"CHRISTMAS CRACKERS!"

Posted '6 30pm bells' Thorsday 19th October 2017 @ Trowell sorvices truck park

The NUFC telly fixtures for orly December and Xmas have just been released and are az follows!



Chelski, away 12 45 bells, SKY, Sat 2nd Dec

Lestaa, home 5 30 bells, SKY, Sat 9th Dec

The Toffee Noses, home 7 45 bells, (Ne TV) Wed 13th Dec

The Arse away 3 00 bells, (Ne TV) Sat 16th Dec

The Jellied Eels Mob, away 3 00 bells, (Ne TV) Sat 23rd Dec

The Blue Moonies, home 7 45 bells, SKY, Wed 27th Dec

Fixtures after this still to be picked for live telly

TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED TODAY! (ALLEDGEDLEEE!)

Posted 2 30am bells Thorsday 19th October 2017  
Updated high noon bells!

Todays the day when the Xmas telly games are said to be released and we wait with trepidation to see if we are playin West Ham in London on Xmas eve, plus othaa unsocial fixtures!

Its nearly high noon bells and still ne news of where we will be gannin ower the Xmas period

The Geordie Times will update az soon az we find oot! -''-"Deep breath!"

"AMANDA'S HAVIN' A GANDER!"

Posted '1:15 pm bells' Wednesday 18th October 2017

We hear that British financier Amanda Staveley IZ interest in buyin' NUFC for hor firm PCP Capital, but iz offerin £50-100 million less than 'The Fat Controller' wants!

The back page of

Today's 'Ronny Gill'

More on aall this az it unravels!

SPORTS DIRECT MEGA MILLIONS SALE!

Posted 6 30 pm bells Munday 16th October 2017 at Trowell Sorvices truck park M1 (southbound)

"Sale now on!

£350 million or

nearest offer!"

News reaches The Geordie Times via the '5 bells' news on mee truck radio on the M1 that NUFC owner known affectionatly to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller', haz put the club up for sale--(again!) and wants it sold by Xmas
Affter 2 relegations and several othaa relegation battles under hiz 'leadership' in 10 years, he haz finally seen sense and iz sellin up--hopefully to an affluent arab or a very rich Russian billionaire, who will bankroll wor great club and have us challengin for major honours---we dream on and await with baited breath az to who will actually buy us!

Of course we've hord aall this before and wont reeely beleeeve it, til it actually happens!?

PS: He iz so desperate to sell that he iz offerin' the club in staggered instalments, just like yoo were buyin' a 3 peeece suite on 'tick'!
(get now!--pay later!)


Watch this space for more details az they unravel!

SOOOTHAMPTON 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards Munday 16th October 2017

Wor 10th visit to St Mary's Stadium ended in a 2-2 draw and if you'd asked me before the match I would have settled for that.

But we reeely shud have won this, but for a daft tackle in the penalty box by Leujene in the 2nd half cost us the 3 points, az Sooothampton convorted the resultin' penalty to bring the game back to 2-2!

With the backin' of a selloot 3,000 plus fans in the Northam End, we attacked that goal in the forst half in wor new aall blue change kit (light blue tops, dark blue shorts)
We had sold 3,200 tickets for the game but some fans didn't make it az the '8 bells' train on the Sunday mornin' broke doon with a dodgy wheel and it took them FOWER HOURS (4 hours) to get to York ---a ONE hour jorney normally! Some fans 'gave up' and torned back, while othaaz hired a mini bus and taxis to get them there! (A very expensive way to get from York to Sooothampton!)
We (luckily) had travelled doon the day before and had nee problems gettin' there!

We started off well and took the lead in the 20th minute when an Atsu shot rebounded to Hayden 20yards oot and he planted the baall into the net to send 'the faithful' into raptures!---and that's the way it stayed until the break!

And then just after the restart the home side equalised through Gabbadini who squeezed the baall past Elliot in The Toon goal!

Straight away we regained the lead at the othaa end when a through baall from Richie foond Perez who wellied the baall into the net in the 50th minute!---could we hang on?---the answer woz NO! az that daft tackle by Lejeune (when the baall woz ne where near the goal) left the ref with ne choice but to give the penalty which Gabbiadini convorted!

Lejuene had a chance at the very end to redeem himself, but hiz heeder woz cleared off the line by a Sooothampton defender!
Final score 2-2!

Wor jorney back to Waaterloo Station in London woz horrendous!
I managed to get a seat in the mad scramble to get on the train BUT! an elderly gentleman with a handlebar moustache pushin' a wheeled zimmerframe got on and kindly asked me and the lad next to me if we would give up wor seats az they were disabled seats!
I volunteered and gave him my seat, but then had to stand the entire 2 hour jorney back to London, with people packed around with ne where to move!---MY good deed for the YEAR! ---for certain!

We managed to grab a quick pint in The Scottish Stores boozer near King's Cross and then endure a 4 hour jorney back to The Toon in a near empty train (in complete contrast to the Waaterloo train I had TWO seats to meesel!)

It woz 'nice and peaceful' until we got to York station where 2  very drunken 'happy slappers' got on!
They were dead loud and told anyone who cared to listen that they lived in Carmel Road North in Darlo and then started on aboot how they liked 'hot dogs'!---(NOT! the ones yoo get in a tin!)
PS: for those of yoo under the age of 16 readin this--ask your mammy and daddy wot that meeenz!

They soon shut up though when the ticket inspector told them they had 'Cross Country' train tickets which wornt valid on 'Virgin Trains' and they were charged an extra £25 each!
They WORNT 'happy bunnies' after this and complained that they had 'open tickets' to the inspector!---He said "yes they are, but NOT for Virgin Trains"!
They staggered off the train at Darlo and we had peace again for the final 30 mins of the jorney back to The Toon, where we eventually arrived at '2 am bells', some 8 hours after gettin' on the forst train in Sooothampton!

After a few hours kip "ZZZZzzzz!!!!" I woz up again at '11 30 bells' to write this report before heedin for work and a 440 mile roond trip to Redditch in Worcestershire in mee truck at '2 30 pm bells'
NE REST FOR THE WICKED!

Team line ups to follow later at Woodall Sorvices truck park on the 'M1' when I stop for a 45 min break on the way back from Redditch!


(Sometime later at 'Woodall' at 11 15pm bells)
Toon team:  Elliot  Lascelles  Yedlin  Lejeune  Manquillo  Ritche  Hayden  Shelvey  Atsu (Murphy 82)  Perez (Merino 63)  Joselu (Gayle 68)

Attendance 31,437 (3,200 Toon tickets sold but there were a few empty seats due to that train breakin doon and some very unfortunate fans missin the game because of that!)
(One of many reasons to gan doon the day before!)

For more 'pub crawl' photos see next article doon!


Tuesday update:
 Wor U21s were in action at St Mary's last neet in front of a 471 'crowd' and were slaughtered 6-2 and witnessed by 'Glennn from Ashington' who stayed an extra night to watch it!
Now THAT'S what yi caall 'A MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER'!

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON PUB PHOTOS

Posted 11 am bells and throughoot the day Sunday 15th October 2017

London Kings Cross pub crawl last neet

Blondie enjoys a 'light' ale!

This pint of 'dishwater'  

cost £5 15 in the above boozer!

SOOTHAMPTON

HALF TIME  1  0  UP!☺

(HAYDEN)

FULL TIME   DREW 2  2

(PEREZ)

BACK IN LONDON---POST MATCH

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here tomorrow dinnaatime!

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON! (WHEN ELSE?)

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 13th October 2017
Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday---onwards!

"IT TOOK QUITE A FEW 'LEGO BRICKS' TO BUILD THIS!"

Despite assurances that live telly games up until December 18th would be announced yesterday (Thorsday), this HAZZENT materialised <(we naa aall the big words!) which leaves us in limbo once again az we (of course) cannit book trains or hotels until we naa when the games are bein played!

Once again this weekend---and for the 4th time this season, (oot of 4 away games played!) we must heed south, this time to Sooothampton for a '4 bells' Sunday kick off yet again, for the whims of SKY telly!---a near 700 mile roond trip for the THORD away game in a row on a Sunday (Swanzee '4 bells', 700 plus, Brighton '4 bells', just under 700 miles!) ('uddersfield woz a 'mere' 220 miles roond trip)

We play in Sooothampton's fairly new 'Lego Stadium' (see photo and compare to a Lego model!) in the St Mary's district of the toon (hence their nickname of 'The Saints' and name of the groond!)
NUFC will have the backin' of a MAGnificent 3,200 fans in The Norham Stand, despite the distance involed and timin' of the game
(It woz sold oot weeks ago!)

Their groond iz a clone of several 'Lego build stadiums', includin' The Smoggies, Stoke, Derby, Lestaa and Hull!

WE travel in confidence rather than trepidation az we find wor feet in the top half of the top flight and hopefully we can pick up at least a point and possibly 3!
Haidara and Dummett are both still knackered, but Atsu,Shelvey and Richie look likely to play after various injuries!
This iz wor 10th visit to St Mary's where we have lost the last 4, scorin just 1 solitary goal in the process!
Wor last win here woz back in 2004 when an own goal and a shot from Stephen Carr (remember him?) gave us a 2-1 victory 

Mikel Merino, who haz been on loan from Borussia Dortmund haz nuw signed a porminant deal for a reported £9 million quid, which iz great news az he iz a canny player!

For a match report (of sorts) and pix see 'Geordie Times' sometime on Sunday neet when we are travellin back on the train from Soothampton via King's Cross (London)
------Az per usual---watch this space for forthaa updates!

PS: Mee forst ever visit to Sooothampton woz some 48 years ago in February 1969----'The Dell' ('Ground number 8')---and av 'dug the archive match report up from that game and one from November 1984 which are printed below! 

"THE QWAATAA OF A THOOOSAND CLUB!"

Posted '1:00 pm bells' Wednesday 11th October 2017

On this day 12 years ago aa visited mee 250th groond watchin' 'The Toon' and a archive match report on that game iz published below!

"IT'S AALL YOGI BEAR'S FAULT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 11th October 2017

"HA! HA!--IT'S ALL MY FAULT THAT 'THE TOON ARMY'

HAVE GOT TO TRAVEL TO LONDON THIS XMAS!"

At last the FA have admitted that there WILL BE live games on Xmas Eve, with chief executive Peter Scudamore sayin' that aall games chosen will kick off before '4 bells'! ("ER!"---sorry! That shud read RICHARD Scudamore!---Peter Scudamore woz a jockey!)

So that's aall reet then???---shud wor game at 'The Jellied Eels Mob' (West Ham) be one of 'the chosen few', then it will kick off anytime between '11 bells' in the mornin' and '3 bells' in the afternoon!---It STILL doesn't make it any easier for travel arrangements az the train and air prices will be at a premium and the roads will be 'rammed' on Xmas Eve of course with friends and family travellin to see loved ones ower the festive period!

Wot it meenz in effect---IZ!---we will be forced to travel doon to London the day before and hope (against hope!) to catch the last train back to Tyneside after the game! (dependin on the kick off time of course!)

To compound things--and make it a bit more expensive to travel' the Xmas fixtures for live telly, due to be announced this week, wont now be announced til October 19th (the nearer the game--the more expensive the tickets are!)

Yogi Bear, who invented the TV haz got a lot to answer for, az before hiz 'invention' aall games kicked off at '3 bells' on a Saturday or '7 30 bells' midweek ("ER!"---or woz it LOGIE BAIRD who invented the telly?)  🔻

"THE DEADLY QUESTION!"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Munday 9th October 2017

News reaches The Geordie Times that wor next 3 games have aall been selt oot!

Sooothampton away next Sunday <(wot!---yet anothaa Sunday away day?) where we have sold wor allocation of 3,200 tickets

Palace at home on Saturday 21st October iz now completely sold oot--it's not known if Palace have taken up their full allocation of 3,200?---we expect NOT and that they will have around aboot 1,000 in level 7 of The Leazes End!

Bornley away on Munday 30th October iz sold oot az well and we will have 2,500 fans behind the goal! (wor FIFTH away game in a row where we wont be playin on the traditional Saturday '3 bells' slot) (and EIGHTH if yoo include the last 3 games from last season!)
PS: the last time we played an away game at '3 bells' on a Saturday woz at Borminghham City on March 18th!---SEVEN months ago!

And then there's the dreaded fixture list for December, where we fully expect to be playin on yet anothaa away Sunday, which just happens to be Xmas Eve v West Ham!

I told 'wor lass' and she asked me 'the deadly question'

"What will yoo do if they play on Xmas Eve?"

"You'll just have to spend Xmas Day on own then!", I defiantly replied!

"OH!" she said, "I wont need to cook the turkey then!--yoo can have it on Boxin' Day!"

Seriously! I WILL be yem for Xmas----even if I have to drive to London and back on Xmas Eve!

(see article below!)

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