THE BLUE MOONIES 4 THE TOON 0 ***"TOTALLY UNDERWHELMING!"

Posted '10:30am bells' Easter Sunday 31st March 2013

"TIERS OR TEARS!?"

VIEW FROM ROW 'U' LOWER TIER!

Aall the hype in the 'Ronny-Gill' through the week from wor players, warnin' that: "City had better watch out!" and: "We'll finish off your title dreams!", etc! etc!, aall torned oot to be 'hot air' az we put in an absolutleee abysmal performance at 'The City of Mancs Stadium'

'City' were at wor throats from the word 'go' and attacked the end where we were housed in the forst half.
We on the othaa hand with wor 'patched up side' (coz of injuries) were totally inept and it waz anly a matter of time before the home team scored.

A'd mentioned this to the aad gadgie who waz standin' beside me and 'hey presto!' just two minutes later they were in the lead when Tevez poked in, in the 41st minute.
It waz soon 2-0 when on the stroke of half time Silva shot past Elliot in the Toon goal to put the game beyond us!<(aalready!)
The anly 'highlight'? of note from wor point of view in this half, waz when Cisse hit the post from an accute angle! 

The second half waz a 'damage limitation exersise' az to how many we would concede due to 'The Blue Moonies' domination!

WE came oot with 'aall guns firerin' at the start with Cabaye and Cisse gannin close, but that's 'az good az it got' and aa spent most of this half starin' at the seat in front of me, rathaa than 'the fare' we were puttin' on, on the pitch such waz wor performance!


It waz soon 3-0 when a Kompany deflection beat Elliot in the 56th minute and we wondered then, just how many more the home side would get!?
Thankfully it waz just 'one'! when in the 69th minute a shot deflected off James Perch and into the net at the far end from us.

We then watched the clock 'tick doon' hopin' that wor goal difference wouldn't be forthaa dented in wot torned oot to be wor biggest ever defeat at the COMS

The home fans had tried to 'take the p*ss by singin' "You only sold one tier!"<(of seats)
This of course iz because of NUFCs 'policy'? of anly takin' the MIMIMUM number of away tickets available!?<(it's embarassin'!)
(Lets hope it's not the othaa 'TEARS' at the end of the season!)

Othaa results that went against us, meeen that we are once again hoverin' above 'the abyss', just three points above the trap-door!

Toon team: Elliot, Simpson, Yanga, Steve Taylor, Gutierrez, Anita, Cabaye (Bigiramana 74), Gouffran (Gosling 63), Sissoko, Obertan (Perch 46), Cisse

Attendance: 47,201 (2,000 Toon fans<"we anly sold one tier!") 

The gadgie on 'Radio 5 Live' on the way back best summed wor performance up!
"Newcastle were TOTALLY underwhelming!", he said!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated 7:45am bells' Saturday 30th March 2013

ACTION FROM THE COMS LAST SEASON
(We lost 3-1!)

We must now torn wor attention away from wor European exploits in Lisbon next week and concentrate on the Leegue when we take on the current champions<(but not for much langer!) @ 'The City of Manchester Stadium' this afternoon @ '3 bells'

Oot of TWENTY THREE competitive away games in England, Wales and Europe we have won just az many in the Ukraine az we have in England (ONE a piece!)
So the omens arnt lookin' good today, especially az the home side have conceded just ELEVEN goals aall season @ the 'COMS'---the lowest tally in 'The Premyaa' and we have NEVER won at their place in EIGHT attempts since they moved from Maine Road!

We'll be leavin' in 'The Caped Crusader's' 'Batmobile' for the drive past the 'Little House on the Prairie', (which sits in the middle of the M62 motorway on the top of the Pennines) in less than an hours time!

In othaa news: John Carver haz received a thoosand poond fine for hiz protest @ the Wigan game the othaa week when Massadio Haidara waz horrifically tackled by Callum McManaman<(who haz received absolutleee ne punishment whatsoever!)

Despite McManaman's 'promise'? to apologise to Haidara for hiz horror knee tackle, he haz failed do so, so far!<(SHAME ON YOO!)
(We understand that Haidara iz makin' canny progress!)<(get well soon mate!)

Match report to follow eethaa late toneet or orly tomorrow mornin'!

"4,000 THANKYOOOZ TO AALL WOR REEEDERS FROM THE FOWER CORNERS OF THE GLOBE!" ("AND BEYOND!")

Posted '2:40pm bells' Friday 29th March 2013

'The Geordie Times' haz just reached new heights of excellence!

For just FOWER minutes ago we received wor FOWER THOOSANDTH PAGEVIEW this month so far, which iz a NEW world record for us!--and we thank each and everyone of yoo on the planet Orth (and beyond!) for supportin' this NUFC mad-sad groundhoppin' website!
The previous best waz in January this year with 3,884 hits.

The top ten countries are az follows:

UK 29,941 (England,Scotland,N. Ireland& Wales)
USA 9,471
Ukraine 2,185
Jawmany 1,188
The Guinness Republic 943
Rushaa 808
"mee old"-China 699
Greece 682
Spain 627
France 430

That meeenz that a staggerin' total of 27,631 pageviews are from owerseas!

A total of 134 countries and territories (plus Mars!) have now viewed this site with the latest bein' Afganistan and Sudan!

Of course! othaa NUFC websites are more popular like nufc.com and the club's official site who both get tens of thoosands of hits per DAY!

But remember wot they say aboot little acorns!---they're NOT very big ---are they!?

And remember wor motto az well!:
"We'll bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders the latest NUFC news, second hand, forst!"


"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"---
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"



BENFICA AWAY TICKETS***LATEST! ***DEADLINE ON MONDAY!

Updated '11:15am bells' Friday 29th March 2013

"THE ONE (AND ANLY!) STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

We understand that so far 3,000 of the 5,000 tickets we have been allocated for wor Europaa Leegue game in Lisbon next Thorsday @ 'The PSOL' ('Propaa' Stadium Of Light'!) have now been snapped up with the rest now on sale to the general public and Joe Bloggs!
The deadline for ticket sales iz next MONDAY @ '5 bells'!---so be quick if yi havvent aalready got one! 

We aalso understand that wor derby game against the SMBs  @ St James' next month iz (hardly suprizingleee!) a complete selloot!---az iz wor crucial away game on Saturday against 'The Blue Moonies of Mancland'

"ITS DEFINATLEEE 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' NEXT MONDAY FOLKS!"

Updated '7:05pm bells' Thorsday 28th March 2013

Clayton Wood trainin' groond, Stoke
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

'The Geordie Times' NUFC club sauce haz just informed us that next Monday's resorve game @ Nantwich against Stoke's second string MIGHT? now be played @ Stoke's trainin' groond instead az Nantwich have a home game against Witton just ONE HOUR after wor game there waz supposed to start @ '2 bells'!<(it had been aalready been moved from '7 bells' in the evenin'!)

We understand that IF it takes place @ their trainin' groond then the kick off time will remain @ '2 bells'!--
However!---we divvint naa if it will be played 'behind closed doors' and are movin' heaven and orth to find oot!?

We will of course inform yoo, wor loyal reeeders of any more changes!?
It IZ 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' on Easter Monday by the way!

(see related articles below!)

"APRIL FOOL!" ***THE RESORVE GAME @ NANTWICH IZ NOW A '2 BELLS' KICK OFF!

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 27th March 2013


'THE P*SS POTTS RESORVES' v 'THE TOON RESORVES'

We've just had word from wor 'secret' NUFC club insider that wor resorve game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts resorves of Stoke' on April Fools Day will now DEFINATLEEE kick off @ 'TWO BELLS' in the afternoon @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich and NOT 'seven bells' that neet, az haz been stated!<(wethaa permittin' of course!)

We have ne idea wetha Nantwich will play Witton on the same day az advertised on their website!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst, in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

PS: We NEVA got a reply to wor 'e-mail' we sent to Nantwich!

(see related story below!) 

"NANTWICH!---NANTWICH!---HERE WE COME!" ***OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE?

Posted '2:45pm bells' Monday 25th March 2013

"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

The resorve U21s are due to play Stoke's equivalent on 'April Fools Day' next week @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich, where Stoke are playin' their resorve games. 
But lookin' @ Nantwich's website, they appear to have anotha game arranged on the same day against Witton Albion in a local derby match (Witton come from nearby Northwich)

We can anly assume one of two things!
Eethaa Nantwich are playin' Witton @ dinnertime (az it's Easter Monday), with wor game kickin' off @ '7:00 bells' in the evenin'?

However we carnt imagine eethaa Stoke or 'The Toon' agreein' to this arrangement, az shud the forst game be played, say, in heavy rain, then the pitch for the second game will be more like a quagmire!

Aa've sent a frantic 'e-mail' to Nantwich to see if the above iz true----but divvint haad yi breath!

If the game IZ played on April Fools Day then 'yours trueleee' will be there and clock up groond number 299, with the Benfica away game the followin' Thorsday neet @ the "PROPAA" Stadium of Light in Lisbon, seein' me reach 'the holy grail' of 300 groonds followin' 'The Toon'---which would be a brilliant place to de it!

However!--shud the Stoke game be moved to the followin' day for example, then aa would be unable to gan because of an appointment that carnt be changed!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' awaits 'norvouslee' and with 'trepidation' for Nantwich Toon to reply to my 'e-mail'!

Watch this space!

GEORDIE TIMES WORLD EXCLUUUSIVE! ***CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES CANCELLED!

Posted '12:20pm bells' Sunday 24th March 2013

The Geordie Times haz just lorned from wor secret undercover club 'sauce' >>> 
that wor U21s and U18s games due to be played @ Norwich's trainin' groond tomorrow afternoon have been POSTPONED due to the bad wethaa sweepin' that part of East Anglia!

So if yoo were thinkin' of gannin'?---DIVVINT!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst in 'The Geordie Times'---'the unofficial' 'official' NUFC club website'!<(or shud that be the 'official' 'unofficial' website?) 

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '11:30am beels' Sunday 24th March 2013

Great news for aall 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' that 'The Jellied Eeels Mob' from "eeest Landan" have been granted a 99 year lease to move into the Olympic Stadium have been annoonced---subject to a judicial review which Leyton Orient owner and 'snooker loopy' ontranipur<(Geordie Times spellin'!) Barry Hearn haz lodged to try and stop them movin' to 'their patch'!
However!--Hearn's protests look in vain and 'The Mob' look certain to move in by 2016!

Sporz new groond next to White Hart lane iz comin' on nicely and shud be completed by 2015, wheraz anotha London club, Crystal Palace are 'toyin' with the idea of movin' back to their origional home at 'Crystal Palace' athletics stadium where The Toon forst played in the 1905 FA Cup final!

Anotha new groond could be on the cards tomorrow afternoon, when The Toon resorves play 'The Canary Custards' resorves @ their Norwich trainin' groond @ '1:00 bells', but the bad wethaa could scupper theeze plans, plus! av got to work neetshift toneet and might not be able to make it anyway!<(there's aalways next season!)

And then on April Fools Day we are due to travel to Nantwich Toon where 'The P*ss Potts' of Stoke' play their resorve games and then of course later on that week we're off to Portugal to see The Toon play Benfica @ the 'PROPAA' and ANLY Stadium of Light!<(translated to 'Stadio da Luz' in their lingo!)

A 'good news week' for aall 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!

THOZE WEARIN' TOON COLOURS IN WIGAN COSMOS SHAME!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Saturday 23rd March 2013


"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

So caalled 'fans'? wearin' NUFC colours have made the heedlines in todays Daily Mail for aall the wrang reasons!

Last Sunday before wor game against 'The Blue Wigs', 250 to 300 of theeze dickheeds forced the abandonment of a Lancashire Sunday Leegue game between Wigan Cosmos and Leigh Centurions when they got off the coaches near to the stadium and desended onto the nearby futbaall pitch, where the game waz bein' played!
They procceded to invade the pitch, tried to break the crossbars doon, ripped the nets oot and stole the corner flags and match baall and because of this the game had to be abandoned!

NUFC have been in touch with them and magnanimously offered to let them play their abandoned game @ St James' Park @ the end of the season and to reimburse them for the damage done! (NUFC now have every excuse under the sun to say why they take the MINIMUM number of tickets for away games!)
This behaviour iz not wot we want to hear aboot but sadly hooliganism of this type haz NEVER gone away!
I for one will gladly gan to this game if it IZ replayed @ St James', in a show of solidarity for 'propaa futbaall fans'  

Grass roots futbaall iz sommik 'The Geordie Times' supports anyway---and indeed!--av' just foond oot that Dunston's game against Marske United in the Northern Leegue iz unexpectedly ON today and aa will be heedin' there for mee 'weekend futbaall fix' in a few minutes time!
(Aa'v missed the '3 bells' kick off ---but will still make the clubhoose for half time!)

Wigan Cosmos v Leigh Centurions!
---"Comin' soon to 'The Toon'!"