(GROUND NUMBER 277)
Date of First Visit: 5th APRIL 2011
GREAT BARR, WALSALL
WEST BROMWICH ALBION RESERVES 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES 1 (Phil Airey)
FA PREMIER RESERVE LEAGUE
ATTENDANCE: Behind closed doors. 150 'privileged few' inside
Plus 9 West Brom 'plebs' ootside!
"MISSION (IM)POSSIBLE!??"
"Somewhere underneath West Brom's trainin' groond!"
Aboot a fortneet before this game was to be played aa foond oot that it had been switched from Albion's home groond @ The Hawthorns, to their trainin' complex @ Great Barr, some six miles away.
Now!—had the game been played at The Hawthorns aa wouldn't have bothered gannin' as (of course!) a'v been there many-many times before to watch wor forst team in action (for forty years infact!) but of course Great Barr was a 'new groond' and so it was 'compulsary' to gan!
And then aa hord the 'devestatin' news'-----the game was to be played 'BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! with ne access to the proper fans!!!
"MYSTERY AND IMAGINATION!" ("Believe this and yi'll believe anything!")▼▼▼▼▼
Two of us wanted to gan but wot could we de to get in?---aa had to get mee 'thinkin' cap on' for a solution and usin' mee mad-sad groundhoppin' skills aa came up with 'a few irons in the fire' solutions!
'Iron in the fire- One': Buy a couple of pole vaultin' poles and propel worsels ower the security fence!---The problem with this method was---aa weigh sixteen stone (plus!) and aa was worried that the pole might snap as aa reached maximum height ower the fence and a'd end up impaled on the barbed wire!---but it was worth a go!
'Iron in the fire- Two': Buy two 'Harley Davidson's, rev the engine up to full throttle!---and then take a half mile run up the hill next to the groond at 100mph and fly ower the fence!---The problem with this method was!---wot if the hill next to the groond wasn't steep enough and mee weight acted as a 'gravitational pull' doonwards ?-- aa would end up 'imbedded' in the fence!, 'cartoon style'---again!---it was worth a go!
'Iron in the fire'- Three': (The most brilliant idea of the lot!:) Dig a tunnel underneath the groond and come up through a hole behind the goal line next to the changin' rooms!----The problem with the 'tunnel method' of entry was that it would tek us a 'canny lang time' to dig it! and therefore!--- usin' my *vast knowledge of diggin' tunnels, I worked oot that we would probably miss the kick off! (*As a bairn of five I once dug a tunnel in the sand on Whitley Bay beach with a plastic spade!)----yet again---it was worth a go!---even if we missed the kick off!
But how would we actually get in???---see the answer at the end of the story!
We set off at 'ten thorty bells' in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile' and arrived at Great Barr at aroond '1:30 bells' but couldn't find the groond. After drivin' up and doon Birmingham Road (where the groond was supposed to be!) we stopped at a petrol station to fill up and ask directions .
The gadgie sent us back doon the road we had just come up and telt us to take the 2nd left past the bus stop. We did and ended up in the car park of THE BELL PUB! (we had obviously gone too far again!) So there was nowt else for it but to gan in for a couple of 'gargels' before makin' another attempt to find the entrance to the groond!
It was then off to find the groond once more and this time we were successful (horray!) and foond the entrance hidden away behind some bushes and it was from there that we picked up wor 'equipment' (which were hidden there for us by a friend caalled 'R**' on a previous occasion!) and we made wor 'darin attempt' to gain entry!
S -O -M- E C- -O- -N- -S-- I –D—E—R—A—B—L-- E T- I- M- E L- A- T- E- R- !
WE WERE INSIDE THE GROOND! reet
next to the changin' rooms and like aa say, I cannit tell you how we got in yet!---yi'll have to 'read on' for the answer at the end of the story
The game started off on a wind swept pitch and there were aboot 150 spectators present, made up entirely of club officials, reporters, scouts and US!. Nine 'locked out' Baggies fans watched the proccedings from outside the groond with their noses pressed through the holes of the security fence, some one hundred yards from the action! (a sad state of affair when yi cannit get in ti watch yi team!)
The Toon had the forst real chance when in the 14th minute Michael Richardson had a shot which was cleared off the line by a defenders kneecap! However just 3 mins later the home side took the lead when Tchoyi curled a shot past Alwick in the Newcastle goal to ne applause or reaction whatsoever from the players or spectators! (the forst time av ever been to a match when no one applauded or cheered a home goal!)
'Glennn from Ashington' then suddenly appeared oot of newhere, sayin' that ,like us,he couldn't find the groond and he was cursin' the fact that he had missed the goal (he had another 'secret method' for gainin' entry, just like us!)
There was ne further score in the forst half and the players stayed on the pitch for their half time oranges etc as the wind howled aroond them.
10 minutes into the restart we equalised when Dan Taylor centred the baall to Phil Airey who's fine shot from the edge of the box beat the home keeper at 'The Tunnel Eer! ---(slip of the tongue!) 'Changin' Rooms End'!. (again!-no reaction from anybody!)
The rest of the second half was a 'dire' affair with the players gannin through their paces as though it was a practise match and to be honest it was just like watchin' a pub team playin' a game on a Sunday mornin' with 'one man and his dog', such was the lack of atmosphere.
The final whistle blew and we made wor way back to the 'jam jar' (through the trainin' groond gates this time!) and arrived back on Tyneside at around '8 pm bells'.
And the answer as to how we got in????- ---Under the 'Official Mad-Sad Groundhoppers Secrets Act' I am sworn to secrecy and silence as we may need this 'method' of entry at a future date and aa divvint want to 'drop meesel in it'!-------but can I just say a very special thank you to 'R**' who had made wor MISSION POSSIBLE! (THE CLUES ARE IN THE PICTURES---FOLKS!—TAKE YOUR PICK!)(OR SHOVEL!)
Cheers!
©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺unddigger!)☺
Geordie Glossary of Terms and Phrases (for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers)(as they appear)
Plebs=supporters!
Aboot=about
Fortneet=fortnight
Foond=found
Oot=out
Gannin'=going
A'v=I have
Wor=our
Forst=first
Groond=ground
Gan=go
Aa=I
Hord=heard
Ne=no
Yi'll=you will
Wot=what
Mee=my
Worsels=ourselves
Ower=over
A'd=I had
Doonwards=downwards
Canny lang time=quite a while
Bairn=young child
Thorty=thirty
Bells='O' clock
Around=around
Gadgie=gentleman
Doon=down
Telt=told
Nowt=nothing
Gargles=beers
Reet=right
Yi=you
Cannit=cannot
Ti=to
The Toon=Newcastle United
Newhere=nowhere
Jam jar=car
Groundhopper=football ground 'collector'
Divvint=do not
Meesel=myself
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