CREWE ALEX V THE TOON *** FRIENDLY

Posted '8:03am bells' Tuesday 25th August 2020

Updated '7:00pm bells'

This afternooon at '2:00 bells' NUFC play wor forst pre season game at wor trainin camp at York Ethelburga's Collegiate, v Crewe!

Az expected the game iz behind closed doors!(Which is just as well, coz its p*ssin doon az I write this!)

We welcome a new addition to wor squad, 28 year old Irish international midfielder Jeff Kendrick, but we dont know if he will take part in the game?

The Geordie Times will bring yoo the result and team line up az soon az we find oot!

Updated '7:00pm bells'

Alex 0  The Toon 3 (FT)

Goals from Carroll(1st half), Atsu and Fernandez (2nd half) secured this victory for The Toon in York behind closed doors!

This woz Carroll's 1st goal on his retorn to NUFC a year ago!

Mark Gillespie made his debut in goal in the first half (replaced by Darlow at half time) There woz nee sign of new signin' Jeff Hendrick--or Joelinton for that matter?

In total 23 players were used,

 11 in the forst half and 12 in the second half! (Gayle went off injured in the 63rd minute to be replaced by Barlaser)

NUFC aalso hit the goal frame 3 times as well!

TOON 23

Next up is Barnzleee at Darsley Park, Benton at '3:00 bells' on Saturday---again, behind closed doors of course!

PET SHOP BOYS BID FOR TOON! *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

 Posted '2:45pm bells' at Woodall services truckpark northbound, M1, Munday 24th August 2020

News reaches us that a £300 million bid for NUFC haz been lodged by the BN Group from Singapore who are said to be the fastest growin' conglomerate in the world!(whatever that meenz?)

They share premises with a PET SHOP, which iz on the top floor of a 4 story buildin' in the city state!

I'm not sayin that theres a 'rabbit' off' somewhere,(sic!) but if yoo share a buildin with a bloody pet shop, how much money have yoo reely got and how the hell will yoo get Ronaldo to sign for NUFC az you've promised???

BN Group speaking to Ronaldo:

"We're not in the Champions League, we're not even in the Europa League, but we did finish 13th in the Premier League and yoo could partner Joelinton in attack, who scored 2 goals in 38 League games last season!"

Geordie Times comment: "They are not even 'chancers', they're not THAT good!"

And as for that American gadgie!???

MORECAMBE V THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 3RD ROOND

 Posted '7:58am bells' Wedinzday 23rd September 2020

"TO LAUGH OR CRY--THAT IZ THE QUESTION!"

🤣 or 😭

NUFC play Morecambe away tooneet behind closed doors in the Leegue Cup! Luckily 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been here before (see ground 304 below)

If we get through to the 4th roond we wont be so lucky, as we will played Newport away and we have never been there before!

We wont be able to gan so I dont know wether to laugh or cry if we beat Morecambe!

WIDEOPEN 9 HEDDON UNITED 0 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE

 Posted '5:25pm bells' Saturday 22nd August 2020

(Updated Sunday)

"HADRIAN WILL NOT BE IMPRESSED!"

Emperor Hadrian

 

This woz mee forst live game since March (Toon away at Soothampton on the 6th and then Dunston away at Widnes on the 13th)

I travelled up to the northern outskirts of the Toon in 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer's 'jam jar'

The visitors from Heddon on the Wall (Hadrians wall) were totally outplayed in this game az WideOpen (yes! There is such a place!) dominated from start to finish!

To put it bluntly the Heddon defence woz 'wide open' as the appropriately named home side laid siege to the visitors goal. The Emperor Hadrian would not be impressed if he woz watchin from the clouds above!

WideOpen is to the north of Gosforth Park racecourse and their groond iz caalled Lockey Park and they play in the Northern Alliance 2nd division!   Whereaz Heddon United play in the Hexham & District Sunday Leegue

The groond consisted of a pitch with a metal fence aroond it, open to the elements with nee stands! (Luckily it wasnt rainin'!)

The goal glut woz az follows (deep breath!)

Goal 1: 15th minute: Shot across the box!

Goal 2: Goalie blunder to let WideOpen forward in for simple tap in in 20th minute

Goal 3: Another simple tap in from close range just 2 mins later

Goal 4: A great strike which gave the Heddon goalie nee chance! (See photo)

                                                                       The 4th goal!

Wide Open didnt have any

numbers on their blue

shirts, so we didn't have a

clue who scored their 

9 goals!  

(Nee team sheets eethaa, of course!)

HT 4-0 to WideOpen

Goal 5: A wide open goal for WideOpen after anothaa defensive blunder from the Heddon defence, just 2 mins after the restart!

Goal 6: Penalty, which woz hit doon the centre az the goalie dived to his right on the hour mark!

   Goal 6 from the penalty spot!

Goal 7: Another tap in from close range!

"BEWARE OF LOW FLYIN' PLANES!"

Just before the 7th goal the linesman, who woz a Heddon substitute, flagged for offside against WideOpen

The 'away' linesman in the orange Heddon strip!

(The linesman on the far side wore a blue Wide Open strip!)

It wasn't offside and the ref, who we naa caalled Barry said, "Iz there a plane comin' in?" (To nearby Newcasil Airport--and there WOZ!)

Goal 8: A free kick in the 70th minute from the edge of the box, woz fumbled by the Heddon goalie and the baall trickled into the net (NOT a good day for him!)

Goal 9: Bang on full time. A Shot across the box ended up in the far corner of the net with the Heddon goalie 'headin' in the wrang direction! (sic!)

'Official' attendance: (Accordin to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer') 36, plus 2 smaall doggies!

Amazingleee, this woz Blondie's 14th game of the season and 2nd today!

*PS: Had a look at WideOpen's twitter feed on Sunday mornin' and the goals were scored by: Beattie (hat-trick), Whittaker (hat-trick),  Desmond (2) and Norvell (1), but in which order, iz anybodys guess???

TRYERS, BUYERS AND LIARS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 21st August 2020

"OWER TO YOO,  AMANDA!"

The NUST (Newcasil United Supportaaz Trust) put questions to the Premyaa Leegue's cheef executive Richard 'Disaster' Masters yesterday aboot the takeower fiasco!

"The door is still open!" said Masters, when asked if the deal had been aborted!

"There is NO truth that othaa Premyaa Leegue 'big six' clubs put objections in, or influenced the owners and directors test!"

he added: We find that VERY HARD to believe?

The Buyin' party said that there were nee 'red flags' raised in the forst 9 weeks of the takeower!

Masters replied "That this was NOT true and the 'test' has no time limit!"

Put it this way, eethaa Masters iz tellin 'porkies', OR Amanda Staveley IZ!??

With 110,000 Toon fans signin' the 'e mail' for transparacy from the Leegue and 7,000 sendin 'e mails' to their MPs, of which ower 100 of them backed or wrote letters to Masters and Co., we reely DEE need Amanda and the PIF to say sommik!? (Az well az wor reluctant owner, 'The Fat Controller'!) (FAT chance of that!)

Amanda asked us to lobby the Premyaa Leegue, and we DID!

Amanda asked us to start a petition in favour of the takeower

and we DID!

Amanda asked us to send letters to wor local MPs and we DID!

We've done wor bit Amanda---we desperately need a reply!

Iz the deal still alive?---or iz it dead?

We the lang sufferin NUFC fans need to naa the answer!

ARE YOO LISTENIN', AMANDA!

Updated '1:00pm bells'

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

NUFC FIXTURES 2020-2021

 Posted '6:06pm bells' Thorsday 20th August 2020

The fixtures for the new season have been released and we are NOT playin' Leeedz away az reported by some tosspot!

Wor forst game IZ away, but 200 miles forthaa south, in west London against The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham!

(Not that we'll be able to gan, like!)

Then wor forst home game v Brightin, which will again be in an empty stadium, followed by anothaa trip to London to face Sporz at their new abode (Thankfully 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were here last season in wor forst ever visit to Tottenham Hotspor Stadium!)

And then in October, hopefully some fans will be allowed to see wor home games v Bornley and Moan United----But with an estimated 15,000 season ticket holders admitted, just who do they say will be able to attended az we have ower twice that number of ticket holders!?

A Wolves away game follows, but we fear that NEE away fans will be allowed for the foreseeable future! 

PS: Much more to follow when aa get time, like!

21 WEEKS & MORE TWISTS & TURNS!

 Posted '8:00am bells' (@ Ferrybridge, north Yorkshire)

Wedinzday 19th August 2020

Az reported on twitter!

21 weeks and coontin'

🖐🖐🖐🖐☝️

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEAR MISS!

Posted '7:09pm bells' Tuesday 18th August 2020

The draw for the EFL Trophy northern section woz made this afternooon and NUFC U21s will face the first teams of Bolton, Crewe and Shrewsbury, aall away from home!

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have been to aall 3 groonds, which is just as well as they are likely to be played behind closed doors!

We could have got Salford away behind closed doors,  a groond where have never seen the Toon play!  It woz a 'near miss'!

This would have been a disaster for aall of us who groundhop with the Toon and the sooner they let fans into games the better!

Dates and times of the above games to be conformed (not that we'll be able to gan, like!)

  

BNG TO SIGN RONALDO!

 Posted '9:22pm bells' Munday 17th August 2020

The BNG consortium say that they are serious bidders for NUFC and have said that they want to sign RONALDO!

Beleeeve that and yoo'll beleeeve that the Moon is made of cheese!

        AND HERE'S THE PROOF!

EFL TROPHY DRAW TOMORROW!

 Posted '8:08pm bells' Munday 17th August 2020

Tomorrow afternooon at '1:30 bells' the group draw for the EFL Trophy will be made on Talksport for the Premyaa Leegue sides who have entered it.

The northern groups have aalready been drawn for the lower leegue minnows (like the smb!)

There are 8 groups in the northern section, with 3 lower leegue clubs in each group, plus an 'invited' club from the Premyaa!

We can't be in group A coz the mackems are in that one and we will be kept apart til the knockoot stage!

Fleetwood are in that group and it's a huge sigh of relief that we wont play them, coz it might still be behind closed doors and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been there before and would miss a new groond, if it woz possible to draw them away!

However!  The anly othaa team in the northern section of the competition where we have never been tee, where we could gan, is Salford, who are in group B

If we draw them away, then there iz a good chance that we wouldn't get in, which would ruin the NUFC groundhoppers new grounds records, (gannin back 41 years in my case!)(Since I missed an NUFC game on a new groond!)

Of course fans might be able to gan to games in the near future, but with the 'bat out of hell' virus still active, this could aall change!

We will let yoo naa just which teams we will be facing as soon az we find oot!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"