NOT! IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT YET!

Posted '10:47am bells' Munday 2nd May 2016

Results ower the weekend meen that we are oot of the bottom 3 with just 2 games to gan, 1 clear of 'The SMBs' and 2 clear of 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' who languish in 2nd bottom place!

However!!!--both wor rivals have games in hand which they play on Wednesday week ,when the mackems are at home to Everton and Norwich are at home to Watford!

A win for us at 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' next Saturday and defeats for both 'The SMBs' who are at home to Chelski and 'The Custards' who are at home to Man U, will then put us FOWER points clear of the drop zone!
Of course any othaa results would be a disaster on Saturday and it looks very likely that it will gan doon to the last day of the season (for the 2nd year runnin'!) when we play title chasers Sporz

However!!!--a draw or a defeat for Sporz at Chelski toneet in "west Landan" would meen that they WOULD NOT be able to win the Leegue at 'wor place' and that Lestaa City would be crowned champions!
We need aall the help we can get! "Come on Chelski!" (toneet AND Saturday!)


Updated: '10:20pm bells'

Sporz anly drew at Chelski meenin' that they CANNIT now win the Leegue @ SJP a week on Sunday!
'The Basil Brush Brigade' are champions!---whoever would have believed that at the start of the season???

THE TOON 1 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '12:57pm bells' Sunday 1st May 2016

ANDROS TOONSEND (right hand side of box) HITS AN UNSTOPPABLE
SHOT PAST THE PALACE KEEPER
(Geordie Times excluuusive pic from The Milburn Stand balcony!)

For the forst time in ower 3 months we are oot of the bottom 3 thanx no less to Andros Toonsend and Karl Darlow!

Pardew's Palace came for a point---ne more--ne less--and they frustrated the crowd by continual time wastin' in the forst period!

The major breakthrough came in the 58th minute @ The Leazes End when Andros Toonsend hit an unstoppable free kick from the edge of the box to beat Hennessey in the Palace goal--aall ends up!

This sent most of the 52,000 crowd into raptures az the roof waz nearly lifted off the stadium!

A disgraceful penalty decision came in the 70th minute when the visitors were awarded a bafflin' penalty for 'hand baall' accordin' to the ref???
Yohan Cabaye <(remember him?) stepped up to take it and hiz spot kick waz brilliantly saved by Karl Darlow who dived to hiz left to parry the baall away to safety---and this save drew even LOUDER NOISE from the Toon faithful!

6 minutes stoppage time waz played az we bit wor fingers and tore wor hair oot and finally the ref blew for full time az we celebrated wildly---News that The SMBs had drawn at Stoke due to an injury time penalty and later on that Norwich had lost to 'The Arse' meant that we had climbed oot of the 'abyss'!---although both wor rivals have a game in hand!

"Bring on The Villa!" <(next Saturday away!)

Toon team: Darlow, Anita (Shelvey 88), Dummett, Tiote, Mbemba, Lascelles, Colback, Wijnaldum (Perez  80), Sissoko, Cisse (Mitrovic 72), Toonsend

Attendance: 52, 107 (1,800 Crystal Baalls!)  *

DAFT TOMMY RIP

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 29th April 2016

"LITTLE WHITE BULL!" WAZ TOMMY'S FAVORITE SONG.
HE USED TO STAND ON THE CRASH BARRIERS IN THE
OLD 'GALLOWGATE END' AND SING IT TO THE CROWD IN THE 1970's! 

Sad news reached us last Sunday that a Toon fan known az Daft Tommy (Tommy Crane) passed away at the age of 70.
This haz now been conformed and we make ne apology for diggin' this little gem up again from wor visit to Sheffield United some 44 years ago on April Fools Day 1972! (see below!)

RIP 'DAFT TOMMY'! --"Yoo will NEVAA be forgotten!"

"Aaltogethaa now!---"Once apon a time there was a little white bull!"---"LITTLE WHITE BULL!!!"

THE TOON v THE CRYSTAL BAALLS *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Updated '11:49am bells' Friday 29th April 2016

ACTION FROM LAST SEASON'S GAME @ SJP!
(A 3-3 DRAW!)

We gan into the next game against Pardew's Palace tomorrow afternooon knowin' that a win will take us oot the bottom 3 IF the SMBs and Norwich lose!

It's definitely 'squeeeky bum time' and the next week or so will surely define which direction we will be heedin' next season?-----
(The M62 to Manchester and Liverpool--OR!---the M1/A38 to Rotherham, Burton and beyond!)

At the time of writin', the game iz heedin' for a complete sell-oot---no thanx to Palace, mind, who returned quite a few tickets!

Since Xmas Palace have anly won ONE oot of EIGHTEEN games and gained just 10 points oot of a possible 54, which actually worse than wor retorn of 13 points from 54 in the same period!
Wor home record isn't that bad of late. We have played 7 home games since the start of the year, winnin' 3, drawin' 3 and losin' just ONCE <(beleeeve it or not?)

We reeely must get behind the team and cheer them onto victory and hope (above hope!) that the othaa results gan wor way!
WE LIVE IN HOPE!---WE MUST BELEEEEVE!

THE LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 24th April 2016

THE TOON (in white) ATTACK THE ANFIELD ROAD END (1st half)
(View from row 22, seat 62)

"WE DE BELEEEVE IN MIRACLES!"

In wor preview to this game we said we needed miracles to get us oot of the relegation zone and a precious point @ Anfield after bein' 2-0 doon after half an hour waz a 'miracle' indeed!

It started off oh so badly when Sturridge put The Liverbirds 1-0 up after barely ONE MINUTE on the clock and aall looked lost, even at this stage!
We were aaful once again on the road and it waz soon 2-0 to the home side when Lallana torned on the edge of the box and hit a shot into the corner of the net, givin' Darlow ne chance in the Toon goal!---and a cricket score in their favour looked on the cards az many Toon fans heeded for the concourse for a few 'liquid lubrications' in resigned defeat!

But 'The Wally with the Brolly' and hiz 'white flag of surrender' iz NOT in charge now (thank god!)
'Rafa the Gaffa' haz a different mentality and he telt hiz players at half time that they had 'nowt to lose now' and to 'gan for the jugular'!


THE TOON ON THE ATTACK @ THE KOP END


This they did az we attacked the 'Kop End' and within fower minutes of the restart we pulled a goal back when a Vernon Anita cross from the right foond Papiss Cisse's heed and he nodded the baall past Mignolet in the Liverbird's goal!---'game on!?'

CISSE HEEDS HOME (top of picture)

Well ---YES! az we attacked the Kop and had a couple of chances before the 'miracle happened' when Jack Colback fired home from the edge of the box from a Toonsend cross in the 66th minute 'to get wor kicks' <(get it?)

COLBACK (far left in white) SCORES WOR EQUALISER!

This nearly lifted the roof off 'The Anfield Road End' where we were housed az Rafa's name rang oot from the travellin' faithful!---We could even have won it at the end but it wasn't to be and we had to settle for a solitary point to bring us on level torms with the SMBs and just one point behind Norwich City! (although they both have games in hand on us!)

'The Arse' can de us a massive favour today by winnin' at 'The SOS' against 'The SMB's and then beatin' The Canary Custards' of Norwich next week!

Shud this happen then the 'miracle escape' iz 'on the cards' ---We live in hope with just 3 games left! ---Palace at home next Saturday, Villa away a week later and the Sporz at home on the final day of the season!

"COME ON ARSENAL!"

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Dummett, Mbemba, Tiote (Shelvey 83), Colback, Toonsend, Sissoko, Perez (Wijnaldum 46), Cisse (Mitrovic 75)

Attendance: 43,837 (3,000 very happy Toon fans who now beleeeve in 'miracles'!)

HAPPY TOON FANS!

*The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

LIME STREET, LIVERPOOL

 

 

NOT FAR FROM ANFIELD

"IZ THERE LIFE ON MA'S?"
(MA EGERTON'S BOOZER, THAT IZ!, NEAR LIME STREET STATION)
 

INSIDE MA'S BAR!
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---WHEY AYE MAAN!"

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:50pm bells' Friday 22nd April 2016

"WE BELEEEVE IN MIRACLES!"
("after we've had 10 pints!") 

We gan to Anfield tomorrow in sorch of wor forst win there this century and hopin' to avoid a TENTH defeat in a row to 'The Liverbirds'!

In those circumstances we will be very happy indeed with a solitary point---still not enough to drag us oot of the relegation zone, but with 2 relatively eazy? games comin' up against Palace at home and aalready relegated Villa away, a point in 'Mickeymouseland' would put us level with the SMBs and just one behind Norwich---shud they both (hopefully!) lose at the weekend!--and who naaz?---a miracle could actually happen and we could WIN??? very (very!) unlikely--- but we live in hope!

After this there iz the little matter of wor final home game of the season against title chasin' Sporz and we can anly hope that this haz been decided by then and that this game won't matter to them!


We are on the '7:30 bells' train doon in the mornin' and plenty of the 'broon stuff' will be needed before the match to calm wor norves and HOPE for that miracle! ("hic!")

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday

THE TOON 1 THE BLUE MOONIES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:10am bells' Wednesday 20th April 2016

 VIEW FROM MILBURN STAND BALCONY---PHOTO BY 'JAMIE' AGED 6!

"A FIGHT TIL THE DEATH!"

The Toon put up a fightin' display against the Champions Leegue semi finalists last neet and came away with a point--when, before the match, nearly everybody thought that we would probably lose!

The Blue Moonies took the lead in the 15th minute when a clearly offside Aguero heeded past Darlow @ The Gallowgate End!
The linesman's didn't see it and the goal waz given az the 1,500 City fans who had bothered to come, celebrated in level 7 of The Leazes End!

However, this team iz different under Rafa The Gaffa and wor heeds didn't gan doon az we fought for an equaliser!

This happened just after the half hour mark when Moussa Sissoko foond Vernon Anita close to the box and the Dutchman fired in a low shot which hit the left hand post and rebounded into the net to send the Toon faithful into raptures!---Jamie, mee 6 year old 'lucky mascot' grandson who a'd 'kidnapped' for the occasion, hadn't seen us lose a Leegue game this season, waz beside me and he loved every minute! (This waz Jamie's 4th Leegue game of the season, which includes the 6-2 victory ower Norwich!) 


THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (2nd half)


We reeely played well and matched City toe for toe and we nearly pinched it at the death when sub Wijnaldum fired in a shot which waz saved by Hart in the visitors goal!

We are just a point behind the SMBs now (although we've played 1 game more) and 2 behind 4th bottom Norwich, with 4 games to gan!
Where there's life there's hope!

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Dummett, Mbemba, Lascelles, Colback, Tiote, Sissoko, Cisse (Mitrovic 55), Perez (Aarons 92), Toonsend (Wijnaldum 81)

JUST 1,500 AWAY FANS (to the right of the flag)

Attendance: 46, 424 (1,500 Blue Moonies) (Lowest Leegue crowd of the season and the lowest number of City fans in the Premyaa Leegue era (last season they had 3,000 plus!)* 

THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES *** TOMORROW NEET

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 18th April 2016

"HOPE AND A PRAYER!"

We gan into tomorrow neets game against Man City knowin' that a  win will get us oot of the relegation zone!---Definitleee NOT eazy against a team who have won on their last SEVEN visits here and who hammered Chelski 3-0 away on Saturday!

We live in hope though and pray that aall isn't lost, when just a week ago we thought it waz!

Desperate times mean desperate measures!--so I am 'kidnappin' my 6 year old grandson Jamie and takin' him to the match, az he hasn't seen us lose this season in the Leegue in the 3 games he's been to! (one of which waz the 6-2 victory ower Norwich!--------"Ssshh!!!": Pleeeze DON'T tell anybody that I am kidnappin' him!)

THE LUNATICS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM!

Posted '10:30pm bells' Sunday 17th April 2016

"SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!"

"Welcome to the futbaall club who's managing director naaz absolutleee nothin' aboot futbaall WHATSOEVER!"

The unbelievable news that wor beloved MD, affectionately known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' didn't know that 'Spiderman' Gutierrez waz an established Argentinian international with 22 caps and who played in the 2010 World Cup, haz left us dumbstruck!
He didn't even know how many international's were on wor books when questioned by a tribunal into Gutierrez's dismissal!

"I KNOW NOTHING!"

If the gadgie at the top of wor futbaall tree doesn't naa anything aboot futbaall then iz it any suprize that NUFC find themsels in this current perilous predicament!

Az the old sayin' gans---"The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum!"

THE TOON 3 (THREE!) THE SWAN LAKERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:37am bells' Sunday 17th April 2016


Toonsend scores wor 3rd goal to put the icing on top of Rafa's birthday cake!
(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

"HAPPY BORTHDAY DEAR RAFA!---
HAPPY BORTHDAY TO YOO!"

The day started off in 'The Bodega' where 'The Canary Custards' were takin' on the SMBs live on the box @ '12:45 bells'!
This would be the game that would ultimately decided wor fate if the home side had won---they would then be 9 points aheed of us and with a much superior goal difference, this would aalmost certainly relegate us before a baall waz kicked in wor game @ '3 bells'!
Aa NEVAA watch the SMBs on the telly and normally watch the reaction of othaa fans az the game progresses, az aa stare into mee pint glass or anywhere where there iz ne telly!
A penalty to the mackems put them 1-0 up to groans from the Toon fans assemeled!---But reeely this waz a 'blessin' in disguise' az a mackem win would give us at least a little bit of hope!
Aa moved on to 'The Pitt Bar' where the score waz now 2-0 and then 3-0 to more groans from those assembled there!

This aalso dented Norwich's goal difference and it waz soon time to heed for the tornstiles with 'belief' rather than 'dread'!

However!--I shouldn't have worried az The Toon put up a spirited performance with 5 changes made by 'Rafa the Gaffa' from the team that succumbed to Sooothampton last week!

The Toon attack The Leazes End (1st half)

The vital breakthrough came @ 'The Leazes End' when a Toonsend corner 5 minutes before the break foond the heed of Lascelles and he nodded the baall into the back of the net to load roars of relief from the Toon faithful.  (HT 1-0 to 'us'!)

Swanzee then had 3 great chances to level things in the 2nd period but we lived to tell anothaa tale az the score remained 1-0!

Mitrovic then came on in the 80th minute to send a buzz around the groond and he waz soon in the thick of the action!


We took this picture just az Sissoko waz aboot to score wor 2nd goal!


The killer goal came in the 82nd minute when anothaa Toonsend corner foond Sissoko's feet and from just a few yards oot he hoofed the baall into the goal az the crowd went ballistic!

It waz Rafa's 56th birthday and the crowd sang "Happy Borthday to yoo!" az he acknowledged the fans with a wave!

The icing on Rafa's cake came in the dying embers of the game when Toonsend drilled in a fine shot after good work from Mitrovic, which sent the crowd wild with relief--more than anything!

The result meenz we now are just THREE points from Norwich and more impotantleee!---with us scorin' 3 and them concedin' 3 the goal difference iz now doon to just 1 goal in their favour!

The fight for survival iz ON!---The odds of stayin' up are still against us az 'The Blue Moonies' and 'The Livebirds' are next!----not eazy games of course---but who naaz wot can happen????

WE LIVE IN HOPE!!!

Toon team: Darlow, Anita, Mbemba, Lascelles, Dummett, Tiote (Shelvey 66), Colback, Toonsend, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (Perez 73, Cisse (Mitrovic 80)

A Toon flag next to the Swazee fans

Attendance: 48, 949 ( 500/600 or so Swanzee fans) *