THE HAZBEENZ & VILLANS V THE TOON **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Saturday 23rd January 2021 (Kick off '8:00 bells'---Live from wor laptop)

* Geordie Times predictions: NUFC 33% possession***3 shots on target***We never predict the score!

*Will be updated az the goals gan in! (If any!) and any major incidents

12th minute--goal  to Villa!---Watkins after bad Schar misstayk! 1-0 doon!

Commentator: NUFC have had 68 corners this season and scored ONCE!

goal: Traore 42nd minute 2-0 doon!

HT possession 40%

One shot on target-- a weak effort from Almiron in 4th minute! Az Bruce the excuse would say,  "This is shite!"

Commentator: NUFC havent won any of their last 19 away games when they have went behind! 

Whatever Bruce has said at half time hasn't had the desired effect!

We're aheed on something anyway--14 fouls to 2 up!🤪

64th minute  Saint Max warming up!

Too little too late!

Commentator: Bruce is wondering who to take off, when he could take any of them off!

Carroll off for Saint Max in 70th minute

Commentator: Carroll has scored one goal in his last 47 appearances!

FT lost 2-0   0 shots on target in the 2nd half!

Thats 5 game played in 2021   5 defeats, 1 goal!

0 wins in the last 10 games
1 goal scored in the last 8 games---and Bruce says he iz pleased and encouraged by the latest performance???

IZ HE TAKIN' THE P*SS??? 

THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLANS V THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted '2:16pm bells' Saturday 23rd January 2021

 "JUST LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING!"

Toooneet at '8 bells' we heed for Villa Park, or shud I say the team does, while we heed for wor tellys and laptops in wor hooses to watch on! (in trepidation!)

Just wot formation and line up Bruce will use for this game, is anybody's guess??? (Chuck 10 possible formations in the air and pick the first one that hits the groond!)

News that wor 'beloved owner'? 'The Fat Controller', iz panickin' a bit, reaches us, az we slide doon the table towards the relegation zone---and az a result, Bournemoooth's number 2 Graeme Jones iz (predicted) to 'assist' Bruce and hiz coachin' team!

We can see where 'The Fat Controller' iz comin' from!--- He can't afford to sack old 'Broken Nose' and hiz backroom staff, so he haz told Bruce that he iz bringin' in somebody to try and change things, before it's tooo late----whether he likes it or not! (Bruce says he iz in full agreement with this, but readin' between the lines, he iz just towin' the line to keep hiz job and save face!)

At the end of the day (apart from gettin' dark!) Bruce iz just a puppet on a string, like wor MD, Penfold!

                     

             More 'Brucey' news from Twitter and The papers

BRUCE HAZ A SARCASTIC DIG AT RAFA!

(RAFA HAZ LEFT CHINAA AND IZ LOOKIN 

FOR A POST IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE!)

INSERT THE FIVE LETTER WORD THAT IZ MISSIN'!

A full Geordie Times Laptop match report will appear here sometime later!

530 DAYS OF DEAFENIN' SILENCE!

 Posted '1:47pm bells' Friday 22nd August 2021

On the 11th August 2019 in the club programme v Arsenal, wor beloved? MD said that NUFC would communicate more with fans!

Since that day, some 530 days ago, we have hord ABSOLUTLEEE NOTHIN'!

He said then: "We want to communicate clearly and proactively and I accept we need to do more, moving forward and to let the fans know where we are heading collectively!" (The Championship at this rate!)

He went on: "That goes beyond the responsibility of just head coach or manager in isolation!" (In other words, they wernt gannin to leave Bruce az the sole 'spokesman' for NUFC!---But that's EXACTLY what they have done!)

"We want to give you more of an insight into what happens across the club, and you will therefore be hearing more from me, as you are today, over the season!" (We have never hord anothaa word from him at aall, since then!)

Hollow words indeed, from a hollow regime!

530 DAYS---AND COONTIN'!   

MORE TV MISERY AHEED!

 Posted '2:50pm bells' at Woolley Edge truck park, M1 southbound, Wedinzday 20th January 2021

*OH NO!   THIS MEEENZ THAT WE HAVE TO WATCH EVEN MORE OF THIS CRAP!😳

MEEENWHILE IN OTHAA NEWS!

*TV HORROR SHOW TIMES FOR FEBRUARY

TUE 2ND, PALLISS, SJP, 8:15 BELLS, BT

MON 15TH, CHELSKI, AWAY, 8 BELLS, SKY

SUN 22ND, MOAN U, AWAY, 7 BELLS, BT

TO BE CONFORMED

SOOOTHAMPTON, SJP 

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ, SJP

THE ARSE 3 THE TOON 0 ***;PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '10:34pm bells' Tuesday 19th January 2021

"WE'RE STILL SH*TE, STEVE!---AND YOO KNOW WE ARE!"

'Broken Nose Bruce' made 8 changes from the startin line up who played at Sheff U last week and he promised an attacking 4-4-2 formation after caallin' the team shite in the   1-0 defeat in Sheffeeeld!

However, we had NEE shots on target in the first half against The Arse and just ONE weak effort in the 2nd half!

The gloves are off! Eh?

We matched Arsenal for the first FIVE MINUTES!---and that woz it!---az the norf London side inflicted a not unexpected 3-0 defeat on Brucey's boys!--and it shud have been many more!

That's NINE games in aall competitions withoot a win and anothaa 'blank' scoresheet!.

Yet another different formation!--same result!

Nothin more to say except that if 'The Fat Controller' doesn't sack Bruce forthwith, then a 3rd retorn to The Championship in little ower 10 years will be a foregone conclusion!

After the match Bruce stated the bleeedin obvious!

"To win a match we have to score a goal!"

REEELY???

THE ARSE V THE TOON **** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 18th January 2021

"WILSON!--FRASER!"--WATCH OUT FOR THE HAND GRENADE!"

NUFC heed for Islington(norf London)for the 2nd time in little more than a week after wor 2-0 FA Cup exit to The Arse the last time we were here!

Wor beleagered heed coach haz said that, "He saw nothing wrong with them at Arsenal!" In the one sided 2-0 extra time defeat, which ended wor run for trophies in the very first week of 2021

He's deluded!---nothing wrang???? We lost 2-0 for God's sake and had TWO shots on goal in 120 minutes!

That's ONE shot an hour on target by wor brilliant calculations!

He aalso says that "The hand grenade woz thrown!" In wor disastrous defeat at Sheff U last Tuesday! (that's '8 games in a row' withoot a win!)

Let's get real!---if we get anything oot of tooneets game then Bruce will probably dee a lap of honour aroond the 60,000 empty red seats, such is his desperation to pick any crumbs of comfort, that may come hiz way!

'Yours truly' is workin' and will have to listen on, on mee truck radio, as aa battle mee way up the empty M1 through the Midlands and Yorkshire on mee way back to Tyneside! (not much traffic theeeze days, due to the lockdoon!)

Aall Toon fans desperately want the team to turn the tide, but deep in wor hearts, we fear the worst tooneet!

Pleeeze prove me and the thoosands of fans wrang, lads!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here---eventually!

AN INTERVIEW WITH BROKEN NOSE BRUCE *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Sunday 17th January 2021

'The Toon's heed coach 'Broken Nose Bruce' speaks exclusively to 'The Geordie Times' and gives his thoughts on a very difficult fixture list we have had ower the last month!

Tomorrow we face The Arse again at The Emirates Stadium in norf London and we will bring yoo a match report on the game, second hand, first!

Az per usual watch this space!-----eventually!

BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'S LATEST STATEMENT MAKES STAGGERIN' READIN'!

 Posted '1:05pm bells' Sunday 17th January 2021 🐍

"IT'S A GAME OF SNAKES AND LADDERS!--

AND NUFC ARE THE SNAKES!"🐍

The Geordie Times haz an excluuusive interview with Bruce, live from '6:00pm bells' this evenin'!

Divvint miss it, whatever yoo do!

Watch this space at teatime!

A MATHEMATICAL GENIUS!---OR A 2 FACED LIAR!?

 Posted '7:47pm bells' Saturday 16th January 2021

Quiz question--yoo have 5 seconds to answer!

How many days are there between 31st October and 16th January?  

If you got the answer of 71 days in 5 seconds yoo are a mathimatical genius!

If yoo cheated and counted the days on a calendar and said you'd got the answer in 5 second, then yoo are a 2 faced liar!

See below to see wot the then sund'lind manager Broken Nose Bruce said when we slaughtered them 5-1  in the Halloween derby massacre on October 31st 2010!

Note that Bruce says, "It's 71 days til the next derby at "OUR PLACE", not that we are counting!" (How did he know that it woz 71 days if he didn't count them?) --and he went on, "It was typical of THAT club's etiquette!"---

A boyhood NUFC fan my arse!

The retorn game woz on the 16th January 2011 (1-1), but Bruce woz sacked soon after the 5-1 thrashing and never got his revenge on NUFC! (Until now!)

 10 years later, he IZ gettin hiz REVENGE now az manager of us, with his terrible, defensive, so boring, non scorin futbaall!

He has said he will never walk away from a job!

But he DID walk the walk from Sheff Wed to come here----plus many other teams like Hull and Bormingham!

In other words he talks complete tosh and hiz broken nose does seem a lot longer these days!

Results of the teams below us divvint make good readin today, as WBA and Brightin won away but Fulim who occupy the 3rd relegation place, lost 1-0 to Chelski in the evenin kick off!-- meaning that we are still 7 points above them in 15th place!

It's pathetic that once again we praying for the basement clubs to lose, but we can anly save worsels at the end of the day!

(NUFC divvint play The Arse away til Munday neet!)

"NO 'FUN' AT AALL!"---"THE GLOVES ARE OFF!"

 Posted '8:00pm bells Friday 15th January 2021

"THE GLOVES ARE OFF!", SAYS BRUCE---HAVE YOO SEEN THE ADVERT ON THE LEFT!---YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!

*'Broken Nose Bruce' haz come oot with a quite amazin' statement after bein' ridiculed aboot recent performances!

Says he hazzint been assured aboot hiz position by wor MD known affectionatly az 'Penfold' by Toon fans! 

IN CASE YOUR WONDERIN'---THE '88' IZ FOR THE PERCENTAGE POSSESSION THAT SHEFF U HAD IN THE 2nd HALF!

Iz this the 'end game' for him now?---Lets hope so or else 'The Championship' beckons yet again!