SPORZ 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:34pm bells' Munday 11th Decembaa 2023

Updated from '1:00pm bells' Tuezday

"DISASTER DAY NUMBER 97!"

*Forst of aall apologeeez for not puttin the Sporz match report online yet!  This iz because anything that could have gone wrang DID gan wrang in this ‘Disaster Days’ storyline!

Aa didint get back from Sporz til '5:00 bells' this mornin' and have just got up to gan to work in an hours time!

Huge train delays and cancellations and 2 lang taxi rides costin a total of an eye waterin £305! just to get TO and back FROM London were just part of this day, that went wrang very big style!

And of course the main event ended in a 4-1 hammerin' at Sporz to make a day of misery complete!

Because aa havvint got much time before aa gan to work, this report will now not appear til sometime tomorrow---and beleeeve yoo me it iz SOME REPORT!

Az per usual "Watch this space intentleeee!"

"TRAIN TRAUMA!" 🚂💩

The forst inclin' that anything woz wrang woz when aa got a text message off 'Big Al' (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) at '5:28am bells' that wor train to King's Cross at '8:00 bells woz cancelled!

On arrival at 'The Central' (Toon train station) we saw that nee trains were gannin forthaa south than Grantham (aboot half way) because the owerheed power lines had been damaged between Gratham and Peterborough and that replacement busses would take us between the 2 stations and then the train onward to London!

We managed to get on the '8:30 bells' train, but knew that there would be massive problems at Grantham az they said on the train intercom that there were a 'limited' number of busses to pick us up!---That meant thats loads would try to get taxis to Peterborough!

We decided to get off at Newark instead (the stop before) and get a taxi to Peterborough from there!--There were 5 of us and we negotiated a fare of £125 with the taxi driver! (£25 each)

We arrived at Peterbourough and caught the forst train we could to King's Cross'!  A tube and overland train to Tottenham Hale woz taken and we heeded straight for 'The Redemption' a bar in the middle of an industrial estate not far from the groond! (It had taken an extra hour and a half to get there than it should have!)

After shovellin a few 'liquid lubrications' doon wor necks it woz time to heed for the tornstiles, where anothaa depleted team took the field!

We could see that there were quite a few empty seats, empty coz quite a few on later trains 'gave up' tryin to get there!

Az expected we started off with wor back to the wall az Sporz pounded wor goal at the end that The Toon fans were in! (Thats those who managed to get there!) 

The goal sequences were az follows 

26th minute: Sporz took the lead through Odogie who woz unmarked and he had the easy chance of puttin the baall past Dubravka from a Son pass

38th minute: Richalison doubled their lead after Spoz missed several chances---another easy goal for the home side!

We looked absolutleee knackered by this stage az fatique set in and were were very fortunate to gan in at the break just 2 goals doon! 

60th minute:  Richalison scored hiz 2nd az Dubravka looked oot of place. He had another easy chance to put the game to bed!

85minute: Son iz pulled doon in the box by Dubravka and the ref gives the penalty after a VAR check!---Son took it to put Sporz 4-0 up!

91st minute: Joelinton got a consolation goal from a Wilson pass to send those Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end into wild celebrations, with top off and Toon shirts waved in the air!? (We ARE crazy---ARNT WE!

61,171 (Far less than the 3,000 tickets sold for the away end)

With nee idea if the trains were runnin back up the East Coast Line, we heeded back to King's Cross to find that aall train were CANCELLED! (How would we get back now, aa thought?)

Well, after a quick gargel  in The Betjamin Arms near Euston station we caught a train to Manchester---and the another to York----and then it woz a very expensive £180 taxi fare back to Tyneside, arrivin back at '5:00am bells'! (The driver wanted £240, but we haggled the lower price!----Thats £305 in total for taxi fares to witness a 4-1 defeat!---Are we MENTAL?---or are we MAD??

AWAY TICKET FIASCO !

I hord aboot a Toon fan in London who had 4 tickets for mates in The Toon. Their train woz cancelled and they couldn’t get there and gave up!

So the lad in London now had 4 spares but couldn’t pass them on to London based Mags, in the fear of a spot check to prove their identity-/-and ultimately the lads stuck home would lose AALL their loyalty points!   That’s just one case!

It’s pure madness that yoo can’t pass spare tickets on to those who are desperate to gan!🥶

SPORZ v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '1:01pm bells' Saturday 9th Decembaa 2023

THE GIANT 'BISCUIT TIN' STADIUM, TOTTENHAM!

Yet anothaa trip to the capital tomorrow mornin' az the games come at a frightenin pace!

The injury list iz still very lang and so anothaa patched up 11 will take the field at '4:00 bells' for yet anothaa live telly game! 

In total TWELVE key players are still unavailable, but Sean Longstaff could feature at some point!

We are on the '8:00 bells' train in the mornin to King's Cross and on the last train back tomorrow neet, meeenin that because of the kick off time, we divvint have to have yet anothaa owerneet stay!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday!----Az per usual "Watch this space!"

HAPPY BORTHDAY TO 'US'!

On this day 131 years ago in 1892, NUFC were born with the amalgamation of Newcastle West End and Newcastle East End, to become Newcastle 'United'!🎂

The Toffee Noses 3. The Toon 0 … Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted ‘4:00pm bells’ Friday 8th Decembaa 2023

CANNY VIEW FROM ROW 2 IN THE UPPER TIER WITH NEE POSTS TO OBSTRUCT WOR VIEW THIS TIME!   PITY ABOOT THE NETTIN' THOUGH!

Orly Xmas Gifts 🎁 🎁 🎁 from Tripps!

Playin the same startin lineup az in the 3 previous games (apart from Dubravka for The Pope in goal) we looked knackered!  3 games a week iz takin its toll on wor injury ravaged squad!

We had a few easy chances through Almiron, Gordon and Isak but couldn’t make the breakthrough!

Evaatin also missed easy chances!

The breakthrough eventually came in the 80th minute when Trippier woz dispossessed by McNeil who raced away and planted a deflected shot past Debravks in The Toon goal!

7 mins later and another mistayk by Trippier let in Harrison who passed to Doucoure who in turn sidefooted the baall into the net to double their lead!

Deep into the 10 minutes stoppage time Beto woz played onside by Trippier and he slotted the baall through Dubraka’s legs to put the game to bed!

Az Bruno said afterwards, this woz a very bad day at the office!

On the bench were 2 goalies and 3 full backs!—ie  we are doon to the bones!

Attendance: 38,998 *** 3,000 Toon fans in the sold oot away section —and NO we didn’t send 550 tickets back—-fake news from some tosser on Twitter!🥶

*The Bullens Road relic wooden stand haz a plaque on one of the many posts to block your view!       It woz built 97 years ago in 1926!

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET!

 Posted '2:00pm bells' Wedinzday 6th Decembaa 2023

From last season----NUFC won 4-1-----Can we have some more of that pleeeze!?

Tomorrow wor injury depleted squad heed for Morseyside when we take on Evaatin at Goodison Park in a '7:30 bells' kick off for live telly!---It's been confermed that wor goalie The Pope will be oot for at least 4 months with a dislocated shoulder against Moan U---one more to add to the lang list!

We expect that wor manager 'Steady Eddie' will pick the same startin line up who played against Moan U---apart from Martin Dubravka who will replace The Pope in goal!

Somebody on 'Twitter' claims we have sent 550 tickets back oot of wor 3,000 allocation, which iz a blatant lie az the tickets were completely sold oot last month!---We could actually have sold 10,000 if they were available!

Aalso a false video iz deein the roonds alledgedly showin Toon fans celebratin' Evaatin's 10 points deduction ootside SJP!

This video iz actually from Octobaa 7th 2021 when the Saudis took ower from The Fat Controller!  The video shows the Bobby Robson statue but NOT the Alan Shearer statue, which woz moved from ootside the groond on Barrack Road AFTER the takeower!

Blatant 'fake news' lies to try a stir up a hornets nest and have a supposed rivalry with The Blue Noses!---give it a rest lads n lasses!

Ask yourself a question: Where would yoo rather gan next season, Livaapool with loads of good boozers in the city centre, OR! Luton, which believe you me iz a sh*thole!----Aalso Bornley iz a bleak place high up in the Pennines and awkward to get tee by train!

Give me Evaatin and their new stadium everytime!

Then on Sunday it's off to norf Landan where we take on Sporz---followed by wor last Champions Leegue group game v AC Milan at SJP next Wedinzday! 

Az per usual a match report on the Evaatin game will appear here sometime on Friday or Saturday!

GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE! *** “NEE SHIT💩 ON WOR HANDS!”

 Posted ‘1:01pm bells’ Munday 4th Decembaa 2023

sund’lind fans are swoppin’ their back shifts at Nissan in the 1st week of January for back shits (see photo above!)💩 at The Stadium of Shhhh! (Yee naa wot!), when  NUFC play them in the 3rd roond of the FA Cup!💩🤪👍

The Toon are entitled to 15% of the tickets, which iz ower 7,000, BUT yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'the 'Dibble' will try and reduce this, for safety concerns!

We will of course pass on any ticket news az soon az we find oot!

THE TOON 1 THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd December 2023

TOON FANS CELEBRATE ANTHONY GORDON'S GOAL TO WIN THE GAME!

"3 IN A ROW! HO! HO! HO!"

For the 3rd time this year we beat Moan U for the forst time in 102 years----1921 to be exact!---And this iz the worst performance from them that 'yours truly' haz seen in 55 years!

We started off on the front foot on a bitterly caad neet and the same startin line up that we played in Paris last Tuezday!

There are too many Toon chances to mention, but Kieron Tripper's free kick woz the closest we came to scorin, az his shot from ootside the box hit the bar at The Gallowgate End, but reboonded off the goal line to safety! 

Man Us goalie Onana got some horrific stick everytime he touched the baall, az he woz at fault for 2 of Galatasaray's goals in their Champions Leegue game on Wedinzday!  ("Dodgy keeper!"and aall that!)

The breakthrough came in the 55th minute when a pinpoint cross from Trippier from the Leazes End byline foond Anthony Gordon unmarked and he hit a sweet shot from close in to give us the lead, to very loud roars from the Toon faithful! (The guy in front of me stood up and blocked mee view of Gordon for a split second and ah just seen the baall enter the net!----but not Gordon hittin it!) Sit doon iff yih luv The Toon!

We completly dominated the game and could easily have won 4 or 5 nil, but lady luck (like Trippers crossbar effort) woz against us yesterday!

Yet another injury blow woz added to the lang list when Toon goalie 'The Pope' injured hiz shoulder late on and had to be replaced by Martin Dubravka!

The 3 points took us above wor opponents who's manager whinged on aboot 'us' playin on Tuezday and 'them' playin on Wedinzday, thus givin 'us' more time to recover from both of wor midweek exploits in The Champions Leegue!   We divvint caall them 'Moan U ' for nothin!

Attendance: 52, 214 (3,100 Muppets in level 7 of The Leazes End ---many had heeded for the exits for the last train to King's Cross, before the ridiculous 9 minutes of stoppage time were added!)

*Before the match az they marched up to the away end the Moan U Muppets sang the usual: "Alan Shearer sad Geordie bastard, shit futball team", song!---We are SO shit that we have beat them 3 times in a row!---just sayin'!

THE TOON v THE MOAN U MUPPETEERS *** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘3:00pm bells’ Saturday 2nd Decembaa 2023

Flashback 60 years, when Toon manager 'smokin' Joe Harvey helped clear the pitch of snow at The Leazes End!---Nee undersoil heatin' in them days! ---Can yoo imagine Eddie Howe deein this today???

In 'Geordiebetical' order, (deep breath!) Anderson, Barnes, Botman, Burn, Longstaff, Murphy, Targett and Wilson are aall still crocked with various injuries, while Tonali (of course) iz suspended til next season!

Ritchie and Krafth are available, while Lascelles and Trippier are one bookin away from suspension for this ridiculous timed Saturday game of '8:00 bells' tooneet!---The game will finish at aroond '10:00 bells' which hardy gives yoo anytime for a post match 'gargel'!

'Pre match' of course, yiv got aall day and evenin to get completely 'sloshed' before kick off!

For once, against Moan U, we are actually favourites to win with the bookies, so lets hope they are reet!---It wont be eezy with aall theeze injuries of course!

It's thermal socks and underwear season, with sub zero temperatures on Tyneside, with a minus 8 recorded in the orly hours of this mornin' and snow on the groond! 

ie: it will be freeezin come kick off time---so wor advice iz to drink plenty of cold beer to keep waam!

A Geordie Times match report to follow tomorrow sometime, so az per usual "Watch this space!"

367 parc dez princes, paris

 Ground number 367

(118th competitive European game in a row, home and away)

Date of First Visit:  28th November 2023

Parc Dez Princes, Paris, France

UEFA Champions League, Group stage F (game 5)

Attendance: 46,435 (2,000 gobsmacked Toon fans!) 

 "SIMPLE SYZMON!"

First of aall apologeez for dein this report back to front, but there’s a very good reason for dein this!

Yuh wud expect a referee who reffed the World Cup final to get a simple decision rest!

But ‘simple’ Syzmon Marciniak got it horribly wrang by awarding PSG a penalty for a non handball by Tino Livramento in the 8th minute of stoppage time, after changing his mind by wavin away penalty appeals from the PSG players in the first place! The PSG Ultra on the tannoy aalso got involved and shouted sommik in French, demandin a penalty! (Why woz that allowed?)

VAR had told the Polish ref to look at the pitch side monitor and he pointed to the spot after 3 minutes watching replays!

They of course scored to level the tie after NUFC had taken the lead in the 24th minute through Isak to send the 2,000 Toon faithful into raptures!----Livramento had passed the baall to Almiron az we attacked their goal at the far end from us and had a shot---the baall woz fumbled by their goalie and fell nicely to 'Alexander the Great' who said "thank you very much" az he fired the baall into the net!

Relentless pressure then ensued from PSG and they had several chances to equalise, but somehow we kept them oot and went in at half time one-nil to the good!

Again in the 2nd period they laid seige to wor goal and wor patched up side looked absolutleee knackered az the clock ticked doon!

The 4th official then put a ridiculous EIGHT MINUTES stoppage time board up? (there couldnt have been anymore than 4) and then THAT penalty decision which iz the most unjust in aall the  European games I have ever seen, gannin way back to 1968!

The result meenz that we MUST beat AC Milan on home soil on the 13th of Decembaa and hope that Dortmund dee us a favour and eethaa draw or beat PSG in the last group stage game---az that sequence will put us into the knockoot stages in 2024!

Before the match we had watched wor U19s beat PSG U19s on the othaa side of Toon (Full match report on that to follow later) and then did a bit of 'sight seein' at the Arc de Treeeomff and the (Whey!)Aye-fill Towaa!---The liquid refreshments in a bar within site of the tower were the most expensive we've EVER SEEN on wor European travels!   9 pints between 3 of us came to a whoppin'-- 144 Euros! (approximately 130 quid in wor money!---(aboot £14 a pint!)---And here's the proof below!----And then it woz off to the main match!

 "Divvint drink here, unless you're a multi millionaire!"

After the match we were 'held back' for ower an hour and eventually got back to wor hotel on the Paris Metro at '1:00am bells'!--Aall the bars, includin' the hotel's were shut by this time, so we had nee choice but to gan for some 'shuteye' before travellin back on Wedinzday mornin! "ZZZZzzzz!"

We'd travelled here by Eurostar and did the same back----but not before havin a couple of gargels on the train from Paris and at King's Cross between trains! (see photos below when aa get time to dee them!)

“WE WOZ THERE!”

*

The (Whey!)Aye-fill Towaa

The Arc De Treeeomff

* Aall the 'Boozzaa crawl' photos to follow!

*9 visited Runnin total 64

St.Pancras, London on the way to the Eurostar to Paris

*

Paris

*Eurostar train bar (top) and King’s Cross boozer in between trains back

*

366 Stade Georges-Lefevre (v psg u19s)

 Ground number 366

Date of First Visit: 28th November 2023

Stade Georges-Lefevre Training Ground, Paris, France

Paris Saint Germain U19s 1

Newcastle United U19s 2 (Scott Bailey, Johnny Emerson)

UEFA U19s Youth League

Attendance: 700est (6 or 7 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers)

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers are at the PSG Stade Georges Lefevre trainin groond to watch wor U19s game v PSG U19s which kicks off in an hours time! Then we will heed for the main stadium a few miles away to the east side of Paris to watch wor Champions Leegue game which kicks off at ‘8:00 bells’ GMT! (Geordie Meen Time!)

We will send a few photos and a brief match report at half time and when the U19s game iz ower!

So watch this space intentleee!

HT 1-0 up! Shot from inside box by number 71 Scott Bailey!

Number 8 and captain for PSG sent off in 50th minute for 2nd bookable offence!

58 minute  Scott Bailey hits the bar from a tight angle!

87th minute   PSG equalise with a great strike by their number 6🥶

89th minute  Bailey hits the bar again!

90th minute Number 74 Johnny Emerson wins the game for The Toon with a deflected shot from just inside the box!🤪👍⚽️

1st half action above—2nd half action below!

PSG v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET! *****

 Posted from '2:08 pm bells' Munday 27th Novembaa 2023 on the way to France ***

“Iz that Blackpool Tower in the distance!?”🤔

*1st port o call in St Pancras station, London, where we get the Eurostar to Parisss!

🍺The Barrel Vaults

2nd port o call at St Pancras!

🍺An old favorite. The Betjamen’s Arms! Then the train to Parisss!

Through passport control!

Made it to Paris! In the bar below near main train station

 Cristal PARIS!