THE TOON v THE BORUSSIA MUNCHIN'GLADBACHS *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted '10:26am bells' Saturday1st August 2015

"LETS MUNCH SOME GLADBACHS!"

Wor final and anly home pre season friendly takes place this afternoon @ '3 bells' when we take on The Munchin'gladbachs from Jawmany @ St James' Park.
Debuts are expected from wor 3 new signings az Chancel Mbemba's work permit haz arrived at the last moment and he will line up alang side Alek Mitrovic and Ginio Wijnaldum in the startin' 11

A'm takin' mee 5 year old grandson Jamie to hiz forst 'European game' and we are in the middle tier of The Leazes End today!
I promised to take him to the match if he could pronounce the Jawman teams name!
"Jamie!", aa said, "If yi can say Borussia Monchengladbach aa'll take yoo to the game!" 
He came oot with "Bruce MUNCHIN'gladbachs!"---so that waz near enough! 

Not sure wot the weathaa will bring today?---one minite the sun'z oot---and the next minute it looks az though it's gannin' to p*ss doon!
Anyway!---a full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow, with 'Jamie's' version of the match az well!

MORE LIVE TELLY GAMES! *** "HIGH NOON SHOOTOUTS AND AALL THAT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 31st July 2015

3 more of wor games have been picked for live telly in October and November!

Wor home game against 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' haz been switched to Sunday 18th October @ '4 bells' (SKY) <(we DIDN'T predict this!)

The derby game away to the SMBs @ The SOS iz now @ 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th October (SKY) <(we DID predict this!)

And finally! ---and just to make it easy for us to get to?, wor 730 mile trek to Bournemoooth and back haz been moved to '12:45 bells' on Saturday 7th November (BT) <(we THOUGHT this might be changed--but at least it isn't on a Munday neet!)
This meeenz however, that we must travel doon on the Friday and stay owerneet! <(the 'joys' of live futbaall!)

FIXTURES BELOW

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE & CUP FIXTURES ***** 2015-2016

Updated '12:47 pm bells Friday 31st July 2015

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have been released and wor forst game will be at home to Sooothampton---BUT!--it haz be changed from Saturday to Sunday az they are in Europa Leegue action 2 days before we are due to play them!
We then face a 'continental trip' to Swanzee in sooth Wales a week later and then to 'The Theatre of Muppets' when we will play 'The Cockney Reds' a week after that!--We then finish off August with an 'eazy'? home game against 'The Arse'!

We face the SMBs away in October and at home in March,
we will visit Bournmoooth in November for a Saturday '12:45 bells' kick off <( nice that they are thinkin' aboot the travellin' fans for once?)while they must travel to wor place in March next year!
Amazingly  every game this year waz originally on a Saturday <(SKY, BT and clubs in Europe have ensured that this iz NOT now the case!) until the last game in 2015 when we are away to The Baggie Troosers of West Brom on a Munday
'The Geordie Times' predicts that at least 25 of wor 38 fixtures will be moved

We roond off the season with anothaa home fixture against Sporz in May---the anly game that cannit be changed!

Games moved so far for Europe and live telly--- 8 oot of 14


(Aall games listed are '3 bells' kick offs unless stated!)
Key: Home games in gold (SJP) St James' Park---
Away games in pink 

August:
Sun 9th: Sooothampton @ SJP @ 1:30 bells
Sat 15th: Swanzee away
Sat 22nd Manc Muppets away @12:45 bells, live on BT
W/C Mon 24th Aug: Leegue Cup 2nd roond 
Sat 29th The Arse @ SJP @12:45 bells, live on BT

September:
Mon 14th: The Jellied Eels Mob away @ 8:00 bells, live on SKY 
Sat 19th: Wotfad @ SJP
Sat 26th: Chelski @ SJP @ 5:30 bells, live on SKY

October:
Sat 3rd: Manc Blue Moonies away
Sun 18th: The Canary Custards @ SJP @ 4:00 bells (SKY)
Sun 25th: SMBs away @ 'high noon bells' (SKY) 
Sat 31st: The P*ss Potters @ SJP

November:
Sat 7th: Bournemoooth away @ 12:45 bells (BT)
Sat 21st: The Basil Brush Brigade @ SJP
Sat 28th: The Crystal Balls away

Live games for December will be picked on or before September 17th (Alledgedleeee!) 

December:
Sat 5th: The Liverbirds @ SJP
Sat 12th: Sporz away < (WILL be changed az Sporz play in Europe 2 days before!)
Sat 19th: The Hazbeenz and Villians @ SJP
Sat 26th: The Toffee Noses @ SJP
Mon 28th: The Baggie Troosers away

Live games for January will be picked on or before October 19th

January 2016:
Sat 2nd: The Arse away
W/E Sat 9th: FA Cup 3rd roond
Wed 13th : The Manc Muppets @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 16th: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP
Sat 23rd: Wotfad away

Live games for February will be picked on or before November 17th

February:
Wed 3rd: The Toffee Noses away (7:45 bells)
Sat 6th: The Baggie Troosers @ SJP
Sat 13th: Chelski away
Sat 27th: Manc Blue Moonies @ SJP

Live games for March will be picked on or before January 5th

March:
Wed 2nd: The P*ss Potters @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 5th: Bournemoooth @ SJP
Sat 12th: The Basil Brush Brigade away
Sat 19th: The SMBs @ SJP

Live games for April will be picked on or before February 3rd

April:
Sat 2nd: The Canary Custards away
Sat 9th: Sooothampton away
Sat 16th: Swanzee @ SJP
Sat 23rd: The Liverbirds away
Sat 30th: The Crystal Balls @ SJP

Live games for May will be picked on or before March 23rd

May:
Sat 7th: The Hazbeenz and Villians away
Sun 15th: Sporz @ SJP <(CAN'T be moved)



Most of the above fixtures WILL be changed when the ravages of telly coverage and postponed games, due to othaaz playin' in Europe, are annoonced

PS: 'The Geordie Times' doesn't want to be 'done' for copyright, so yi'll have to work oot for yorsels the above teams which are in 'Geordie Cryptic Code'!

"JUST WOT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!"

Posted '10:10am bells' Friday 31st July 2015

Chancel Mbemba becomes the 3rd player to sign for us durin' the transfor window!  The 20 year old DR Congo international defender haz signed a f5 year deal for a reported fee of between 7 and 8 million quid!
This brings wor war chest 'spend' to 34 or 35 million quid so far!

105 (revisited) bootham crescent, york ************* THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN 2 THE TOON 1 *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 30th July 2015


(Ground number 105 revisited)
Date of this visit: 29th July 2015
Bootham Crescent, York

York City 2
Newcastle United X1  1 (Perez)

Friendly fixture
Attendance 5,406 (2,048 Toon fans) <(plus 4 people watchin' from their bedroom windows beyond!)


"Definatly NOT the ticket!"



"Serves the bustard reet, for havin' a mackem coloured car!" ^^^

The short trip to NorthYorkshire ended in defeat against fourth tier York City <(aalso known by the above headin'---see article below!) when The Toon put oot a virtually entirely different team to the one who played @ Sheff U last Sunday!

Three of us includin' 'me' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' travelled doon in 'Michael the Mag's' 'jam jar' and tried to find a parkin' space near the groond, but most of the streets were 'permit holders only'!
We foond one street that we thought was 'permit free' and decided to park there!---BUT hang on a minute!---there waz a bright red Mini 'parked up' and it had SIX! parkin' tickets stuck to the windscreen!---Time to find anothaa parkin' space, sharpish!---and we DID, not far away on the main road next to a church---checkin' of course to make sure it waz 'a permit free zone'!

It waz then off to the boozer at the top of the street for the customary pre- match 'gargels', before heedin' for a rain sodden Bootham Crescent and the OPEN away end!

"Sanctuary!"

Enterin' the groond waz like gannin' back to 'the dark ages' of 'The Gallowgate End terraces' and the 'tool sheds' were the same az 'The Gallowgate's' back in the 1970's!

The match kicked off and at the same time the rain started to get a bit more persistent <(ie: it waz P*SSIN' DOON!)
It waz aall 'The Toon' at forst, az we bombarded the far end for the forst goal of the game, with new boy Mitrovic gettin' hiz forst outing in a black n white shirt and missin' several chaces! 
Perez aalso went close orly on, but we couldn't make the breakthrough !
However!---- and in their forst attack of the half, the home side took the lead through Straker in the 16th minute after a disastrous mix up in wor defence by *new boy? Jamaal Lascelles, to send the home fans into 'wonderland' az he looped the baall ower Karl Darlow in The Toon goal! (*Lacelles waz on loan to Forest aall last season)


1st half action az The Toon attack the far goal
(4 people in the houses beyond are watchin' from their bedroom windows!)


It got worse of course just a few minutes later, az the torrential rain got heavier, when  'TRIALIST 'A' <(I kid yoo not!) fired a volley from the edge of the box past Darlow, to double York's lead and compound wor misery, az the rain started to soak through mee expensive 'waaterproof jacket'???
This resulted in quite a few Toon fans heedin' for the exits and an orlier than expected MID-match 'gargel'!

Thankfully the rain (and York goals!) eased off and we ended the half 2-0 doon!

We again came oot with 'aall guns blazin' in the 2nd half and finally got the breakthrough in the 75th when Perez tapped in from an Abeid corner kick, to send half the crowd of 5,000 plus into raptures <(whey!---muted cheers and light applause anyway!)


2nd half action in front of The Toon fans


That's the way it ended I'm afraid and York who had lost 2-0 to HARROGATE TOWN! just a few days orlier, now had a 'Premier Leegue scalp' to add to their 'mixed' pre-season results!

PS: The Toon DID win something however!---We managed to kick the baall oot of the groond THREE times, compared to York's TWO!

Lets hope this isn't an omen!

Toon team: Darlow (Elliot 46), Bigiramana, Satka, Lascelles, Ferguson, Abeid, Gouffran, Aarons (Kemen 58), De Jong, Perez, Mitrovic (Suddick 70) (Scroll doon page to compare this team to the one who play @ Sheff U)

Attendance: 5,406 (nearly half were from The Toon)  <(plus 4 'freebeez' watchin' from their bedroom windows!)  *

A view to die for!

 

Fascinatin' Footnotes:
Just ower the road from the groond iz St Peters School,
where, (believe it or not!) Guy Fawkes went to before
he attempted to burn the Houses of Parliament doon!

 

Bootham Crescent/Kit Kat Crescent:

Originally it waz called 'Bootham Crescent' and then

some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were

the clubs sponsors at the time, decided to rename the

 groond KIT KAT CRESCENT! after the famous

chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor

opponents!

At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that

couldn't be the groonds new name---but!---

"OH YES IT WAZ!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their new groond after

Benfica's famous 'Stadium of Light' <(yi'll never

guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name given

to a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully York have since seen sense and changed the

name back to 'Bootham Crescent', a groond aa forst

visited to watch The Toon back in 1992, when we

WON 3-1 <(horray!) with wor goals comin' from

Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr!   

THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET IN YORK!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 28th July 2015

Tomorrow neet we heed for the delights of York for wor penultimate <("We naa aall the big words!") pre-season friendly @ the 're-renamed' groond of York City.
Originally it waz called Bootham Crescent and then some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were the club's sponsors at the time ,decided to rename the groond Kit Kat Crescent after the famous chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor opponents!)
At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that couldn't be the groonds new name---but "OH YES IT WAZ!!!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their groond after Benfica's 'Stadium of Light', <(yi'll never guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name for a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully, York have seen sense and changed the name back to Bootham Crescent, a groond 'The Geordie Times' forst visited to watch The Toon in 1992 when we won 3-1 with goals from Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr.

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here, sometime on Thorsday!---have a break <(sic!) and watch this space az per usual!

THE BLADE RUNNERS 2 THE TOON 2 *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016 (Chris Morgan testimonial)

Posted '9:35am bells' Munday 27th July 2015

1st half action az The Toon attack 'The Kop End'
(We are in the dark strip)

Pre-season friendlies are notoriously bad to judge just wot will happen when the real action starts, but we cannit help feel that after yet another lack-lustre display yesterday dinnaatime in rainy Sheffield against 3rd tier opposition, that it will another hard season aheed!

We hit the bar orly on through Cisse, but then after this iz waz aall Sheff U az they had several chances to take the lead with a number of glarin' misses in front of the 3,000 Toon fans packed behind that goal!

However!---it waz 'us' who took the lead in the 40th minute when new boy Ginio Wijnaldum fired in a re-bound from 20 yards oot to give us an undeserved lead!

Sheff U soon levelled things orly in the 2nd half when McNulty had the easy task of beatin' Krul in The Toon goal after he was put clean through!

2nd half action in front of The Toon fans

De Jong restored wor lead with 10 mins to gan when he flicked the baall into the net from a corner by Colback to send 'the faithful' wild with delight behind the goal!

Again, the home side came back az the rain bleached doon from the grey skies, when Freeman vollied an unstoppable shot past Krul with barly 2 mins left on the clock!---and that's the way it ended!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Steve Taylor (Lascelles 69), Haidera, Anita (Obertan 59), Colback (Gouffran 88), Sissoko (Abeid 79), Wijnaldum (De Jong 73), Perez (Aarons 46), Cisse (Armstrong 79)

Attendance: 12,002 ?   (3,000 Toon fans) ^^^^^^^^^^

"12,002 ---yi havin' a laff!"

The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!

THE BLADE RUNNERS v THE TOON *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY FIXTURE 2015-2016

Posted '12:46pm bells' Saturday 25th July 2015

Tomorrow dinnaatime we make the 120 mile trip doon the A1/M1 for a testimonial game against Sheff U at Bramall Lane for 'one' Chris Morgan?

Originally this game waz aall ticket BUT Sheff U have now put on pay gates @ the visitors end ---priced @ £15 for big kids and just a fiver for sprogs and zimmerframeites 

Runoots for £27 million new boys Ginio Wijnaldum (£14 mill) and Alek Mitrovic (£13 mill) are expected!

In an interview Mitrovic was asked if he waz lookin' forward to the derby match against sund'lind, to which he genuinely replied:
"WHO'S sund'lind???"  <(A Toon 'legend' aalready!)

We will be travellin' doon in *Big Al's 'jam jar' (*NOT the sheet metal workers son!) for the '1:00 bells' kick off and a full match report will appear here sometime on Munday!

The forst time we visited Bramall Lane waz some 43 years ago and we make ne apologeeez for diggin' up the 'classic' archive match report from that game, yet again!--- which iz printed below.
Ground number 22 --- "April Fool---The Judge is a Geordie!"

JONG UTRECHT 1 THE TOON RESORVES 2 *** TOUR OF HOLLAND 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th July 2015

The second of the 'second strings' 'tour of Holland' took place last neet and we won 2-1 against Utrecht's feeder club' in the town of Rheden
Dutch trialist Dani Koks got both wor goals in the 2nd half and sole Toon groundhopper 'Glennn from Ashington' waz there to chalk off anothaa groond on the never endin' 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' list!

Glennn retorns to the UK for Sunday's forst team friendly against Sheff U @ Bramall Lane and will MISS the last 2 games on the Holland tour az they clash with the Sheff U and York games!

"YI cant be in 2 places at the same time" iz the old 'Geordie Times' adage!  

VITESSE ARNHEM RESORVES 4 THE TOON RESORVES 3 **** HOLLAND TOUR 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd July 2015

EXTREEEMLEEE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPIN' NEWS!

Just like the forst team in America on Wednesday mornin', The Toon U21s lost 4-3 to Vitesse Arnhem resorves in the Dutch town of Driel a few hours orlier!

The goalscorers for The Toon were Dan Barlaser ,Liam Smith and Dani Koks and 'Glennn from Ashington' waz the one and anly 'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper' there to witness it!

Toneet Glennn iz off to Rheden where we are takin' on Utrecht's second string!---He retorns home by BUS late toneet via Calais and hopes to be back for the Sheff U forst team game on Sunday <(hope he doesn't get held up by the asylum seekers or French strikers who have blockaded the port!)