THE TOON 0 THE TOFFEE NOSES OF EVAATIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '1:15pm bells' Thorsday 14th December 2017

VIEW FROM MILBURN STAND BALCONY

Anothaa disastrous day at 'HQ' resulted in us losin' 1-0 to a very average Evaatin side!  Nothin' went right for us---that's for sure!

From Karl Darlow fumblin' the baall to give 'that thorn in wor side', Wayne Rooney the chance to toe poke the baall home at The Leazes End! (hiz 15th goal against us!) 

And then 2 screamers from Matt Richie and Mikel Merino which both hit the inside of the Evaatin post, but bouncin' back into play, denied us 2 goals before the break at The Gallowgate End!!!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

To compound matters, Mo Diame missed a sitter in the 2nd half when he 'air kicked' the baall and the chance woz gone! (Rooney wouldn't have missed it!)----and the Jonjo Shelvey's sendin' off in the 4th minute of stoppage time for a daft, stupid and ridiculous lunge on an Evaatin player, just summed up the situation we are now in!---ONE point above the drop zone with 2 away games in 'The Smoke' (London) against 'The Arse' this Saturday and 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham the week after, and an EASY home game against 'The Blue side' of Manc-land (not!) on the 27th of this month, meenz that more than likely we will be in the relegation zone by then!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

Lascelles retorn to the side failed to stop the rot and with just ONE solitary point from the last 24 it doesn't look az though it will be a merry Christmas for us!

Wor only hope iz for the takeover to happen very quickly (if indeed it does?) or else we are doomed! (see story below)

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lejeune, Manquillo, Merino (Perez 86), Shelvey, Atsu, Richie (Aarons 74), Diame (Joselu67), Gayle

Attendance: 51,042 (wor lowest of the season!) 2,500 happy Toffee Noses!)

*
The lets gan on a bender crusade continued in The Leazes End club!

And the Newcastle Arms!

   

NUFC SALE IMMINENT???

Posted '2;00pm bells' Wednesday 13th December 2017

IZ 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' ABOOT TO SELL HIZ 'TRAIN SET'?

News iz bein filtered through to 'The Geordie Times' via WhatsApp and text messages that wor 'beloved, beleaguered'? owner known 'affectionately'? to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller', iz aboot to sell NUFC to the Amanda Staveley consortium for a reported £300 million!

We understand that significant progress haz been made ower the last few days az panic haz no doubt 'set in', due to wor alarmin' slide doon the Premyaa Leegue table! 

A 'sell by' date for hiz 'train set' iz said to gan through later this week and be completed by February, with much needed transfor funds bein' supplied by him, which will be paid back when the takeover iz finalised! (£30 million we understand)

Yet again we awaited with baited breath for the outcome!
FINGERS (and TOES!) CROSSED!!!😨

"FAT CONTROLLER OUT!!!"

THE TOON v FAT SAM'S TOFFEE NOSES *** TOONEET!

Posted 2 35pm bells Tuesday 12th December 2017
Updated 12:45pm bells Wednesday

The Strawberry corner of

The Gallowgate Stand from

The Strawberry car park

"ELEVENTH TOP OR SECOND BOTTOM!"

We gan into tooneets game @ '7:45 bells' lookin for wor forst win in 8 weeks, when we take of Fat Sam's new charges at SJP!
In that time we have plummited from 6th to 16th in the table and are just 2 points from 3rd bottom place!

Thankfully Lascelles iz fit again which might just help stem wor shockin goals against record, which iz 15 conceded in the last 5 games in hiz absence!
Atsu iz aalso expected to retorn aftaa injury

Ne doubt that Fat Sam will put 10 men behind the baall with Rooney up front!

Can we get a win?  Who knows? but we must try or else we will end up in the relegation zone with hard games against The Arse and The Blue Moonies of Manc-land to come later this month!

IF we can beat Evaatin this evenin' and othaa results gan wor way we could climb az high az 11th place in the table---
HOWEVER!---shud we lose and West Ham,West Brom and Swanzee win, then we will end up in 2nd BOTTOM place----such iz the tight nature at the lower end of the Premyaa!

Match report to follow on Thorsday!

BIG AL HAZ HIZ SAY!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 11th December 2017

News that wor record goalscorer woz conspicuous by hiz absence when players of the past were introduced at half time to commemorate NUFCs 125th birthday, sez it aall aboot the plight of wor great club!

Eeethaa Big Al (who woz in hiz private box in The Milburn Stand) wasn't invited, OR that he refused the invitation to gan on to the pitch, iz not clear--but the fact he watched the half time proceedings from hiz box tells yoo everything yoo need to know aboot the mess we are in!

Of course the club wasn't happy with hiz criticism a few years ago and changed the name of the bar underneath The Gallowgate End from Shearer's to Number 9 to get their own back on him!

And Big Al had plenty to say in the papers and on 'Match of the Day' aboot wor predicament and urged 'The Fat Controller' to "sell up and get oot before it's too late!" (ie: yet anothaa relegation!)

It's so sad it's unbeleeevible!  

THE TOON 2 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 3 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 10:40am bells' Sunday 10th December 2017
Updated Munday

THE BLACK AND WHITE FLAGS WERE OOT IN FORCE BEFORE THE GAME

TO 'CELEBRATE' 125 YEARS TO THE DAY SINCE WE CHANGED WOR NAME

FROM NEWCASTLE EAST END TO NEWCASTLE UNITED!

"A NOT SO HAPPY BORTHDAY!"

Anothaa display when wor defence collapsed cost us the game on wor 125th birthday 'celebrations'?

With the flags wavin' it enspired us to gan for goal straight from 'the off' and we took the lead after just 4 minutes when Murphy foond Gayle who crossed to Joselu and he fired home at The Gallowgate End to send the 'birthday boys' into a frenzy!

Personally, aa woz prayin' for a good result az this woz mee 1,100th competitive game 'in a row' watchin' wor forst team!

Mee hopes were soon dashed though when Lestaa equalised in the 20th minute through Manrez and the norves started janglin' after this! (Half time 1-1)

Gray doubled wor visitors lead on the hour mark and the doom and gloom enveloped the stadium! (apart from the 3,000 'Basil Brush' foxes in the away end that iz!)

We came back again 13minutes later when a Merino heeder foond Gayle and he wellied the baall into the back of the net at The Leazes End to send the Toon fans into raptures---BUT!---az seems to be the case theeze day, we shot worsles in the foot when sub Perez toe poked the baall into hiz own net with barely 3 minutes left on the clock to inflict wor 3rd home defeat in a row az we slide doon the leegue ladder!

That's 7 games in a row withoot a win and just 1 point taken from  the last 21----we are nuw just TWO points above the abyss and the 'winter of discontent' iz nuw upon us!

Geordie Times comment: Theeze are desperate times for NUFC---quite simply if 'The Fat Controller' (he woz absent again!) doesn't sell the club to 'The Amanda Staveley consortium' then we fear the worst and wor 'beloved owner'? could well oversea a 'hat-trick of relegation under hiz tenure in 9 years! (that (on average) would be a relegation every 3 years since he haz been in charge!!!!)
"FOR GODS SAKE SELL UP AND GET OOT OF WOR LIVES!"  

NUFC team line up and more pix to follow later az a'm gannin' 'oot on the hoy' shortly to drown my sorrows! (yet again!)

Sometime later!---"hic!"

Toon team: Darlow  Yedlin  Leujene  Clark  Manquillo  Murphy(Perez 71) Marino   Hayden   Richie(Atsu 62)   Gayle    Joselu (Mitrovic 88)

Attendance: 52,177 (3,000 'Basils')

THE 'LETS GAN ON A BENDER IN DECEMBER' CRUSADE CARRIED ON BEFORE AND AFTER THE MATCH!

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** TOMORROW EVENIN

Posted 6 30pm bells Friday 8th December 2017 at Trowell sorvices truck park

"HAPPY BORTHDAY TO 'US'!

We take on Lestaa at SJP in a live telly game tomorrow at 5 30 bells.
NUFC changed their name from Newcastle East End to Newcastle United exactly 125 years ago tomorrow
This could aalso be a special day for me, but I dont want to 'jump the gun' and will explain aall in mee match report on Sunday!

Hopefully 'the borthday boys' can stop the rot and end wor winless run which stretches to 6 games--- lets hope its '7 heaven come 7 bells tommorow neet!

News that Amanda (Staveley) haz met 'The fat controller' ower a curry in London aboot take ower talks is good news and hopefully the club will be under new ownership very soon!

We await with baited breath!!!!

(NE WHERE NEAR) BRIGHTIN U18s v THE TOON U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted just before 'high noon bells' Thorsday 7th December 2017

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE IN SEPTEMBER!

Tooneet wor U18s make the lang trip to The Amex Stadium in Falmer (which iz ne were near Brightin!) to take on Brightin's U18s in the FA Youth Cup!

Kick off iz at '6 bells' and we anticipate that there will be hardly any NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers at the game, due to the fact that we have been here 4 or 5 times before!---the last time just 3 months ago for a forst team game which we lost 1-0!

If yoo ARE gannin admission iz a fiver for big kids and 2 quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

A Geordie Times report on this game will appear here in due course! (probably at Woodall services truck park on  the M1 near Sheffield, sometime near midneet!)

Updated 11 25pm bells at Woodall services

The Toon won 5 0 at the AMEX with Kelland Watts scorin a hat trick (2 pens) with Lewis Cass and Kurtis Russell gettin the others to put wor U18s into the 4th roond draw
253 were in attendance (not known yet if any NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers torned up?)

329 weston homes community stadium, colchester

Ground number 329
Date of first visit: 4th December 2017
Weston Homes Community Stadium, Colchester

Colchester United U23s 1
Newcastle United U23s 2 (Luke Charman, 2)

Premier League Cup
Attendance: 175 estimated

"There's anly one Luke CHAPman!"

2 goals from Luke CHARman sealed this win in Colchestaa in front of a sparse crowd, which included 6 'NUFC mad sad groundhoppers' who had travelled doon from various parts of the north to see The Toon play on a leegue groond we had nevaa previously visited!

The groond iz one of those 'new build lego stadiums' that aall look the same with 4 smaall stands and iz 2 miles from Colchestaa toon centre

Aftaa THREE 😮disallowed goals for hand baalls and offside we finally made the breakthrough bang on half time when Charman fired home
(Durin this half we aalso hord the FA Cup draw which paired us with Luton who beat Gatesheed 5 0 on Sunday)

The home side equalised just after the restart through a defensive error, but justice woz done at the midpoint of the half when Charman sidefooted home to muted cheers from the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!

The team sheet said that Luke Chapman woz wor number 9 when in fact it woz Luke Charman and the stadium annooncer got it wrang, az well az the scoreboard operator!
Just after wor goal the ref, (who woz caalled 'Mr Hair'!) told wor number 3 Kyle Cameron that he "Was taking the mick!" when he went to take a throw in, by movin' forward 10 yards from where he shud have taken it, which brought merriment to the fans in the main stand!

'WE' got sommik very wrang az well, az we thought wor U23s were playin Colchestaaz forst team, when in fact it woz their U23 side! (Zero oot of ten for us!)(that's 'me', Dave from York, Alex of St George and Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer!) (Hence the very low 'crowd'!)

Some of the 175 (or so!)

who bothered to torn up!

"We woz there!"

(A rather crumpled team sheet!)

Footnote: Of the current 92 leegue groonds NUFC have now played on 80 of them---and 'The Geordie Times' haz been to aall 80 of them az well!😊

The pre match gargels took place here in Colchestaa toon centre

And the post match 'celebrations'

took place here near King's Cross in London

(Where several liquid lubrications were consumed!)

Updated '1:40 pm bells onwards 'Tuesday 5th December 2017

Aa got oot of bed at 6:45am bells at the hotel near King's Cross and caught the 8 bells train to get yem orly az aa had to gan to graft at 2pm bells.
It took just 2 hours 20 mins to get to Darlo at 10:20 bells (250miles)-- and then the train didnt move?
An annoncement ower the train tannoy telt the packed carriages that the train woz gannin "No where!" az somebody had been hit by a train forthaa up the line!
Aftaa an hours wait on the platform we were telt that replacement busses would take us to The Toon and by the time we got there at 1 pm bells it had taken langer to get from Darlo (35miles!)than it had from Kings Cross to Darlo!

Az mentioned aa had to gan to work at 2 bells and drive to Redditch in Worcestershire and back in mee truck, which iz a 440mile roond trip!
Who would be a Toon fan!?

COLCHESTAA v TOON U23s

Posted 7 bells Munday 4th December 2017

Latest score updated periodicalleeee!
HT 1  0 UP  (LUKE CHARMAN)
FT WON 2  1 (LUKE CHARMAN)☺

Match report tomorrow

THE STADIUM OF SSHHH!!!! ("NOW YIH NAA WHY!")

Posted '10:50am bells' Munday 4th December 2017

sund'lind's new seats arrive to replace the faded pink ones!

If yoo ever wondered why NUFC fans caall sund'linds groond 'The Stadium of Sh***e then the answer iz here! >>>>>>>>>> 

One of their bretheren decided to drop hiz strides durin' Saturday's 3-1 defeat to Readin' and unbelievably had a 'number 2' on hiz seat, much to the disgust of fellow fans beside him!

Pictures and comments then appeared on WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook and my phone went 'mental'!

reaction from fellow supporters!

sund'lind unvail plans to make

the stadium of sshhh!!!! (yee naa wot!) an indoor arena!


The press have named the story
'POO GATE' and
the mackem who did a 'number 2'
denied he had done it,
(he would---wouldnt he!)
despite drinkin 12 bottles of Bud and 6 pints
of Strongbow Dark Fruit and
2 chocolates from hiz advent calender?
He says he cant remember a thing,
so how does he know he didn't do it?,
especially when fellow fans around him said
HE DID! (why would they make it up?)