Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late posting of this match report,which iz 2 weeks after the game woz played!—But wot did yoo expect? This IZ The Geordie Times after aall!
Wor motto: We’ll bring yoo aall the latest news forst hand, second—and second hand, forst!”
Date of First Visit: 23rd August 2025
Benson Park, Gosforth, Newcastle
Gosforth Bohemians 6
Seaton Delaval 1
Northern Alliance Premier Division
Attendance: Aboot 27 (includin 4 bairns in pushchairs and 1 little doggy)
“BOHEMIANS RAP-IT-UP-SY!”
BOHEMIAN’S NUMBER 12 SCORES FROM THE PENALTY SPOT TO PUT THEM 5-1 UP!
With nee Toon game til Munday neet and non of mee fave non leegue teams at home, as decided to pay a visit to north Gossy (Gosforth) to take in a new Tyneside groond!
Aa got the Metro to The Regent Centre (Gossy) and walked to the groond from there! 0.7 miles it said on mee ‘telling bone’ 📞 and aa used ‘Google Maps’ for directions!
After a 15 minute walk it told me to torn left into a private road, az the groond woz at the bottom!
The hooses were massive and dead posh, like the size of large boozers, with room for several Bentleys on the driveways!—-
However! at the end of the road woz a metal gate! I could see the groond on the other side, but the gate woz locked! 🔒 So aa had to double back to the main drag and find another route through a maze of streets— I eventually foond a smaall gap in between some hooses doon a windin side street leading to the pitch, after mee half an hour trek from the Metro station! (Would never have foond the entrance withoot ‘Google Maps’)
NAMED AND SHAMED!***THE BOHS CLUBHOOSE WOZ CLOSED!?🥶
It woz 10 to 2 🔔s by this time and aa asked a gadgie next to the clubhoose if it woz open, az the game didn’t kick off til 2.30 🛎️s!
“NO!” he said az the teams ran oot!
“Thought the kick off woz ‘2.30 bells’ aa said curiously!
“They aalways kick of at 2 in this league!”, he replied!
So the Northern Alliance website woz WRANG az it gave AALL the kick off times half an hour later!?
NOTE THE KICK OFF TIME GIVEN AZ 14.30
It woz good in a way, az with the clubhoose bein shut aa wouldn’t have to hang aroond and kick mee heels for 30 minutes!
“Are Gossy in the red strip?” I asked!
“NO! they are in the green strip!”
⬆️
A bit confusing az both Gosforth’s badge and corner flags were RED and a photo a’d seen on the internet had them in a red and white hooped HOME shirts!?⬇️
The groond, like most Northern Alliance groonds, iz simply a field with a metal fence aroond it and nee cover! (Luckily, it woz a dry day!)Anyway! The game kicked off and straight away Gossy went on the attacked at the ‘Closed Clubhoose End! (It had to be!)
It didn’t take The Bohemians lang to take the lead when their number 9 fired home after just 3 minutes on the clock! 1-0
They doubled their lead in the 10th minute, when their number 10 shot home! 2-0 That the way it stayed til half time!
The home side forther increased their lead when their number 7 scored, az the Delaval goalie fell backwards into the net, pulling some of it doon! 3-0
The match woz delayed for 5 minutes az one of the Bohs players climbed onto the shoulders of a team mate to fix the net back on the hooks behind the crossbar!⬇️
Bohs number 7 then scored again 4 minutes later with a tap in, from a byline cross, to the despair of a Delaval fan, who then lay flat on the groond near to me with hiz hand on hiz heed! ⬇️ 4-0
There woz then a ‘pitch invasion’ by 2 toddlers near the halfway line, who had broke free from their mammys (It woz aall happening!)
Their woz a little ‘cheer’ from wor man on the groond, when their number 4 hit a shot which woz deflected into the net by a Bohs defender! “Well done Connor!”, he shouted! (So usin’ my ‘half a sheep’s brain’, I worked it oot that Delaval’s number 4 woz called Connor!) 4-1
Hiz ‘joy’ woz shot lived however, when Gossy Bohs went 5-1 up through number 12 from the penalty spot in the 64th minute, after a foul in the box! 5-1
The final nail in The Delaval coffin came in the 71st minute when again Bohs number 12 scored from a pass near the penalty spot! 6-1
You could say The Bohemians Rapped-it-up-sy! (sic!)🫣
Wor man who woz still lying on the groond shouted “Gettin stuffed 5-1!” He’d obviously lost count by this time!?
After the game aa heeded for the nearest drinkin den on the way back to the Metro, which woz The 3 Mile Inn on the Great North Road!
So caalled, coz it’s 3 miles from Newcasil city centre! (Would yoo beleeeve!?)
The futbaall scores were on the telly in the bar—-and the great news woz that the mackems were gettin beat 1-0 at The Bornley HillBillies’!
And even greater news 10 minutes later when The HillBillies got a second goal near the end!
It woz then back to The Toon for some more’liquid lubrications!’
Another grassroots Tyneside groond off the list!
