Sunday, 21 June 2020

THE TOON 3 THE BLADE RUNNERS 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2029-2020

Posted '9:00pm bells' Sunday 21st Joon 2020

"THEY'LL BE DANCIN' ROOND THEIR TELEVISIONS ON TYNESIDE, AS THEY ARE IN QUARANTOON!"
SAINT-MAXIMIN'S STRIKE FOR THE FORST GOAL!

A game we couldn't gan tee and dreaded, torned oot to be one of wor best performances of the season as we bolstered wor goal tally by 3!

With nee possible way of gettin in, we were resigned to watchin it on 'the box' and so it 'came to pass' that aa heeded for grandbairns Zac and Kai's hoose to watch it on mammy and daddy's big screen in their livin room!
THE VIEWIN' CHAIR AND COMPULSARY BEER!

A few bottles of DOG were chilled in the fridge and by the time the first bottle woz poured oot the game had started az the the players shouts echoed aroond the empty stadium!

Crowd noise woz added, but it didnt seem real az fans in seats were replaced by banners!
THE ANLY 'LIVE' BANNER ON VIEW IN THE WHEELIE BIN STORE!

Joelinton scuffed an easy chance at the midpoint of the half at The Leazes End and the teams went in scoreless at the break with The Toon edging it!

The turning point in the game came in the 50th minute when Sheff U defender John Egon grabbed Joelinton az he raced past the halfway line!
The ref immediately reached for hiz red card and the defender woz dismissed for not obeying the social distancing rules!(or woz it coz 'Joe' woz clean through?)

Anyway!---soon after this Saint-Maximin scored at The Gallowgate End when a cross woz missed by one of their back 4 and The Saint had the relatively easy chance to slot the baall into the back of the net for the opening goal! (Wor forst at home for ower 300 minutes!)

A few minutes later Matt Richie hit a pile driver from 20 yards oot to double wor lead!

The icing on the cake came not lang after when Joelinton scored his first ever home goal in the Premyaa Leegue to secure the 3 points and wot looks like relative safety of 38 points and a climb up 2 places in the table to 12th place and (more importantly!) 11 points above the drop zone!

The telly commentator then spoke theeze immoral words az the ref blew for full time:
"They'll be dancing round their televisions on Tyneside, as they are in quaranTOON!" ("sic!") 


Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Fernandez, Lascelles, Rose, Hayden, Shelvey (Schar 85), Ritchie (Yedlin 92), Saint-Maximin (Bentaleb 79), Almiron (Lazaro 85), Joelinton (Carroll 79)

Offical attendance: 9 in the livin room, includin me takin the picture!

Like aa say, it woz weird watchin it on the telly for the first time this century and 1,201 games without missing!

Of course aa wasnt the anly one to miss the game az many of the loyal NUFC mad sad groundhoppers became mad sad chair-hoppers for the day at various locations aroond the UK and Ireland!

And we reproduce below some of the many photos of cans, bottles and chairs that Toon fans sat in for today's game!
BRACKNELL, BERKSHIRE
MAYNOOOTH, IRELAND

HEATON, NEWCASIL






HOWDEN ON TYNE

WEST DENTON, NEWCASIL

DARLO

BENSHAM, GATESHEED

LANGLEY PARK (WHERE BOBBY ROBSON WOZ BORN!)

DUNSTON ON TYNE


And there will be many more of these 'sessions' in the comin weeks, with 9 more games at least still to be played behind closed doors!

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