THE TOON 4. THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted just after ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 15th Decembaa 2024

“HIT AND MISS!”

After last weeks defensive shambles at Brentfaad we were back on home soil hopin that we could put in a good performance —-and we did just that!

It’s certainly been a hit and miss season with great performances v Man City, The Arse and Livaapoool, but some of wor away performances, especially in London have been shocking’ (Fulim, Palliss and Brentfaad of course, for example!)

The the kick off NUFC got straight into Lestaa az we attacked The Gallowgate End!

The sequence of events were az follows!

30th minute: We were well on top, with Jacob Murphy missing at least 2 great chances to open the scorin’

He finally made amends with his 3rd effort az he hit a sweet shot into the bottom corner of the net from a Tonali, Gordon corner combination to put The Toon 1-0 up!

Correct me if I’m wrang, but this woz wor first goal from a corner at SJP this season!?

Isak then missed a great chance when he woz clean through, but his shot hit their goalie’s leg and it deflected wide!  HT 1-0 to us!

Ward replaced Hermansen in the Lestaa goal in the 2nd half

47th minute: Within 2 minutes of the restart we had doubled wor lead when a Gordon free kick finds Lewis Hall’s heed and he heeds it onto Bruno to heed home at The Leazes End withoot Ward touchin the baall!

50th minute: The Basil Brush Brigade were aall at sea when Alexander the Great (Isak) heeded home from a Hall centre!-Again Ward still hadn’t touched the baall az far az I can remember!?—-If so this must be some kind of record!?—2 goals withoot the goalie touchin the baall? (Again!—-Pleeeze correct me if I’m wrang!?)

60th minute: Murphy seals 🦭 the victory with a great effort after missin an easier chance just before!

The score could easily been 6 or 7 nil, but we are back on track for wor Leegue Cup qwaataa final tie v Brentfaad this comin’ Wedinzday!

Let’s hope it’s a ‘HIT’ performance to put us in the semis!🙏🏻

Attendance: 52,235 (3,000 Basil Bush Fox fans in level 7 of The Leazes End!) (Noisy at the start, but very quiet at the end!)

*Accordin to the score board ‘Sam Fender’ scored wor 4th goal and not Jacob Murphy!?🤔 (Fink I’ll give confused.com a ring!???)

Updated Munday neet!

*FOOTNOTE:                              The Geordie Times woz reet! 

Ward’s first 2 touches of the ball came when he had to pick the ball out of his own net twice after just 5 minutes of the second half!         (Sky Sports)

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'just after midneet bells' Saturday 14th Decembaa 2024

“NEE GOOD!”

We take on The Basil Brush Br↑gade later today in a game we must win to put us back on track after bein' derailed at Brentfaad last Saturday!

Lets hope we can wipe that smile off Basil's face come '5:00 bells' this afternooon!?

However news reaches The Geordie Times that wor 1st choice keeper ‘The Pope’ sustained a knee injury at Brentfaad which iz ‘nee good’ (sic!) and of course Callum Wilson haz done his hamstring (yet again!) and both will be oot of action for a while!

Krafth and Lascelles are still nackered az well, while Botman iz back in trainin after his very lang lay off, but will play nee part in the proceedings later today!

Joe Willock could play some part though!?

NUFC need a win badly after 4 winless games, so lets hope we put in a much better defensive display in west London last week!

A full ‘Geordie Times’ match report will appear here az usual sometime on Sunday!  “Watch this space!”

'YELLOW WALL' CONCEPT FOR THE GALLOWGATE END!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 13th Decembaa 2024

    HOW THE GALLOWGATE END WOULD LOOK WITH A TUNNEL FOR TRAFFIC 

News reaches us (3 days late!) that NUFC are lookin to expand 'The Gallowgate End' to rival 'The Yellow Wall' at Dortmund in Jawmany and not move to a new stadium! (Allegedly!?)

The new massive stand would stretch ower Strawberry Place, where a tunnel for traffic would be constructed underneath!

It would increase the groond capacity to 65,000 with The East Stand also to be redeveloped on a much lesser scale----or so we are told!?

We can see loads of objections if we tried to move to Leazes Park and plannin permission would take many years!

There would be nee objections if we expanded to where 'The Stack' iz situated!---Aalso bars, restaurants and even a 5 star hotel could be built into the back of the stand like Bolton Wanderers main stand, which haz a 4 star hotel built into it! (Ingenious!)

    THE BOLTON STADIUM 4 STAR HOTEL **** SPOT THE FLOODLIGHTS!?

ROOM WITH A VIEW!**** YOU CAN EVEN WATCH THE MATCH FROM THE COMFORT YOUR DOUBLE BED!🛏️ (UNREAL!)

This would increase revenue considerably and comply with PRS rules laid doon by The Premyaa Leegue!

The bettin odds on a move away from SJP are gettin langer by the day---but divvint rule it oot!

The reconstruction would look sommik like this below!

   STAGE ONE---TAKE THE ROOF OFF THE EXISTIN STAND AND START       🠝  CONSTRUCTION WHERE THE STACK IZ SITUATED ON THE LAND BEHIND 🠋

🠉🠋    THE COMPLETED STAND     🠉🠋

WILSON’S WOES!

 Posted ‘6:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 12th Decembaa 2024

News that striker Callum Wilson iz injured yet again comes az nee suprize to Toon fans!

He haz been here for 9 seasons and haz missed an incredible 1,137 days because of various injuries ower that period! 

That includes (deep breath!) a back injury, 9 hamstring injuries, illness, 2 calf injuries, Corona virus and a chest injury!  

That’s! (wait for it!) THREE YEARS AND 42 DAYS (and coontin’) in 9 seasons!

This season he haz made just 4 substitute appearances totallin 57 minutes!

Of course he doesn’t want to be injured or ill, and he haz released a statement aboot his latest setback—another hamstring injury! 

The anly other Toon player we can Fink of in recent times that comes anywhere near to this iz Andy Carroll!

We wish him well of course, but he iz 33 in February and nearin the end of his career!  His NUFC contract runs oot at the end of this season and this could well be his final season in futbaall!

THE BRENTFAAD BEES KNEEZ 4. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ Sunday 8th Decembaa 2024

TOON IN WOR MAROON AND BLUE STRIP

“UTTER DISPAIR!”

Followin wor horror 1-1 performance at Palliss last Saturday, followed by a brilliant performance against Livaapoool on Wedinzday when we drew 3-3, we were hopin that we had torned the corner!—-But this IZ NUFC and we put in a horror defensive performance at Brentfaad losin 4-2 to bring us crashin back doon to 🌍 Earth!

Storm Darragh just missed west London, but there woz still heavy rain and wind before and durin’ the match!

The main events were az follows:

2nd minute: Longstaff hits the bar at the far end from the away fans corner!

8th minute: Mburmo scores for The Beez Kneez with a shot which deflected in off Schar

11th minute: Isak equalises 3 mins later from a Murphy centre with wot looked like a low diving heeder!?

28th minute: Brentfaad retake the lead through Wissa after Barnes loses possession!

32nd minute: Barnes makes up for his misstayk and fires home from a Murphy pass! HT 2-2 

(Isak aalso missed a great chance in the forst half when he woz clean through!)

56th minute: Again the home side retake the lead after awful defendin!

91st minute: It’s aall ower when Schade hits home from an easy chance!

The Pope’s blushes are then saved when he inexplicably rushes oot of his box to leave the goal open and a shot from avBrentfaad player iz cleared off the line by Burn to keep the score at 4-2 to them!

It could easily have been 7-4 az defensive errors dominated this game, with the most from us!

A terrible day for The Toon Army az we slipped to 12th in the table!- The Livaapoool display now seems years ago and not 3 days!

Attendance:17,078 (1,706 fed up Toon fans)

The jorney back to Tyneside woz a disaster az well!  The ‘8:00 🔔s’ train back didn’t leave til half an hour later coz the train driver woz late!

We were due to arrive back at 11:10 🛎️s but didn’t get back til midneet, meenin that I had to queue for half an hour in the heavy storm Darragh rain and wind in the open, for a taxi and woz half drowned by the time I got to the front of the queue, just to make a miserable day, even more miserable!

Pub crawl report---Just 3 this time!

FOOTNOTE: Watched MOTD on Munday and this woz the intro by the programme announcer:“Newcastle United, Manchester City and ‘United’ are in action!”🥶

 

THE BEEZ KNEEZ OF BRENTFAAD V THE TOON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘10:00am 🔔 bells’ on the train to King’s Cross Saturday 7th Decembaa 2024

We retorn to London once again a week after the Cristil Palliss disaster show and 3 days after wor epic 3-3 draw with title chasin Livaapoool!

The question on every Toon fans lips iz—- which of these 2 performances will we repreduce today?

Its the 64 thoosand dollar question that we cannit answer!

We can anly hope that it’s the Livaapoool performance and not the Palliss one!

NUFC have been ‘hit and miss’ aall season, where we perform well against the ‘big boys’ and perform miserably against the smaall fry!

We beat Brentfaad away on the last day of last season 4-2, but they are undefeated at home so far this season, so it won’t be an eazy game for certain!

Aall 1,730 away tickets were snapped up ages ago! 

A Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

APU “Watch this space!”

372 jakemans stadium, boston

 Ground number 372

Date of First Visit: 3rd December 2024

Jakemans Community Stadium, Boston

Boston United  3

Newcastle United U 21s  2 (Parkinson (2)

National League Cup group ‘C’

Attendance: 368   ( Looked at least twice az many?) (Gate fiddle?)

At least 30 NUFC fans (4 'ramblers' who had travelled from Tyneside—‘Us’!)

“THE BOSTON RAMBLER(S)!”

It woz certainly no ‘tea party’ in Boston az wor U21s went doon 3-2 to Boston United, who sit 2nd bottom of The National Leegue!

A convoy of cars set off from Tyneside at 1:00pm bells' for the 400 mile roond trip to deepest Lincolnshire! (Whey!--One car load actually! with 4 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' on board!) (For the record the ‘Fab 4’ (sic!) were az follows: Biffa the Beer, Glennn from Ashington, Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer and (not so) little old me, Fink the mad-sad groundhopper’!)

On arrival at '5:00 bells' we heeded for the nearest 'liquid lubrication location' aboot half a mile away, caalled, 'The Spirit of Endeavour', az the game didnt kick off til '7:30 bells'

THE SPIRIT OF ENDEVOUR

After a 'nose-bag' (food) and some "er!"  'liquid lubrications', it woz time to heed for the Boston clubhoose underneath the main stand caalled ‘Ellenders’

ELLENDERS

where more 'liquid loobs' were consumed! (It should be noted that 2 of wor company drank cups of tea instead of booze!----So there woz a tea party in Boston after aall!---who would ever have believed that!?

The match kicked off bang on time and we foond some empty padded seats in the back row of the stand, which were resorved for the private box  behind (which woz empty az well!) 

Unusually, two players with regular 1st team appearances were in the startin line up: Lewis Miley who woz given some game time after his back injury —-and Isaac Hayden, who iz oot of favour at the moment!

It didnt start off well az ‘The Boston Tea Party Men' (it had to be!) took the lead in the 6th minute when Osborne hit a loopin shot into the far corner of the net, which Toon goalie Aiden Harris thought woz gannin wide!?

EVEN THE FLOODLIGHTS BOW DOON TO BE CLOSER TO THE ACTION BELOW! 👀 

Against the run of play in the 14th minute, Alfie Harrison hit a sweet shot which deflected off Ben Parkinson to leave their goalie wrong footed, to level the score!

Just before the half time break we took the lead when Palmer foond Parkinson —and he made ‘nee misstayk’ by plantin the baall into the roof of the net! HT 2-1 to 'us'!

In the 2nd half Parkinson missed a great chance to complete hiz hat-trick when he fired high ower the bar!

The fight back by the home side started in the 77th minute when Aderoju scrambled the baall into the net and the comeback woz complete 5 minutes later when McGuire forced the baall ower the line to put 'The Tea Party men' back in front!

Thats the way it stayed and the result meeez that wor U21s drop to 3rd place in the Group 'C' table behind Leedz U21s and Boston!

Automatic qualification to the knockoot stage iz now oot of wor hands---Wor last group game v Gatesheed in January could well be a ‘dead rubber’ ✏️ by then!  

The 4 'ramblers' got back well after midneet, with yet anothaa groond chalked off the never endin list!---"Ramble on!"

“WE WOZ THERE!”

A FRAMED NEWSPAPER CUTTING FROM WHEN WE PLAYED A FRIENDLY AT THEIR OLD YORK STREET GROOND IN 1989. BRAZILIAN 🇧🇷 MIRANDINHA PLAYED IN THAT GAME!  (“WE  WOZ THERE!”)

BOSTON STRANGLER *** BOSTON RAMBLER(S)

GET IT!? 🤔

THE TOON 3 THE LIVERBIRDS 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 5th Decembaa 2024

"DR JEKYLL OR MR HYDE!"

After wor crap showin' at Palliss on Saturday, a 'different' Toon team torned in a superb performance last neet, which woz more or less with the same players? (Jacob Murphy for Willock the anly change)---Thats reet!---in the space of 4 days we have went from one extreme to the other!---The mad inconsistent world of NUFC, folks!--From a Dr Jekyll performance to a Mr Hyde performance (Or iz it the other way roond?)🤔

From the word 'go' we matched them in every department az we attacked the Leazes End!  The sequence of goals woz az follows!

35th minute: Alexander the Great (Isak) runs doon the pitch and hits an unstopable shot past Kelleher in the Livaapoool goal to put us 1-0 up and lift the roof off the stadium!   HT 1-0

50th minute: A Salah pass finds Jones and he knocks the baall into the net for the equaliser! 1-1 

62nd minute: NUFC regain the lead when Anthony Gordon latches onto a Isak pass and fires home across the goal at The Gallowgate End! 2-1 to us!

68th minute: The Mickey Mousers pull level again when Salah toe pokes the baall into the net! 2-2

83rd minute: They take the lead when Salah hits the baall past The Pope in The Toon goal! 3-2 to them!

90th minute: Just when yoo Fink its aall over, it never iz til the final whistle!---A free kick 20 yards oot iz looped ower their goalie who Finks the baall iz gannin oot, but Fab Schar sneaks in at the far post and hiz slidin shot hits the far post and into the net! 3-3

5 minutes of stoppage time iz added and in the 95th minute The Pope hoys the baall upfield to Isak to catch the Liverbirds defence nappin' and with 3 onto one, he races across the halfway line and inexplicably the ref blows for full time when we had a great chance to win the game! (Would he have done the same if Salah woz clean through at the other end?---No way!)

DIABOLICAL DECISION!  

FT 3-3

Summary: Yoo just divvint naa wot yoo are gannin to get with wor lot!???----Brentfaad away on Saturday! ---Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde???

Attendance: 52,237 (3,200 Liverbirds)

*

THE TOON V THE LIVERBIRDS *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 4th Decembaa 2024

"I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT!"

NUFC take on high flyin Livaapoool at SJP toneet at '7:30 bells' and if there's any team yi divvint want to play when your in bad form---then its THEM!

Havin played very badly in wor last 2 games its imperative that we put in a good show, or else we'll get slaughtered!

They havvint lost an away game so far this season and the last time we beat them at SJP woz NINE years ago in Decembaa 2015!---And its now TWENTY NINE years since we last won at Anfield!----If ever there woz an NUFC bogey team, then The Liverbirds are certainly that! 

Not sure if Isak iz fit to play after bein' substituted at Palliss on Saturday, but we desperately need him az Callum Wilson iznt fit enough to complete 90 minutes!

Lets hope we put in a good performance and bring off a very unlikely victory!???

Az per usual a match report on the game will appear here tomorrow and the match report from wor U21s 3-2 defeat at Boston United yesterday, will appear here on Friday!

"Watch this space!" 

JAKEMANS STADIUM! NEW GROOND! NEW GROOND!

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️bells’ Tuezday 3rd Decembaa 2024

‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ are off on wor travels again, this time to Boston in deepest Lincolnshire, when NUFC U21s take on Boston United at their new abode in The National Leegue Cup (group stage) ⬇️ (Top 2 qualify for knock oot stage) ⬇️

We have been to their old York Street groond in the 1980s for an NUFC 1st team friendly match! (ground 88)

A ‘Toonhoppers’ match report will appear here later on this week!

Az per usual, Watch this space!”