THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Munday 23rd May 2022

"A SEASON OF TWO HALVES!"

Before NUFC played Leeedz, on January 22nd we had won just ONE solitary game aall season oot of 20 played and looked certain for relegation az we sat in 19th place in the table with 12 points

Fast forward 4 months to May 22nd at '6: 00 bells' and we have now won an amazin 12 more games and a total of 49 points, to finish in 11th position and have picked up an amazin 37 more points in the process!

Truly remarkable!

Wor day started of at 'The Central' (station) where we caught a train to Durham, where Jimmy the Riddler gave us a lift to Hebden Bridge (10 miles from Bornley) where we were stayin for the neet!

Another train ride from Hebden to Bornley followed and we heeded for the forst boozer called 'NEW BREW-M'    The real ale bitters were just £2 a pint and so (az yi dee!) we decided to stop there til it woz time to gan to the match!

The Bornley fans were nervous, but aalso 'up for it' az they cheered their team onto the pitch---but The Toon fans were aalso in good voice and we gave az good az we got!

It woz aall NUFC in the openin exchanges az we attacked the far goal from where we were. In the 11th minute Joelinton went doon and had to be carried off on a stretcher, to be replaced by Murphy. The breakthrough came in the 20th minute when a Kieran Trippier corner woz needlessly handled by Bornley's Collins and after a VAR check and a monitor check by the ref, a penalty woz given!

Callum Wilson took it and sent Pope in the Bornley goal the wrang way az he planted the baall to the right side of the goal!   This silenced 'The Hillbillies' (Bornley iz surronded by hills!), while The Toon fans celebrated wildly!

That woz the score at the break and the 2nd half started just like the forst with The Toon on the attack towards wor own fans!

A 2nd goal happened in the 60th minute when Callum Wilson had a simple tap in from a Saint Maximin cross to break Bornley hearts az Leeedz were drawin at Brentfaad, meenin' that Bornley would be relegated if the scores stayed the same!

"ANY IDEA WHO SCORED WOR SECOND GOAL, MATE?"

They pulled a goal back in the 70th minute through Cornet to give the home side hope, but they couldnt find the equaliser and Leeedz then scored in the last minute to seal The Hillbillies fate!

12 wins and 1 draw since January 22nd iz wot dreams are made of and NUFC would be in a Europa Cup position (5th) if the season had started then!

Like we said at the top of this article, this woz a season of two halves---the forst half despair with Broken Nose Bruce and The Fat Controller, and the 2nd half revival with Steady Eddie and the PIF!

Dead simple---if the takeower had never happened, we would surely have been relegated a lang time ago!

Roll on 2022-2023! 

Attendance: 21,361 (2,350 Toon fans)

*The post match pub crawl started back in The New Brew-M and then we heeded for Todmorden on the train (on the way back to Hebden Bridge)

THE WHITE HART, NEAR TODMORDEN TRAIN STATION

Before gannin back to Hebden Bridge for the neet time 'gargels' 

FOOTNOTE: Aaltogether NUFCs 1st team have played 40 competitive games this season and 'The Geordie Times' haz been to everyone!

Lasts season NUFC played 43 competitive games, but because of Covid, 'The Geordie Times' anly did ONE game (v Sheffield United at SJP when 10,000 fans were allowed to attend)---The other 42 were played behind closed doors, apart from Fulim away, when anly 2,000 home fans were allowed to attend!

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '4:00pm🔔 bells' Saturday 21st May 2022

BORNLEY'S GROOND IZ SURRONDED BY HILLS!---

HENCE 'THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES'!

Wor last game of the season will be a relegation decider, but thankfully we won't be involved, but Bornley are!

If they match Leeedz result at Brentfaad, then they will stay up and Leeedz will gan doon!  A win for NUFC and even a draw for Leeedz, will see Bornley relegated to The Championship!

Aall 2,350 away tickets are sold of course and it will be a very nervy home crowd, glued to their mobiles 📱 to hear how Leeedz are gettin on!

6 months ago everybody said that The Toon would be involved in the last day relegation scrap, but with 46 points we are well clear of the bottom 3 now!-- indeed, if results gan wor way, we could even finish in the top half of the table in 10th place!---The worst case scenario will see NUFC finish in 14th place!

The difference between finishing 10th to 14th iz HUGE!-

Nearly £10 million more in prize money to finish 10th, rather than 14th, so The Toon will be "up for it!"

Not bad for a team that didn't win any of wor forst 14 games and just 1 by the torn of the new year!

'Steady Eddie' haz performed miracles since he took ower from 'Broken Nose Bruce' and desorves HUGE 👏 praise!

A full Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here sometime on Munday----Az per usual (and for the last time this season) "Watch this space!"

"WHERE HE BELONGS!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 18th May 2022

"STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN!"

At last, Alan Shearer's statue haz been moved from the old demolished toilet block on Barrack Road onto NUFC land!

Oot of spite, wor previous odious owner 'The Fat Controller' refused to have the statue on club land az he'd fell oot with wor record goalscorer!

He'd aalso changed the name of 'Shearer's Bar' underneath 'The Gallowgate End' to 'NINE' to get hiz own back on Shearer, who had criticized him!

Wor new owners have listened to the fans and changed the bar name back to 'Shearer's----and yesterday moved the statue to the stairway to The Gallowgate End', opposite the Bobby Robson statue!----         (The stairway to heaven!) 

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

THE TOON 2 THE ARSE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon 🔔bells' Tuesday 17th May 2022

A BLUE STAR PERFORMANCE!

Eddie Howe's forst game in the dugoot ended in a 2-0 defeat at Arsenal in November when NUFC were rock bottom of The Premyaa Leegue with nee wins at aall!

The Arse fans were quick to condemn and mock us then,  with chants of: "All that money and you're going down!"

Fast forward 6 months and we are 12th in the table after beatin Arsenal 2-0 at SJP for wor 12th win of the season in front of a fanatical flag wavin crowd, with their 3,000 followers in level 7 of The Leazes End, left speechless this time! (With Toon fans retornin' the mockin at The Emirates Stadium,  with chants of: "Champions Leegue!--yi havin a laff!" 😃 (Thier arch rivals Sporz are now odds on to qualify for the last Champions Leegue place!)

Who wud ever have believed that 6 months ago we wud be halfway up the table?

We went 14 games withoot a win and then just one win in 20 games by mid January, before the amazin tornaroond, starting  with a 1-0 win at Leeedz later that month and then another 10 wins since then!

Before the start of the match, there woz a breathtakin flag display on aall 4 sides of the groond curtesy of 'Wor Flags' and we dominated the norf Landaners from the beginnin to the end, with an own goal by White (after pressure from Callum Wilson) and a shot from Bruno, both goals in the 2nd half az we attacked The Gallowgate End!

Wor best performance of the season by a country mile and the best atmosphere for many a year!

Attendance: 52,274

The anly way iz onwards and upwards!

*'Wor Flags' deserve great credit for the flag displays and it must have taken them ages to put aall the flags and plastic black n white sheets on EVERY home seat!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

*

THE TOON v THE ARSE *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 16th May 2022

"I WOZ BORN UNDER A BIG BLUE STAR!"

PART OF THE 'WOR FLAGS' DISPLAY TOONEET!

NUFC play wor final home game of the season and the great news iz of course that we are safe from the drop and can concentrate on gettin the 3 points to climb the table and not worry wot other teams might dee! (With 2 games to gan the highest we could possibly finish iz 9th---and the lowest iz 15th!)

Wor record against 'The Arse' iz terrible though, az we have won just once in the last 20 attempts and wor visitors have won 18 of the last 19 played!-----SO! 'The Toon' are due a win against them, for sure!

They will be desperate to win to climb above their "norf Landan" rivals Sporz for the final Champions Leegue place, so we will have thoooosands of Sporz fans supportin us on the telly at '8:00 bells' 

Both Kieran Trippier and Callum Wilson are fit again and shud be in the startin line up---we shall see!?

'Wor Flags' are puttin on their biggest ever display and EVERY one of the 49,000 plus, home seats will have a flag on them tooneet! (The Arse have the othaa 3,000)

A Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual tomorrow sometime-----SO! "Watch this space!"

SPORTSWASHING GEORDIE STYLE!

Posted '12:38 pm bells' Friday 13th May 2022

Much haz been said aboot the NUFC takeower and the word 'sportswashing'---with many Toon fans askin 'The Geordie Times' exactly what the word 'sportswashing' meeenz?
Well!---pleeeze take a look at the picture below for an explanation! 

"NOW THAT'S WOT YOO CAALL 'SPORTSWASHING'!

*

NUFC---RECORD BREAKERS!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 12th May 2022

Leeedz lost 0-3 at home to Chelseee last neet, which meeenz that they cannit now catch us and that NUFC are now officially safe from relegation to 'the abyss'!

It's a remarkable tornaroond by 'Steady Eddie', az we didnt win ANY of wor forst 14 games and anly won one of the forst 20!----The forst time a team haz EVER escaped relegation after such a poor start!

It iz aall doon to one man (and the new owners of course!), who have somehow dragged us from 20th place and wot looked like certain relegation in mid January, to a safe mid table place with two games to spare in mid May!

A TRUELEEEEE REMARKABLE ACHEEEVMENT!

FROM THIS! ON NOVEMBER 30th 2021

TO THIS! ON MAY 11th 2022

"COME IN NUMBER 4!---YOUR TIME IZ UP!"

 Posted '5:10pm 🔔bells'Wedinzday 11th May 2022

Leaked photos of NUFCs new home and 3rd strip have been released!

To be honest we cannit wait for the new home top with thin black n white stripes and get rid of that horrible thick striped top with the number 4 just below the coller!  It iz aalso a reminder of wor previous owner The Fat Controller, who we need to banish to the history books!

"Good bye and good riddance!:

GEORDIE TIMES QUIZ

 Posted '12:47pm 🔔 bells' Tuesday 10th May 2022

Apart from wor new owner, can yoo spot anybody yoo naa in the Man City directors box?

CLUE!

THE BLUE MOONIES 5 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 9th May 2022

"SO BAD AT THE ET-HI-AD!" (A REALITY CHECK FOR WOR NEW OWNERS!)

We travelled doon in a convoy of a 9 seater transit and a black n white car and arrived in good time! (6 big kids and 4 grandkids!)---We parked not too far from the groond and heeded to central Manchester via a short train ride for a few 'gargels' in 'The Lass of Gowrie' (Just one for me az aa woz one of the drivers!)

It woz then onward back to the groond via tram this time and we were in wor seats 30 mins before the start!

The hope woz that the Man City players would still be 'on a downer' after their dramatic Champions Leegue elimination orlier that week!

However!---It woz the complete opposite of that and they went off at frantic pace straight from the kick off!  Within 5 minutes they'd had 3 great chances to take the lead, but, thankfully they fluffed their lines!

It woz anly a matter of time before they scored and sure enough Sterling heeded home with 19 minutes on the clock!

'The Blue Moonies' could have had at least 3 more goals before they scored their 2nd aboot 5 mins before the break through Laporte after Toon goalie Debravka had spilled the baall! 

NUFC could hardly get oot of wor own half and we were very lucky to gan in just 2 goals to the bad at the break! (It could have easily been 5 or 6)

The 2nd half wozzint much better for us and it woz soon 3-0 through a Rodri heeder from a Bruyne corner just on the hour mark!

Callum Wilson and Kieran Tripper then made an appearance for

The Toon after lang absenses through injury and for a brief time we lokked like we could actually score a goal, but Wilson missed a great chance az we tried to attack towards the goal where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed!----but to no avail!

2 goals in stoppage time for the current Premyaa Leegue champions finished us off and a 5 goal thrashin' woz wot we desorved (Could have been a lot more of course!) Wor worst defeat of the season!

The gulf in class between 'them' and 'us' iz immense and with wor owners lookin on from the directors box, they must surely realise that this woz 'a reality check' and major changes MUST be made in the close season!

Attendance: 53, 336 (3,000 Toons fans who kept on singin' right to the bitter end!)

*NUFC have played here 18 times----lost 0-4 twice, 0-5 thrice and  1-6 once!  Wor anly success woz a 0-2 win in the Leegue Cup in 2014-15 and we have just 2 points to show from wor 17 Premyaa Leegue visits!!!---

Perhaps WE shud rename it 'The DREAD-HI-AD' STADIUM!