Tuesday 14 January 2014


Updated '12:15pm bells' Thorsday 16th January 2014


ground number 307 (NOT!)
Date of first visit (to clubhoose!): 13th January 2014
Woodside Park, Bishop's Stortford

Tottenham Hotspur U21s P
Newcastle United U21s P

FA Premier Reserve League
Attendance: 14 in the clubhoose---8 NUFC saddos!


The trip to deepest Hertfordshire to watch the resorves play Sporz resorves started off @ 'high noon bells' + 30' (That's! 12:30 to yoo ignoramassesss!) when 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' torned up at wor hoose and then it waz onward to 'The Newcastle Arms' near St James' to pick up 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Biffa the Beer'!

Fower and a qwaata hours later (and 250 miles plus) we arrived at the groond to find it shut, with the car park deserted, but the floodlights were on!--- "Game on!"

Az the clubhoose wasn't open yet we decided to heed into the toon and find a boozer to quensh wor thirsts and 'The Nags Head' waz the forst one we came across two minutes away!

Fower quick pints between us later (shandy for me az aa waz the driver!), we decided to heed back to the groond which waz situated at the end of an industrial estate and in the flight path of Stansted Airport some three miles distant!

"Heartbreak in Hertfordshire!"

By this time torrential rain waz pourin' doon and az we parked up 'Biffa' got a 'dreaded text' off  'Dave from York' who waz in the now open clubhouse, that the match had been POSTPONED because of a waterlogged pitch!---"Game off!" --we couldn't f***** believe it!---aall that way for NOWT!

'The Caped Crusader' then torned up like a 'half drooned rat' soaked to the skin and we gave him the (not unexpected!) bad news!

A quick look at the pitch which waz covered in puddles conformed that the match couldn't take place az both sets of players stood around wonderin' wot to de next in a corridor leadin' to the pitch.
We entered the clubhoose to find 'Dave' with hiz sidekick 'Alex of St George' droonin' their sorrows (in more ways than one!)

They had used their FREE rail passes, travellin' through ELEVEN counties on various 'branch lines' to get there in their quest to try and travel on EVERY rail line in the country! 
We divvint want to bore yoo to death, but we just naa that yoo are 'dyin'? to naa which counties they went through!---arnt yoo??? They were (deep breath!)---Durham, North Yorks, Humberside (now East Yorks), Sooth Yorks, Notts, Lincolnshire, Leicestershire, Cambridgeshire ,Bedfordshire ,Hertfordshire, and Middlesex! <(It DOESN'T get much sadder than this, I'm afraid!)

But it nearly DID!---az 'Glennn from Ashington' pondered for a while whether to stay and watch the match at Sporz trainin' groond the next day, az waz then rumoured, az he hasn't missed a resorve game home or away so far this season! <(sheer stupidity if yoo ask us!)
However! this waz just a rumour az The Toon were reluctant to stay doon there anothaa day!
He decided NOT to 'risk it' and come back with us, az he had ne where to stay or plans for comin' back! (the train would have cost him an arm and a leg!)

Anothaa Toon fan caalled 'St Albans Steve' (coz he lives there!) waz devastated the match had been postponed az this would have been hiz 100th groond watchin' The Toon!

It waz then the lang drive back to Tyneside after wor fruitless jorney (a 525.2 miles roond trip!) and just five miles from the groond the rain (predicably!) stopped!
We eventually got back at 'midneet bells' (after nearly smashin' the suspension on a speed hump at Wetherby Sorvices!) wonderin' if we'd ever get the chance to gan there again!???

PS: The game WAZ played at Sporz trainin' ground  at 'high noon bells' the day after <(a groond we visited last season!)
 'Alex of St George' and 'Dave from York' who had stopped doon the London area for a bit of extra 'train-line spottin' were there and telt us that it waz 1-0 to Sporz after 16 SECONDS!
Score after 30 minutes: we were FOWER (4) -NIL DOON!
Half time score waz: 4-1 (ne news of wor scorer?)
Full time: there were ne more goals so Sporz won 4-1!
We eventually foond oot that The Toon's scorer waz Michael Richardson in the 37th minute!
(PS:'The Train-line Saddos' <(their new name!) aalso managed to 'squeeze in' 'Essex' az well, the next day!?)

Footnote: Because the game waz actually played, it meens that wor chances of ever seein' The Toon play @ Bishop's Stortford are very slim az Sporz will be in a different division to us next season, az the resorve leegue splits into two divisions (Sporz will be in the top division and we will be in the lower, due to wor leegue positions!)  

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