ING-ER-LAND 1 THE 'I-TIES' 2 *** THE BIG SLEEP! *** "ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!"

Posted '10:05am bells' Sunday 15th Joon 2014

Az predicted aa fell asleep in from of mee 'state of the art' wide screen telly ^(see above!)^ deep into the forst half, when the scores were level at 1-1!
Ing-er-land played better than wot aa thought they would up til then, but! the 'I-ties' aalways seemed to have the upper hand!

The equaliser from Daniel Sturridge two mins after The 'I-ties' had scored the forst goal through Marchisio, stirred me from my slumbers, but aa waz soon fast asleep again az the 'liquid refreshment' from the days session in the Toon took it's toll!

I awoke in the orly hours when the match waz finished, not knowin' the final score til this mornin' when the BBC news gave me the bad news that Balotelli had won the game for them!

The news aalso showed fans who had taken pix of their families az they watched from their livin' rooms and half of them were asleep!----just like me! <(although it haz to be said that most of them were pre-teenage kids!---well past their bed time!)

'The Big Sleep' continues on Thorsday neet when we take on Uruguay!---aa cannit wait! "ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS! ****** "ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Posted '9:40pm bells' Saturday 14th Joon 2014


MANAUS 'FRUITBALL STADIUM!


Ing-er-land are in action in the Brazilian jungle retreat of Manaus against 'The Spaghetties' of Italy @ '11 bells' toneet and wor prediction in a stadium that looks like some kind of giant tropical fruit, iz a borin' game which will send yoo 'fruity' and to sleep by 'the midnight hour!'

Reeely, they have az much chance of winnin' the World Cup az 'The Toon' have of winnin' the Premyaa Leegue next season!

We wish them well of course and we hope we are completleee wrang!----BUT!!!----"ZZZZZZzzzzzz!!!!"  

GEORDIE TIMES AWAY PUB(S) OF THE YEAR 2013-2014 WINNERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 14th Joon 2014


'THE GEORDIE TIMES' REEEL ALE PUB OF THE YEAR *** BUT WHERE IZ IT?

Here's the moment yiv aall been waitin' for!---'The Geordie Times' away 'reeel ale Pub' and 'best dive bar' awards for season 2013-2014!

The reeel ale pub of the year izzzzzz! (in revorse order!)

In thord place!

THE LOCOMOTIVE (Stoke)
A canny bar that we foond by chance aboot a 20 minute waalk from the groond. Propaa glasses and good beer at reasonable prices and the natives were friendly az well! <(not like normal Stoke fans!)

'THE LOCO' TROPHY ROOM!

In second place!

THE MALT SHOVEL (Hull)
A great little boozer on the main road to the groond, again aboot a 20 minute waalk to the groond. The bar iz stuffed with live tigers shud anyone start workin' their ticket!---Again the locals were friendly and the manager and hiz wife welcomed us to try their selection of reeel ales!

"AND THE WINNER IZZZZ!"---

THE WELLINGTON! (Villa & West Brom)
This bar iz tucked up a hill within a 5 minute waalk of Birmingham New Street rail station.
They have so many reeel ales on offer that they number them on a chalk board and yoo simply ask for a '69' or whatever! <(No! NOT that kind of '69'!)

An old style bar that seems to be gannin oot of existence these days, 'The Welly' iz immaculately clean and the beer iz 'immaculately caad'!


"AND IN COMPLETE CONTRAST!"

The 'Dive Bar' of the year award!

There waz ne competition in this category az the bar in question 'waz in a leegue of it's own'!

"AND THE WINNER IZZZZZ!"

THE CLOCK! (Everton & Liverpool)

The sheer depravity of this place takes some believin' az the 'aroma' of sweaty armpits and the 'spewy smells' from the 'designer' carpet squares on the floor 'hit yoo'! <(somebody must have 'hoyed up' the neet before!)

ON CLOSER INSPECTION THE CARPET SQUARES ARE STAPLED
(AND STUCK!) TO THE FLOOR TO STOP ANYBODY NICKIN' THEM!

Situated on a main road equidistant from both Goodison and Anfield (15 minutes) this 'dive' takes some beatin' and it iz highly recommended that yoo wear a 'stab-proof vest' if yoo change anythin' ower a fiver at the coontaa!


ENTRANCE TO THE 'SELECT' LOUNGE AREA OF THE BAR!

The locals are friendly enough <(IF yoo divvint look at them the 'wrang way'!) and yoo would have thought we had horns stickin' oot of wor heeds when we entered the bar az it fell deftly silent!

Friendly signs for customers tell yoo that 'Tommy Smith' is barred' <(we assume it's NOT hardman Tommy Smith who used to play for 'The Liverbirds'?) and the 'polite' sign in the stench filled 'tool-shed' for one of their 'regular customers' iz a GEM!
 
 

THE GEORDIE TIMES AWAY PUB OF THE YEAR AWARDS 2013-2014! *** WINNERS TO BE ANNOONCED ON SATURDAY!

Updated '10:30pm bells' 'Friday the 13th!' Joon 2014

We've decided to de a 'pub of the year award' for the best Premyaa Leegue away pubs we visited last season:


THE RETRO BAR,  MANCHESTER
ONE OF THE NOMINATIONS FOR 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'
 AWAY PUB OF THE YEAR 2013-2014

There are two catagories: Best 'reeel ale pub' and best 'dive bar! "The nominations are!"----

The Cellar (Sooothampton)

The Crabtree (Fulham)

The Big Red (Arsenal)

The Malt Shovel (Hull)

The Irish Club (Sporz)

The Locomotive (Stoke)

The Overdraft (West Ham)

The Harvesters (Swanzee)

Canton Rugby Club Bar (Cardiff)

The Retro Bar (Man C & Man U)

The Wellington (Villa & West Brom) (Birmingham centre)

The Clock (Everton & Liverpool)

The William IV (SMBs) (Gatesheed High Street!) <(there waz ne way we were gannin for a gargle in mackemland!)

The Murderers Arms (Norwich)

The Railway Telegraph (Palace)

The William Morris (Chelski) (Hammersmith)

The winner will be annoonced sssometime next Saturday! <(aa bet yiz cannit wait for the result!?)

WORLD CUP BORTHDAY BONANZA!

Posted '3:02pm bells' Thorsday 12th Joon 2014

"WE HAVE SOME JOYOUS NEWS TO TELL YOU!"
'FINK THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER'
HAS GIVEN FIFA HIS KIND PERMISSION TO KICK OFF
THE WORLD CUP ON HIS BIRTHDAY!"

For those of yee who divvint naa it's mee 'big zero' borthday today and FIFA president Sepp'tic' Blatter phoned me up the other day and said:
"Fink!" "Is it OK if we kick the Brazil World Cup off on your birthday?"

I of course replied:
"WHEY AYE MAAN!--NE PROBLEM!"
and so 'it came to pass' (that on my express permission only!) the openin' ceremony and forst game will be played toneet, when hosts Brazil play Croatia in Sao Paulo @ '9 bells' (live on ITV 1)

Then tomorrow Mexico play Camerooon @ '5 pm bells' (ITV 1)
Spain play Holland @ '8 pm bells' (BBC 1)
and Chile play Australia @ '11 pm bells' (ITV 1)
and of course Ing-er-land are in action on Saturday neet when they face Italy in Manaus @ '11 pm bells' (BBC1)

Personally aa cannit wait til '2 bells' on Sunday mornin' when the Ivory Coast play Japan! <"YAHOOOO!"

"SSSHHH!!!" *** "JACK'S THE LAD!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 10th Joon 2014

ARE YOO WATCHIN', BLUNDERLAND!???

At last we have signed Killingworth born central midfielder Jack Colback from the SMBs on a FREE transfor!

'Ginger Jack' infamously shushed the Toon crowd last season when he scored the 3rd goal for the mackems in the Tyne/weardo derby @ St James' Park, just 3 months ago, when he put hiz index finger to hiz lips az he ran towards the Toon fans!

Whether that will gan against him when he forst runs oot the St James' tunnel iz open to conjecture! <(we naa aall the big words!)

He says he hopes the SMBs understand hiz reason for comin' to a big club!----me 'finks' they won't somehow and THAT will definitely gan against him when he retorns to the Stadium of SSshhh! (yee naa wot?!!!) in a black n white striped shirt!!!

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ ANSWER! *** "500 DAYS AND COONTIN'!"

Posted '1:45pm bells' Monday 9th Joon 2014

The answer to last weeks 'Geordie Times' quiz:

Question: "Who waz the last forst team player that NUFC signed for cash!?"

Answer: "MASSADIO HAIDARA on 25th January 2013!"
"That's 500 DAYS AGO TODAY!"

Other signins that week included: Sissoko (21/01/13), Yanga (22/01/13) and Gouffran (23/01/13)  

PS: The signin' of Ayoze Perez last Friday from Tenerife for a reported £1.5 million was NOT a forst team signin', but a resorve team signin' and he will play in wor U21s side next season, which iz  managed by Peter Beardsley ! (He can't officially sign til 1st July anyway, when the summer transfor window opens!) 
This waz confirmed on NUFCs own official website and even they say he iz 'one for the future'? (and not now!)

Therefore!---we still await a signin' for cash who will gan straight into the forst team!---"500 days and coontin'!"

AN ORLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT FROM SANTA! (CRUZ!)

Posted '1:13pm bells' Saturday 7th Joon 2014

On Thorsday 'The Geordie Times' said that it would be "highly unlikely!" that we would sign a player for cash before next Monday!

NUFC obviously hord us and sprung into action by signin' striker Ayoze Perez from Spanish side Tenerife and a fee of £1.5 million <("wow!") haz been mentioned.
However!---he haz been signed for wor 'development U21s squad' and iz therefore NOT a forst team signin' az such (The wait to sign a permanent FORST TEAM PLAYER FOR CASH gans on (and on!)
(See 'Geordie Times' quiz below)


PEREZ TRIES OOT ONE OF THE PLASTIC SEATS
IN 'THE MILBURN STAND'!


Born in the Tenerife capital of Santa Cruz, 20 year old Perez plied hiz trade in the Spanish second division and scored 16 times in 34 games last season!
He met resorve team manager Peter Beardsley after a flyin' visit to Tyneside for talks on hiz contract (which will formally start on the forst of July) and said:
"I am very happy to be here to start a new adventure!
I'm very eager for it to begin and I am very pleased to play for this magnificent club!  Any football player would be interested in playing for such a club and I will earn my position to get into the first team!"

"JACK'S THE LAD!?" *** £000,000,000!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Thorsday 5th Joon 2014

The rumour machine haz been dein' the roonds az per usual in the summaa transfor window and it's said that SMB midfielder Jack Colbeck iz set to join us sometime next week on a FREE TRANSFOR! <(Az wor 'beloved owner?' 'The Fat Controller' will ne doubt say: "The price is right!")

A 5 year deal haz been mentioned and we at 'The Geordie Times' have ne problem with an SMB switchin' from weardoside to Tyneside!
The mackem fans though, hate it if it's the othaa way roond and they sign an ex Toon player! <(Lee Clark iz the porfect example!)

Still ne news of course of any pormanent signings for CASH!---the lang wait gans on! <(and ON!) (see Geordie Times quiz below!)

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ *** HOW MANY DAYS IZ IT SINCE WE LAST SIGNED A PLAYER FOR CASH!?

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 4th Joon 2014


"WHO AM I ?"

Next Monday, NUFC will reach anothaa 'millstone' in wor history (that's correct!---'millstone' NOT 'milestone')

The Geordie Times question iz:

"How many days will it be next Monday, since NUFC last signed a forst team player for cash and wot iz hiz name!???"

The answer will appear here sometime next Monday afternoon!
(This iz of course assumin' that we divvint sign a player(s) for cash between now and then!) <(Highly unlikely!)

Take a guess?---'Fink' aboot it!??---divvint 'Google it'!???---NE cheeetin'!????