CHELSEEE v THE TOON **** THE END GAME!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 28th May 2023

At '4:30 bells' this afternooon we play wor last game of this marvelous season at Stamford Bridge!

The anly thing to decide now iz will we finish 4th or 3rd in the table?

We will finish 3rd if we win and Moan U eethaa draw or lose to Fulim, but az we have aalready qualified for The Champions Leegue it doesnt reeely matter, but it would be nice to finish above Moan U!

Several key player will miss oot through injury includin Joelinton, Joe Willock and The Pope, who iz havin an operation on a finger problem!

Aall 3,000 away tickets were sold lang ago and we should have a great chance of the 3 points az Chelseee have anly won 1 oot of their last 10 games and will finish in the bottom half of the table, even if they win!

A full Geordie Times match (and boozers!) report will appear here sometime on Munday-----probably on the train back!

NUFC GATE CRASH THE (SO CAALLED) 'BIG SIX' PARTY!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorzday 25th May 2023

Geordie Times quiz question!

How many non 'big six teams' have qualified for The Champions Leegue in the last 20 years?

Answer: Beleeeve it or not, just TWO!

NUFC in 2003 and 2023 and The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa in 2016!

Every othaa season in between the places have been filled by Moan U, Man C, Livaapoool, Chelseee, Sporz and The Arse!

The Toon have broken the monopoly BIG STYLE and we are here to stay!-----Did I hear yoo say 'The Big SEVEN'!?

THE TOON 0 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 23rd May 2023

'WOR FLAGS' DISPLAY AT THE LEAZES END

'POST' TRAUMATIC STRESS!

NUFC needed just a point against relegation threatened Lestaa and went straight for the jugular az we attacked The Leazes End goal!

EAST STAND DISPLAY!

Lestaa's strategy from the Start woz to put ELEVEN men behind the baall and hope for a breakaway goal!

Twice in quick succession we hit the post through Callum Wilson and then Miggy Almiron, but agonizingly both times the baall refused to gan into the net!----Their goalie aalso had a blinder to deny us a goal in the forst period and we went in norvously at 0-0 at the break!

Again in the 2nd half 'we went for it', but again Ivrsen in the Lestaa goal pulled off some ootstandin saves before Bruno hit the Gallowgate post at point blank range---again the baall 'refused' to gan into the goal!---Now aa naa wot 'post' traumatic stress' meeenz!

It nearly went horribly wrang deep into stoppage time when 'The Pope' in The Toon goal made a 'miracle' save from Castagne to rightly deny The Foxes a very undesorved victory az this woz their forst shot of the game!----After 5 minutes of injury time Marriner the ref finally blew for full time to very loud roars and relief from the 50,000 plus Toon fans present!

*Attendance: 52,152 (1,300 Basil Brushes!)

The Toon had nearly 80% possession and had 22 shots on goal to Lestaa'z ONE in stoppage time and we hit the post THREE times! 

Against aall the odds we qualified for The Champions Leegue az The Liverbirds can nee langer catch us and the lowest we can finish iz in 4th place!---Unbeleeevable after last seasons relegation scrap!

We can now 'live the dream' of trips to Real Madrid, Barcelona and Bayern  Munich after a 20 year gap!   

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA *** TOONEET!

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Munday 22nd May 2023

"I HAVE A DREAM!"😴

With Livaapoool's failure to beat Villa on Saturday, NUFC anly need ONE POINT from wor 2 remainin' games to qualify for The Champions Leegue after a 20 year absence!----

Lestaa are wor opponents tooneet at SJP and this, without doubt, iz wor biggest Premyaa Leegue game since then!---Defeat for them will mean aalmost certain relegation to The Championship!

Of course they arn't gannin to raise 'the white flag of surrender' and it could well be a tough game for us!----On the othaa hand IF we get an orly goal they could crumble to a heavy defeat!----Who knows???

Mee dream iz to qualify and draw Real Madrid!----the team av never seen us play and the groond av never visited, but would love to gan tee!----It would be a dream come true for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!😴

Anyway!---We're not sure if Joelinton will take part, but Joe Willock and Sean Longstaff defiantly won't, az their injuries will probably rule them oot for the remain 2 games!---Murphy and Trippier are aalso a doubt!

'WOR FLAGS' have a new surfer for The East Stand and black 'n' white flags on every seat in The Leazes and Gallowgate Ends (apart from the away section of course!)

I'm in The Milburn Stand upper tier, so not sure if any flags will be there az we sit behind the TV cameras!?

A'm settin off in a few minutes for the 10 minute bus ride to The Toon and several 'liquid lubrications' will take place az we nervously await the '8:00 bells' kick off!

Lets hope mee dream can come true come '10:00 bells' tooneet!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime tomorrow-----

"WATCH THIS SPACE AND DREAM!"😴

TYNESIDE UNITED!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 21st May 2023

NUFC were within a minute of normal time to qualify for the Champions Leegue yesterday, when Livaapoool scored a last gasp equaliser against Villa at Anfeeeld, which meeenz that we need just ONE POINT against Lestaa or Chelseee from wor last 2 games to qualify!

The Lestaa game iz at SJP tomorrow neet and the atmosphere iz sure to be unreal, shud we get 'ower the line'!

Today The Gatesheeed Heedbangers play in the FA Trophy final at Wembley against Halifax and we will be watchin on from The Bodega on Westgate Road! 

Havin been to Wembley 10 times, 9 of them watchin 'The Toon' and 1 watchin 'The Heed' in a play off final, av got TEN oot of TEN DEFEATS to mee name, so aa decided NOT to gan this time, az aa divvint want to 'jinx them'! (I honestly HATE Wembley now!)

(The 9 with The Toon include 2 defeats v Sporz in The Premyaa Leegue, when Sporz were buildin their new groond)

Anyway!---Here's hopin the othaa 'black 'n' whites' bring the cup yem this afternooon and end the Tyneside 'jinx'! (kick off 4:15 bells' on BT Sport 1)

Updated after the game!

Yet again The Tyne Bridge Curse struck az The Heed, managed by former Toon defender Mike Williamson, lost 1-0 after a defensive error in the forst half, before a crowd of 27,384, includin 5,000 from Gatesheeed!

That's 11 times in a row that the teams on opposite sides of The Tyne Bridge have lost at Wembley  (NUFC 9 times, Gatesheed twice!)

At least aa cannit get the blame this time az aa wozzint there and watched on with 4 other's on one of the The Bodega's big screens!🥶

THE TOON 4 BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Friday 19th May 2023

Forst half az NUFC attack The Leazes goal

"SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR AWAY!" (Steady Eddie after the game!)

A game we just had to win to keep the gap between us, Moan U and Livaapoool----And a game we won in the end quite easily!

NUFC attacked The Leazes End in the forst half and laid seige to the Brightin goal!---The Breakthrough came in the 22nd minute when a corner by Trippier foond the heed of Brightin's Undav and az he attempted to back heed it oot for a corner, it instead ended up in the visitors net to loud roars from the Toon faithful!

A VIEW OF THE EAST STAND AND THE NORTH SEA ON THE HORIZON 8 MILES AWAY!

It woz soon 2-0 when Dan Burn soared above the Brightin defence to heed home across the goal from a cross deep into stoppage time!  HT 2-0 to us!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END

The 2nd half started off just like the forst az we went for the jugular once again!----However the norves were janglin' in the 50th minute when Undav received a through baall  and he raced away with Schar unable to catch him,  to fire home and half the deficit! (hiz 2nd goal of the game!)

This woz totally against the run of play az Brightin played a dangerous game by passin the baall to each othaa near the box!

Relief woz finally on hand near the end when Callum Wilson raced forward splittin their defence, to place an accurate shot just inside the post to put NUFC 3-1 up!

It wasnt ower yet and just a minute later it woz 4-1 when Wilson squared to Bruno who said "thank you very much" to place the baall into the goal and send the groond into meltdoon! FT 4-1 to us!

Aall we need to dee nuw iz beat relegation threatened Lestaa at SJP next Munday to qualify for The Champions Leegue!--- Shud Livaapool lose to Villa at Anfeeeld on Saturday, then we will qualify withoot kickin a baall!----Aaltogether now! 

"TELL MEE MAA, MEE MAA!, AA NEED THREE HUNDRED QUID!---A'M OFF THE REAL MADRID!---TELL MEE MAA, MEE MAA!" (This iz mee dream!--- to see us play in The Bernabeu Stadium!) 

Attendance: 52,122 (1,000 Seagulls)

*

*FOOTNOTE: Aa managed to get loyal Toon fan 'John from Ireland' a ticket for the game and put it in mee wallet----Aa still had the Leeedz away ticket az well from last Saturday and by misstayk aa gave him the LEEEDZ ticket instead!----Toon fan 'Sarnie Steve' asked for a look to see where he woz sittin and couldnt figure oot where The West Stand Paddock woz???----He then realised that it woz the LEEEDZ ticket, which looks very similar to a Toon ticket, az yoo can see!

It doesn't bear 'fink'in aboot, if he had tried to get in with the Leeedz ticket!-----Aall that way and torned away at the tornstiles!!!!🥶

THE TOON v BRIGHTIN **** THORZDAY NEET *** CATCH US IF YOO CAN! (PART 4) *** PLUS 'THE LAST LAUGH'!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Tuezday 16th May 2023

Updated 'high noon bells' Wedinzday and at '2:25am bells' Thorzday

The Liverbirds 3-0 win at Lestaa last neet (their 7th win in a row!) moves them just a point behind us and Moan U---They have just 2 games left and a (now) slightly inferior goal difference, while both us and Moan U have 3 games left!---Wor goal difference between us and Moan U iz huge and worth an extra point!

Wor game v Brightin on Thorzday neet at SJP iz now massive and a win will extend the gap again and eliminate any chance of them catchin us! They had a great 3-0 result at The Arse on Sunday and will be nee pushower! (Their 8th away success this season!----While we have won 8 oot of the last 11!)

So just 4 teams are left for the 2 remainin Champions Leegue places, with NUFC STILL in the drivin seat!

The Brightin game iz without doubt wor biggest Leegue game of the season and defeat doesn't bear finkin aboot!

Kick off iz at the orlier than normal time at '7:30 bells'-- so divvint be late!

3 points pleeeeze!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wedinzday!

"7 IN A ROW COMIN' UP!"

The SMBs lost 2-0 at Luton last neet in the play offs, to stay in The Championship! And so the nightmare scenario of them bein at Wembley for the final on the same weekend az NUFC play at Chelseee, now won't happen! (Thank the Lord!🙏)

Next season will be their 7th in a row ootside the top flight!--Lang may it continue!🤪👍🍺

PS: ON Talksport last neet a mackem phoned up that he woz devastated and added "Looks like Newcastle have bottled it!"   We are aalways in their heeds!  Let's hope we can 'devastate' him again tomorrow neet! 

Updated '2:25am bells' Thorzday

"SENT TO COVENTRY!"

Following the SMBs exit from the play offs The Smoggies have aalso gone the distance, losin 1-0 at home to Coventry and so the nightmare scenario of the mackems, the smoggies and the Geordies aall bein in London on the same weekend iz dead and buried!

Well done Luton and Coventry--yoo have made wor day(s)!

LEEEDZ 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted not lang after 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th May 2023, onwards

TOON IN AALL DARK BLUE STRIP

"A POINTS A POINT IF YOO GET MY POINT!"

A game that had everything! 4 goals, 3 penalties, 1 disallowed goal and 1 sending off AND a Leeedz fan thrown oot for confronting and pushin Eddie Howe in the dugoot!

The sequence of events were az follows:

7th minute: Completely against the run of play Leeedz take the lead  when Pope saved from Rodrigo,  but Ayling woz there for an eazy finish to send the home fans wild with delight and stun us!

30th minute: They then got a penalty when Joelinton made a clumsy tackle in the box!     Banford took the kick but The Pope saved brilliantly to keep the score at 1-0

32nd minute: At the othaa end anothaa penalty woz given when Isak woz hacked doon in the box by  Wober!   

Callum Wilson took the spot kick and hammered the baall into the net to level the scores!  HT 1-1

69th minute: We didnt notice this, but a Leeedz player handled the baall in the box (Firpo)with The Toon players pointin towards their hands in front of the ref---who had a bad day at the office!

After a lengthy VAR check the penalty woz given and up stepped Wilson again to hammer home and put us 2-1 up----to the joy of the travellin faithful! 

70th minute: We scored again through St Max from a Isak through baall, but the goal woz ruled offside after a VAR check!

79th minute: And then the sucker punch!--- just az we looked to have picked up the 3 valuable points a lang range shot from Kristensen took a wicked deflection off Trippier's heed and the baall wrang footed The Pope in The Toon goal and the scores were level again!

91st minute: Leeed'z Firpo woz sent off for a bad tackle on Anthony Gordon

92nd minute: We couldnt see the dugoot from where we were and anly foond oot later that a Leeedz fan had got into the technical area and pushed Eddie Howe and swore at him!----He woz dragged away by securuty staff and woz banned for life by Leeedz! 

WOR 'NO VIEW' OF THE TECHNICAL AREA!

TOON STAFF AND A SECURITY GUARD GRAP THE TOSSER!

It ended 2-2 and although it looked az though we'd hoyed away 2 points that 1 point meeenz that whatever Livaapool dee on Munday neet, 2 home wins against Brightin next Thorzday and Lestaa the followin Munday will guarantee  Champions Leegue qualification! (If Livaapoool draw or lose we anly need one more win az we have a far superior goal difference!) "Come on Lestaa!"

Attendance: A season high for Elland Road of 36,955 (2,900 Toon fans)

Its still in wor hands lads 'n' lasses!

Pub Crawl report (2 new boozers visited and 1 we have been tee orlier this season so we cannit coont The York Tap!)

Runnin total of different away boozers visited this season now 143!

On the way back az we had to change trains at York!

   

LEEEDZ v THE TOON **** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Thorzday 11th May 2023

"CATCH US IF YOO CAN!"

When Fat Sam (the hippo man!) took the reigns at Leeedz last week they were in 4th bottom place and oot of the relegation zone!

Fast forward a week and they are IN the mire nuw in 2nd bottom place!----In other words Fat Sam haz GOT to try and beat us and not 'park the bus', az he would have done if they were still ootside the relegation zone! 

Wor game iz the forst of the weekend games and a win would take us to 68 points and 6 clear of The Liverbirds in 5th place with 3 games left for them and 5 points clear of Moan U who have 4 games left!

Its 'sqeeeky bum time' for Leeedz, whereaz NUFC still have some 'breathin space', even if we divvint win!----Aall 2,900 away tickets were snapped up lang ago!

The Champions Leegue iz within grasp and a Europa Leegue place iz virtually guaranteed!

MAXIMUM POINTS POSSIBLE OF TEAMS BELOW NUFC

Moan U 75 (4 games left)

The Liverbirds 71 (3 games left)

Brightin 70 (5 games left)

Sporz 66 (3 games left)

PS: Accordin to BBC Birmingham, Villa can still catch us BUT az they have 54 points and 3 games left, they can anly get 63 points--2 less than we have now (65 points)

Note---Brightin lost 5-1 at home to Evaatin and have played 33 games, not 32

A Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here on Sunday sometime!---Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

* 

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted '5:30pm bells' Munday 8th May 2023

"HYPOCRITES !"

In wor game at Arsenal this season their manager accused us of blatant time wastin'--Yet hiz team did exactly the same at SJP yesterday az their player fained injury and took ages to take goal kicks and free kicks to slow the game doon!

To say that VAR iz in favour of the cartel, rang very true az well, az we were denied a stonewaall hand baall penalty! On top of that NUFC hit the woodwork twice and scored an own goal!---it just wasn't wor day!

Within 2 minutes of the start Jacob Murphy had hit the post at The Leazes End and 6 minutes later the ref pointed to the spot after a hand baall by an Arseholes player!---VAR told the ref to look at the monitor and after lookin at it for 3 minutes he eventually owertorned hiz decision and changed hiz mind?---to large boooos from the Toon fans! 

Then on 14minutes Odegaard's shot went through Schar's legs to put wor visitors 1-0 up!

Despite several chances we just couldnt get past their defence and that's the way it stayed til the break!

Straight after the restart Isak heeded against the right hand post at The Gallowgate End but the baall boonced to safety!----Fine margins against us again!

There were loads of play actin' by The Arseholes after this az they tried to slow the games doon with stage managed actin az they lay on the groond!

The killer goal came in the 71st minute when a Martinell cross deflected off Schar and into hiz own net! 2-0 to The Arse!

More time wastin followed!

Some brilliant saves by the Arse's keeper kept us oot and wor 2nd home defeat of the season came to pass!

Attendance: 52,267 (3,200 Arseholes!)

Some good news followed az West 'am beat Moan U 1-0 to keep us in 3rd place with 4 games to gan!-----ie We are STILL in the drivin seat!

YOO NEED TO CLIMB 200 STAIRS TO GET THIS VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND!