STACK ATTACK! *** "COME IN NUMBER 132!"

Posted '1:24 pm bells' Friday 17th May 2024

*Work iz comin on nicely with the new STACK drinkin den behind The Gallowgate End!

We understand that it shud be open for The Euros next month!  — Yet another boozer to add to the very long list within 15 minutes walkin distance of SJP

Last count 131***Soon to be 132!

THE TOP 5 PREMYAA LEEGUE TEAMS WITH MOST PUBS NEAR STADIUMS (In reverse order)

FOOTNOTE:

 If ever there there woz a reason that NUFC shud NEVER leave SJP, then surely this iz it!

We have the most drinkin dens near wor groond than ANYWHERE else in the entire world (and beyond!)

“TAKE ME TO YOUR NEAREST BOOZER!

WHEY AYE MAAN!” 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

*

MOAN U 3. THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘4:26pm bells’ Thorzday 16th May 2024  (more pix etc to follow)

"WOTZ THE POINT OF VAR?" (ANTHONY GORDON)

NUFC: “FROM THE DRIVIN’ SEAT TO THE BACK SEAT DRIVER!”

*A game we shud have won woz hoyed away with horrendous defending for aall 3 of their goals and more galling numerous chances for Gordon, Isak and Longstaff, who were aall clean through the Moan U defence, but were denied by their keeper Onano! (Moan U had taken the lead through Mainoo in the 31st minute against the run of play!)

Gordon’s heel had been stood on in the box (see top photo of his ripped sock!) and a definite penalty shud have been awarded BUT VAR thought otherwise and nowt woz given??? (Gordon told hiz teem mates that VAR wud give the pen and woz completely baffled by their decision? “ Wotz the point of VAR?” he said in a telly interview after the match!

1-0 doon at the break, we came oot flyin in the 2nd half and within 4 mins of the restart we were level through Gordon with a fine shot from a Murphy cross!

The lead didn’t last lang and a few mins later wor hosts were back in front through Diallo, after a poor clearance (by Murphy I ‘Fink’?🤔)

Sub Hojlund made it 3-1 (when goalie Dubravka shud have saved it?)—-and aall looked lost until Lewis Hall pulled one back deep into stoppage time, but it woz too little too late by then!

*Attendance: 75,582 (3,000 noisy Toon fans who couldn’t beleeeve we had lost!)😡 

The defeat and Chelseee’z 2-1 win at Brightin meeenz NUFC drop to 7th and are nee langer in the drivin’ seat and must hope that Chelseee lose their last game at home to Bournemoooth and we win at Brentfaad to gan back to 6th place!

If Moan U win their last game at Brighton and we lose, we drop to 8th

If Moan U lose we stay 7th and they will finish 8th BUT! IF they win the FA Cup they will gan into the Europa Leegue and we will miss oot!

*6th place = Definate European futbaall next season—Europa League or Europa Conference Leegue

7th place = Europa Conference Leegue, IF Moan U don’t win the FA Cup!— NUFC miss oot in Europe IF they win the FA Cup

8th place = Miss oot on Europe aaltogether!

*Its bloody complicated!—Isn’t it just!?

*For some unknown reason there were 6 empty seats next to me for the entire game in the ‘ selloot ‘ away section??????🤔

The pub crawl featured just 4 boozers this time!

THE RAIN BAR. (VERY APPROPRIATE FOR MANCHESTER!)☔️

FOOTNOTE:

“DO YOO COME FROM MAN-CHEST-ER!?

 We stopped in a hotel on the outskirts of Manchester! There were 7 Toon fans and twice az many Moan U fans!

We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!?

COMIN’ VERY SOON! -----THE THEATRE OF STREAMS!

 Posted 🔔'1:00pm bells' 🔔 Tuesday 14th May 2024

Tomorrow we heed to Manchester for a pivotal 2nd last game of the season when we take on Moan U at the now renamed ‘Theatre of Streams’ after their leaky roofs were blitzed by torrential rain on Sunday in their defeat to The Arse!---The photos were unreal!

A win would guarantee a 6th place finish and a draw would mean that Moan U WILL finish below us, but if Chelsea win tomorrow az well they will be level on points with us with one game to gan BUT with a much inferior goal difference!

Sporz loss to Man City meenz that it iz possible we could catch them and claim 5th place  BUT their last game iz at Sheff U so it’s highly unlikely!

A Geordie Times match report will appear sometime on Thorzday---Lets hope its a good one and that it's not rainin' in mancland!

"A SEAT TO DROWN FOR!"NEE NEED TO GET A SHOWER BEFORE YOO LEAVE HOME—-GET ONE HERE INSTEAD!

 1

THE MOAN U WATERFALL---BEATEN ONLY BY THE NIAGRA FALLS AND THE VICTORIA FALLS!

"DON'T FORGET YOUR BLUE STAR BROLLY!"

THE TOON 1 NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th May 2024

 

The 'Wor Flags' display before the game woz the best ever!

"A DISAPPOINTIN' RESULT, BUT WE ARE STILL IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT!"

NUFC just didn't get oot of the blocks yesterday and so we had to settle for a point and hope that we can win wor last 2 games v Moan U away on Wedinzday and Brentfaad away next Sunday!----IF we can dee this then we are guaranteed 6th place and a European place in eethaa The Europa Leegue or The Europa Conference Leegue!

It didnt start off well when Brightin took the lead in the 17th minute through Danny Welbeck heeder at The Leazes End, from a corner kick---and it woz 'aall oot attack' az we tried for the equaliser----This came deep into forst half stippage time when Sean Longstaff shot through the Brightin defence from an Elliot Anderson cross for a well desorved leveller! (I'm sure the stadium annooncer said that Dan Burn had scored?)

With nowt to play for, Brightin wasted time at every oppotunity and the poor ref did nowt aboot it!

We had chances to win it through Bruno and Isak, but it just wasnt wor day and sub Harvey Barnes aalso missed 2 glorious chances at The Leazes End!---2 points dropped and with Chelsee winnin at Forist in the late kick off meant that they are level on points with us, but with a much inferior goal difference!

Attendance: 51,997 (The reason that it woz a sub 52,000 crowd woz because Brightin couldn't sell aall their 2,000 tickets)

The Arse can dee us a big favour by beatin Moan U this afternooon at 'The Theatre of Muppets'  (Again, Moan U would gan level on points with us IF they win---with a much, much worse goal difference though!) 

Updated Munday They DID win, so it meeenz that if we draw at Moan U on Wedinzday we will definately finish above them, come the end of the season!---And on the same neet IF Chelseee lose at Brightin, then we will finish in 6th place!

Its still in wor hands!---We are still in the drivin' seat!

It woz boiling hot yesterday with clear blue sky and yoo could see the North sea 7 miles away on the horizon!

TYNESIDE UNITED!

A special mention to The Heedbangers of Gatesheed who won a penalty shootout at Wembley v Solihull in The FA Trophy final----This woz the reaction in The Bodega az Toon fans watched the winnin penalty gan in!

THE TOON v BRIGHTIN *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '1:40pm bells' Friday 10th May 2024

                SJP FROM HADRIANS TOWER

               (PHOTO TAKEN BY ‘WOR LASS’!)

NUFC are attemptin' to score for the 19th home game in a row in The Premya Leegue tomorrow against Brightin!----We have never done this before in The Premyaa Leegue era!

If we succeed it will be the forst time that we have scored in EVERY home game in the top flight since the 1958-1959 season!  (We did it az well in the 1982-1983 season, but that woz in the old 2nd Division!)

Kieran Trippier haz been spotted in trainin and could be included in the squad for wor last home game of the season!

Fab Schar won’t feature, but could be available for wor last 2 games—while Joe Willock, Lewis Miley, Matt Targett, Sven Botman and Jamaal Lascelles will not feature again this season!  And of course Sandro Tonali iz suspended til next season anyway!

We then have 2 away games to end the season---away to Moan U next Wedinzday and then we are off to west London for the 5th and final time this season to take on Brentfaad a week on Sunday!

Will we qualify for Europe?  Its highly likely that we will qualify for The Conference Leegue and quite possible to qualify for The Europa Leegue shud we finish in wor present 6th position and Moan U lose the FA Cup final! (If they win they automatically qualify for The Europa Leegue, even if they finish below us!)

Chelseee are breathin doon wor necks az well!----We will have a much better idea after the weekend fixtures have been played!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

The new temporary club shop iz comin on nicely behind The Gallowgate End on Strawberry 🍓 Place! 🤪👍🏁

PS: Best of luck to The Heedbangers of Gatesheed in The FA Trophy final v Solihull at Wembley tomorrow!

Pleeeze break the Tyne Bridges Wembley jinx and bring the trophy home lads! “Howay the Heed!”      🤪👍🏁 🏆 

"TOON IN THE DRIVIN' SEAT!"

 Posted '1:22pm bells' Tuezday 7th May 2024

Moan Us 4-0 hammerin at Palliss last neet meeenz that NUFC are on course to qualify for at least The UEFA Conference Leegue and hopefully The Europa Leegue!

Win wor last 3 games and nowt can stop us, however we have Chelseee on a good run breathin doon wor necks and so it iz vital that we beat Brightin on Saturday at SJP and get at least a draw at The Theatre of Muppets a week on Wedinzday and hope that Moan U lose to The Arse on Sunday, which iz highly likely!

That sequence would meeen that we will definately finish above both Moan U and Chelseee---the anly 2 team that can realistally owertake NUFC! (Chelseee play Forest away on Saturday, who are fightin for their Premyaa Leegue lives!)

We have to hope az well that Man Citih beat Moan U in the FA Cup final later this month---coz if Moan U win it and finish 8th, they will qualify for The Europa Leegue and the team that finishes 6th will gan into The UEFA Conference Leegue!

The team that finishes 7th in that situation WILL NOT qualify for any European compitition!

Realalisticalleeee  we won't catch Sporz az 2 of their 3 remainin' games are against relegation certainties The Bornley Hillbillies and The Blade Runners of Sheffeeeld

Mathematically Brightin could equal wor points tally BUT we have a 26 goal difference ower them SO the lowest we could possibly finish iz 8th and the highest iz 5th shud Spurz 'cockerel it up!

Updated Wedinzday

AND JUSTICE HAZ BEEN DONE! for that dodgy penalty in stoppage time for PSG v NUFC in Paris!

PSG 0 BORUSSIA DORTMUND 1

Champions Leegue semi final 2nd leg.  DORTMUND win 2-0 on aggregate!

THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 5th May 2024

"EUROPE AGAIN--OLE--OLE--HOWAY!"

We thought this would be a hard game with Bornleee fightin for their lives to stay in the top flight---and for the forst 15 minutes they had several chances to take the lead az The Toon struggled to contain them!---Includin a penalty appeal which woz waved away by the ref!

This aall changed in the 19th minute when at the far end from where we were housed, when Livramento raced through to pass to Murphy who set up Isak, whos shot woz blocked---but Wilson woz waitin' in the wings to slot the baall home! 1-0 to us!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE WILSON’S GOAL!

Wor lead woz doubled in the 35th minute when a Murphy cross foond Longstaff who hit a sweet right footed shot past Muric in the Bornley goal! 2-0to us!

Just 5 mins later it woz 3-0 when a Gordon pass foond Bruno, who finished  the move off with a great strike from inside the box! HT 3-0 to us! 

By this time there were quite a few empty claret and blue seats in the home sections az the threatened rain started to pour doon!

The 2nd half started off well when Gordon woz brought doon in the box for a certain penalty in the 51st minute.  Isak and Wilson both wanted to take the spot kick, but Isak won the day! Hiz poor shot to the left of the Bornley keeper woz easily saved however!

Just 4 mins later he made amends, when, from close in, he hooked the baall into the net to send the travellin faithful into raptures az more dejected home fans made for the exits!

The ecstatic Toon fans in complete contrast were singin:       "Europe again--Ole--Ole--Howay!"

That woz the last Toon goal of the game, but we could easily have scored more az Bornley floundered!

They did have a consulation goal in the 86th minute when slack defendin let on O'Shea, who heeded past Dubravka in The Toon goal!

By this time the home end behind that goal woz virtually empty and yoo could even make the letters oot in the seats! 'B  F  C'

With Forest winnin away at Sheff U 'The Hillbillies' looked doomed with just 2 games left!

This woz wor 5th win in seven games and NUFC have now scored 95 goals in aall compititions!

A 4-1 win lifts us up to 6th place in the table 2 points above Moan U who divvint play til Munday!---and just 4 points behind Sporz in 5th, who play The Livebirds away this afternooon!----Iz 5th place possible and a gaurenteed Europa Leegue place, with just 3 games to play?----We shall soon find oot! 

Attendance: 21,781 (2,300 jubilant Toon fans!)⬇️

Uncle Albert off ‘Only Fools and Horses’ woz spotted in the away end by The Geordie Times paparazzi! 🤪👍🏁

pub crawl— just 2 this time!

THE BORNLEEE HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted '1:08pm bells' Friday 3rd May 1974

'Steady Eddie' takes charge of hiz 100th NUFC game tomorrow, lookin for hiz 49th victory ---and 3 points will dee very nicely in wor quest for European futbaall next season! (Eddie iz 2nd anly to King Kev's forst stint at The Toon in the Premyaa Leegue era!)

Bornleee of course are fightin for their lives az they sit 2nd bottom of the table 2 points behind 4th bottom Forest and it iz sure to be a hard game at Turf Moor tomorrow!

Fab Schar iz oot for the rest of the season after sufferin a hamstring injury in wor last game v Sheff U, but there iz hope that Miggy Almiron will take some part in the proccedings<(WE naa aall the big words!)

We are on the 8:45am bells' train in the mornin from the Central to Dewsbury (IF? it tornz up?) and then onward to 'Hillbillie country' (Bornleee iz high up in the Pennine hills---hence 'The Bornleee Hillbillies'!)

AZ IT STANDS!---STILL LOADS TO PLAY FOR!

THE HIGHEST NUFC COULD POSSIBLY FINISH IZ 5th

THE LOWEST NUFC COULD POSSIBLY FINISH IZ 12th

(REALISTICALLY ITS BETWEEN 6th AND 8th)

A full 'Geordie Times' match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday! Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: 3 Tyneside team are in the play offs tomorrow and bank holiday Munday!

Stockton Toon v DUNSTON in play off final for a place in The Northern Premyaa Leegue Premier Division, tomorrow in Stockton

Dunston have sold their allocation of 270 tickets!

NEWCASTLE BLUE STAR v Horden CW in play off final for a place in The Northern Leegue Division one, tomorrow in Scotswood, Newcasil 

HEATON STANNINGTON v West Auckland Toon in play off final for a place in The Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division on bank holiday Munday 6th May in Heaton, Newcasil

All ‘3:00 🔔 bells kick offs!

Best of luck to the 3 of yoo!🙏🏻

“MAY DAY!***MAY DAY!”

 Posted just after ‘high noon 🔔 bells’ May Day 2024

THE NEW SJP WITH THE GALLOWGATE EXTENSION

News iz deein the roonds that NUFC are to stay at SJP and not move to a porpose built stadium!

Luke Edwards of the Telegraph newspaper says he haz ‘exclusive’ news of this and iz sticking his neck on the line IF it isn’t true!?

The Gallowgate End (he says) iz to become a mirror image of The Leazes End with an extra tier on top , but that The East Stand cannit be expanded back because of Leazes Terrace behind—-a listed buildin if yoo didn’t already naa!?—-which cannit be demolished or moved!

This would increase the groond capacity to aroond aboot 60,000!

There iz absolutely nothin on the official NUFC website aboot this (nufc.co.uk) OR on the main NUFC pirate fan website nufc.com !?

So make of this wot yoo will and nee doubt in the next few days the club will respond and update us!?—-or will they!???🙃

Another solution to a possible East Stand expansion!---A high narrow stand like the new stand at Dynamo Dresden in Jawmany!

THE TOON 5 THE BLADE RUNNERS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 28th April 2024

A BRAZILIAN TRIBUTE TO BRUNO AND JOELINTON PRE MATCH!

"13---UNLUCKY FOR SOME!"

The day of reckonin for Sheff U fans az their team woz finally relegated to The Championship after this 5-1 thrashin!

However!---It didn't start off well for The Toon az the bottom club took the lead in the 5th minute through Ahmedhodzic at The Gallowgate End! (hope av sppelt hiz name reet?)

They had 3 more chances to increase their lead, before NUFC finally woke up in the 25th minute, az 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) hit a great cross baall shot into the far corner of the Leazes net from a great Murphy through baall, to the relief of the Toon faithful!

The Blade Runners then hit the top of the post----anothaa warnin for us that they were not dead and buried yet!----A bad forst half for us!

We finally took the lead in the 54th minute from a Gordon free kick which foond Bruno's heed az he dived to put the baall into the net!

Gordon woz then fouled in the box 6 mins later and a penalty woz given!--It woz taken by Isak who cooly slotted the baall into the corner of the Gallowgate net! 3-1 to us and breathin' space!

    ISAK PENALTY!

Sheff U were collapsin at this point and just 4 mins after this a Gordon corner ended up in the 6 yard box and after a mad scramble the baall ended up in the net----Looked like an own goal from where we were, but the stadium annooncer gave it to Bruno!?

Super sub Callum Wilson who had anly been on the pitch for 5mins, then sealed the win when Barnes (anothaa super sub) sent him through and he hit a sweet right footer into the corner of the net to complete the rout in the 72nd minute!

That goal woz the 13th we have scored against The Blade Runners in the same season after wor 8-0 rout at their place orlier this season!

A Premyaa Leegue record! (Their 8-0 defeat at Bramall Lane woz aalso Sheff Us record home defeat!)

Attendance: 52,196 (3,204 Sheff U fans---half of them stayed til the bitter end!)👏

*"I WISH IT COULD BE XMAS EVERY DAY!" (A TOON FAN IN A XMAS JUMPER YESTERDAY???) (WE'VE CHOPPED HIZ HEED OFF TO SAVE HIM FROM ANY EMBARRASSMENT!)

SPOT THE BRAZIL FLAG!

FINALLY ! There woz an anti Saudi protest ootside the groond yesterday and one of the six on the far left (that’s reet SIX protesters!) woz wearin wor Saudi away top from last season!—yi couldn’t possibly make it up!!!