NUFC 'LAND OF OZ TOUR' 2024!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Tuezday 21st May 2024

Updated 1:20pm bells' Wedinzday

The Toon are playin' 2 absolutlee pointless games in the Land of Oz tooneet and Friday!----A 25 hour flight from London to Melbourne!

It's aall for publicity and money of course, but after a lang and tierin' season, surely this iz the last thing wor players need?---and just before the Euros in Joon!

For certain, wor Australian based fans WILL be happy though!

Season ticket holders and members can watch the 2 games v Sporz tomorrow at '10;45am bells' GMT (Geordie Meeen Time!) and against The A Leegue Aall Stars?<Whoever they are? on Friday at '8:45am bells' GMT and fans shud receive an e mail from NUFC to 'log in'!

IT'S FREE TO WATCH!  

Updated Wedinzday:

"DOON UNDER DELIGHT! 

🤪👍🏁

ISAK’S GOAL*A SIMPLE TAP IN!

NUFC drew 1-1 with Sporz, but won 5-4 in a penalty shootout in front of ower 78,000 at Melbourne Cricket Groond!

Isak scored wor goal in normal time after Maddison had put Sporz ahead and Harrison Ashby scored the penalty shootout winner!

THE BRENTFAAD BEEEZ 2 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Munday 20th May 2024

BRUNO’S DECISIVE 4th GOAL TO SEAL THE VICTORY!

“EUROPE OR BUST!”

The European dream iz still on, thats IF Man City beat Moan U in the FA Cup final next Saturday!  IF that happens, then we will be in The Europa Conference Leegue next season!---BUT IF Moan U somehow beat their near neighbours, then we will miss oot, az Moan U will gan into The Europa Leegue and Chelseee (who finished in 6th place) will take wor place in The Conference!

On a bright and hot sunny day in west London we secured 7th place above Moan U after a 4-2 win at Brentfaad!

The events unfolded az follows:

2nd minute: Ivan Toney scores against hiz former club to put The Beeez 1-0 up BUT VAR owerruled this for offside and the goal woz disallowed!

21st minute: Harvey Barnes heeds home from a Bruno centre! 

1-0 to us!

Soon after Longstaff then had a goal ruled oot for offside by VAR

36th minute: Murphy fires home from an Isak cross! 2-0 to us

38th minute: We hardly had time to regain breath when 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) sidefooted the baall into the net from a Bruno through baall to score hiz 21st goal of the season! HT 3-0 to us!

48th minute: A big scare just after the restart when Brentfaad pulled a goal back when Janelt ran through the Toon defence to fire home past 'The Pope' in the Toon goal! 3-1 to us!

70th minute: Nerves started jannglin in the away end when Wissa 'whizzed' through to hit a great shot which went in off the post!

3-2 to us!

77th minute: The main talkin point of the game when Lewis Hall woz sent sprawlin in the box by Mbeumo and the ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!  HOWEVER!----VAR got involved and said Hall woz tripped just ootside the box and so the ref changed hiz mind and gave a free kick on the edge of the penalty area, much to the disgust of Toon players and fans alike!  "Chants of "FCUK VAR!" then followed from the outraged away section!

Isak took the free kick which woz parried into the path of Bruno who had the simple task of strokin’ the baall into the net to send the NUFC faithful into raptures!----JUSTICE WOZ DONE! 4-2 to us full time!

(Bruno’s goal video at top of page!)

Attendance: 17,124 )(1,730 Toon fans)

Chelseee'z win against Bournemoooth meant we must settle for 7th place and (hopefully?) more European futbaall next season!

"COME ON CITIH!"

*SEASON ROUND UP --"That's entertainment!"

102 goals in aall competitions 

A record 85 Premyaa Leegue goals

A record 36 Premyaa Leegue away goals

147 Premyaa Leegue goals in Toon games (The most this season)

London pub crawl: 5

Grand total for the season 118 different boozers

“At £8:50 for a real ale, yi need to remortgage yi hoose to drink here!”

“Yi need a bank loan for a sarnie and gargel here!”

Unlike most London games, Toon fans were welcome in every boozer near the groond---and their fans were friendly!---If anly they didn't play in those horrible red n white stripes!

THE BRENTFAAD BEEEZ V THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘6:00pm bells’ Saturday 18th May 2024

The very last day in an exhaustin' season tomorrow, where we have seen The Toon’s 1st team play 54 games to date, with one to gan (won’t be in Australia next week, unless yoo can lend/give me £3,000!?)

For certain it’s been the most expensive season for away games with ower 20 owerneet stays at an average of £50 for hotels=£1,000 (at least!)

That’s nee thanx to daft kick off times and train strikes, not to mention 3 days away each for wor 3 Champions Leegue away games at aboot £600 plus for each game aall in! (Trains, flights, trams, busses, booze, scran, hotels etc!)

It will be great to have a 2 month ‘break’ before the next game—-wherever that may be?

Will we be in Europe again?  We will have a better idea come ‘6 bells’ on Sunday when the season finishes!

The 2 othaa games we are interested in:

Chelseee v Bournemoooth and Nee Where Near Brightin v Moan U

Bournemoooth and Brightin wins pleeeze!

We are on the train yet again to King’s Cross in the mornin and amazingly we can actually get back from London on the same day!  (A rarity these days!)

And wor last report from the Premyaa Leegue season will appear here eethaa on the train back from King's Cross tomorrow neet on mee mobile 'telling bone' OR the followin day on mee lap top!

Az per usual:"Watch this space!"

STACK ATTACK! *** "COME IN NUMBER 132!"

Posted '1:24 pm bells' Friday 17th May 2024

*Work iz comin on nicely with the new STACK drinkin den behind The Gallowgate End!

We understand that it shud be open for The Euros next month!  — Yet another boozer to add to the very long list within 15 minutes walkin distance of SJP

Last count 131***Soon to be 132!

THE TOP 5 PREMYAA LEEGUE TEAMS WITH MOST PUBS NEAR STADIUMS (In reverse order)

FOOTNOTE:

 If ever there there woz a reason that NUFC shud NEVER leave SJP, then surely this iz it!

We have the most drinkin dens near wor groond than ANYWHERE else in the entire world (and beyond!)

“TAKE ME TO YOUR NEAREST BOOZER!

WHEY AYE MAAN!” 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

*

MOAN U 3. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘4:26pm bells’ Thorzday 16th May 2024  (more pix etc to follow)

"WOTZ THE POINT OF VAR?" (ANTHONY GORDON)

NUFC: “FROM THE DRIVIN’ SEAT TO THE BACK SEAT DRIVER!”

*A game we shud have won woz hoyed away with horrendous defending for aall 3 of their goals and more galling numerous chances for Gordon, Isak and Longstaff, who were aall clean through the Moan U defence, but were denied by their keeper Onano! (Moan U had taken the lead through Mainoo in the 31st minute against the run of play!)

Gordon’s heel had been stood on in the box (see top photo of his ripped sock!) and a definite penalty shud have been awarded BUT VAR thought otherwise and nowt woz given??? (Gordon told hiz teem mates that VAR wud give the pen and woz completely baffled by their decision? “ Wotz the point of VAR?” he said in a telly interview after the match!

1-0 doon at the break, we came oot flyin in the 2nd half and within 4 mins of the restart we were level through Gordon with a fine shot from a Murphy cross!

The lead didn’t last lang and a few mins later wor hosts were back in front through Diallo, after a poor clearance (by Murphy I ‘Fink’?🤔)

Sub Hojlund made it 3-1 (when goalie Dubravka shud have saved it?)—-and aall looked lost until Lewis Hall pulled one back deep into stoppage time, but it woz too little too late by then!

*Attendance: 75,582 (3,000 noisy Toon fans who couldn’t beleeeve we had lost!)😡 

The defeat and Chelseee’z 2-1 win at Brightin meeenz NUFC drop to 7th and are nee langer in the drivin’ seat and must hope that Chelseee lose their last game at home to Bournemoooth and we win at Brentfaad to gan back to 6th place!

If Moan U win their last game at Brighton and we lose, we drop to 8th

If Moan U lose we stay 7th and they will finish 8th BUT! IF they win the FA Cup they will gan into the Europa Leegue and we will miss oot!

*6th place = Definate European futbaall next season—Europa League or Europa Conference Leegue

7th place = Europa Conference Leegue, IF Moan U don’t win the FA Cup!— NUFC miss oot in Europe IF they win the FA Cup

8th place = Miss oot on Europe aaltogether!

*Its bloody complicated!—Isn’t it just!?

*For some unknown reason there were 6 empty seats next to me for the entire game in the ‘ selloot ‘ away section??????🤔

The pub crawl featured just 4 boozers this time!

THE RAIN BAR. (VERY APPROPRIATE FOR MANCHESTER!)☔️

FOOTNOTE:

“DO YOO COME FROM MAN-CHEST-ER!?

 We stopped in a hotel on the outskirts of Manchester! There were 7 Toon fans and twice az many Moan U fans!

We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!?

COMIN’ VERY SOON! -----THE THEATRE OF STREAMS!

 Posted 🔔'1:00pm bells' 🔔 Tuesday 14th May 2024

Tomorrow we heed to Manchester for a pivotal 2nd last game of the season when we take on Moan U at the now renamed ‘Theatre of Streams’ after their leaky roofs were blitzed by torrential rain on Sunday in their defeat to The Arse!---The photos were unreal!

A win would guarantee a 6th place finish and a draw would mean that Moan U WILL finish below us, but if Chelsea win tomorrow az well they will be level on points with us with one game to gan BUT with a much inferior goal difference!

Sporz loss to Man City meenz that it iz possible we could catch them and claim 5th place  BUT their last game iz at Sheff U so it’s highly unlikely!

A Geordie Times match report will appear sometime on Thorzday---Lets hope its a good one and that it's not rainin' in mancland!

"A SEAT TO DROWN FOR!"NEE NEED TO GET A SHOWER BEFORE YOO LEAVE HOME—-GET ONE HERE INSTEAD!

 1

THE MOAN U WATERFALL---BEATEN ONLY BY THE NIAGRA FALLS AND THE VICTORIA FALLS!

"DON'T FORGET YOUR BLUE STAR BROLLY!"

THE TOON 1 NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th May 2024

 

The 'Wor Flags' display before the game woz the best ever!

"A DISAPPOINTIN' RESULT, BUT WE ARE STILL IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT!"

NUFC just didn't get oot of the blocks yesterday and so we had to settle for a point and hope that we can win wor last 2 games v Moan U away on Wedinzday and Brentfaad away next Sunday!----IF we can dee this then we are guaranteed 6th place and a European place in eethaa The Europa Leegue or The Europa Conference Leegue!

It didnt start off well when Brightin took the lead in the 17th minute through Danny Welbeck heeder at The Leazes End, from a corner kick---and it woz 'aall oot attack' az we tried for the equaliser----This came deep into forst half stippage time when Sean Longstaff shot through the Brightin defence from an Elliot Anderson cross for a well desorved leveller! (I'm sure the stadium annooncer said that Dan Burn had scored?)

With nowt to play for, Brightin wasted time at every oppotunity and the poor ref did nowt aboot it!

We had chances to win it through Bruno and Isak, but it just wasnt wor day and sub Harvey Barnes aalso missed 2 glorious chances at The Leazes End!---2 points dropped and with Chelsee winnin at Forist in the late kick off meant that they are level on points with us, but with a much inferior goal difference!

Attendance: 51,997 (The reason that it woz a sub 52,000 crowd woz because Brightin couldn't sell aall their 2,000 tickets)

The Arse can dee us a big favour by beatin Moan U this afternooon at 'The Theatre of Muppets'  (Again, Moan U would gan level on points with us IF they win---with a much, much worse goal difference though!) 

Updated Munday They DID win, so it meeenz that if we draw at Moan U on Wedinzday we will definately finish above them, come the end of the season!---And on the same neet IF Chelseee lose at Brightin, then we will finish in 6th place!

Its still in wor hands!---We are still in the drivin' seat!

It woz boiling hot yesterday with clear blue sky and yoo could see the North sea 7 miles away on the horizon!

TYNESIDE UNITED!

A special mention to The Heedbangers of Gatesheed who won a penalty shootout at Wembley v Solihull in The FA Trophy final----This woz the reaction in The Bodega az Toon fans watched the winnin penalty gan in!

THE TOON v BRIGHTIN *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '1:40pm bells' Friday 10th May 2024

                SJP FROM HADRIANS TOWER

               (PHOTO TAKEN BY ‘WOR LASS’!)

NUFC are attemptin' to score for the 19th home game in a row in The Premya Leegue tomorrow against Brightin!----We have never done this before in The Premyaa Leegue era!

If we succeed it will be the forst time that we have scored in EVERY home game in the top flight since the 1958-1959 season!  (We did it az well in the 1982-1983 season, but that woz in the old 2nd Division!)

Kieran Trippier haz been spotted in trainin and could be included in the squad for wor last home game of the season!

Fab Schar won’t feature, but could be available for wor last 2 games—while Joe Willock, Lewis Miley, Matt Targett, Sven Botman and Jamaal Lascelles will not feature again this season!  And of course Sandro Tonali iz suspended til next season anyway!

We then have 2 away games to end the season---away to Moan U next Wedinzday and then we are off to west London for the 5th and final time this season to take on Brentfaad a week on Sunday!

Will we qualify for Europe?  Its highly likely that we will qualify for The Conference Leegue and quite possible to qualify for The Europa Leegue shud we finish in wor present 6th position and Moan U lose the FA Cup final! (If they win they automatically qualify for The Europa Leegue, even if they finish below us!)

Chelseee are breathin doon wor necks az well!----We will have a much better idea after the weekend fixtures have been played!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

The new temporary club shop iz comin on nicely behind The Gallowgate End on Strawberry 🍓 Place! 🤪👍🏁

PS: Best of luck to The Heedbangers of Gatesheed in The FA Trophy final v Solihull at Wembley tomorrow!

Pleeeze break the Tyne Bridges Wembley jinx and bring the trophy home lads! “Howay the Heed!”      🤪👍🏁 🏆 

"TOON IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT!"

 Posted '1:22pm bells' Tuezday 7th May 2024

Moan Us 4-0 hammerin at Palliss last neet meeenz that NUFC are on course to qualify for at least The UEFA Conference Leegue and hopefully The Europa Leegue!

Win wor last 3 games and nowt can stop us, however we have Chelseee on a good run breathin doon wor necks and so it iz vital that we beat Brightin on Saturday at SJP and get at least a draw at The Theatre of Muppets a week on Wedinzday and hope that Moan U lose to The Arse on Sunday, which iz highly likely!

That sequence would meeen that we will definately finish above both Moan U and Chelseee---the anly 2 team that can realistally owertake NUFC! (Chelseee play Forest away on Saturday, who are fightin for their Premyaa Leegue lives!)

We have to hope az well that Man Citih beat Moan U in the FA Cup final later this month---coz if Moan U win it and finish 8th, they will qualify for The Europa Leegue and the team that finishes 6th will gan into The UEFA Conference Leegue!

The team that finishes 7th in that situation WILL NOT qualify for any European compitition!

Realalisticalleeee  we won't catch Sporz az 2 of their 3 remainin' games are against relegation certainties The Bornley Hillbillies and The Blade Runners of Sheffeeeld

Mathematically Brightin could equal wor points tally BUT we have a 26 goal difference ower them SO the lowest we could possibly finish iz 8th and the highest iz 5th shud Spurz 'cockerel it up!

Updated Wedinzday

AND JUSTICE HAZ BEEN DONE! for that dodgy penalty in stoppage time for PSG v NUFC in Paris!

PSG 0 BORUSSIA DORTMUND 1

Champions Leegue semi final 2nd leg.  DORTMUND win 2-0 on aggregate!