MP SPEAKS AT LAST ABOOT TAKEOWER!

Posted '12:30pm bells Saturday 25th July 2020

MP for Gatesheed and an avid Toon fan Ian Mearns, who we know, has spoken at last aboot the NUFC takeower after FOWER MONTHS SILENCE!
The letter below woz written to Richard Masters, the cheef executive of The Premyaa Leegue a few days ago!
The letter woz aalso sent to Toon Central MP Chi Onwurah

*It seems to us that 'Mearnsy' is 'sitting on the fence', fearful of repercussions, whatever he says! (Just like Richard Masters!)

GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE! *** BRUCE HAZ SOMETHING IN THE PIPELINE!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Friday 24th July 2020

Sensational news reaches us aboot wot the future holds for NUFC!
Wor manager, 'Broken Nose Bruce' haz said "The longer you are in The Premier League, the bigger and better you become!" 
(Last season 13th place---this season 13th OR 14th place!?)
 With nee news whatsoever aboot the takeower, 'Broken Nose Bruce' haz aalso said that "We must plan for the future and move on!" and that he haz "Something in the pipeline!" as regards to future purchases!

HE WASN'T LYIN' EETHAA!

JOYOUS NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '7:37am bells' Thorsday 23rd July 2020

CEDRIC THE SWAN
(SWANZEE'Z MASCOT!)

Aa woz watchin SKY Sports news last neet on the last day of The Championship, az the results came in--and the great news for NUFC fans iz that Brentford failed to win automatic promotion!

Why am I SO happy with this news?
Well! Brentford are moving to a new groond next season!
Normally aa would be praying that they would win automatic  promotion and we would be playin them at their new abode, to tick off a new groond!

 BUT! of course, these are NOT normal times and we could well have faced them away early next season BEHIND CLOSED DOORS and therefore miss oot on a new groond--for the forst time in 41 years (The last time aa missed a competitive game on a 'new groond', in the UK or Europe!)

Of course Brentford ARE in the play offs, where they will play Swanzee in the semi finals and could well come up to 'The Premyaa' by winning the final at Wembley!

Therefore! 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be rooting for Swanzee, as of course we have been to their groond before and could just aboot bear 'the pain' of missin that game! (The pain of missin a game on a new groond would be unbearable!)

"Come on yoo Swanz"!

TOON IN LIMBO DANCER MODE!

Posted '9:53pm bells' Tuesday 21st July 2020

"HOW MUCH LOWER CAN THE BAR GET?!

With wor last game against The Liverbirds next Sunday and with the transfor window due to open a few days later, NUFC are STILL nee nearer forward with the takeower and are in complete limbo az to wot will eventually happen!?

It's shear incompetence to keep us in the dark and surely The Premyaa Leegues supremo haz made hiz minds up now after 4 lang months of torture!---SURELY!?

Neebody reeely naaz wot will happen, but if the takeower DOESNT happen, then we will gan on a doonward spiral for certain!-----More season ticket holders will jump ship, az well az the 10,000 who have aalready done so and 'social distancing' will not be a problem!, shud 'The Fat Controller' still be at the helm!

"Richard Masters, are yoo listening"???

Wor manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' 'finks' we are deein OK and woz 'delighted' with wor performance in the 0-0 draw with Brightin last neet? 
(Divvint naa of anybody else who 'finks' the same---ONE shot on target aall game and absolutleee nee entertainment on view for the NUFC Tellyhoppers, watchin from afar!) 

And then he added that it woz important to him to keep above Brightin in the table?----13th OK then?---BRIGHTIN??? wow!-- How low is THAT 'bar' and how far have wor expectations fallen in the last 13 years of 'The Fat Controller's 'reign'?
He aalso says that he would have taken the 44 points we have mustered at the start of the season! (ie: Avoid relegation at aall cost---attractive futbaall and trophies 'matter NOT'!)

Like we say, should the takeower fail, then we are in for yet anothaa winter of discontent for certain!

"SO FOR GODS SAKE MASTERS, PASS IT!"

NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '8:55pm bells' Munday 20th July 2020

A RARE TOON ATTACK AZ 'BREWDOG' WATCHES ON

(WE PLAYED IN WOR ORANGE CHANGE KIT)

The first half woz yet anothaa reason to hope (and pray!) that the takeower finally happens, as it woz enough to send yoo into a deep, deep sleep! "ZZZzzz!!!"

NEE shots on target and just one chance which Dwight Gayle heeded ower the bar into the away end!---Where WE shudiv been and not watchin on the telly 360 miles north of The Amex Stadium!

Brightin wornt much better and the game had nil-nil written aall ower it!
Brightin just needing one point to stay up and NUFC seemingly content to run oot a scoreless draw, with nowt to play for, except to try and finish in 12th place! (13th at the kick off!)

Almiron then had wor forst effort on target, which woz deflected roond the post by the Brightin keeper in the 50th minute!

And then the 'highlight' of the 2nd half!---A drinks break at Brightin!---and in wor hoose!, with Brewdog, mee faithful companion!

"A WELL ORND DRINKS BREAK!---IN WOR HOOSE, THAT IZ!"

Meanwhile in Maynooth, Ireland, a 'NUFC Mad-Sad Tellyhopper' caalled 'John from Ireland' (wot else?) haz a drinks break of anothaa kind!

"WE MUST BE 'POTTY' WATCHIN' THIS!"

The game predictably petered oot with subs Andy Carroll and Joelinton comin on for Gayle and Saint-Maximin!

A late heeder from Carroll just whizzed past the post, his 32nd Premyaa Leegue game in a row without scoring (accordin to the commentator!)

Az aa predicted, the game ended goalless, which meenz that the highest we can finish is 13th----wor average top flight position since 'The Fat Controller' bought us in 2007!

Anothaa reason for the takeower to gan through!
"PLEEEZE, GOD!"🙏

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Fernandez, Krafth, Rose, Bentaleb, Shelvey, Richie, Almiron (Lazaro 86), Gayle (Carroll 74), Saint-Maximin (Joelinton 74)

Official attendance in wor hoose: 'Me' and Brewdog and a bottle of 'DOG'! (Newcasil Broon Ale)

PS: We say 'Nee Where Near Brightin' az their groond iz in the middle of 'nee where'---miles from Brightin!)

"THEY'VE EVEN HOYED THE KITCHEN SINK IN TO TRY AND SINK US!"

Posted '10:40am bells' Sunday 19th July 2020

Tomorrow evenin we take on 'Nee Where Near' Brightin' (coz there groond iz 6 miles away from their centre, in the middle of nee where!)
in wor last away game of the season!
Again,wor manager, 'Broken Nose Bruce' has said that wor squad has been desimated and that at least 8 players will be missin'!

This game comes az wor takeower gans into yet anothaa week (lost count now?) with everythin' INCLUDIN' the kitchen sink bein hoyed into the works to try and stop it!

It truly is amazing that this haz been gannin on since the beginnin' of April and iz STILL NOT RESOLVED!

3 weeks ago Premyaa Leegue cheef executive, Richard ' I can't make my mind up' Masters, said a decision would be "made shortly" (in his words)

'Shortly' to yoo and me meenz a few days, but in Masters case it meenz a few MONTHS!

He has GOT to make a decision 'shortly' (sic!) or else the whole thing could unravel in a downward spiral and gan doon the PLUG HOLE!

PS: A full and compreehensive Tellyhoppers match report will appear here in due course!

BARROW BOYS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th July 2020

On this weekend two years ago we faced Barrow at their Holker Street ground for a second string pre season friendly!

Barrow, of course have just returned to The Futbaall Leegue after a 50 year absence and we reproduce wor archive match report from that game below!

334 Holker Street, Barrow

Ground number 334 
(138th ground visited that has staged League Football)
(169th ground visited including Scottish League)
Date of First Visit: 16th July 2018
Holker Street, Barrow in Furness

Barrow 2
Newcastle United U23s 3

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 400 est

"THE THORD OF A THOOSAND CLUB!"

SORENSEN'S 1st GOAL
(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

A'd 'binned' the fight ticket to Dublin for wor game v St Pats az NUFC had arranged a game at short notice in Barrow and we sent the U23 squad there on the day aa woz due to fly!

Az Barrow's Holker Street groond woz an ex Futbaall Leegue groond aa HAD to gan and caught the train to Barrow via Carlisle at the exact time aa woz due to fly to Ireland!
The train jawnee woz torture and took 4 and a half hours with 30 odd stops and I arrived (eventually!) at '4:30 bells' and heeded for the nearest ale hoose which woz caalled The Furness Railway!
At £1.99 for a pint of 'Smiths' aa wasnt gannih gan anywhere else az the groond woz just a 10 minute waalk away!

The usual 'saddos' who gan to these games (like me!) then started to appear, namely Biffa the Beer (he likes the broon stuff!), Dave fom York and hiz 'sidekick' Alex of St George!
After a few more 'gargels' it woz time to heed for the clubhoose at the groond, before finally makin wor way inside just before the kick off!

The Toon's 2nd string came from behind to win this thrillin encoontaa 3-2 in Barrow 'the back of beyond'!

John Rooney the bruvva of Wayne, opened the scorin for the home side after just 4 mins on the clock
Ivan Toney equalised for NUFC just before the break with a tap in your great granny could have scored!

Sorensen then got 2 for The Toon in the 2nd period before Barrow pulled one back, but it woz too little too late az we held on for the win!

This groond meenz av past the thord of a thoosand grounds mark followin NUFC!

After the game it woz back to The Furness Railway and to pick up just wot happened next gan to ground 335 report!
(Much more to follow when aa get time!----got to catch a ferry to Dublin for wor 1st teams game at St Patricks Athletic!)

THE TOON 1 SPORZ 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

 Posted '8:15am bells' Thorsday 16th July 2020

2 LIQUID REFRESHMENT BREAKS
1 AT ST. JAMES' PARK AND 1
IN GRANDBAIRNS HOOSE!

"Come on you yellows?"

The expected 8 changes to the Toon line up didnt materialise and anly 3 changes were made to the team that started against Wotfaad last Saturday!

The breakthrough came in the 27th minute with Song scoring for Sporz with a shot which went just inside the post at The Gallowgate End, followin a mistayk by Schar in the Toon defence!

A pinpoint Shelvey cross foond the heed of Dwight Gayle and hiz glancing heeder hit the post, but cruelly rebounded back into play in the 38th minute!

MATT RICHIE GOAL!

And then with 11minutes of the 2nd half played Matt Richie hit a screamer from the edge of the box to level things!

However the lea
d lasted barely 4 minutes as Harry Kane heeded past Dubravka to restore the visitors lead and give Kane hiz 200th career goal!

He aalso put the final nail in wor coffin in the dyin'
embers of the game, with anothaa heeder after Dubravka had palmed a shot in his direction!

A'd watched the match In mee grandbairns hoose, az aa didnt have time to gan to The 3 Bulls as intended, as aa finished work late!

They had crowd noise switched on and I swear that the fantom Sporz fans were singin "Come on you yellows!" (They played in light blue!)
Must make an appointment to get mee hearin' tested!😳

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth, Schar, Fernandez, Yedlin (Lazaro 55), Bentaleb (Matty Langstaff 86), Shelvey, Ritchie, Gayle (Joelinton 69), Saint-Maximin, Almiron

Official attendance in grandbairns hoose: 4!

HALF TIME BREAK
KAI GETS SOME PRATICE IN!
(SPOT THE TOON CREST!)

MAL FROM DARLO'S NUFC MAD SAD TELLYHOPPERS
LIQUID REFRESMENT BREAK!
(OR SHUD THAT BE MAD SAD LAPTOPHOPPERS BREAK?)

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THE TOON V SPORZ *** TEATIME TODAY!

Posted '8:00am bells' Wedinzday 15th July 2020
at Ferrybridg, north Yorkshire (On mee way to Redditch, Worcestershire)

Later today NUFC play the penultimate home game of the season against Sporz.

Wor manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' says that we have quite a few injuries and so the team will be completly different to the ones that faced Man City and Wotfaad in the last week! (At least 8 players are oot, or are doubtful!)


Not sure where we are watchin game today, but a table in 'The 3 Bulls' has been booked and assuming aa get finished graft by '5 15 bells', after mee 'truck run' to Redditch---that's where aa'll watch it!
(If not, aa will have to find somewhere else, due to time restraints!)

A full Geordie Times tellyhoppers report will appear here eventually!