Monday 16 September 2013


Updated '1:38pm bells' Monday 16th September 2013

"UP!" The Premyaa Leegue we go!"


With ne sleep from mee previous neetshift 'truck run' to the Birmingham area, aa boarded the train @ 'The Central' for the '7:30 am bells' service to er! Birmingham!, completlee shattered!
Aall waz well az the fower of us sat at wor table seat in coach 'F'--- until!---we arrived in York station, where a bespecled rotund American got on with hiz similarly shaped wife and shattered wor piece!
"These are MY seats!", he said angrily in a deep Yankee accent az 'Mal the Inglish Skoool Teechaa' and 'The Caped Crusader' vacated the 'said' seats, az they wernt theirs anyway!

He then glared at me through hiz 'John Lennon' style specs and raisin' hiz arms and hands in an upward motion, said, "UP!" in a very loud 'Sargent major style voice', makin' sure that everybody in the packed carriage could hear him!

Az I waz actually in my REET SEAT and not wantin' to cause a diplomatic incident and spoil wor 'special relationship' with wor friends across 'the pond', I decided to reply to hiz 'orders' in a cool, calm and collective manner!

"YOO CAN F**K OFF!"---THIS IZ MY SEAT, '40 A'!", I said az I produced my seat ticket from my pocket!
Hiz wife then torned to him and said, "Just sit down, we don't want to start an argument, Wilber!" < (That's reet!---WILBER! <(He f**kin' deserves it!)

Anyway!--he 'clammed up' after this, but still had the cheek to pick up one of wor papers and read it withoot askin' forst!? <(I decided NOT to start 'World War 3'!)

We got off at 'New Street' (Birmingham) and wished him well on hiz forward jorney to Portsmouth where he waz gannin! and my partin' shot waz to tell Wilber that Portsmouth waz "A Dump!"

Wor forst (and anly!) 'liquid refreshment stop' on alightin' from the train waz a real ale boozer up the hill called 'The Wellington' and we stopped there until it waz time to gan to the match!

On arrival at the groond aa made 'double sure' that aa waz sittin' in the reet seat before plonkin' meesel doon! <(Wilber where are yoo?)
Before lang the teams ran oot and not one Toon player waz of English descent az the game kicked off.
However it didn't take the 'non-Englishmen' very lang to open the scorin', when new boy Loic Remy ran doon the left and crossed to Cisse, who in torn knocked it to Ben Arfa and he had the simple task of wellyin' the baall into the Hazbeenz net!

Cabaye, Remy and Cisse aall went close after this with a Cisse penalty appeal torned doon az well!-- when it surely waz one!? <(gan to 'spec savers' ref!)
We shud have been three up at the break at least, against a very poor home side!

However---Villa came oot in the 2nd half determined to get an equaliser, which they did when Benteke heeded home after Tim Krul in the Toon goal failed to connect with the baall!

A few minutes later Ben Arfa ran doon the right and crossed with Guzan in the Villa goal punchin' oot to Gouffran who from 12 yards oot, slammed the baall into the net to joyous scenes in the visitors enclosure!

This waz the winnin' goal and we celebrated wildly by gannin back to The Wellington for several more 'liquid lubrications'!
It shud be noted that both 'Alex of St George' and 'Dave from York' (who waz celebratin' hiz 70th birthday) BOTH drank Hereford real ale in the 'Welly'!---a disgraceful state of affairs if yoo ask me and both of them shud 'hang their heads in shame'!
(For the record, aa waz drinkin' a cider caalled 'Hazy Daisy' (it sends yoo crazy!!!!)

3 valuable points!---we were now 8th after the othaa results came in and the SMB's were bottom!---lang may it continue!
Aaltogether now! "EE-I-EE-I-EE-I-O"--- "UP!" the Premyaa Leegue we go!"

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Yanga, Santon, Anita (Tiote 74), Cabaye (*Sammy Ameobi 88), Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Remy (Gouffran 63), Cisse   (*oot of the 14 players used anly sub Sammy waz English!)

Attendance: 37,554 (2,800 happy Toon fans!)

Special thanx to 'Mal the Inglish Skoool Teechaa' for match pix and headline!


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