ASIA CUP 3rd/4th PLACE PLAY OFF***THE TOON 1 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0

Posted '10:40am bells' Sunday 21st July 2019

TOON FANS CELEBRATE WITH A CUP THEY WON IN A PUB QUIZ!

With 'Broken Nose Bruce' consigned to the stand az he didn't have the necessary visa to sit in the dugout, it woz left for Ben Dawson to take 'the reigns' once again!

A much better performance followed against The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham, after the 4-0 hammerin by Wolves 4 days before.
Sorenson went close orly on when he woz put through by Muto but he hit a screamer ower the bar and into the crowd!

The one and anly goal of the game came in the 34th minute when a through baall from Jamie Sterry foond Muto and he somehow managed to steer the baall past the West Ham goalie to send the well under capacity crowd wild with delight!

The crowd included once again a few of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and International RUSScue haz sent The Geordie Times a few photos, which we have gladly reproduced in this report! (As per usual in pre season friendlies, a total of 19 Toon players and 19 West Ham players got some 'game time'!)

THE CHINEEEZ BRANCH OF THE NUFC SUPPOTERS CLUB!

So it woz a thord place finish for The Toon in the 4 team tournament (Wolves beat Man City in the final on penalties)
If anly we could finish thord top in the Premyaa Leegue----az lang az its not thord bottom! 

MOON GLOOM FOR TOON!

Posted '9:25 pm bells' Saturday 20th July 2019

50 years ago today, man landed on the moon!
NUFC haven't won a major trophy since then!
"ITS AALL NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAULT!"😳

"One small step for man!
One giant leap back for NUFC!"😳

TOON ARMY IN CHINAA!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Friday 19th July 2019

Those who were lucky enough to be in Chinaa to watch NUFC (or unlucky enough, az the case may be, after wor 4-0 thrashing by Wolves!) have sent The Geordie Times some photos from Nanjing and beyond!
Special thanx to International RUSScue and Big Kev for pix!

"A PUB PHOTO AT LAST!"

Tomorrow morning we play West Ham in Shanghai  for the 3rd and 4th place play off! Let's hope the loyal fans who have travelled aall that way, have something to cheer in the mornin come 'high noon bells' GMT (Geordie Meeen Time!)

"IF YOO DON'T LIKE SWEAR WORDS

LOOK AWAY NOW!"

FOR THOSE OF YOO WHO ARE READIN THIS IN CHINAA

THE TOON ARMY ARE MEETIN HERE TODAY/TONEET

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! *** NEW GROONDS! *** NEW GROONDS!

Posted '3:33pm bells' Friday 12th July 2019
Updated (with dates) Thorsday 18th July 2019

MOSS ROSE, MACCLESFIELD

THE NEW MEADOW, SHREWSBURY

Amongst aall the doom and gloom of 'Broken Nose Bruce's appointment az forst team manager/coach/yes man, a bit of good news, az wor resorve U21 side have been drawn against 2 teams who's groonds we have never been te before, in the EFL Trophy!

NUFC U21s led by Neil Redfearn are in Group 'D' of the competition and will travel to Port Vale, Shrewsbury and Sol Campbell's,  MACCLESFIELD!

We've highlighted 'Macclesfield', az wor resorves  have play here before, but unfortunately the game v Stoke U23s clashed with a forst team game at Cristil Pallis and az forst team games take priority, we were forced to miss it!
This iz the ANLY current Futbaall Leegue groond where an NUFC team have played, where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' HAVENT been tee!

Although we have been to Shrewsbury before, many years ago, this woz at their old Gay Meadow groond!   Since then they have moved on to a stadium on the ootskirts caalled 'The New Meadow'
Anothaa new groond then! 
The anly groond we have been tee before in the draw iz Port Vale's, Vale Park. 

The forst games take place at the beginning of September:
Tue 3rd September: MACCLESFEEELD away (ko '7:45 bells')

Tue 24th September: SHREWSBURY away (ko '7:30 bells') 
This iz in the week of the Caribou Cup 3rd roond az well.
Should Shrewsbury progress to this stage, then the EFL game will be cancelled---Aalso should NUFCs 1st team get through to this roond and Shrewsbury lose, then we could be forced to miss the game if Caribou Cup and the EFL Trophy games are on the same day! 
(NUFC 1st team games get priority!)

Tue 12th November: PORT VALE away (ko '7:45 bells')

*

THE LAST MAN STANDING!

Posted '2:30pm bells' Thorsday 18th July 2019

Cast your mind back to 16th January 2011

sund'lind have just scored against The Toon 

and the man with 'black n white blood' gets ready to celebrate!

The mackems score a last gasp equaliser against The Toon, to send their manager on a celebratory run doon the touchline!

And their manager woz non othaa than!---'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'!

Below is a report from the 'Ronny Gill' newspaper the next day!

Bruce, who put his side under immense pressure to get three points--had accused Newcastle of

lacking class after the 5-1 hammering back in October at St. James' Park after the PA announcer had blasted out Daydream Believer at the end of the classic derby victory.

At the Stadium of Sh**e, sunderland were the ones who lacked class on and off the field on a forgettable day for the red-and-whites.

But as Bruce set off on a celebratory charge down the touchline as if his side had won the title, it summed up just how grateful sunderland were to save face after being well and truly

 outplayed in their own backyard.

And this from a man who claims NUFC were hiz 'boyhood club' and that he 'bled black n white'!

Wor record goalscorer Alan Shearer and a good friend of Bruce, told him just after Benitez had left, NOT to take the 'poisoned chalice' job under any circumstances!

"NO!-NO!-NO!-DON'T TAKE IT!" Shearer told him, az he woz on a hiding to nothin'!

Shearer aalso said that 'Broken Nose' woz, "THE LAST MAN STANDING"!, az many othaas had been warned off!

Bruce obviously didn't take a blind bit of notice of Shearer's advice and iz heedin' 'Blindfold' into the most toxic job in futbaall! 

Shearer added poignantly, "But I just really hope that he doesn't live to regret it, LIKE I FEAR HE WILL!" 

Will it aall end in tears?--We sincerely hope not, but, just like Alan Shearer, we ARE prepared for the worst! 

"SAY NO MORE!" *** NUFC 0 WOLVES 4 *** BROKEN NOSE BRUCE APPOINTED

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wedinzday 17th July 2019

THIS IZ WOT BROKEN NOSE BRUCE SAID 

WHEN HE WOZ APPOINTED MANAGER OF sUND'LIND!

NUFC lost heavily in Chinaa today losin' 0-4 to Wolves in The Asia Cup in Nanjing----'Broken Nose Bruce', who said 'he bled black n white', iz appointed az new 'dogsbody' to 'The Fat Controller'!

"THANK GOD WE WORNT PLAYIN' MAN CITY!"

"BULLSH*T!"

"MORE BULLSH*T!"

"TOON FANS ARNT THE ANLY ONES WHO ARE NOT HAPPY!"

ANGRY TOON FANS IN NANJING HEAR THAT 'BROKEN NOSE' 

IZ WOR NEW MANAGER/ DOGSBODY/ CRAWLER / YES MAN!

AND FROM ST JAMES' PARK---WOR NEW AWAY KIT!

A very bad day at the office for certain!

WOLVES v NUFC IN CHINAA ---TOMORROW MORNIN!

Posted '5:45pmbells' Tuesday 16th July 2019

DIVVINT ASK ME WHY--BUT RUSS HAZ SENT ME THIS PHOTO FROM CHINAA!

GUESS WHO RUSS MET OOTSIDE THE ABOVE HOSPITAL?

Tomorrow morning in  Nanjing, Chinaa wor forst team play Wolves in The Asia Trophy
The game iz live on SKY at '10:00am bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be represented by 'International RUSScue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who have been in Shanghai since last week!

With a depleted squad made up of resorve players and players back from loan, we will have a forward line of Dwight Gayle and Muto---the anly 2 out and out strikers we now have on wor books!

Nee manager in place of course, eethaa!---typical chaos and disarray from NUFC again!

PS: Hopefully, 'Russ' and 'Blondie' will send 'The Geordie Times' some match pix from the game, and not some guy who haz had plastic surgery!

HIBS U20s v NUFC U23s *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th July 2019

The new season iz nearly upon us and tomorrow @ '2:00 pm bells' we heed north of the border, where NUFC U23s are playin' Hibs U20s in a pre season friendly at Hibs Trainin Groond in Tranent, a few miles south east of Edinburgh.

This iz a new groond for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that there will be a huge following from Tyneside (er! 6 or 7 ---mebeez!)

Admission iz FREE, but Hibs are askin' for smaall donations instead for their academy (A'm sure aa can find a 5p coin from somewhere!)

A Geordie Times match and pix report will appear here on Tuesday, sometime!
Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

IT'S JUST LIKE A LAUREL AND HARDY MOVIE!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Saturday 13th July 2019

STARRING 'PENFOLD' AZ STAN LAUREL AND 

'THE FAT CONTROLLER' AZ OLIVER HARDY!

Sheff Wed's chairman is said to be absolutleee livid that wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller', (pictured below) haz tried to get 'Broken Nose Bruce' through press leaks and NOT by direct contact with him!

NUFC thought they would get 'Broken Nose' on the cheap with a million quid to buy oot hiz contract!
The Wedinzday chairman would have 'non of it' and haz slapped a SIX million fee for hiz release!---The same aamoont az Rafa's contract woz!
Not anly that but they want even more for the release of Bruce's backroom staff who he wants to take with him!

This iz for a man who woz SIXTH choice to become wor next manager and who haz won absolutleee f**k aall in the major honours stakes az a manager, with TEN different clubs! 

'The Fat Controller's 'general dogsbody' and MD known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' off the 'Danger Mouse' cartoon, (pictured below)haz been scourin' Europe in a desperate bid to find a new manager, anly to finally get one who wants to come, 
from! --------SHEFFEEELD!

We naa for certain that 'The Fat Controller' will NOT pay that kind of 'dosh' for an 'aalso ran' and so the fruitless search for the 'poisoned chalice job', will gan on!--and on!---and on!

"SINCIL BANK --NOT! SHANGHAI !"

'Broken Nose Bruce' iz still the Sheff Wed manager---and az we speak they are playin Lincoln in a pre season friendly today at Sincil Bank! (The Toon are off to Shanghai tomorrow!) 
It's been reported on 'SKY' that an angry Wedinzday fan haz confronted him in the away dugoot and 'Broken Nose' woz roundly booood by the travellin' support!

A VERY ANGRY SHEFF WED FAN CONFRONTS 'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' ON THE PITCH AT LINCOLN (And who can blame him!)

There's no way back after that---IZ THERE!?

"BROKEN PROMISES, BROKEN DREAMS, BROKEN HEARTS = BROKEN NOSE BRUCE!"

Posted '2:45pm bells' Thorsday 11th July 2019

        "IT'S LIKE SWAPPIN'"

"ONE OF THESE"

"FOR ONE OF THESE!!!"

 'The Geordie Times' prediction that 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' would be wor next manager nearly came true, az 'Fat Sam' haz told Talksport that he woz approached by NUFC orlier this week aboot the vacant job!
He torned us doon, claimin' that he woz told that he wouldn't be in control of transfors (suprize!, suprize!) and that he thought it woz a bad idea to come back for a 2nd time (not addin' that the Toon fans "Hate hiz f****' guts!" and would be against him from day one!)

The dreaded news that wor 9th or 10th choice for 'The Poisoned Chalice' managers job,  to replace Rafa, IZ!--- 'Broken Nose Bruce' (coz the likes of Steve Gerrard, Martinez, Patrick Viera and Mikel Arteta didn't want to naa!) 
'Broken Nose' iz currently the manager of 'run of the mill' Championship club Sheffeeeld Wedinzday and iz said to be on Tyneside az we speak!

If yoo appoint a 'run of the mill' manager, then yoo will surely end up a 'run of the mill' club', like Hull City (relegated under hiz management!), Sheff Wed and Bormingham City (relegated under hiz management!) (3 of hiz former 10 (TEN!) clubs!)

The underwhelmin' and dreaded news iz expected to be announced tomorrow, sometime!
"It will be like swappin' a Rolls Royce for a battered Reliant Robin!"