NUFC KNEW IN MAY THAT RAFA WOULDN'T STAY!

Posted '11:31am bells' Sunday 7th July 2019

RAFA WAVES A LAST GOODBYE AT FULIM!

The revelation that the club knew that Rafa wouldn't extend his contract after hiz meetin' with 'The Fat Controller' and hiz general 'dogsbody' MD 'Penfold' on 16th May in London, reaches us!

It's absolutleee crazy and beggars belief that we havint appointed a new manager in the 8 weeks since they knew he wouldn't extent hiz contract---and with the new season aalmost upon us, things are gettin desperate, to say the least!

'The Geordie Times' believes that 'The Fat Controller' will appoint the man 'we aall love to hate' within the next few days, just to upset us even more!

And that man is!---
FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN! who revelled in wor relegation in 2016!

The reason we 'fink' that it will be HIM, is hiz record of saving clubs from relegation ---and the fact that he couldn't care less aboot playin boring defensive futbaall---az lang az he picks up hiz fat pay packet at the end of every month!---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"
He 'hoyed hiz hat into the ring' 2 weeks ago, when he said: 
"Who wouldn't want to manage them!"
And of course 'The Fat Controller' haz since said that he regrets sackin' him in the 2007-08 season when he took the reigns!


We shall soon find oot if wor prediction iz true (hopefully it iz NOT!) az we will then have TWO fat b*stards to hate!

SHEIK IN TOON! *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '4:45pm bells' Saturday 6th July 2019

Sensational news!
Sheik Zayed iz in 'The Monkey Bar' as I speak!!!🤪

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NOLAN!"

Posted '5:19pm bells' Friday 5th July 2019

"HERO TO ZERO!"

Former Toon hero Kevin Nolan haz come oot with a ridiculous statement claimin that 'wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller' haz IMPROVED St. James' Park???

Nolan said on Talksport:
"You go up there, its a fantastic club, what he's done within the  ground is fantastic!"

Sir John Hall and Freddie Shepherd actually built the stadium to its present capacity of 52,000 plus in 2000 and when 'The Fat Controller' took ower in 2007 he plastered the stands with 200 plus horrible tacky red, white and blue SD advertisin' signs! (iz THAT wot yoo caall 'ground improvements', Kevin???)

The stadium haz been neglected since 2007 and the anly improvements have been in the directors box where new plush seats have been added in this close season!

"NO! NO! NO! NO! Mr NOlan---wor estimation of yoo haz now went from HERO to ZERO!"

MORE NUFC TV FIXTURE CHANGES NOW REVEEELED!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Friday 5th July 2019

Aalthough wor opennin game of the season at home to 'The Arse' iz live on the telly on Sunday 11th August, 4 othaa games have been changed in August and September az well!
That's 5 oot of wor forst 7 games moved for live telly!
Anly Nohrich away and Watfaad at home remain '3 bells' Saturday kick offs
The good thing iz that aall the changes will be played eethaa on Saturdays or Sundays! (Ne Friday or Munday neets--thank god!)

GOLD=HOME GAME    PINK=AWAY GAME

Sunday11th August '2:00bells': 'The Arse' at SJP (SKY)

Saturday 17th August '3:00 bells': Nohrich away (Nee TV)

Sunday 25th August '4:30 bells': Sporz away at their new groond (SKY)

Saturday 31st August '3:00 bells': Wotfaad at SJP (Nee TV)

Saturday 14th September '12:30 bells': The Liverbirds away (BT) 

Saturday 21st September '5:30 bells: Brightin at SJP (SKY)

Saturday 28th September '5:30 bells': OR Sunday 29th September '4:30 bells': Lestaa away (SKY) (TBC) Dependin on wot day Man City play in Champions Leegue---we will not find oot til Thorsday 29th August

THE EXODUS BEGINS!

Posted '4:18pm bells' Thorsday 4th July 2019

RAFA'S EMPTY CAR PARK SPACE AT THE BENTON TRAININ' GROOND!

Wor players returned to pre season trainin' today with the absence of wor top goalscorer from last season!---and of course wor ex manager!

The unsuprizing news that Ayoze Perez haz joined 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa for £30 million haz just reached us!
Perez says that he haz joined a club with ambition and that they want to keep growing as much as they can, which iz a chilling indictment of wor club!

Last season Lestaa averaged 31,000 crowds, which iz 20,000 less than NUFC!---Yet they have ambition, while we have abject failure!

With nee manager in place to make these decisions, don't be suprized if 'The Fat Controller' sells more players to fatten hiz wallet---none of which will be used to buy replacements of course! 

This forthaa weakens any chance of the so called BZG  takeower--Aaa meeen---who would want to pay £350 million for a club who could well be relegated now???--

"THE LUNATICS HAVE RETAKEN THE ASLYUM!"

Posted '3:53pm bells' Wedinzday 3rd July 2019

SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!

"LOONY TOONS!"

With Rafa gone, and with neebody to steer the rudderless ship for 2 days, the lunatics have retaken the NUFC asylum (ie: 'The Fat Controller' and hiz MD dogsbody, 'Penfold'!) and they have started the 'fire sale' aalready with a £30 million bid for wor top goalscorer Perez apparently excepted from Lestaa City

This iz sheer lunacy!--- To sell one of wor best players to an arch Premyaa Leegue rival withoot a replacement lined up, iz a recipe for Championship futbaall next season!
With wor 2nd top goalscorer, on loan Salamon Rondon back at West Brom with Dwight Gayle retornin' from there, wor forward line iz now depleated with little ower a month to get replacements through the door!
Pre season trainin' starts tomorrow with wor forst pre season game in China on July17th v Wolves   

It's reported that Sean Longstaff iz ready to abandon the ship az well to Moan United for a reported £20 million, and so 'The Fat Controller' will have £50million in hiz back pocket az we heed for the iceberg next May!
Othaa saleable assets like Dubravka, Schar, Lejeune and Lascelles etc. could aalso follow to fatten this fat person's wallet even forthaa!   

The impendin' takeower looks like wor anly hope, but this iz far from certain and aanothaa bleak season in the NUFC lunatic asylum looms, if it doesn't materialise!

"Watch oot for that iceberg!"

"HELP!"

CALL MY BLUFF! --- AND I'LL TAKE THE P*SS!

Posted '2:31pm bells' Tuesday 2nd July 2019

News that Rafa haz signed a £12 million deal with Chineeeze club Dalian Yifang FC, just one day after leavin' Tyneside, iz sad news for aall NUFC fans, especially when yoo hear him say that: 
"He had lost trust in Newcastle. If those in charge (ONE fat man, actually) had my ambition, I would still be there!"

In response, wor 'beloved owner' ??? 'The Fat Controller' haz said that the prospective new owners didn't want him and that iz why hiz services were dispensed with, so, ie: "Don't blame me!"

But WOT NEW OWNERS!?----IZ this anothaa BLUFF, that IF the takeower DOESNT ACTUALLY HAPPEN, he can torn roond and say that Rafa's departure wasn't HIZ fault and expect us gullible idiots to believe that!? 

The truth iz that, just like Rafa, NEE Toon fans trust anything he says anymore and that the whole chaotic situation could 'implode' and send us doon a snake and not up a ladder!

"YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!"
On Rafa's arrival for example, he woz told that the club had plans for the new trainin' groond. 
Rafa says, "I was talking to the architect about changing a few things---and after 3 years---THEY PAINTED THE WALLS!" 
(ie: NEE EXPENSE SPARED!)

"TORN OFF A STRIP!"
To add insult to injury, (and with VERY bad timin'!), the club launched wor new 'Fairs Cup' strip yesterday, which looks nowt like it!--- and in total contempt for the fan base, they said that we should, "FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE!", to buy the most expensive strip in The Premyaa Leegue (£65 for a large top!) 
An emoji with hiz hand ower hiz face accompanied club's Twitter account, to completely take 'the P*SS' out of us!

"WHEN WILL THE  BLUFFING, SARCASTIC INSULTS AND SUFFERING EVER END!????"

RAFA SPEAKS *** "NUFC HAVE NO AMBITION!"

Posted '8:55am bells' Munday 1st July 2019

Ootside 'The Strawberry' ower the road from St. James' Park this mornin'!

SURVIVAL OF THE FATTEST!

Rafa Benitez has spoken for the forst time aboot hiz departure and the 'non ambition' of 'The Fat Controller', who just wants to survive in the top flight, pick the TV money up and win nowt! (Will we ever get rid of this fat b*****d!?)

Yesterday Toon fans draped the Rafa flag ower the back of The Gallowgate stand!

Geordie Times comment!

When NUFC were relegated in 2016 'The Fat Controller' made a rare speech when he said: "I wont' leave til we win something!--- And when I meen 'win something' that includes a place in THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!"

Hollow words indeed from wor 'beloved'??? owner!

"WELCOME TO THE NUFC LUNATIC ASYLUM!"

Posted '10:40am bells' Sunday 30th Joon 2019
🤪
I renewed my NUFC away season ticket yesterday!
I must be completely mad!

10 REASONS FOR 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' TO GET OOT OF TOON!

Posted '5:00pm bells' Friday 28th Joon 2019

Ower the last 12 years of The Fat Controller's calamitous 'reign'? wor local 'rag' 'The Ronny Gill' haz printed many front page heedlines askin' him to pack hiz bags and "GET OOT OF TOON!"

Here are TEN very good reasons for him to depart and never darken the corridors of St. James' Park again!

"DO YOO GET THE MESSAGE, 

'FAT CONTROLLER'???