months aa woz able to watch a match at a pub, rather than watch on mee laptop at home!

We managed to book 6 seats on the Strawberry's ootside balcony, within hockling distance of The Gallowgate stand!

Within 3 minutes of sitting doon with mee pint of John Smith's disaster struck when Salah scored on the turn to put the Mickey Mousers 1-0 up!

We feared a hammering at this point, but we stuck in and had a few good chances to equalise, but couldn't make the breakthrough!

The not so good view of the big screen az the sun deflects off the glass!

Dubravka in the Toon goal woz in top form and denied Liverpoool on a couple of occasions and we went in 1-0 at the break!

We fought tooth and nail in the 2nd period and again Dubravka woz wor savior with some excellent saves!

The drama came right at the end and deep into stoppage time, when Wilson scored a dramatic equaliser at The Anfield Road End!--We were in utter joy az pints were spilled and chairs knocked ower in the celebrations!

And then abject dispair az VAR ruled the goal oot az the baall had come off Wilson's arm!

Within a minute of aall this, Joe Willock scored with a wicked deflection az the Strawberry went ballistic once again!

It could anly happen to us!

Willock iz hugged by Brucey etc!

PS: The draw takes NUFC 9 points clear of the relegation zone and with games runnin' oot for the othaa teams below us, we are more or less safe, hopefully?

The view of The Gallowgate Stand from wor seats!

THE GOOD NEWS WEEK CONTINUES!

 Posted 'high noon bells' St. George's Day, Friday 23rd April 2021

Last neet Fat Sam the Ugly Man's West Brom lost 3-0 at Lestaa and on Wedinzday Sooothampton lost at Sporz.

Brightin aalso dropped 2 point on Tuesday, makin it a canny week aall roond for The Toon in the battle to avoid the drop!

We are 11 points clear of West Brom, 1 point clear of Brightin and just 1 point behind Sooothampton, who are in free fall!

NUFC play forst ower the weekend, when we heed to Anfield tomorrow at '12:30 bells' to play ex European Super Leegue club Liverpoool!

Fulim, who are 8 points adrift of us divvint even play coz they were due to play one of the Leegue Cup finalists (Chelski or Man City)(don't know which one?)

Anything against The Liverbirds will be a bonus and unbelievably they have won just 1 of their last 8 home games!(the last one)

"Defend! Defend! Defend!"

With just 6 games to gan, teams aroond us are running oot of games fast! (Fulim anly have 5 to save themsels)

We will be watching on from The Strawberry 🍓 balcony beer garden next to SJP, az we managed to get a few seats booked next to the telly!

A full match report from wor balcony seats will appear here--eventually!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

"SNAKES IN THE GRASSSSSSS!"

🐍 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 22nd April 2021 🐍

Would NUFC have joined the ESL, if invited?

Make nee misstayk, yoo could bet your 'bottom dollar' that wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller' would have crawled ower broken glass to join the ESL, IF we'd been invited!

Az would the 'Brady Bunch' West Ham owners, Gold, Sullivan and Brady! (plus a few others!)

So let's not take the moral high groond and admit that it could've been 'us' az well!

The apologies by the Yank owners at Man U and Liverpoool were pathetic, hollow and NOT believable and have fuelled even more fan outrage, az it haz at the other 4 'snake in the grass' clubs, with angry protests at each and every one of them!

Top marks to aall of them!

They hadn't figured on the reaction and fury that AALL fans felt from Liverpoool to Manchester and London and beyond the so caalled 'big six'?

It will be very interestin indeed to see if Masters and hiz cronies at the PL meet out any punishment for these 'six poisonous snakes!???

Or will they 'chicken oot'🐔 and not dee anything at aall!?

Anly time will tell in this sorry 48 hour saga!

NO SURRENDER TO THE ESL! 🏳

 Posted '2:22am bells' Wedinzday 21st April 2021

FINE DINING AT THE TOP TABLE!

PROPER LOYAL FANS 6! 🏁  

FAT GREEDY PIGS 0! 🏳

So, just 48 hours after it woz annoonced, the self proclaimed 'super 6' Inglish club founder members, became former founder members of the 12 strong European Super Leegue!

Fan power woz the reason for the collapse after Chelski's Stamford Bridge groond woz besieged by angry fans before their leegue encounter with Brightin last neet and within 4 hours of the Chelski protests aall 6 clubs surrendered to the fan pressure!

The day before, fans protested ootside Anfield, Old Trafford and Elland Road, where Liverpoool were playin Leeedz

It woz reeely pleasin' to see fans of the clubs involved in the closed shop, comin' oot to try and stop it!---And they succeded!

Well done lads and lasses----Futbaall fans united!

Anyone who thought for one second that this cartel would work, woz way off the mark and sadly mistaken!

This iz NOT America where franchises are common and relegation iz unhord of! 

And of course the 2 main protagonists who own Liverpoool and Man United are American billionaires who thought they could do az they do in the USA and have a cartel in the UK!

To have 12 'elite'? clubs decide who could or couldn't join their party woz ridiculous, unworkable and patronizing!

The six Inglish clubs who joined will now face the wrath of their fans, who simply won't forgive or forget their self centred interest to control European futbaall with their pure greed!

"NO SURRENDER TO THE ESL!" 🏁

Wor 'little sister' 'The Times of London's front page today!

STOP PRESS!

THE SMBs have just annonnced their own closed shop leegue!