GEORDIE TIMES STATS FOR 2011

Posted '1:30 pm bells' Monday 2nd January 2012

The Geordie Times had 18,293 pageviews in 2011 givin' us an average of 50.11 per day, which we think iz not bad for a 'nonsense--no nonsense' website like wors!
We are just ordinary fans who gan to extraordinary lengths to watch The Toon and visit new groonds, aalthough az the years gan by it gets harder and harder to de new groonds once we've ticked them off the list.

Last year anly seven new groonds were visited by 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' watchin' the resorves and juniors and NONE! were for  forst team games!

The last new groond for a competitive forst team game was way back in August 2010!, when we played Accrington Stanley away in the Leegue Cup game!

Wor 'Google' world rankin' haz went up az well from 24,085,426 to 16,960,611 now, in the space of just three months (up 7,124,815) and wor 'target' iz to get into the top 15 million by the end of the year! (There are (apparently!)---156,000,000 websites worldwide)
To celebrate this?--and because there are ne matches to watch this afternoon, we're off on the hoy in The Toon!

Once again thanx for your support wherever yoo may be!

MAN U AND FULHAM GAMES ARE SELLOOTS!

Posted '1:50 pm bells' New Years Day 2012


"ST JAMES PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE"!---
FULL MOON NEET TIME VIEW FROM LEAZES PARK














Not suprizingleee wor home game against 'The
Cockney Reds' on Wednesday neet iz a complete selloot, az iz wor allocation for wor London sortie to Craven Cottage, home of 'The Jackson Jivers' on the 15th of this month!

Tickets for wor forthcomin' away leegue game @ Blackborn on the forst of Feb are aalso on sale @ £29 for grown ups, £15 for zimmerframeites and just £7 for sprogs!

THE LIVERBIRDS 3 THE TOON 1

Posted '10:00 am bells' New Years Eve 2011

AT 44 QUID A TICKET--A VIEW NOT! TO DIE FOR!

You just KNEW it wud aall gan wrang when wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' said in the 'Ronny Gill', "WE'RE ALSO  ONE OF THE BIG BOYS", comparin' us to the Man U's and Liverpool's of this world and of course it went 'tits up' @ Anfield! 

Haris Vuckic was a suprize inclusion in the Toon's line up at the expense of Leon Best in midfield.

For the forst 20 minutes it was a dull affair with both teams findin' their feet, but then in the 25th minute a 'miracle' happened!----WE SCORED!
Attackin' The Anfield Road End where the Toon fans were housed, Ryan Taylor hoyed a great cross in for Yohan Cabaye to heed on and it looked as though Demba Ba aalso got a touch as the baall flew into the net for wor forst goal here for ower SEVEN YEARS!

It was awkward to see from wor crap vantage point in row 31 in the corner of the stand (see photo) as the sight lines are not very good here, but the stadium annooncer conformed that Demba had got wor goal!---or so we thought? (later to be given as an own goal)

Anyway!--The Toon fans were still celebratin' when just fower minutes later @ 'The Kop End', one of wor three ex players in the Liverbirds side, knaan affectionatally to Toon fans az 'The Poison Dwarf' (NO!--not Andy Pandy!--he's ower six foot taall!) scored the equaliser to dampen wor 'Chris'miss spirit'!
It was one's each at half time

The home side piled on the pressure in the second period and this paid off for them when a dodgy lookin' free kick from 30 yards oot was taken by 'The Poison Dwarf' and his effort deflected off Danny Simpson and into the net to put us behind!

Andy Pandy was gettin' some serious stick from the Toon fans and he responded to this by crashin' a heeder off wor cross bar, but thankfully it rebounded back into play!

It was game ower in the 78th minute when that curse of NUFC Steven Gerrard came off the subs bench and promptly sealed the match for them, with a shot across the box which flew into the corner of Tim Krul's goal!
(he aalways scores against us!)

Neva mind!--there's aalways that easy home game against another "One of the big boys!", Man U next Wednesday!--isn't there!? 
Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, R Taylor (Santon 46), Obertan (Sammy Ameobi 84), Tiote, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Vuckic (Ben Arfa 65), Ba
Attendance: 44,372 (The Liverbird's lowest of the season, even though the match waz a 'selloot'?)(2,000 Toon fans)


PS: If yoo still cannit work oot just who 'The Poison Dwarf' iz, he once had an altercation with 'Big Al', wor record goal scorer and came off worse!
Does this ring a BELL!?

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON---TONEET!

Updated '10:10 am bells Friday 30th December 2011

"IT'S A LOCKOOT @ ANFIELD!"
(View of The Kop from Venice Street!---spot the gondola!)

We're off to 'Mickey Mouserland' yet again toneet for wor last game of 2011 and are quietlee confident of gettin' a goal at least! (reeed on!)

The good news iz that Luis Suarez, who faces an eight game ban for racial insults iz aalso banned for this one due to leud hand gestures to Fulham fans orlier this month!

The bad news iz!---we havvent even scored a goal here since December 2004!---That's SIXTEEN goals for them and NONE for us! AND! a 'certain' Andy 'yee naa who'? will ne doubt replace Suarez in the Liverbirds attack!

We've (not suprizingly!) sold wor full allocation of anly two thoosand tickets for the Anfield Road lower tier and the game iz a complete selloot!

This TWICE rescheduled game iz live on 'Sky' and kicks off @ '7:45 bells'

Defender Mike Williamson has definatly made a big difference since he made his come back against Bolton and the probable? NUFC team line up iz az follows:
Krul, Simpson, Colocicini, Williamson, R Taylor, Obertan, Tiote, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Ba, Best?  (not sure aboot Ben Arfa, Davide Santon or Dan Gosling, who iz back from suspension?) (wait and see!)

We are leavin' at dinnertime in 'The Batmobile' and shud be in 'The Clock' dive bar just doon the road from Everton's groond at aroond 'fower bells'!? (That's if it hazzent been 'boarded up' since the last time we were here!)

Az usual, match report to follow much later when we get back! (sometime on News Years Eve!?)
Remember!---The Geordie Times will bring yoo the news, second hand,forst!

BELIEVE IT!---OR NOT!

Posted '3;30 pm bells' Thorsday 29th December 2011

THE BACK PAGE OF TONEETS 'RONNY GILL'

We are aboot to lose wor top goalscorer Demba Ba who will be on African Nations Cup duty for TWO MONTHS.
Demba has scored 14 of wor 25 leegue goals this season and so it's evidently obvious that we need a proven striker to replace him while he's away.

In November on Radio Newcastle, and in response to this, wor 'beloved'? MD 'Llambs To The Slaughter' said!: (and I quote!)
"We have had an exeptional year!---We need to bring in a STRIKER in January!"

In todays 'Ronny Gill', manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said!: (and I quote!)
"We do lose Demba for two months, but to try and get a striker late in the day now, after Maiga has fallen down (the striker we were after) would be "RECKLESS!"
"I don't think there's as much calling for a striker as there was last year!" (how come there was in November then?)

Instead Pardew reiterated that his first priority once the transfer window opens is a---DEFENDER! as Steven Taylor is out for the rest of the season! ("Er!"--why divvint we sign a defender AND a STRIKER az well then???----(we still have the £35million from the sale of Andy Pandy, plus season ticket money etc!)  

Conclusion:
The club say one thing one moment and then conveniently!---they completely forget wot they've said in their next statement a month later!
They must aall have, or think that WE must aall have!---Alzheimer's!!??

Now?--wot did I say again?, a moment ago????

A BAD CASE OF FOOT AND MOUTH!

Posted '9:30 am bells' Thorsday 29th December 2011

An angry Owen Coyle, the beleagered Bolton boss came oot with a brilliant quote in hiz post match press conference on Boxin' Day after their 2-0 defeat against The Toon.

Quote:
"When you shoot youself in the foot as we did, it leaves a bad taste in the MOUTH!" 

There's ne answer to that one!---iz there???

SEVEN HEAVEN!

Posted '11:10 am bells' Wednesday 28th December 2011

The Cris'miss games have aall been played nuw in the Premya Leegue and the good news iz that whatever happens on Friday neet at Liverpool we cannot gan into the new year any lower than seventh place in the table!

Indeed! shud we actually beat 'The Liverbirds' then we will gan above them in the leegue and shud 'The Arse' lose az well, we will be equal fifth with them at the torn of the year!
Who wud ever of thought that in August!?


PREMYA LEEGUE TABLE (top 8 @ 28/12/11)

1 Blue Moonies--45 points
2 Cockney Reds--45
3 Sporz------------38
4 Chelski OAP's--34
5 The Arse--------33
6 Liverbirds-------31
7 THE TOON----30
8 Pulis P*ss Pots-25

FOR THE BENEFIT OF GEORDIE EXILES!

Updated '10:30 pm bells' Tuesday 27th December 2011

BEN ARFA (CENTRE OF PICTURE IN BLACK) SCORES
 THE TOON'S FORST GOAL

For the benefit of wor owerseas reeeders, a'v put the goals online from the Bolton game yesterday,  as well az the heedline news on the back page of  Tuesday neets 'Ronny Gill'

AZ THE PICTURE CAPTION CLEARLY STATES---
DEMBA BA (LYIN' JUST INSIDE 6 YARD BOX) GET'S
THE TOON'S SECOND GOAL

In the last day alone 'The Geordie Times' haz had 18 hits from both the Philippines and wor old friends in the USA and 9 hits from Singapore az well az hits from Greece, India, The Republic of Ireland, Australia, Malta and France amongst others, plus of course the many Geordie exiles in aall corners of the UK!

ALAN SHEARER PRAISES THE 5,000 TOON FANS

Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to yoo aall!

THE BACK PAGE OF TONEETS 'RONNY GILL'---
BEN ARFA THANKS THE TOON FANS
FOR THEIR SUPPORT FOR HIM


COPYRIGHT WARNING!
'The Geordie Times' iz unda strict copyright and az yoo can clearly see, the BBC haz nicked some of wor material WITHOOT! permission!-----Wor solicitors 'Gannaway and BoilYiheed' are on the case!

NE WHERE NEAR BOLTON,WANDERERS 0 THE TOON 2

Updated '12:30 pm bells' Tuesday 27th December 2011

BOXIN' CLEVER!

THE MOMENTS JUST BEFORE BEN ARFA'S GOAL! 

The 23 year old 'curse' of not winnin' an away game on Boxin' Day iz ower at last!

Playin' in wor 'AALL BLACKS' away strip, a dour forst half ended goalless and if I were an armchair viewer of this utter garbage I wud have been pressin' the 'OFF' button on the remote control!

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"FROM THE DEPTH'S OF DISPAIR!" (end of 1st half!)


However!---the second period torned oot to be much better and the deadlock was finally broken halfway through the half when 'super sub' Ben Arfa blasted a great left footer home in front of the delirious Toon faithful after a great cross from Ryan Taylor.
We were still celebratin' that goal when just two minutes later we doubled wor lead when Demba Ba (who else!?) poked the baall into the top corner of the net, givin' Bolton goalie (deep breath!) Jussie Jaaskelainen! ne chance.

Wanderers didn't have an answer to this and they went doon to their EIGHTH home defeat oot of nine, but more importantleee, wor 'Xmas curse' was well and truely lifted!

"TO UNBRIDLED JOY!" (end of 2nd half!)

Toon team:
Krul, Simpson, Colloccini, Williamson, R Taylor, Obertan(Shola Ameobi 85), Tiote, Cabaye (Perch 88), Gutierrez, Ba, Best (Ben Arfa 61)
Attendance:26,080 (Bolton's highest of season) (5,000 relieved Toon fans!)
(Some papers give the Toon followin' az 4,000, but there were at least 1,000 in the Bolton sections)

"Liverpool!---Liverpool!--- here we come!" (Friday!)


BOLTON--"Er!"--'HORWICH PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE' REPORT!

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THE FORST 'WAATERIN HOLE' ON WOR HORWICH PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE LIST!


We arrived in good time at wor 'local', namely 'The Bromilow Arms' which iz a good qwaata of an hours waalk from the groond in Horwich, (we come here every year!) and unusually at twenty past eleven the bar was completly empty!
This was because it had apparently been shut for 8 months and had just re-opened and the assumption was that the Wanderers fans didn' t naa this and had went somewhere else for a 'gargel' after their SIX mile trek from Bolton! (hence the name 'Ne Where Near Bolton', Wanderers!)

Drastic plastic glasses were the order of the day and when aa complained aboot this to the 'santa clad barmaid', that in previous years it had been 'propa' glasses, she telt iz that it was on 'police orders'! (and a merry Xmas to the Lancashire Dibbles!) (not!)

Az there iz ne where else to gan coz most of the few pubs in the area are  for 'home fans only' we had ne choice but to 'grin and bear it' for the next three hours, where a gallon of John Smith's was consumed! (for medicinal porposes yoo understand!

THE LAST 'WAATERIN HOLE ON WOR HORWICH PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE LIST!

It makes yoo glad that the Toon is 'blessed' with pubs with 'glass' glasses and away fans are welcome anywhere! ("Er!"---apart from SMB's ---like!)

It was then time to heed for the match! (see report above)

'NE WHERE NEAR BOLTON', WANDERERS v THE TOON---BOXIN' DAY!

Posted '7:30 am bells' Boxin' Day 2011

"THEN!"---"SPOT THE STEAM TRAIN!"

Today we travel to the village of Horwich to watch The Toon against Bolton who moved here from their old toon centre groond in 1997
The Reebok iz actually closer to Wigan toon centre than Bolton toon centre, which iz some six miles distant to the south! (hence the name 'Ne Where Near Bolton' Wanderers!)

The above photo iz a brilliant nostalgic one from the 1950's when they played at Burnden Park and shows a steam train at the appropriateleee named 'Railway Embankment End' where the visitin' fans used to be housed.
On my forst visit there in 1976 for an FA Cup 5th roond match, some 15,000 Toon fans were packed onto the open standin' terrace 'like sardines' and mee overidin' memory iz of 'Supermac' scorin' two fantastic goals in a 3-3 thriller!

"AND NOW!"---"SPOT THE FORD FOCUS!"

We've got 4,000 @ The Reebok today! and the probable team line ups are as follows for the '3 bells' start.

We leave in an hours time @ '8:30 bells' in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile' and hopefully we will have some 'Christmas cheer' to celebrate in 'The Geordie Times' match report later on toneet!?
WATCH THIS SPACE!