NUFC TAKEOWER REJECTED BY PREMYAA LEEGUE!

 Posted '8:47pm bells' Wedinzday 9th September 2020

Updated Thorsday

A STATEMENT FROM NUFC

"IT AINT OVER YET!"

Updated Thorsday

A reply from The Premyaa Leegue

(This never endin saga 

just gans on! and on! and on! and --!)

TOON ARE ON THE TELLY! (PLUS PLAYERS NUMBERS FOR 2020-2021)

 Posted '7:20pm bells' Wedinzday 9th September 2020

Updated Friday

After prolonged protests, AALL the Premyaa Leegue games in September WILL be televised and NUFCs forst game away to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham will now be shown by SKY at '8:00 bells' on Saturday neet!

The plan iz to gan to Whitley Bay on Saturday afternooon, for their FA Cup preliminary roond tie against 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston at '3:00pm bells' and then 'onward' to somewhere like Tynemoooth or North Sheeelds to watch us on the telly in some boozer!

Wor othaa 2 Premyaa Leegue fixtures in September against Brightin at home, will now be played on Sunday 20th September at '2:00 bells' (SKY) and finally, wor away game at Sporz will now be shown on Munday 28th September with a '6:00 bells kick off time!

BEEN CHANGED: The Sporz game will now take place on Sunday 27th September with a '2:00 bells' kick off!---Live on SKY

However there are NEE PLANS to televise wor Leegue Cup tie at home to *Bleakburn Rovers next Wedinzday! (Anybody got a 'dodgy pirate box'?) 

*This isnt a missprintt---It IZ a 'bleak place'!

Meanwhile the squad numbers for the new season have been released!

Players in heavy type are new players and current players who have changed numbers from last season!

3 DEALS DONE, MORE TO GAN?

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Munday 7th September 2020

Updated '7:00pm bells'

Updated '7:00pm bells' Tuesday

Signin fee £20 million!

          4 year deal

         A decent striker at last!

      And his 'side-kick' as well!

And from Norwich for £15million

 

HEATON STAN 1 CARLISLE CITY 1 *** NORTHERN LEEGUE DIVISION 2

 Posted '7:45pm bells' Sunday 6th September 2020

"SING IN THE GREENHOOSE!"

Coz we couldn't gan to watch The Toon v Stoke at SJP, we heeded for the east end of Toon to watch Heaton Stannington play Carlisle City in a Northern Leegue encoontaa!

Originally we had planned to gan to Scotswood in the west end of Toon, to watch Blue Star play Winlaton Vulcans in The Northern Alliance, but the game woz a complete selloot with a restricted capacity of 300!

There were aboot the same number at Heaton, which iz aboot double wot they normally get, thanx to the 'lock oot' at St. James'! (4 of us present were NUFC season ticket holders!)

The clubhoose woz deein a roarin trade and a pint of 'White Rat' woz consumed az soon az aa could get mee hands on it!

'Stan' play in black n white stripes, az do Blue Star and a certain othaa team who hail from NE1 !

'Stan' took the lead orly on when CHUF hit a shot which took a wicked deflection, leavin Carlisle's keeper stranded! (eh!--it shud be noted that aall the Heaton players had 'CHUF' on the back of their shirts!---they aall must be related?)

It woz a canny game with the home side on top at the beginnin', but the visitors from Cumbria wouldn't give up and eventually equalised orly in the 2nd half when 'mystery man' heeded home from 1 yard oot (they had numbers but nee names and aa couldn't make oot just who had scored for them?)

It shud be noted that the Carlisle keeper made some excellent saves and they could have won it at the death when one of their forwards missed an open goal from 2 yards oot!

One of the quirks of this groond iz that the surrounding hooses back onto the grass bank behind the left hand goal and opposite the main stand and clubhoose!

GREENHOOSE NUMBER 'ONE' IN THE FAR CORNER

There were TWO greenhooses on the grass bank and one green fingered gardener woz tending hiz tomato plants az the game progressed! (Honest!)

CAN YOO SPOT GREENHOOSE NUMBER 'TWO'?

("HOWS THE TOMATO PLANTS, LIKE?") 

At half time a'd went back to the clubhoose for some more 'White Rat', but they had sold oot of that and othaa beers and anly had one choice left---'Catzpsss'(or whatever it woz caalled?), which of course aa got before THAT selt oot!

"We didnt expect that many to come!", said one of their committee men---"We've had a great day and a great crowd!" (258 actually+1 green fingered gardener!) 

This woz the one added 'bonus' for them, az 'we' wornt able to watch The Toon and instead, spend wor cash there! (There were quite a few Toon fans in attendance coz of the lock oot 2 miles away!)

A canny day oot at 'Stan', but to spoil it of course NUFC had lost 1-0 to Stoke at SJP!

More pix

THE TOON 0 THE P*SS POTTERS OF STOKE 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '10:42am bells' Sunday 6th September 2020

TOON IN YELLOW!

(PICTURE 'NICKED' FROM ELSEWHERE!)

"YELLOW PERIL!"

For the 2nd time in a week NUFC lost to a Championship team who were fightin relegation to the 3rd tier last season, when we went doon 1-0 to Stoke at a deserted St. James' Park yesterday afternooon!

With "3 irons in the fire!", 'Broken Nose Bruce' needs to get hiz finger oot sharpish to sign them, or else wor fate will be yet anothaa relegation battle!

Of course we wornt there, and have to take reports from elsewhere to write this piece!---Othaa clubs provided 'live streams' to their fans while wors posted  a handful of video clips!!! ("Wow!")

By aall accounts we didnt play well (again!) and wor visitors took the lead in the 19th minute when Tommy Smith centred across the box for Clucas to heed home past Darlo in The Toon goal!

It woz a dreadful game and it petered oot with nee sign of us scorin' and The P*ss Potters held on to "take the p*ss!" and win the game!

After the game Bruce said: "The good part today is we picked up no injuries!"  (7 players are 'crocked' and couldnt play!)

Good old 'Broken Nose', aalways looks on the positive side!

Just SIX days to gan til the big opener away to 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham in east London, which of course iz behind closed doors, with NEE telly coverage to watch from wor homes, bars and clubs!

(Mebeez it's just az well!) 

Footnote: Wor U23s went doon 4-1 to non leegue York at Benton!

3 of Yorks 4 goals were scored by 'trialists'!!!!

PS: Because we couldnt watch The Toon at home we ended up at Heaton Stannington in the east end of the Toon to watch their game v Carlisle City in The Northern Leegue!

A match report on THAT game will appear here later today!

"COME IN NUMBER 16!"

The draw for the 2nd AND 3rd roond of The Leegue Cup takes place at 2:00 bells' this afternooon and iz live on Sky Sports!

Teams to avoid include Newport, Fleetwood and Northampton away, az we have never been to those groonds to watch The Toon and az the games are behind closed doors we wouldnt be able to gan (In my case the last time aa missed a competitive game on a new groond woz 41 years ago!)

"Watch this space" to see just who we get after '2:00 bells'

BAD BLUE BOYS 2 THE HIGHWAYMEN 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '11:07am bells' Saturday 5th August 2020

Scott Hislop scores Dunston's winner!

"HIGHWAYMEN ROBBED!"

Last neet Dunston beat Morpeth 2-1 in a pre season friendly at UTS Stadium (aka Federation Park)

To be fair 'The Highwaymen' were robbed (sic!) and didnt deserve to lose, after missin TWO penalties in eethaa half, both saved by Liam Connell in 'The Bad Blue Boys' goal!

Dunston took the lead in the 32nd minute through Scott Heslop who hit a fine loopin' shot ower the keepers heed and into the net at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' (see explanation below!)

A penalty to Morpeth woz then saved by Liam Connell at 'The Tea Hut End' from a Liam Noble, when he dived to the reet! 

But The Highwaymen from Morpeth did hit back bang on the half time whistle when Johnson fired home!

And then the winnin' goal from Scott Heslop in the 72nd minute, caught on camera by 'little old me' (see top photo)

Scott hit a bullet heeder past their keeper and defenders to put 'The Bad Blue Boys' 2-1 up, to loud cheers from the Dunston faithful!

Anothaa penalty miss for Morpeth then followed near the end at 'The Dunston Rocketless End' (there used to be a tower block at this end that looked like a space rocket--now demolished!)

Connell again guessed  reet and again dived the reet way to save the day to deny Morpeth's Noble for a 2nd time!

A fine win in the end against a team who are in a higher division and who had won aall 6 of their previous friendlies!

Highway robbery?---YOO BET!

Attendance: 200 or so, includin a handful of Highwaymen!

PS: Today NUFC are takin' on Stoke at SJP at '1:00pm bells'---unfortunatteleee it's behind closed door again and so we need to find anothaa game for wor Saturday 'fix'

Newcasil Blue Star who play in the 'west end' Scotswood district woz wor forst choice, but amazingleee aall 300 tickets have been snapped up and it's a complete sell-oot!

SO!--plan 'B' iz to gan to the othaa side of The Toon and watch Heaton Stannington v Carlisle City instead in the 'east end'!

A match report of both the NUFC game and Heaton game will appear here eventually!

We will bring yoo the Toon score az it happens---so watch this space this afternooon!

Updates from '1:00 bells'

THE TOON 0 v 1 THE P*SS POTS OF STOKE 

Latest score 

"THEY'RE HERE, THEY'RE THERE, THEY'RE EVERY F****N' WHERE!, EMPTY SEATS, EMPTY SEATS!" (38,148 actually!)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th December 2020

"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

A Company caalled 'Liberty Games' haz worked oot how things would look with a one metre social distancing measure at aall Premyaa Leegue groonds for the comin' season!

In wor case St. James' Park would anly be able to hold 14,240--- a reduction of 38,148!

In the wake of the Premyaa Leegue cancellin' the £564 million contract to a Chinese TV firm, (coz they refused to pay the last instaalment of £160 million coz of the coronavirus epidemic), this would leave AALL top flight clubs with anothaa heedache to contend with!---And remember!-- az well az the Saudi NUFC takeower fiasco, Masters and hiz cronies TORNED DOON a mega offer from the Saudis for a TV deal!

Below iz a list of 'new' predicted capacities for Premyaa Leegue clubs (It's frightenin'!)   Nee away fans allowed in eethaa!

Moan U: From 75,653 to 20,519

Sporz: From 62,062 to 19,890

The Arse: From 60,260 to 16,400

The Jellied Eels Mob: From 60,000 to 16,330

The Blue Moonies: From 55,097 to 14,990

The Liverbirds: From 54,074 to 14,710

The Toon: From 52,388 to 14,240

The Hazbeenz & Villians: From 42,660 to 11,610

Chelski: From 41,798 to 11,370

The Toffee Noses: 39,571 to 10,770

Leedz: 39,460 to 10,740

The Blade Runners: 32,702 to 8,900

Sooothamptin: 32,505 to 8,840

The Basil Brush Brigade: 32,313 to 8,790

Wolverhamptin Wanabeez: 31,700 to 8,620

Nee Where Near Brightin: 30,750 to 8,360

The Baggie Trooosers: 26,287 to 7,150

Cristil Palliss: 26,074 to 7,090

The Cottage Pie Mob: 25,700 to 6,990

The Bornley Hillbillies: 21,401 to 5,820

And just HOW will they aall work oot who can get in and who cannit?

The Prawn Sandwich Brigade:  DEFIATLEEE!

Lang torn season ticket holders: PROBABLY!

One year season ticket holders: LOTTERY!

Casual fans who gan to the odd few games: NEE CHANCE!

THE GEORDIE TIMES DIARY FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS!

 Posted '8:15am bells' Thorzday 3rd September 2020

Az we are unable to gan to any NUFC games this weekend includin the resorves and juniors, we are heedin for the Dunston v Morpeth friendly on Friday neet and then onward across the Tyne to Scotswood on Saturday afternooon, where Newcasil Blue Star are takin on Winlaton Vulcans!

It's ironic to say the least that just 3 miles away from Scotswood, NUFC are playin Stoke at St James Park on the same afternoon as the Blue Star game, but of course its behind closed doors and we cannit gan!😬

And then next Munday wor forst team faces the Smoggies of Boro at Benton and we will nee doubt be seeking revenge for the 5-1 humiliation at Boro's trainin groond 2 days ago!

A Geordie Times match report on aall the games will appear here--- eventually!

Az we cannit watch the 2 Toon games, we will have to dee reports by watchin clips on youtube etc! (Great---EH?) 

Update Thorsday at '6:50pm bells'

Just hord    Wor game against The Smoggies on Munday haz been cancelled (We mustn't want anothaa 5 goal hammerin'!)

PS: Smoggies manager Neil Warnock said the followin (or words to this effect!):

"Poor Steve (Bruce), he's got 7 players injured and doesnt want to risk some more with an extra friendly!"

SEVEN players injured ?---Aalready????

SMOG MONSTERS 5 THE TOON 1 *** FRIENDLY

 Posted '6:30pm bells' Tuesday 1st September 2020

TOON ON THE ROCKS AT ROCKLIFFE!

NUFC were soundly thrashed by Championship nobodies Middlesbrough at their Rockliffe Park trainin groond this afternooon

ASM scored wor anly goal az Lascelles woz sent off with a Boro player!

There woz nee sign again of Joelinton or Muto, with just 11 days til the big kick off at West Ham on Saturday week!

Sorry yet again for nee propaa match report or pix, but beleeeve it or not, they wouldn't let us in!

We play The P*ss Pots of Stoke on Saturday at SJP (BCD) and then the Smog Monsters in the '2nd leg' at Benton next week! (Wonder if we can pull the deficit back?)

THE SMOG MONSTERS V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '11:40am bells' Tuesday 1st September 2020

The 3rd of wor 4 pre season forst team games takes place at '1:00pm bells' today at Boro's Rockcliff trainin groond at Hurworth near Darlo!

Yet again its behind closed doors in a now familiar pattern that we are aall sadly used to now! (However, we HAVE been there before to watch NUFCs youth teams, many moons ago!)

The Geordie Times az ever will bring yoo, wor loyal reeders news of the game and team line ups when we find oot!

PS: Last month we recorded ower 11,000 page views for the 2nd month runnin, which are the anly 2 times that we have got to 5 figures in the last 10 years!

Not bad for a daft website which iz advert free! 

ie: We dee it for NOWT and for the luv of NUFC and non Leegue futbaall!

Don't yoo just hate othaa websites that have those annoyin' pop up adverts etc to distract yoo!

We promise to keep it advert free for the foreseeable future!

Geordie Times: Last 6 months pageviews:

March: 8,054

April: 7,147 

May: 7,806 

Joon: 8,249 

July: 11,788 

August: 11,173