"GORDON IZ A MORON!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Wedinzday 6th May 2020

"TAYLS OF WOE!"

There have been some ridiculous suggestions on how to restart the Premyaa Leegue, like playin games on neutral groonds to stop fans congregating ootside their home grounds, shud the matches be played there!

Put it this way, say 'The Liverbirds' can win the leegue at neutral Villa Park in Bormingham.

Do the the people in charge reeely 'fink' that Scousers wont make the relatively short 90 odd mile journey to the west Midlands to celebrate? (Teams, it's said, will travel 'near' equal distances from their home bases for games, so the likes of Liverpoool and NUFC will play games nee forthaa south than the Midlands!---allegedly!)

Villa Park (one of the neutral groonds mentioned), iz surrounded by residential streets, which wud be impossible for 'The Dibble' to police!

Dinosaur PFA chairman Gordon 'is a Moron' Taylor haz made the ridiculous suggestion that games cud be shortened to less than 45 minutes each half and that extra subs cud be on the bench to replace 'tired legs'?

The integrity of The Premyaa Leegue wud be smashed to pieces if this happened!
And of course, denying teams like Brightin home advantage against the 'big guns' wud be grossly unfair! (This includes NUFC who are still to play them away!)


Why not gan 'the whole hog' and play 2 completly different teams in each half, like often happens in pre season friendlies!???

It's crazy!  But so is Gordon 'the Moron' Taylor for even thinkin aboot shortening a game, which has been played ower 90 minutes for the last 140 years at least! 

'5 a side' games are anothaa option, to fit the 92 matches to be played, into a short period of time! (It's a wonder that the PFA chairman hazzent had 'a brain-wave' and thought of this az well!?)

Its said by Nick Parry the chairman of the EFL, that crowd problems at home venues in the lower leegues wont be a problem and clubs in those leegues CAN play behind closed doors at home groonds!

Reeely? Suppose Leeedz can win 'The Championship' at Elland Road---how wud yoo stop fans gatherin' ootside their groond---and more importantly--wud The West Yorkshire 'Dibble' allow this?---I 'fink' not!

The best way forward iz to WAIT til 'the bat out of hell' pandemic iz under control and play the rest of this season up til Xmas if nessesary!    

Next season shud be played entirely in 2021 (with a break for 'The Euros' in the summer) and the followin season entirely in 2022 with The World Cup at the end of that year!

Boris iz to make a speech next Sunday aboot liftin restrictions, but will futbaall be one of them?

Az per usual---"Watch this space for forthaa developments!"

"MAAN!---IT COULD BE FRIDAY!"

Posted '2:05pm bells' Tuesday 5th May 2020

"I'VE GOT THE BAALL,
GAME ON!"

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' from wor club insider, 'Secret Pigeon' that there could be an annooncement on Friday about the lang drawn oot takeower!
'Secret Pigeon' says that the deal is nearly done, but don't blame him if it doesnt happen on Friday!

"COO!---IT'S GANNIH HAPPEN
MAAN!--FRIDAY!---COOOO!"

We shall soon find oot in 3 days time!

If it's TRUE then yoo can thank us with CRATES of 'DOG', packs of cider and bottles of Scotch whisky and Rushin vodka!

If it's NOT true, then yoo can pelt us with rotten eggs and fruit, the next time yoo see us!

GROUNDHOPPERS ARCHIVE *** INTER MILAN @ THE SAN SIRO STADIUM 2003 ***

Posted '2:00pm bells' Sunday 3rd May 2020

With nee NUFC games, pubs or work to gan tee because of the lockdoon, av had plenty of time on mee hands to update mee away games stories!

In complete contrast to the resorve friendly @ The Victoria Pleasure Grounds in Goole in 1994, (ground number 120) which woz mee last archive groond report--the next one av done iz just a little bit more glamorous than that!--- when we went to Italy in 2003 for a Champions Leegue game v Inter Milan at the iconic San Siro Stadium! (Match report on that game, below)

The next time we played sund'lind after this, the Toon fans had a field day: "Have yoo ever seen a mackem in Milan!", we sang, which haz become wor mockin war cry! 

THE TOON V SPORZ *** TO BE PLAYED IN AN EMPTY NEUTRAL GROOND!

Posted '2:47pm bells' Saturday 2nd May 2020

THE NUFC 'DRASTIC PLASTIC' X1 !

This afternooon in less than qwaataa of an hours time, we were supposed to be playin' Sporz at SJP in front of a noisy 52,300 crowd, but instead I am sittin' in wor hooses watching the news on the telly in front of wor lass and hor noisy vacuum cleaner!

News that wor game v Sporz will now be played at a neutral venue in front of nee paying spectators haz been conformed!
Life sizecardboard cut oot fans and canned stadium crowd noise are likely to be added to make this a farcical situation of the highest order!

"THIS GAME IZ CRAP!---WE'RE BOARD STIFF!"

Why dont they gan 'the whole hog' and have giant plastic Subbuteo  players on the pitch az well? 

The whole idea is crazy if yoo ask me and there is NEE WAY that I will pay to watch a 'live stream' in mee living room, which wont be live anyway, az there will be a 10 second delay in case a player swears, so they can delete it before we hear can hear it!

Why dont they just 'caall it a day' for now and play the games when it's safe for everybody to attend?---in 6 months time, or whenever???---and worry aboot next season, then???

Futbaall on the telly withoot fans is a non starter!--for the likes of me, anyway!

THE SILENCE IZ DEAFENIN'!

Posted '7:00pm bells' Friday 1st May 2020

THE HIGH LEVEL BRIDGE FROM THE QUAYSIDE BAR

Well!---it's now 'seven bells' in the evenin' and there iz STILL nee news of the takeower, despite rumours that today woz the day that aal would be reveeeeled!

Of course we half expected it---az NOTHIN' iz plain sailin when it comes to NUFC---more like battlin' through a force 10 storm in the North Sea!

We cannit even gan to a match or a pub to talk aboot it, because of the lockdoon, so the internet and the telly are on constantly in wor hoose!

To keep me sane, av been gannin for lang walks alang the banks of the Tyne, takin pictures of  the Magnificent 7 bridges that span the sacred river---and of course stoppin' off at various locations for a much needed rest and a bottle of 'DOG' with mee faithful dog caalled 'Brewdog' (wot else!) 

I will be publishin' some of mee photos on a new page entitled 'The MAGnificent 7 Bridges' on a new page in the next few days!
Meeenwhile here are some aa took this afternoon! 

THE KING EDWARD RAILWAY BRIDGE

(REDHEUGH BRIDGE IN BACKGROOND)

THE QUEEN ELIZEBETH 11 METRO BRIDGE

(THE BLUE BRIDGE)

THE HIGH LEVEL BRIDGE WALKWAY

THE REDHEUGH BRIDGE

THE HIGH LEVEL BRIDGE

WITH VIEWS OF THE 'NEW'CASTLE, CATHEDRAL AND ST JAMES PARK

THE HIGH LEVEL BRIDGE ROADWAY

"MAY DAY!---MAY DAY!"

Posted 'midneet bells' Friday 1st May 2020

                                           "AMANDA IN! *** FAT CONTROLLER OUT!"

The NUFC takeower iz allegedly, finally, hopefully, gannih happen sometime today!

 

 

The deal brokered by Amanda Staveley to finally rid us of 'The Fat Controller' iz slowly---oh! so slowly!---reachin' 'the end game'!

We honestly have nee idea if this will happen today, but Toon fans have been waitin 13 lang sufferin' years aalready, with deathly silence from both parties!
 This haz seen us lookin on the internet, on Facebook, on Twitter, on WhatsApp, on, on line tabloids, on the telly etc. scrawlin' for any scrap of info, in the hope that the deal finally gans through and that we can get wor great club back at last!

If mee WhatsApp page gans mental when get up later, then aa naa that a decision has been finally reached!
Hopefully in the reet direction!🙏

We will soon find oot later today (or NOT az the case MAY be!?)

'THE FAT CONTROLLER' TELLS MORE LIES THAN DONALD TRUMP!

Posted '2:22am bells' Wednizday "er!" Thorsday 30th April 2020

FROM 'THE JAWNIL' *** FRIDAY 25th MAY 2007

"FAKE NEWS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!"

*

"NOTHING FAKE ABOOT THIS PREDICTION!"

PROJECT RESTART RESERVATIONS!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Tuesday 29th April 2020

EMPTY SEATS AT A RESORVE GAME AT ST. JAMES' PARK!

*The Premyaa Leegue are havin a meetin on Friday (by video) in a desperate bid to restart the season in the middle of Joon and the plan iz to finish the 92 games to be played by the end of July!

The games (its said) will be played on neutral groonds and Twickenham Rugby Stadium haz been mentioned, az well az Ing'land's St George's Park trainin complex and Sporz new abode!

However!---many teams are unhappy aboot givin' up home advantage, even though the groonds will be empty apart from 300 staff, tv crews etc. needed to stage the games!

FIFA have stepped in and said that nee games should be considered til September at the orliest--and UEFA have given European leegue til May 25th to come up with a plan to complete the season!

Holland and France have both admitted defeat and have voided their seasons aalready, while Scotland are expected to dee the same! 
Jawmany's cash strapped Bundesliga are desperate to restart next month, but it could by blocked by Jawman chancellor Angela Merkel!

It aall boils doon to TV money at the end of the day of course--and the thought of havin to watch 'The Toon' live in mee own livin room, in front of 52,000 empty seats, fills me with dread!

Will the season be completed?---who knows?---who cares? when there are still hundreds of people dying every single day!

It will be a logistical nightmare and should just ONE player get 'the bat out of hell' virus, then the whole thing will unravel for certain!

A better idea would be to end the season now and continue in September, like FIFA says, when hopefully the crisis iz ower!----and finish the season in November---have the winter break in December---and play the next season from January 2021 til say October 2021 (With a break for the rescheduled European Championships in Joon)

Then have 2 months off from November and December---And then anothaa season exclusively in 2022, with The World Cup in Qatar at the end of that year!

We shall soon find oot wot exactly WILL happen!---


*

*

Flashback 119 years!***THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** NOVEMBER 1901

Posted '2:12 bells' Tuesday 28th April 2020

THE 1st WEST STAND AT ST.JAMES' PARK

BUILT DURIN'  THE REIGN OF QUEEN VICTORIA IN 1897

The action below iz from a 1st Division game in 1901 when NUFC played The Liverbirds at St. James' Park!
This iz believed to be the forst ever game where an NUFC game woz filmed. The game woz played in the same year that Queen Victoria died!
In those days the goalkeepers wore the same strips az the outfield players!  The Toon's goalie woz M. Kingsley (below, takin goal kick)

NUFC GOALIE M. KINGSLEY TAKES A GOAL KICK

TOWARDS THE LEAZES END

The pictures are grainy az you'd expect, but it shows the forst ever West Stand which woz built in 1897 (to the left) and demolished in 1905!  
Yoo can clearly see Leazes Terrace in the backgroond (Where The East Stand iz now!) and St. James' Street to the right---where the groond got its name from! (Below)

The crowd numbered 18,000---not bad for the time and McColl got wor goal to win the game 1-0----But unfortunately the cameras missed the goal!

See videos below for match action of the game

   

  

   

 

*

"OH WHY ARE WE WAITING?---OH WHY?---OH WHY?"

Posted '2:22pm bells' Munday 27th April 2020

Some Toon fans have aalready decided the takeower outcome!
Let's hope (and pray!) that they are reet!?🙏

The saga of NUFCs latest takeower haz been gannin on for more than a month now!
The question is!---How the hell does it take so lang to pass the owner and fit persons test?
They say that there's a 500 page document to get through, so even if yoo just read 20 pages a day, then surely a month is lang enough to make a decision, one way or the othaa!

Of course we have Anmisty International and several othaa group tryin to uptorn the apple cart, but even so, surely a decision shud have been reached by now?

Speculation just who will be wor new manager and new players comin' in , is exactly that!  Aa meeen, just how do they know, when nebody else does!?

It's just like when will the 'bat out of hell's pandemic end---and in my case, just when will I be allowed to gan back to graft after ower a month, with nee pubs or futbaall to gan tee eethaa, are cases of the unknown!

Hopefully, we will find sommik oot this week aboot the takeower at least!

Fingers(and toes) crossed for a favourable ootcome!