THE TOON v FULIM *** TODAY AT '2:00 BELLS'

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 15th January 2023

HAPPY TOON FANS LEAVE SJP AFTER WOR 2-0 WIN V LESTAA LAST TUEZDAY TO REACH THE SEMI FINALS OF THE LEEGUE CUP!----LETS HOPE WE ARE JUST AZ HAPPY AT '4:00 BELLS' TODAY!?

NUFC take on a Fulim side who have won their last 4 Premyaa Leegue games, includin a 2-1 win against arch rivals Chelsea last Thorzday!

So it wont be an easy 3 points today for certain!  Their manager De Silva haz moaned aboot the gap between the Chelsea game wihich finished at '10:00pm bells' on Thorzday neet and the game today which takes place in 2 hours time!    Aa meeeen---how many times does a team play on a Sunday and have another game on Wedinzday neet?---It's the same 'time gap' , so stop moanin' and makin excuses in case yoo lose, before the game haz even kicked off!

(In the 1970s it wasn't unusual to play a game on Good Friday, the next day on Easter Saturday and 2 days later on Easter Munday----Neebody complained then!)

We hear that Fulim have anly sold 1,722 of their 3,200 allocation of tickets----the spare ones eagerly snapped up by Toon fans for another capacity crowd!

Anyway!---Moan U beat Man City 2-1 yesterday with 2 dubious offside goals and have moved 3 points above us in the table into 3rd place!----A win would take us back to 3rd on goal difference and just one point behind Man City!

Not sure if Joelinton will start after he failed the breathalizer last week (and could face disaplinary action from 'Steady Eddie'), but mee finks he will be on the subs bench at least!

The Toon are currently unbeaten in wor last 13 home games in aall competitions----lets hope its 14 come '4:00pm bells'

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime later today or tomorrow!----Az per usual:"Watch this space!"  

"SNOW' GO AREA FOR 'THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

 Posted '1:08pm bells' Friday 13th January 2023

"IT'S SNOW GOOD!" ("sic!")

Wor U21s were due to play Sooothampton U21s tooneet at Snows Stadium, Totten (above), which iz a few miles north of Sooothampton!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' had booked trains and a hotel, anly to find that the game haz been switched at the last minute to Sooothampton's trainin' groond and will be played behind closed doors!!!

Snows Stadium iz home to Totten FC of The Southern Leegue and their home game on Wedinzday neet woz postponed because of a waaterlogged pitch!----Fearin' the same for wor game the decision  woz made to switch it to the trainin groond!!! ("The b*stards!")

This iz devastatin' news of course for the mad-sad groundhoppers, but we have managed to get the hotel money back and hopefully aall the train money!

It looks like a neets drinkin' in 'The Toon' instead, folks! 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

Updated '9:50am 🔔 bells' Saturday

The Toon U21s suffered a 4-1 defeat at Sooothampton's Staplewood trainin groond last neet!

Ndiweni scorin wor anly goal in the 85th minute when we were aalready 4-0 doon!

SAINTS IN SEMIS!

 Posted '1:04pm bells' Thorzday 12th January 2023

THE LOGO FOR THE 1960s TV SERIES

The draw for the semi finals of The Leegue Cup woz made last neet and NUFC have been drawn against 'The Simon Templar Mob' of Sooothampton, who shocked the world by beatin' current Premyaa Leegue champions Man City 2-0 at St. Mary's Stadium last neet!

The forst leg iz in the week commencin 23rd January at St. Mary's and the 2nd leg iz at SJP in the week commencin 30th January!

Moan U were drawn against 'The Friar Tuck Mob' of Nottingham in the othaa semi

Sooothampton are currently bottom of The Premyaa Leegue and we beat them 4-1 at their place not so lang ago!---So this iz a great chance to progress to the final at WEMBLEY next month!

But az we naa!  anythin' can happen when NUFC play (Sheff Wed, Cambridge etc!), so we wont coont wor chickens🐔🐔🐔🐔🐔----YET!

Explanation: 'The Saint' woz a cult TV detective series in the 1960s starrin Roger Moore az Simon Templar---Sooothampton's nickname iz 'The Saints'----Hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'---GET IT???

THE TOON 2 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 0 *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted '12:30pm bells' Wedinzday 11th January 2023

"HE'Z FROM BLY--I--IYTH!"

Wor forst semi final in this competition for 47 years woz conformed after a convincin win at SJP in front of a record crowd for a Leegue Cup tie here! (52,009)

Thankfully 'Steady Eddie' played a full strengh team this time (unlike at Sheff Wed) and it showed from the forst to the final whistle!

We dominated so much in the forst half az we attacked The Leazes goal, but just couldn't make the breakthrough thanx to the Lestaa goalie Ward, who played a blinder!

Within a few seconds of the restart Joelinton hit a shot against the post---a warnin' shot from wot woz aboot to unfold!

The major breakthrough came on the hour mark from an unlikely source, when 'local hero' Dan Burn raced into the box and hit a sweet shot across the goal and into the corner of the net to send the vast majority of the 52,009 crowd into raptures! ---Hiz forst ever goal for The Toon az well! (Dan used to gan in 'The East Stand' with hiz family to support us when he woz a kid!)

He's from Blyth in Northumberland and the crowd sang a little ditty in praise of him:  "You'll never ever beat Dan Bu--u--urn, he's from Bly--i---iyth"

The 2nd goal came not lang after when Joelinton did exactly the same and placed hiz shot into the same corner az 'Dan the Man' in the 72nd minute! (Q Ecstatic scenes from the pitch and stands!)

Game ower?---whey not quite, az sub Jamie Vardy missed 2 great chances to pull a goal back for wor visitors, but with 22 shots on goal for NUFC, this woz a very one sided game apart from that!

The draw iz tooneet after the Sooothampton v Man City tie and we can anly hope that we avoid Man City in the 2 legged semis if they win, az thiz would be the toughest draw of aall!. Moan U are through az well, which leaves Forest and Wolves, the other teams left! (Can we draw one of those pleeeze!?)

Even if we divvint make it to the final, we are makin great progress indeed----3rd in the table with more signings imminent!

Happy days aheeed!

Attendance: 52,009 plus the 'Man in the Moon'! (less than 1,000 Basil Brush Brigaders!) (They were offered 5,500 tickets!)

VERY HAPPY FANS SINGIN' "TELL MEE MAA, ME MAA, AA WONT BE HOME FOR TEA, WE'RE GOIN TO WEM-BA-LEE, TELL MEE MAA, MEE MAA!" AZ THEY LEAVE SJP

*

 Posted '1:55pm bells' Tuezday 10th January 2023

Tooneet we play wor biggest game of the season against 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa in the qwaataa final of The Leegue Cup for a place in the 2 legged semis!

The weather on Tyneside iz grey skies and heavy rain az I type!

'Steady Eddie' haz promised to play the strongest team possible, unlike the disastrous exit in The FA Cup against 3rd tier Sheff Wed on Saturday, when we made 8 changes to wor previous startin line up at Arsenal! (It didn't work!)

We beat 'The Basil Brush Brigade' 3-0 at their place on Boxin Day, and so we are odds on favorites to win!----Just like at Sheff Wed, where we LOST! ie: We are The Toon---Anything can happen!

A full hoose iz guaranteed even though Lestaa anly sold 1,000 of their possible 5,500 allocation of tickets-----The 4,500 spare were snapped up by Toon fans straight away!

A semi final awaits!----Lets hope we are in the draw THIS TIME for the semis!?

A Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime tomorrow!---So, "Watch this space!" 

THE WEDINZDAY 2 THE TOON 1 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

 Posted from 3:50pm 'bells' onwards, Sunday 8th January 2023

VIEW FROM ROW 8 OF THE WEST STAND UPPER TIER                          (FORMERLY CAALLED THE LEPPINGS LANE END)

"WOR FA CUP JINX CONTINUES UNABATED!"

Glarin' misses from Anderson, Murphy and Wood cost NUFC a place in the 4th roond draw, az 3rd tier Sheff Wed beat us 2-1 in front of a live BBC TV audience on Saturday evenin'! (and a 25,000 plus crowd!)

THE TOON PLAYED IN AN AALL WHITE STRIP

8 changes were made to wor startin' line up from the team that got a very credible 0-0 draw at The Arse last Tuesday!

Those changes proved decisive, az we struggled to break doon the home sides defence with some wayward shootin and we eventually paid the ultimate price with 2 goals from Josh Windass in the 2nd half, the forst which woz offside, but couldn't be ruled oot coz VAR wasnt available to clubs ootside the top flight, az their groonds havvint got the technology to use it!  

'The cavalry' arrived when we were 2-0 doon and Bruno pulled one back from a Trippier corner----and when Chris Wood woz put through by Joelinton with 8 minutes to gan, he inexplicably shot high ower the bar from a few yards oot, when it looked much easier to score! 

And that woz it!----oot of the FA Cup to yet another lower leegue club and it doesn't seem to matter just who iz wor manager iz, the loss rate against 'minnows' just gans on and on! (Leegue 1 Cambridge at SJP last season, don't forget!)

To play weakened teams time and time again just doesn't work for us!

If anything, wor resorve players simply arn't up to standard and we are surely gannin to have to spend some dosh in the Janauary window to strengthen wor squad!

A bad day at the office indeed!----so we must regroup for wor vital qwaataa final Leegue Cup tie against Lestaa at SJP on Tuezday neet with A FULL STRENGH TEAM! 

NUFC 'NEAR' RESORVE  STARTIN' X1

Attendance: 25,884 (4,500 shocked Toon fans)  We thought this game would be a sell oot, but how wrang we were!  

SPOT THE EMPTY BLUE SEATS IN 'THE KOP 'AT HILLSBOROUGH---             THE MIDDLE SECTION IZ FULL(ISH!), BUT THE END SECTIONS ARE HALF EMPTY!

Wedinzday anly sold 21,384 tickets to their own fans? (Loyal supporters, my arse!) South Yorkshire police set a limit of 4,500 in the visitors section, when we could have sold 4 times az many tickets to fill the groond! (bless 'em!)

"WHEN WILL THEY EVER LEARN?"

In the concourses before the match there woz severve crushin' and it took us ages to get to wor seats!----Nothin' it seems haz been learned from the Hillsborough disaster in 1989 (The same Leppings Lane End az we were in!)

The pre match 'gargels' took place in the Wadsley Bridge WMC up the hill from Hillsborough, where the discussion woz just where we would have to gan in the next roond az the ' 3:00 bells ' results came through. (divvint forget that wor game didnt kick off til '6:00 bells') And we dreaded that we would have to gan to the likes of Sooothampton or Brightin again!----We shouldn't have worried though, SHOULD WE!???

Liquid Lubrication Locations visited so far this season iz now 94

"WOT CUD HAVE BEEN!" 

 Before the game, NUFC and Sheff Wed were conformed az baall 29 in the draw for the 4th roond. 

Sheff Wed got a home tie against Fleetwood Toon!

THE WEDINZDAY v THE TOON *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** TODAY

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 7th January 2023

THE LAST TIME NUFC FANS WERE HERE---APRIL 2017----LOST 2-1 (CHAMPIONSHIP)

We heed for Hillsborough for this FA Cup tie against 3rd tier Sheff Wed, in a few minutes time which iz live on the Beeb at '6:00 pm bells'

Aall 4,500 away tickets have been snapped up and a full hoose iz predicted!

Its said that record signin Isak could retorn after a 4 month absence, but apart from him we arnt sure how strong a team 'Steady Eddie' will field come kick off time!?

The draw for the 4th roond takes place on Sunday before the Man City v Chelsea tie

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----and a boozer crawl report from the Arsenal game, which we didnt have time to dee last week!

THE ARSE 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted from '10:15am 🔔 bells' onwards, Wedinzday 4th January 2023 on the train back from London

View from row 15 in the away end

NUFC RECORD BREAKERS! (Brief match report)

For the forst time this season we prevented The Arse from scorin home or away, plus this woz the forst time they didn't win at home!

The Toon recorded wor 13th Premyaa Leegue game in a row unbeaten!--A new record for games in a single season!

And with just one undeserved loss in 21 Leegue and Cup games we remain in 3rd place in the table!

Nick Pope oversaw hiz 6th clean sheet in a row in aall competitions, which iz aalso a club record and NUFC have the meanest defence in the top flight with just 9 goals conceded!

It woz a masterclass and dogged performance az 9 players from both sides were booked by the over zelious ref!

(Includin Lascelles who woz warming up on the touchline!)

Arteta's arsehole antics near the end were embarrassing az he ran up and doon the touchline claimin a penalty deep into stoppage time, but the ref woz having 'none of it' and booked an Arse player for protestin!

We remain 9 points behind The Arse at the top of the tree!

Attendance:60,319 (3,000 happy Toon  fans!)

Updated 5:45pm bells Thorzday at Woolley Edge truck park M1 south

PS Not had time to update boozer report --az when aa got back from London at 1pm bells aa had to change into mee work gear and drive mee truck to Redditch at 2bells

Same today!

Will dee it when aa get time!

Updated Sunday 8th January

LONDON PUB CRAWL: 7 BOOZERS VISITED

Runnin total for the season so far: 91

THE ARSE V THE TOON *** TOOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon🔔 bells' Munday "er" Tuezday 3rd January 2023 (Thanx to Jimmy the Riddler for spotting mee delibritt misstayk!)

*The 0-0 draw v Leeedz looked like a bad result at the time, but draws at Man City and Chelsea and defeats for Sporz and Livaapoool meenz that they havint gained any points on us!

The anly downside woz Moan U's win at Wolves moving them within 2 points of us!

The Arse won of course and have a 100% home record, so tooneets game won't be easy and will be a good test to see just how close we are to them!

A win would take us to within 6 points of them, a draw would see the gap remain at 9 points and defeat would end wor outside chances of catchin them, az the gap would increase to 12 points!(plus they have a game in hand!)

We will soon find oot az we are on wor way in one of the few trains that are runnin today, because of strike action!

A full Geordie Times match (and boozer!) report will appear here sometime tomorrow on the way back! (Provided wor train iz runnin!?)

Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

FROM 91st TO 6th IN 365 DAYS!

Posted '12:55am bells' Munday 2nd January 2023

In the 2021 form table NUFC were 91st oot of the 92 teams in The Premyaa Leegue and EFL combined table and were odds on favorites to be relegated to The Championship!

One year on and we have moved up 85 places to 6th best oot of the 92 and are ootside favorites to qualify for The Champions Leegue!

We were the worst Premyaa Leegue team in 2021 with a points won per game rate of 0.88 (8 games won) and the 4th best in 2022 with a points won per game rate of 2.00! (21 games won)

One of the most remarkable tornaroonds in Futbaall Leegue history!

THE 'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' AND 'FAT CONTROLLER' EFFECT!

THE 'STEADY EDDIE' AND 'PIF' EFFECT!