SWANZEE TICKETS STILL ON SALE!?

Posted '1:30pm bells': Tuesday 5th September 2017***'Updated '11 00pm bells' @ Woodall sorvices truck park, M1

A Swanzee ticket

"Get yours now!"

Wor allocation of 2,000 tickets for wor away game at Swanzee this Sunday have still not sold oot!
Many Toon fans have complained on social media that its unfair for the likes of 'me' to get priority for away tickets under the loyalty points scheme az they cant get their hands on any tickets!
They CAN!   Swanzee ticket are now on sale to non season ticket holders! (ie: Joe Public who haz NEVER been to a game could get one at the ticket office!)
Soothampton away tickets are aalso on sale for those that have 25 loyalty points (thats those who have attended 25 away games in the last 22 years!)

In March 1995 The Toon played Everton away in the FA Cup qwaata finals and the ticket office woz swamped with ower 20,000 applications for the 6,000 tickets on offer!

To stop this 'mayhem' / NUFC season season ticket holders were asked if they wanted a random system where anybody could get a ticket by 'luck of the draw' ---ÒR a loyalty points system where fans were given priority on away games attended!
Fans voted for THE LOYALTY POINTS SYSTEM which haz been in place ever since!

Of course many fans just want to gan to the big games like Man U, Liverpool or of course WEMBLEY, but give the likes of  a near 800 miles roond trip to Swanzee on a Sunday afternoon at '4 bells' a MISS!---_az its live on the telly anyway!

Personally I have in the region of 500 loyalty points and I am guarenteed a ticket, az I have an 'Away season ticket' az well!
You may say that this iz unfair and a lottery shud be used---but listen to this--20 odd years ago we played Man U away and because of buildin work NUFC were anly given a few hundred tickets

  The club had 2 busses to this game and 'the carrot' woz you were gaurenteed a ticket if you travelled with them!
Some of wor own fans on the busses sold their match tickets for up to TWENTY TIMES the ticket price to othaa fans desperate to get in (some fans paid £300 for £15 tickets!)
If you were one of those 'fans' who sold 'your soul' for a vast profit that day---"then hang your head in shame!"

ie: _If there woz a lottery, then fans who had ne intention of gannin to any away games, could apply for  tickets and they might be lucky and get one--- and then sell them on the black market!

Dont forget it woz the NUFC fans who voted for the loyalty system in the forst place!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) (328 & coontin'!)

THE MEADOWHELL MENTAL MOB 1 THE BAD BLUE BOYS 3

Posted 11 05am bells Sunday 3rd September 2017 *** Dilibrit missteak updated Tuesday

                  Jimmy 'Charge sheet' 1 one the                                 Meadowhell Mental Mob!

Withoot a Toon fixture this weekend, we (Me, Grumpy Stumpy and The Silver Fox!) decided to heed for North Shields on the  Metro where Dunston were playin in 'The River Tyne derby'

Shields play in the Meadowell district of the toon, which woz the scene of serious riots in the orly 90s!  And it woz with trepidation az we left the Metro and waalked through the estate to the groond, some 10 minutes distance from the station!

We somehow made it in one piece and heeded for the clubhoose situated behind one of the goals.
We were 'greeted' by some of the North Shields Ultras and luckily we naa quite a few az they Toon fans just like us!

Jimmy 'Charge-Sheet' woz there alang with Bill Quay Kev, Sensible Tony (anything but!) and a few othaas!
Jimmy iz so caalled az he haz 100s of 'charge sheets' against him from the 'Dibble' (police!)
He haz loads of tattoos, with the most prominent the Tyne bridge on hiz neck and a Dr Marten boot on hiz baaldin heed, with the word 'SKINHEAD' below the boot! (See top picture!)
Not a man to cross---unless yoo have a ' death wish'!

Some of the Mental Mob!

The game kicked off with The Meadowhell Mental Mob on the embankment to the left of the clubhoose and they were 'takin the p*ss oot of Dunston, claimin that they were ' A smaall toon in Whickham!  (The village on a hill above Dunston)

But it woz The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston who had the last laugh az their centre forward, caalled Fitzgerald (who Dunston had signed from WHICKHAM!) scored a superb forst half hat trick to silence 'The Mob'

 In the 2nd half az Shields attack the goal nearest to "The Mental Mob', they gave the bearded  linesman horrendous stick az he ran up and doon the line, claimin that desision after desision woz wrang and at one point  I thought they were gannin to climb ower the fence and attack him! ---it woz that hostile!

"Who wud want to be a linesman here?"

The Meadowhell side did pull one goal back, but The Bad Blue Boys held on to claim victory!
After the match we heeded back to the clubhoose for a bit 'chin wag' with the locals, before heedin back to The Toon for some more 'liquid lubrications'!

"We woz there!"

(A bus/Metro ticket!)

Attendance 300 (est) (40 Bad Blue Boys)

The pre and post match 'gargels' took place in several locations!

A nice touch!  The North Shields cluboose pays tribute to The Undertaker and Liam from the Lamp who were tragically killed on their way to New Zealand in July 2014 to watch The Toon, when the plane they were travellin on got shot doon ower the Ukraine!

(NE29 iz the postcode for North Shields!)

T

Did yoo spot wor delibrit missteak?

We said that the Dunston centre foreward woz caalled FitzGERALD when in fact hiz name iz FitzPATRICK!

Award yorsel 6 'Brownie' points if yoo got this reet!  _(Paper cuttin from the Sunday Sun)

JUST WHERE DO WE GAN FROM HERE?

Posted '6 30pm bells' Friday 1st September 2017 at The truck park, Trowell sorvices, M1

        "Its my train set and I'll do what I like!"

The unbridled joy of promotion in May haz been replaced by utter dispair in September!
We thought (wrongly!) that wor beloved  owner? known affectionatly az The Fat Controller to Toon fans had finally lornt hiz lesson after 2 disastrous relegations (and several near misses!)

Unfortunatly HE HASNT LORNT A THING and yet anothaa relegation battle looms with ne hope of anythin better!
We now have players who naa that they are not wanted anymore (Gayle for example!) and they must be az dispirited az the rest of us!

We fully expect that Rafa will 'walk' before wor away game at Swanzee a week on Sunday and that yet anothaa 'yes man' will replace him!

Promises of trophy challenges are laughable ( a resorve X1 v Forest in the Leegue Cup) and a 'Chamions Leegue' top 4 finish are ridiculous (more like a bottom 4 finish!)
The Checkatrade Trophy looks wor best bet, playin against the likes of Crewe, Port Vale and Colchester! (with wor resorve side!)

£210 MILLION haz been spent by Premyaa Leegue clubs yesterday-- but not a PENNY by us!!!

Its a very sorry state of affairs!---thats for sure!

NUFC TRANSFOR WINDOW DEADLINE DAY ***THE STORY SO FAR!

Posted throoughoot transfor deadline day
Thorsday 31st August 2017

                      "ANOTHER FINE MESS!"

ITS JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT BELLS AND THERE HAVE BEEN NE SIGNINGS BY THE
'11 00 BELLS' DEADLINE!
ITS GROUNDHOG DAY!    ITS A SHAMBLES!   HELP!

IN
Atsu , Lejeune , Jacob Murphy , Manquillo, Joselu, Merino (loan)
Kenedy, possible loan (DIDNT HAPPEN!);

TARGETS
Lucas Perez  an Arsenal striker
Cenk Tosun £ 8 million bid aledgedleee
Anothaa target iz Sooothampton  defender Matt TARGETT! (NON SIGNED!)

OOT
Anita, Sammy Ameobi, Gouffran, Vuckic, Satra, Riviere, aall released
Thauvin, Mbabu, Daryl Murphy, Hanley, Siem De Jong, aall sold


Lazaar on way (hopefully!)
Armstrong, Sels, Toney, aall loaned
Gayle-- £15 million bid from Fulim
Toon want £20 million---Norwich and Leedz aalso interested (DIDNT HAPPEN!)
Tim Krul haz moved to Brighton

EARLIER, WHEN WE HAD A BIT HOPE!
Its 6 45 bells at Trowell Sorvices on the M1 az I write this from mee truck cab---just ower 4 hours to gan til the window closes and NE new signins today yet!?

THE ALEX 1st team 1 THE TOON U23s 2 **** CHECKATRADE TROPHY GROUP D

Posted 11 35 pm bells Tuesday 29th August 2017 @ Woodall Sorvices on the M1 !

The Toon ran oot 2-1 winners in wor forst ever Checkatrade Trophy game at Crewe Alex

Goals from Liam Smith and Luke Charman secured the victory in front of 1,351 spectators includin 135 Toon groundhoppers housed in the ridiculously named 'Ice Cream Van Stand'!!! (Even The Geordie Times couldnt have made that one up!)

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz sent us some pix from the game (and a very brief match report!) az I write this at Woodall Services on the M1 near Sheffield!
"The wonders of modern technologeee!"

Toon fans in The 'Ice Cream enclosure'!
"Can I have a '99' with a Cadburys flake pleeeze!"

THE ALEX U23s v THE TOON U23s **** CHECKATRADE TROPHY*** TOONEET!

Posted 'just after high noon bells' Tuesday 29th August 2017

"CAN I HAVE A 99 WITH LOADS OF FLAKES AND LOLLIES PLEEEZE!?"

Tooneet wor U23s travel to Crewe for a Checkatrade Trophy group 'D' match at the renamed Alexandra Stadium (formely Gresty Road)

Toon fans will be housed in the ridiculously named 'ICE CREAM VAN STAND' (Dont believe me?---then see photo below!)

'The NUFC mad sad groundhoppers' WILL be represented by 2 or 3 fans who have never seen The Toon play here before! ('We' at 'The Geordie Times' were here in the orly 90s for a Leeegue Cup tie, which we won 4-3 after bein 3-0 doon!) (ie: most of us will give it 'a miss' az we've 'got the tee shirt' from this groond!)

NUFC mad-sad groundhopper rules:
If its a competitive first team game anywhere or on a new groond we must gan! (Includin' Europe) (Rule 1a !)

If its a competitive U23/reserve or junior game on a proper new groond, we must attempt to gan!
(ie: An enclosed groond with stands) (Games on trainin pitches/fields not compulsary!) (Rule17c !)

If its a forst team friendly on a new groond, we must attempt to gan ( not aalways possible if its in Europe or beyond!) (Rule 2d !)

If its a U23/reserve or junior competitive game on a groond we have previously visited, then we can 'give it a miss' (like Crewe) (rule 47b!)

PS: Crewe's Gresty Road groond ( az it woz then caalled!) woz mee 106th groond and 100th for a forst team game!

A match report (of sorts!) will appear here sometime on Wednesday!

THE TOON 3 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted ' 9 31am bells' Sunday 27th August 2017
Updated Munday with more pix!

"JOSELU'S GIANTS!"

Toon fans went to this game with nerves janglin az we just didnt know wot kind of performace we wud put in!

We need'nt have worried az we put on an excellent show for the 52,000 in attendance!

Lets be honest here, West Ham were very poor and we took advantage of this az we attacked The Gallowgate goal in the forst half.
'Jossy' Joselu in particular looks a great buy az he jinked and moved easily through the Jellied Eels defence and he woz rewarded near the end of the half when Atsu crossed the baall and he woz on hand to toe poke the baall into the net for forst goal of the season after 2 blank Premyaa games!

The crowd went wild with relief more than anythin else and we went in 1-0 up at the break!

We dominated the 2nd half with both Perez and Richie gannin close.
The 2nd goal woz anly a matter of time and Clark got it az he heeded into the Leazes net after good work fromPerez and Ritchie!

'Supersub' Mitrovic completed the scorin with 4 mins left on the clock , when he woz put clean through and he rounded Joe Hart in the visitors goal to sidefoot the baall into the goal az 'The Jellied Eels Mob' exited the groond in their droves!
A 'giant' performance from the lads and especially Joselu az we climbed to 14th position in the table (The Geordie Times forecast at the start of the season!)

With 7 of wor next 8 games against 'lesser' teams,we have a great chance to cosolidate wor position in the top flight!
Toon team: Elliot, Manqillo, Lascelles, Clark, Merino, Hayden (Diame 82), Ritchie (Murphy 88), Perez, Atsu, Joselu (Mitrovic 72)

Attendance: 52,093 (6 more than woz annoonced ower the tannoy!)  (3,100 p*ssed off 'Jellied Eels'!)
*Explanation: 'Jellied eels' are a Cockney delicasy in east London where West Ham come from! (See 'ground 009 in archive section for a match report from Upton Park in 1969)

Zac and Jamie celebrate!

The pre match 'gargels' took place in 

The Bodega and Soho

The Gallowgate flag bearers march doon Leazes Park Road before the game in a show of solidarity, chantin' Rafa's name az they gan!

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11 00am bells' Saturday 26th August 2017
Half time and full time scores wil be posted az soon az pissible ("er!---that shud read 'possible'!)

We gan into todays game pointless against a pointless West Ham--- so somethin' will have to give---at some point!
Hopefully 3 points for 'us' and nen for them!
A 6 pointer aalready? After just 2 games played?
We reeely do need to win this or else we will be in the mire for certain

Still ne more players through the door like a proven striker  to bolster wor blank Leegue 'goals for' column, with just 4 days left before the transfor window slams shut!

Az we've said before--the current squad simply isnt good enough az Rafa haz said repeatedly!
Yoo reeely do have to speculate to accumulate (points!)----but try tellin that to wor 'beloved owner'!--- who seems 'blind' to the threat of a THIRD relegation under his 'leadership'!

However! We MUST get behind the team and cheer them on to victory (hopefully!)
A full Geordie Times match report will appear here ob Sunday az per usual!

We will post online the half time and full time score asap below

Half time score: 1  0 up
Josalu

Full time score: won 3  0!
Joselu  Clark   Mitrovic

Attendance:52,087

328 heritage park bishop auckland (v mboro u23s)

Ground number 328
Date of First Visit: 25th August 2017
Heritage Park, Bishop Auckland

Middlesbrough U23s  1
Newcastle United U23s  0

Premier League 2, Division 2
Attendance: 474 (includin' at least 8 mad-sad groundhoppers!)

"MEET ME ON THE CORNER WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE COMIN' ON!"

This linesman haz a very famous name

But who iz he? The clue iz in the title!

 (Answer below!)

The Toon and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' paid wor forst ever visit to the new home of Bishop Auckland FC, which iz actually in the village of St Helen Auckland to the west of 'Bishop' and iz the base for The Smoggies U23 side for the season
Middlesbrough iz some 30 miles distant to the east which makes it a very strange venjue to play 'home games' (St James' Park to the north iz aboot the same distance!)

The groond iz virtually surronded by a huge Sainsbury's superstore behind one side of the groond and a Sainsbury's petrol station behind the right hand goal.
And just alang the road iz a boozer  caalled 'The March Hare', where we heeded for some much needed 'liquid lubrication' before kick off , az we were told that the clubhoose under the main stand woz 'off limits'?

It woz then back to the groond where we heeded for the grass bank opposite the main stand

The game kicked off with The Toon kickin towards 'The Sainsbury's Petrol Station End' and we had several chances to take the lead, but couldnt find the net!

The Smoggies had some chances az well and they made the breakthrough bang on half time with a scrambled effort, az the rain made an appearence from the heavens above!

The 2nd half was dominated by us, but we simply couldnt get on the score sheet, despite bein' the better team!
A Kyle Cameron effort at 'The Sainsburys' Superstore End' woz tipped ower the bar by the Boro goalie in the 61st minute and  a Mac Gillesphey divin heeder went very close 10mins later
A great shot from Dan Barlaser came off the post in the very last minute of the game and  the baall went agonisingly behind for a goal kick!
This woz wor last chance and the ref blew to end the game not long after this!

Can yoo spot the famous assistant referee?
(Havvint got the FOGgiest!)

FOOTNOTE:
For those of yoo who are under the age of 60!  An explanation to the title of this story.
One of the linesmen/assistant referee's woz caalled Alan Hull---The same name az the lead singer of the Geordie folk group caalled 'Lindisfarne' who had 2 massive hits in the 1970's    One woz caalled 'Fog on the Tyne' and the other woz caalled 'Meet me on the corner'

The top picture shows linesman Alan Hull near the corner flag just after the floodlights had been switched on!
The 1st line of the song gans: "Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on and I'll be there---I promise I'll be there!"

Alan Hull from Lindisfarne

wearin a  Toon top!

THE SMOG MONSTERS U23s v THE TOON U23s

Posted '1 00pm bells' Friday 25th August 2017
Score updates at half time and full time

Later on this evenin 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' travel to Bishop Auckland's Heritage Park, where 'The Smoggies' are playin some of their U23s games this season.
The Toon U23s are their opponents and az usual we will be oot in force to support wor 'second string' az we 'clock up' yet anothaa new groond! (aall 10 of us!)
Kick off iz at '7 bells', but if yoo are gannin then heed for St Helens Auckland on the A688 and the groond iz there next to a Sainsbury's superstore!

It seems strange that The Smog Monsters are playin 'home games' nearly 30 miles from The Riverside Stadium (Its aboot the same distance from St James' Park!)
But the same could be said aboot Stoke who play resorve games at St Georges Park near Burton some 30 miles distant from The Britannia Stadium?

A match report and pix will appear here by tomorrow dinnatime!
Half time and full time score will be put online az soon az possible!

Half time score: 1  0 doon

Full time score:lost 1  0

Attendance: 350 est