THE TOON v WOTFAAD *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '1:20pm bells' Friday 14th January 2022

We gan into tomorrows game v Wotfaad, now knowin' that victory will take us oot of the bottom 3, az Bornley's game v Sooothampton haz been postponed coz of Covid in the 'Hillbillies' camp!

This game iz indeed a relegation 6 pointer and with the addition of Kieran Trippier and Chris Wood, NUFC have a great chance of climbin' oot of the relegation zone for the forst time this season! (More signings are imminent, but too late to play tomorrow!)

The fact that we have won just ONE solitary game aall season and can escape the relegation places, iz amazin' and shows just how bad the teams are at the bottom of the table (includin 'us'!)

Nohrich lost in midweek again and remain bottom of the pile, while we will 'leapfrog' both Bornley and wor opponents tomorrow, IF we can get the 3 points!?7

It will be very interestin' indeed to see the team line up come '2:00 bells' tomorrow! (One hour before kick off, when the team news iz released!)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here on Sunday and we can anly hope (and pray!🙏) that it's a 'good one'!?

Az per usual: "Watch this space!"

"WOOD YOO BELEEEEVE IT!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 13th January 2022

"A TREEMENDOUS SIGNING!"

New Zealand international Chris Wood haz become NUFCs 2nd signin' of the transfor window and we welcome him with open arms!

He iz a much needed centre forward to stand in for the injured Callum Wilson and could be the signin' that saves wor season!?     (ie: We are not oot of 'the woods' yet! (sic!)

He iz 30 years old and for 4 seasons in a row he haz scored 10 goals or more, although he haz anly got 3 this season (so far!)

He woz born in Auckland (That's Auckland, New Zealand, NOT the one where the 'Bishop' comes from in Coonty Durham!) and he haz signed a 2 and a half year deal! (Like Kieran Trippier)

Chris will wear the number 20 shirt.

A £25 million fee haz been mentioned az that 'triggers' a release clause, with 'The Bornley Hillbillies', unable to stop the move! (Which will surely damage their chances of survival in the process!)

CHRIS WOOD STATS!

We hear that more signings are 'imminent' in wor quest to avoid the dreaded drop!

Oot of wor next 4 games, 3 are at SJP against Wotfaad on Saturday, then Leeedz away a week later, Evaatin at SJP the followin Tuesday and then another home game against 'The Hazbeeenz and Villains' the Sunday after that!

Aall these games are winnable and will make or break wor season!

WOOD SIGNING IMMINENT?

Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 12th January 2022

News that Bornley's Chris Wood iz on Tyneside az we speak for a medical, reaches The Geordie Times!

We wont speculate until the deal iz done and he iz pictured wavin a Toon scarf above hiz heed OR wearin a black n white top! (or both!)

Az per usual, "Watch this space for forthaa updates!"

THE TOON 0 THE BOAT PEOPLE 1 *** FA CUP 3RD ROOND 2022

 Posted from 'high noon 🔔 bells' onwards, Sunday 9th January 2022

"THE BOAT PEOPLE SINK THE TOON!"

The Cambridge crew who sank in the 1978 boat race!--44 years later it woz their turn to 'sink' NUFC!!! 

Yet another Cup disaster for The Toon!--It doesn't seem to matter just who iz playin for us--who manages us---or who owns us--the FA Cup and Leegue Cup defeats from lower leegue teams just gans on--and on-- and ON!

In the 1950s it woz Rotherham, Millwaall and Scunthorpe who beat us!

In the 1960s it woz Colchester, Peterboro, Orient, Bournemooth, Peterboro, Lincoln, non leegue Bedford and then Carlisle in front of 56,000 at SJP (Aa woz there!)

In the 1970s it woz (deep breath!) Bristol Rovers, Blackpool, Waallsaall, Chester, Wrexham and a non leegue team beginning with the letter 'H'! (Aa woz there az well!)

In the 1980s it woz Millwaall, Exeter, Bradford and Oxfaad twice!

In the 1990s it woz Bournemooth, Luton and Peterboro 

1n the 2000s it woz Peterboro again

In the 2010s it woz Stevenage and Oxfaad again!

In the 2020s it woz Brentfaad resorves and now Cambridge!

The list iz ENDLESS and aplogeeez to any 'minnows' I have forgot to mention!

Anyway!---To cut a lang story short---the curse continued yesterday in front of a virtual full hoose and wor team included new boy Kieran Trippier!---It made nee difference az we huffed and puffed away with wayward shots and missed chances az we attacked The Leazes End in the forst half!

Cambridge had a couple of chances az well and we went in 0-0 at the break!

The killer goal came in the 56th minute when Joe Ironside put home an easy chance to send the 4,830 'Boat People' in the upper reaches of The Leazes End wild with delight, az the rest of the crowd looked on in dispair! (Debravka in The Toon goal woz at fault for the goal, unfortunatly----We now have had 3 keepers who have made bad misstayks this season!!)

"No! Not THAT Ironside!"

More wayward shots from us at The Gallowgate End woz summed up deep into injury time when Almiron skyed an easy chance az aa held mee heed in mee hands! (The Cambridge goalie aalso had a blinder, to set the record straight!)

The whistle blew for full time seconds after Almiron's miss and we had lost to another minnow!--NUFC now have a free weekend in the last week of January! (4th roond weekend!)

We desperately need a striker to replace the injured Callum Wilson and at least 4 other new players--or else we have 'nee chance' against Wotfaad next week!---This iz the game we MUST win or else we fear the worst!----Thats ONE win in 21 games now!----Shockin' stats indeed! Joelinton shud have had a hat-trick!---If anly Shearer woz available!)

Attendance: 51,395

*Pre match flag wavers!🤪

*Post match!!!🥶

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE!--- THE TOON v THE BOAT PEOPLE *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 8th January 2022

"WHO WON THE BOAT RACE!?"

NUFC take on Cambridge United at SJP this afternooon at '3:00 bells' in the FA Cup and it shud be a great occasion for both Toon and fans of 'The Boat People'!

But will new boy Kieran Trippier make hiz Toon debut, iz the question on everybodys lips???---He HAZ been given the clearance to play, but we 'finks' that he will probably come on az a 2nd half substitute!

Aall 52,300 tickets have been sold with wor visitors bringin' a MAGnificent 4,900 followin' to The Leazes End level 7!

This iz the 2nd FA Cup home tie in a row where we have played 'a boat race team', az 2 years ago (before Covid) anothaa 52,000 plus crowd saw NUFC draw 0-0 with Oxfaad United in the 4th roond! (We won the replay 3-2)   

This time there will be nee replay az the game must be decided on the day---after extra time and penalties if necessary! (Because of fixture congestion, due to that nasty virus!)

A full Geordie Times match report will of course appear here sometime on Sunday and hopefully NUFC will be in the 4th roond draw which takes place on Sunday after the West Ham v Leeedz game, which iz live on ITV! (Draw approx '4:50 bells'---but divvint haad yi breath!)

PS: We havvint a clue who won the last boat race, but we guess it mustiv been Oxfaad!----or Cambridge!!!???

"DAY TRIPPIER!---ONE WAY TICKET, YEAH!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 7th January 2022

'The Geordie Times' said that we wouldn't beleeeve that Kieran Trippier woz a Toon player until we saw a picture of him wearin a black 'n' white top, or holdin' a Toon scarf above hiz heed!

"AND HERE IT IZ!"

*PS: Ex SMB player Darren Bent had told Moan U to 'hijack' the deal and sign Trippier, in a desperate bid to try and stop NUFC signin' him!-----He's a sad, bitter and twisted mackem, for certain!   

"RING OUT THE OLD---RING IN THE NEW!"

 Posted '10:40pm bells' Thorzday 6th January 2022

"THE BEGINNIN OF A NEW ERA!"

"WE COULDN'T GET MUCH LOWER!---COULD WE!?"

Here iz the shockin' list of the 92 Leegue clubs and the position they finished in, in the 2021 calendar year, based on results!

Oot of the 92 clubs NUFC finished in 91st position in the table, with anly 'The Bornley Hillbillies' below us!  

Thiz iz a shockin' inditement of the disastrous combination of 'The Fat Controller' (old owner), 'Penfold'(old MD) and 'Broken Nose Bruce' (very old manager!)

The anly way iz UP and a massive improvement in 2022 iz forecast by everybody who supports The Toon!

"THE NEW EXCITIN' ERA BEGINS NOW!"

"TRIPP! TRIPP! HORRAY!"

 Posted '2:00am bells' Wedinzday 5th January 2022

The forst 'catch' of 2022  haz finally happened!

The Ing-er-land International right back Kieran Trippier will have a medical today at NUFC after agreeing torms! 

A £12 million transfor figure with add ons haz been agreed with Atletico Madrid and hiz wages will be a mouth waaterin' £100,000 a week! 

The forst signin of many we assume, az a new exciting era at St. James' Park becomes reality at last!

🤪👍

IN OTHAA NEWS!

CAMBRIDGE TICKETS SOLD OOT!

We hear that aall home and away tickets for wor FA Cup tie v Cambridge at SJP on Saturday are completely sold oot!---This meeenz that there will be a capacity crowd of ower 52,000!

Cambridge have sold 4,900 tickets!---well done!

In contrast, Leeedz have anly given us 1,500 tickets so far for wor game at Elland Road near the end of the month and 150 loyalty points are needed to porchase one!

NEE NEW SIGNINGS YET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 2nd January 2022

Az of yet there are nee new signings to report!

'The Geordie Times' won't speculate, just who will be comin in the next month!

You've hord aall the names, but until those players are standin on the St. James' Park pitch wearin' a black n white top or wavin' a Toon scarf above their heeds, we won't guess!

"Watch this space! Watch this space!"

SAINTS SORTE SCUPPERED!

 Posted from '1:11pm bells' onwards, New Years Eve 2021

*Sooothampton manager Mr Hasbeenhassle will NOT be a happy bunny!🐰🐇 (See article below!)

Much more to follow throughout the day! 

Az expected Sooothampton's manager and fans have been whingin aboot the 'late' postponement of wor game against them on Sunday, with more than 2 days notice!

However, it's the 3,300 NUFC fans who have booked trains, coaches, flights and hotels for the 660mile roond trip from the north east, who are the most badly affected by this!

Sooothampton DIDN'T complain when Brentfaad asked for the postponement of their game with 2 days notice, orlier this month on December 18th, because of a Covid outbreak in the Brentfaad camp (see below), yet they fink it iz porfectly OK to complain when it iz 'us' who have asked for the postponement! 

Below iz a list of 17 games that have been caalled off this month alone, yet NUFC ask for 2 games off and there's an outcry!

Proof if ever that the other 19 clubs in The Premyaa Leegue divvint like the idea of NUFC bein' a real force in the future!

Most games off because of Covid/injuries in their camp

3 Wotfaad (Nothin said!)

2 Moan U (Nothin said coz it's Moan U folks!)

2 Leeedz (Nothin said!)

2 Lestaa (Nothin said!)

2 Nohrich (Nothin said!)

2 NUFC (COMPLETE OUTRAGE!!!)

1 Brentfaad (Nothin said!)(by Sooothampton, especially!)

1 Sporz (Nothin said!)

1 Villaa (Nothin said!)

1 Evaatin (Nothin said!)