THE TOON 3. THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 0 —- Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted ‘5:20pm 🔔 bells’ Munday 17th Decembaa 2023 (2 days late, but this IZ The Geordie Times, wot did yoo expect???🤔)

PINK SKY AT NIGHT!---GEORDIE DELIGHT! (But wot are aall those white dots? (Look closely!) 👽Aliens perhaps?👽

“I’d walk a million Miley’s for one of your smileys !”

It woz built up to be a tough game az Fulim had won their last 2 home games 5-0, while we had lost 3 in a row!

However! we shouldn’t have worried az we were on the front foot from the word go az we attacked The Leazes goal in the first half!

The sequence of events were az follows!

14th minute Schar gans doon holdin his leg and haz to be replaced by Krafth

22nd minute: Fulims Jimenez does a kung foo kick on Sean Longstaff andcrecieves a yellow card!

Surely a red I thought?— a VAR check confirms this and after lookin at the pitch side monitor the ref pull oot a red instead!

36th minute: Joelinton gans doon with wot looks like a hamstring injury and iz replaced by Lewis Miley! (Oh no!- not another one to add to the crocks list!)

despite playin 10 men we just couldn’t make the breakthrough az chance after chance went a beggin and somehow it woz still nil-nil at the break!

Crowd celebrate Lewis’s goal

57th minute: The breakthrough finally came at The Gallowgate End, when Bruno weaved through the Fulim defence to thread the baall through to Lewis Miley and he made née misstayk az he shot across the box! At 17years and 200 days the youngest player to score for NUFC in a Premyaa Leegue game!  The huge smile on his face said it aall! Smiley Miley celebrated wildly (sic!) (1-0 to us!)

Smiley Miley! 🤪😀😃

64th minute: Callum Wilson iz clattered in the box, ref waits, baall falls nicely to Almiron who hits his shot into an unguarded net! (Good decision by the ref not to immediately blow for a penalty)   (2-0 to us)

82nd minute: Dan Burn 🔥 bundles the baall ower the goal line after hiz initial heeder woz blocked by Fulim goalie Leno (3-0 to us)

The win lifted us back up to 6th place and within touchin distance of a Champions Leegue place!

Attendance: 52,035 (1,400 or so Cottage Pies!) ( Fulim play at Craven Cottage!—-get it!???🤔)

The aliens have landed! (see top photo) “Take me to your leader!—-Whey aye man!”

THE TOON v THE FULIM COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE**** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 16th Decembaa 2023

LAST SEASON WE WON 1-0 WITH ISAK SCORIN A LAST MINUTE HEEDER AZ HAPPY FANS MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE NEAREST BOOZER! 

(WELL 'ME' AT LEAST!)

Well! we are back doon the orth with a bump, after the disappointment of Wedinzday neet when we exited The Champions Leegue group stage v AC Milan!

Unglamorous Fulim are wor opponents in this Premyaa Leegue clash at SJP but it iz sure to be a hard game az The Cottage Pie Brigade are on a canny run at the moment, winnin their last 2 home games by 5-0 v Forest and West 'am----unlike us who have now lost wor last 3 games!

Anthony Gordon iz a doubt, but Dan Burn iz OK!---The really bad news iz that Kieron Trippier iz suspended havin picked up hiz 5th bookin' at Sporz last Sunday! 

A win would lift us back up into 6th place and anly 4 points off a Champions Leegue place!

Updated Sun ☀️ day mornin

The Geordie Times match report won’t appear here til Munday az I’m a bit dodgy with a virus! 🦠 (nowt to dee with the post match celebratory gargels 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 by the way, in the 3-0 win!

GEORDIE TIMES smb TICKETS NEWSFLASH!

 Posted ‘5:15pm bells’ Friday 25th Decembaa 2023

“I  ‘ATE YOU mackems!”

BUT THERE’S A CATCH! ⬇️

WELL DONE NUFC 6,000 IZ MUCH BETTER THAN 2,500---LOWER TIER AZ WELL!

THE TOON 1 AC MILAN 2 *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE GROUP STAGE 'F' (119th competitive European game 'in a row' home and away)

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Thorzday 14th Decembaa 2023

FROM REAL MADRID TO AZABIIJAN TO LUTON TOWN!

A neet when we could qualify for the knockoot stage of The Champions Leegue or Europa Leegue ended with just trips to the likes of Luton Town to look forward tee, instead of Real Madrid or Azerbaijan!

It started off well when Joelinton hit a screamer into the Leazes net from a Lewis Miley pass in the 33rd minute to send the crowd into ecstasy!----With Dortmund and PSG goalless at this stage, we moved up to 2nd in the Group 'F' table, which would qualify for the knockoot stage----That's the way it woz at half time and dream trips to the likes of Real Madrid were on the cards!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE JOELINTON'S GOAL!

51st minute: News that Dortmund had taken the lead in Jawmany filtered through and the dream woz defiantly on!

56th minute: PSG equalised, but we still had 2nd place in the table at this point!

59th minute: Pulisic then put a spanner in the works when he equalised from 5 yards oot for Milan, after a deflection ofa nother Milan player!----At this point we moved doon to 3rd place in the table, with horrendous trips to Azabiijan a real possibility in The Europa Leegue! (God forbid!)

70th minute: Bruno nearly restored wor lead with a blisterin shot at The Gallowgate End, but Milan's goalie somehow tipped the baall onto the bar az ah held mee heed in mee hands!

84th minute: Even The Europa Leegue woz taken away when we went 2-1 doon when Milan raced doon the pitch with 4 on 3 after a Schar misstayk and Chuckwueze hit a banana shot past Dubravka in The Toon goal!----At this point we moved doon to 4th place and oot of Europe aaltogether, with just trips to the likes of Luton Town to look 'forward'? tee! (Dortmund v PSG woz still 1-1)

92nd minute: Desperate measures were then taken when goalie Dubravka raced up the pitch when we got a corner, but failed to make contact with the baall, which went loose to a Milan player who (and with the empty goal at hiz mercy) hit a shot from 40 yards towards the goal, but it went wide of the goal line to keep the score at 2-1 to them!

94th minute: The final whistle came---and goodbye to Europe!

Injuries and the unjust penalty against PSG in Paris finally killed wor dreams!

"Luton!--Luton!---here we come!" (Just before Xmas!)

Attendance: 52,037 (1,500 AC Milan fans)

*

  

THE TOON v AC MILAN *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE *** TOONEET!

 Posted '2:11pm bells' Wedinzday 13th Decembaa 2023

THE FORST GAME AT THE SAN SIRO ENDED 0-0

We play wor final Champions Leegue group stage game tooneet at '8:00 bells' at SJP and this iz the biggest game that we have played for many a year!

It iz sure to be a night to remember one way or the other!

Wor injury depleted squad includes TWO goalies, so Loris Karius iz set to make hiz 2nd appearance for us----The forst one bein' The Leegue Cup final at Wembley last season! (Thats assumin Martin Debravka iz ruled oot!)

The best and worst case scenarios are az follows: 

IF NUFC win and PSG lose or draw in Dortmund then we will gan into the knockoot stage!

IF NUFC win and PSG win then we will be demoted to The Europa Leegue

IF NUFC draw then it doesn't matter wot PSG dee, we will be demoted to The Europa Leegue!

IF Milan win then we will be oot of Europe aaltogether (Like Moan U last neet!)

And these are wor possible opponents should we be in The Champions Leegue or Europa Leegue!

Put it this way! We’ve got 3 choices—-We can gan into the next stage of The Champions Leegue, The Europa Leegue or not gan anywhere at aall!

'Wor Flags' have got a new display and we cannit wait to see wot it will be like----There's one thing for certain---we MUST give the team 100% backin' at a packed SJP!

AC Milan have anly sold 1,500 of their 3,000 allocation!

"SUPPORT THE TOON!"---"IT'S YOUR DUTY!"

SPORZ 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:34pm bells' Munday 11th Decembaa 2023

Updated from '1:00pm bells' Tuezday

"DISASTER DAY NUMBER 97!"

*Forst of aall apologeeez for not puttin the Sporz match report online yet!  This iz because anything that could have gone wrang DID gan wrang in this ‘Disaster Days’ storyline!

Aa didint get back from Sporz til '5:00 bells' this mornin' and have just got up to gan to work in an hours time!

Huge train delays and cancellations and 2 lang taxi rides costin a total of an eye waterin £305! just to get TO and back FROM London were just part of this day, that went wrang very big style!

And of course the main event ended in a 4-1 hammerin' at Sporz to make a day of misery complete!

Because aa havvint got much time before aa gan to work, this report will now not appear til sometime tomorrow---and beleeeve yoo me it iz SOME REPORT!

Az per usual "Watch this space intentleeee!"

"TRAIN TRAUMA!" 🚂💩

The forst inclin' that anything woz wrang woz when aa got a text message off 'Big Al' (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) at '5:28am bells' that wor train to King's Cross at '8:00 bells woz cancelled!

On arrival at 'The Central' (Toon train station) we saw that nee trains were gannin forthaa south than Grantham (aboot half way) because the owerheed power lines had been damaged between Gratham and Peterborough and that replacement busses would take us between the 2 stations and then the train onward to London!

We managed to get on the '8:30 bells' train, but knew that there would be massive problems at Grantham az they said on the train intercom that there were a 'limited' number of busses to pick us up!---That meant thats loads would try to get taxis to Peterborough!

We decided to get off at Newark instead (the stop before) and get a taxi to Peterborough from there!--There were 5 of us and we negotiated a fare of £125 with the taxi driver! (£25 each)

We arrived at Peterbourough and caught the forst train we could to King's Cross'!  A tube and overland train to Tottenham Hale woz taken and we heeded straight for 'The Redemption' a bar in the middle of an industrial estate not far from the groond! (It had taken an extra hour and a half to get there than it should have!)

After shovellin a few 'liquid lubrications' doon wor necks it woz time to heed for the tornstiles, where anothaa depleted team took the field!

We could see that there were quite a few empty seats, empty coz quite a few on later trains 'gave up' tryin to get there!

Az expected we started off with wor back to the wall az Sporz pounded wor goal at the end that The Toon fans were in! (Thats those who managed to get there!) 

The goal sequences were az follows 

26th minute: Sporz took the lead through Odogie who woz unmarked and he had the easy chance of puttin the baall past Dubravka from a Son pass

38th minute: Richalison doubled their lead after Spoz missed several chances---another easy goal for the home side!

We looked absolutleee knackered by this stage az fatique set in and were were very fortunate to gan in at the break just 2 goals doon! 

60th minute:  Richalison scored hiz 2nd az Dubravka looked oot of place. He had another easy chance to put the game to bed!

85minute: Son iz pulled doon in the box by Dubravka and the ref gives the penalty after a VAR check!---Son took it to put Sporz 4-0 up!

91st minute: Joelinton got a consolation goal from a Wilson pass to send those Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end into wild celebrations, with top off and Toon shirts waved in the air!? (We ARE crazy---ARNT WE!

61,171 (Far less than the 3,000 tickets sold for the away end)

With nee idea if the trains were runnin back up the East Coast Line, we heeded back to King's Cross to find that aall train were CANCELLED! (How would we get back now, aa thought?)

Well, after a quick gargel  in The Betjamin Arms near Euston station we caught a train to Manchester---and the another to York----and then it woz a very expensive £180 taxi fare back to Tyneside, arrivin back at '5:00am bells'! (The driver wanted £240, but we haggled the lower price!----Thats £305 in total for taxi fares to witness a 4-1 defeat!---Are we MENTAL?---or are we MAD??

AWAY TICKET FIASCO !

I hord aboot a Toon fan in London who had 4 tickets for mates in The Toon. Their train woz cancelled and they couldn’t get there and gave up!

So the lad in London now had 4 spares but couldn’t pass them on to London based Mags, in the fear of a spot check to prove their identity-/-and ultimately the lads stuck home would lose AALL their loyalty points!   That’s just one case!

It’s pure madness that yoo can’t pass spare tickets on to those who are desperate to gan!🥶

SPORZ v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '1:01pm bells' Saturday 9th Decembaa 2023

THE GIANT 'BISCUIT TIN' STADIUM, TOTTENHAM!

Yet anothaa trip to the capital tomorrow mornin' az the games come at a frightenin pace!

The injury list iz still very lang and so anothaa patched up 11 will take the field at '4:00 bells' for yet anothaa live telly game! 

In total TWELVE key players are still unavailable, but Sean Longstaff could feature at some point!

We are on the '8:00 bells' train in the mornin to King's Cross and on the last train back tomorrow neet, meeenin that because of the kick off time, we divvint have to have yet anothaa owerneet stay!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday!----Az per usual "Watch this space!"

HAPPY BORTHDAY TO 'US'!

On this day 131 years ago in 1892, NUFC were born with the amalgamation of Newcastle West End and Newcastle East End, to become Newcastle 'United'!🎂

The Toffee Noses 3. The Toon 0 … Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted ‘4:00pm bells’ Friday 8th Decembaa 2023

CANNY VIEW FROM ROW 2 IN THE UPPER TIER WITH NEE POSTS TO OBSTRUCT WOR VIEW THIS TIME!   PITY ABOOT THE NETTIN' THOUGH!

Orly Xmas Gifts 🎁 🎁 🎁 from Tripps!

Playin the same startin lineup az in the 3 previous games (apart from Dubravka for The Pope in goal) we looked knackered!  3 games a week iz takin its toll on wor injury ravaged squad!

We had a few easy chances through Almiron, Gordon and Isak but couldn’t make the breakthrough!

Evaatin also missed easy chances!

The breakthrough eventually came in the 80th minute when Trippier woz dispossessed by McNeil who raced away and planted a deflected shot past Debravks in The Toon goal!

7 mins later and another mistayk by Trippier let in Harrison who passed to Doucoure who in turn sidefooted the baall into the net to double their lead!

Deep into the 10 minutes stoppage time Beto woz played onside by Trippier and he slotted the baall through Dubraka’s legs to put the game to bed!

Az Bruno said afterwards, this woz a very bad day at the office!

On the bench were 2 goalies and 3 full backs!—ie  we are doon to the bones!

Attendance: 38,998 *** 3,000 Toon fans in the sold oot away section —and NO we didn’t send 550 tickets back—-fake news from some tosser on Twitter!🥶

*The Bullens Road relic wooden stand haz a plaque on one of the many posts to block your view!       It woz built 97 years ago in 1926!

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted '2:00pm bells' Wedinzday 6th Decembaa 2023

From last season----NUFC won 4-1-----Can we have some more of that pleeeze!?

Tomorrow wor injury depleted squad heed for Morseyside when we take on Evaatin at Goodison Park in a '7:30 bells' kick off for live telly!---It's been confermed that wor goalie The Pope will be oot for at least 4 months with a dislocated shoulder against Moan U---one more to add to the lang list!

We expect that wor manager 'Steady Eddie' will pick the same startin line up who played against Moan U---apart from Martin Dubravka who will replace The Pope in goal!

Somebody on 'Twitter' claims we have sent 550 tickets back oot of wor 3,000 allocation, which iz a blatant lie az the tickets were completely sold oot last month!---We could actually have sold 10,000 if they were available!

Aalso a false video iz deein the roonds alledgedly showin Toon fans celebratin' Evaatin's 10 points deduction ootside SJP!

This video iz actually from Octobaa 7th 2021 when the Saudis took ower from The Fat Controller!  The video shows the Bobby Robson statue but NOT the Alan Shearer statue, which woz moved from ootside the groond on Barrack Road AFTER the takeower!

Blatant 'fake news' lies to try a stir up a hornets nest and have a supposed rivalry with The Blue Noses!---give it a rest lads n lasses!

Ask yourself a question: Where would yoo rather gan next season, Livaapool with loads of good boozers in the city centre, OR! Luton, which believe you me iz a sh*thole!----Aalso Bornley iz a bleak place high up in the Pennines and awkward to get tee by train!

Give me Evaatin and their new stadium everytime!

Then on Sunday it's off to norf Landan where we take on Sporz---followed by wor last Champions Leegue group game v AC Milan at SJP next Wedinzday! 

Az per usual a match report on the Evaatin game will appear here sometime on Friday or Saturday!

GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE! *** “NEE SHIT💩 ON WOR HANDS!”

 Posted ‘1:01pm bells’ Munday 4th Decembaa 2023

sund’lind fans are swoppin’ their back shifts at Nissan in the 1st week of January for back shits (see photo above!)💩 at The Stadium of Shhhh! (Yee naa wot!), when  NUFC play them in the 3rd roond of the FA Cup!💩🤪👍

The Toon are entitled to 15% of the tickets, which iz ower 7,000, BUT yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'the 'Dibble' will try and reduce this, for safety concerns!

We will of course pass on any ticket news az soon az we find oot!