THE TOON 0 THE MANC MUppets 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '1:03pm bells' Thorsday 3rd January 2019

"THE HAVES---AND THE HAVE NOTS!"

Reeely, this game, like aall wor games against the so called 'big six' are cup ties, with NUFC bein' the underdogs and the 'big six' bein the slayers!

How can we compete against teams like Man U when they have spent hundreds of millions on players, while we scrap around the bargain basements lookin for on loan players and cheap buys!?

Az long az 'The Fat Controller' owns wor great club we will be fightin' relegation battles til he finally departs----but just when this will be, iz anybodys guess????

Speculation of an imminent takeover have died in the 'waters of Tyne' yet again az the faithful torn up in huge numbers hopin' the 'Tyne tide' will change!

We did well for one hour of the game and even had a few shots on target az well, but az soon az Dubravka spilled Rashford's free kick, multi million poond sub Lukaku pounced to hit in the rebound---and at this point we looked dead and buried!
WE did try and get back on level torms, but a defensive lapse let in Rashford who woz clean through, and with anly Dubravka to beat, he slipped the baall into the net to win it for them!

The MUppets in level 7 of The Leazes Stand slagged Shearer off for the entire match and they must have sang the 'Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*****d', song, at least 30 times durin' the match, rather than cheer on their own team!

No wonder every othaa team in the country hates them, az they have a multitude of insults for Yorkies, Scousers and Cockneys alike, when they travel to these places!

NUFC fans on the othaa hand supported THEIR team and avoided any slaggin' of the opposition, despite the predictable provocations!

With othaa results gannin against us again, we now find worsels just TWO points above the drop zone, with games v Chelski and Man City comin' up, az well az a 'six pointer' at home to Cardiff!

We have now won just 1 game in the last 8 and more worryingly have lost 8 of wor 11 home games this season, scorin' just 7 goals in the process!

Championship side Blackborn are next in the FA Cup this comin' Saturday @ SJP---but who will be the underdogs in this game?, assumin' we play a resorve X1 to try and avoid injuries for wor trip to Chelski in west London a week on Saturday!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Schar (Muto 81), Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden, Diame (Shelvey 53), Atsu, Perez (Kenedy 69), Rondon

Attendance: 52, 217 (3,000 not very friendly and arrogant MUppets!)
*

THE TOON v THE MANC MUppets *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '1:14pm bells' New Years Day 2019

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT***THE 'NEW'CASTLE***ST.NIXS CATHEDRAL***

'THE CATHEDRAL ON THE HILL!' (ST. JAMES' PARK!)

AND THE ARCH OF THE TYNE BRIDGE

We enter the new year hopin against hope that 'The Fat Controller' will sell up and "Get oot of Toon!"
If not, then we are in for a nailbitin' 5 months til the end of the season on the 12th of May--away to relegation rivals Fulim.

Meeenwhile there iz the little matter of a home game v 'The Manc MUppets' (formerly 'Moan U' when 'Moan'rinho woz there!)

With 2 of wor rivals at the wrang end of the table playin' today(Fulim away to The Arse and Cardiff at home to Sporz), we must sit in front of the telly hopin that aall the results gan wor way and that we can get sommik from a resurgent visitin' side tomorrow!

We are just 3 points above the 'abyss' az aa write this, az 3 of the bottom sides aall picked up maximum points at the weekend while we dropped 2 at Wotfaad!

The transfor window opens today, but we are NOT confident that we will sign anybody of a pormanent deal by Jan 31st, and 'fink' that anly loan players will come, az we fight for the 'scraps' of rejected players from othaa clubs!

It's desperate times yet again on Tyneside with wor absent owner now approachin' 12 disastrous years in charge at 'NE1'
(When will the misery ever end!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Thorsday

PS: The total 'pageviews' until the end of 2018 reached 343,405

*Updated '7:31pm bells'
Both Fulim and Cardiff lost by 3 goal margins, meenin that NUFC remain in 15th place, with a much better goal difference (for now!)

The bottom of the table---az it stands!

DIBBLE WHAMMY!

Posted '1:39pm bells' New Years Eve 2018

The Northumbria 'Dibble Force' have colluded with the SMBs and decided that for security reasons, NUFC will anly be allowed to bring 2,800 fans to the EFL Trophy game away to the mackems on Tuesday January 8th!
NUFC had requested a forthaa 2,000 tickets but 'The Dibble' have rejected that, even though under competition rules, we were entitled to 10% of the groond capacity (48,000 divided by 10 =4,800)

It's not wot we didn't expect!----This meenz that Toon fans may attempt to get into the home sections of course!

WOTFAAD 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th December 2018

OPPORTUNITY MISSED!

The day started at '5:00am bells' when aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of mee 'scratcher' (bed) and heed for 'The Central' (station) to catch the '6:55 bells' train to 'the smoke'! (London)
It woz then onwards to Wotfaad Junction and we made the '11:00 bells' openin' time in The Flag opposite the train station.

THE 75th BAR ON WOR '100 AWAY PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!

"GET THE FLAGS OOT!"

A few more drinks in the various hostelries on the way to the groond then followed before heedin for the match---not quite naain wot team would take the field!

Atsu and Perez started alang with Rondon who got the green light ower Joselu up front az we ran oot in wor aall light blue away strip. 
 After a slow start we took the lead, az the noisy 2,000 Toon fans gave fantastic backin' to the team, singin' the "We'll support yoo evermore!" song repeatedly

The goal came on the half hour mark when a pinpoint cross from Matt Ritchie foond Rondon's bonce and he heeded into the net at the far end from us!--to send the travellin' contingent crazy!
We managed to haad on til half time with the lead still intact.

The 2nd half woz dour with Rondon missin' a great chance orly on to put us 2-0 up and the heartbreak moment came with just 8 minutes left on the clock, when a virtually identical cross and heeder to Rondon's came when Doucoure heeded past Dubravka in the Toon goal!

A point didn't seem too bad---until we hord that relegation rivals Cardiff and Fulim had both scored stoppage time winners!----Fulim's goal scored by MITROVIC! (remember him?)

The result left us in 15th position in the table (for now!) just 4 points above the dreaded drop zone with 4 more games involvin' wor rivals at the bottom, today!

PS: We were last on MOTD (again!)


Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez (Schar 46), Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden (Shelvey 79), Diame, Atsu, Perez, Rondon

Attendance: 20,336 (2,000 Toon fans)

                                       *PUB WATCH!

Named and shamed--⏫--boarded up!

EUSTON, LONDON

THE ELTON JOHN MOB OF WOTFAAD v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '8:50pm bells' Friday 28th December 2018

We are on wor travels again ower the Xmas period, this time to Wotfaad near London, meenin that we will have travelled nearly 1,000 miles this week---by the time we get back! (Liverpool 360) miles roond trip by the time aa dropped everybody off in mee 9 seater 'tranny van' on Boxin' Day!) (Wotfaad 600 plus miles via King's Cross on the train)

NUFC reeely must put in a better performance than we did against The Liverbirds, or else we will come back pointless again!

Hopefully Rondon will be playin 'up front' this time in place of Joselu who played at Anfeeeld and woz ineffective!

Results ower the festive period so far have been fairly kind for us, with Sooothampton losin' to West Ham last neet, meenin' that we are still in 15th place, 5 points above the drop zone!

WE leave on the '5 to 7 bells' train to *KX from *'The Central' and shud arrive in Wotfaad toon centre in plenty of time for a few customary 'gargels' in the various hostelries on the way to Vicarage Road!
NUFC have sold wor full allocation of tickets---don't know how many?

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will appear here sometime on Sunday---and so az per usual---watch this space!

PS: The Geordie Times had the most 'hits' ever in one day yesterday, when we had a total of!----3,040 pageviews !

*KX=King's Cross train station, London   
'The Central'=Newcasil Central train station

HEINZ OR HP? *** TAKE YOUR PICK!

Posted '12:20pm bells' Friday 28th December 2018

Former Toon defender Steve Howey haz apparently caused a frenzy by claimin' that a takeower of wor great club iz 'imminent'!
A 'sauce' haz told him that talks are at an advanced stage and that we will find oot next Wedinzday before we take on Moan U at St. James' Park!

WE have ne idea if the 'sauce' he iz taalkin aboot iz the Heinz tomato ketchup variety or HP broon sauce!




We await with 'baited breath' to find oot!

TEN THOOOSAND TO ONE!

Posted '4:00pm bells' Thorsday 27th December 2018

One of wor number, who shall remain nameless, caalled 'Marzzy' had a bet that NUFC would beat The Liverbirds 3-0 yesterday, with Lascelles scorin' wor forst goal!
The odds he got were 10,000 to 1 for hiz £2 wager and he would have won £20,000 if it had happened!

Mental Health England have been informed of hiz whereaboots!😨

THE LIVERBIRDS 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:11am bells' Thorsday 27th December 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END (1st half)

"X' CERTIFICATE @ XMAS!"

WE travelled doon to Morseyside in trepidation of might wot happen---and of course it DID!

Joselu, who woz preferred to Rondon up front, had an easy chance to put us in the lead in front of wor own fans in the 8th minute---BUT! (az yi'd expect!) he heeded into the groond from a Matt Ritchie cross, when it woz easier to score and wor chance to get anything woz gone!
The Liverbirds were attackin' The Kop End and they made the breakthrough just 2 minutes after Joselu's miss when a wayward heeder from Lascelles foond Lovren and he said "thank you very much" az he rifled a shot into the top corner of the net, givin' Dubravka in the Toon goal 'ne chance'!

Matt Richie then went close in the 24th minute, but hiz effort whistled ower the crossbar and that woz the anly othaa chance we had in the forst period!
Despite bombardin' wor goal the home side were unable to increase their lead az we held on til half time!

ACTION AT A 'FOGGY' KOP END (2nd half)

The 2nd half didn't start off well and within 2 minutes The Liverbirds had a penalty when Salah went doon 'like a pack of cards' in the box when Dummett put hiz hand on hiz shoulder and the ref pointed straight to the spot to give a very dubious penalty indeed!
Salah himself took it and hit the baall into the goal with Dubravka unable to get hiz hands to it!

It woz 'game over' at this point az The Liverbirds went for 'the jugular'---2 more goals were forthcomin' from Shaqiri in the 79th minute with a 'tap in' and Fabhino completed wor misery with a heeded goal from a corner 5 mins from the death! 

A very predictable result in the end, with NUFC fightin' not to concede more goals to forthaa dent wor goal difference!
A 4-0 beatin' meant that we actually stayed in 15th place in the table, but with more tough games comin' up, it doesn't look very good from wor perspective! 

More worryingly, Rafa said after the match that there were "NO" new players in the pipeline in the transfor window---and asked if he woz worried, he replied "YES"!

A very hard winter lies aheed!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie (Murphy 81), Diame, Hayden, Kenedy (Langstaff 73), Muto, Joselu

Attendance: 53, 318 (3,000 Toon fans)

*PS: In the 69th minute The Liverbirds brought on their 44 million poond substitute, Fabinho, who cost them twice az much az we have paid for the entire Toon team and subs!

*Footnote: In the 10th minute there woz a rendition of: "Halleluah John Tudor!" from the Toon faithful for wor former number 10 who haz alzihmers disease.
Unfortunately Liverpool scored in the 10th minute which didn't help!
It woz recontinued a few mins later!

The usual (and predictable!) "Feed the Scousers, let them know its Christmas!" song woz sung, alang with the ancient "You nicked my stereo!" jibe----Give it a rest lads and lasses!---'stereos' went oot 40 years ago in the 1970's and that 'Band Aid' Xmas song iz from the 1980's! 

Pub watch!

THE ELM TREE IZ AN EVERTIN BAR!

  

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** BOXIN' DAY

🎄Posted '7:17pm bells' Xmas Day 2018🎄

WE heed for Anfeeeld tomorrow afternoon and 'yours truely' haz got the 'short straw'---az its my torn to drive, az there are ne trains runnin'!

A tougher game in the entire futbaall leegue would be hard to find, against a rampant Liverbirds team who are undefeated in the Premyaa Leegue so far this season and who sit 4 points clear at the top!
In complete contrast we are on 'a downer' followin' wor bore draw v bottom side Fulim at the weekend, where neethaa side had ONE shot on target durin' the whole game!
The bookies have us at 22/1 to win and 2/13 to lose!

WE sit 5 points clear of the drop zone in 15th place, but with tough games at Wotfaad and Chelski away to follow-and a home game v a resurgent Moan U in between, it iz highly likely that we will be much nearer the relegation places by the time we face Cardiff in mid January!

NUFC haven't won at Anfeeeld this century and are very unlikely to do so tomorrow, az Rafa will no doubt try and 'park the team bus' in front of wor goal! (if anly he could!)
This---I'm afraid iz the situation we have been in for quite some time against the top sides---and it wont change until wor scrooge like 'absent owner' eventually sells the club!

The Geordie Times will of course have a full match report and pix from the game which will be published on Thorsday---sometime!

Hope yoo have had a very merry Xmas and lets hope (and pray!) that we have a happier new year az well!

THE TOON 0 THE COTTAGE PIE GUYS OF FULIM 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 23rd December 2018

"THE WORLD IZ WATCHIN'!"  (AND BEYOND!)

"IZ THAT THE PLANET SATURN ABOVE THE EAST STAND?"

Anothaa 'must win game' that we didn't, in what woz an aaful performance against the Premyaa Leegue's bottom club, who hadn't won away aall season and who hadn't kept one clean sheet!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The forst half woz terrible with misplaced passes and hardly any action in front of goal to keep the 51,000 plus crowd awake, the day after 'Black Eye Friday' when many were feelin' the effects of the demon drink from the night before! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!" (MOTD showed TWO minutes of the 1st half 'action'!)

The 2nd half wasn't much better az we huffed and puffed az the crowd got restless!
Grandson Jamie woz so bored I lent him mee mobile to take some great pix! (below!)

"WHO SAYS THE PITCH HAZ A SLIGHT SLOPE?"

The 'highlight' of the game woz from a distant planet in the sky above The East Stand, which looked remarkably like Saturn with a ring around the middle (see top pic)---so we DO have fans from outer space!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!--WHEY AYE MAAN!"

"I USED MY SATURN NAV TO GET HERE!"

A penalty claim, when sub Kenedy woz pulled back in the box woz'nt given and then 'The Cottage Pie Guys' (They play at Craven COTTAGE!) had 3 great chances to win it, but former Toon player 'Mitro' woz denied on 2 occasions, the last when Lascelles made a great tackle on him to deny wor former man!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END

The game woz last on MOTD ----not suprizingleee!
Aalso, the fact that we have won just 2, drawn 1 and lost 7 of wor forst 10 home games, iz the WORST in wor entire leegue history, stretchin back to the 19th century!😦

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Yedlin 81), Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Atsu (Kenedy 72), Ki, Diame, Perez, Rondon

Attendance: 51,237 (1,000 Cottage Pie Guys') (Plus some aliens from Saturn!)


*WOT THE LOCAL PAPERS SAY!

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FROM SKY SPORTS NEWS!😨