UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE!--- THE TOON v THE BOAT PEOPLE *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 8th January 2022

"WHO WON THE BOAT RACE!?"

NUFC take on Cambridge United at SJP this afternooon at '3:00 bells' in the FA Cup and it shud be a great occasion for both Toon and fans of 'The Boat People'!

But will new boy Kieran Trippier make hiz Toon debut, iz the question on everybodys lips???---He HAZ been given the clearance to play, but we 'finks' that he will probably come on az a 2nd half substitute!

Aall 52,300 tickets have been sold with wor visitors bringin' a MAGnificent 4,900 followin' to The Leazes End level 7!

This iz the 2nd FA Cup home tie in a row where we have played 'a boat race team', az 2 years ago (before Covid) anothaa 52,000 plus crowd saw NUFC draw 0-0 with Oxfaad United in the 4th roond! (We won the replay 3-2)   

This time there will be nee replay az the game must be decided on the day---after extra time and penalties if necessary! (Because of fixture congestion, due to that nasty virus!)

A full Geordie Times match report will of course appear here sometime on Sunday and hopefully NUFC will be in the 4th roond draw which takes place on Sunday after the West Ham v Leeedz game, which iz live on ITV! (Draw approx '4:50 bells'---but divvint haad yi breath!)

PS: We havvint a clue who won the last boat race, but we guess it mustiv been Oxfaad!----or Cambridge!!!???

"DAY TRIPPIER!---ONE WAY TICKET, YEAH!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 7th January 2022

'The Geordie Times' said that we wouldn't beleeeve that Kieran Trippier woz a Toon player until we saw a picture of him wearin a black 'n' white top, or holdin' a Toon scarf above hiz heed!

"AND HERE IT IZ!"

*PS: Ex SMB player Darren Bent had told Moan U to 'hijack' the deal and sign Trippier, in a desperate bid to try and stop NUFC signin' him!-----He's a sad, bitter and twisted mackem, for certain!   

"RING OUT THE OLD---RING IN THE NEW!"

 Posted '10:40pm bells' Thorzday 6th January 2022

"THE BEGINNIN OF A NEW ERA!"

"WE COULDN'T GET MUCH LOWER!---COULD WE!?"

Here iz the shockin' list of the 92 Leegue clubs and the position they finished in, in the 2021 calendar year, based on results!

Oot of the 92 clubs NUFC finished in 91st position in the table, with anly 'The Bornley Hillbillies' below us!  

Thiz iz a shockin' inditement of the disastrous combination of 'The Fat Controller' (old owner), 'Penfold'(old MD) and 'Broken Nose Bruce' (very old manager!)

The anly way iz UP and a massive improvement in 2022 iz forecast by everybody who supports The Toon!

"THE NEW EXCITIN' ERA BEGINS NOW!"

"TRIPP! TRIPP! HORRAY!"

 Posted '2:00am bells' Wedinzday 5th January 2022

The forst 'catch' of 2022  haz finally happened!

The Ing-er-land International right back Kieran Trippier will have a medical today at NUFC after agreeing torms! 

A £12 million transfor figure with add ons haz been agreed with Atletico Madrid and hiz wages will be a mouth waaterin' £100,000 a week! 

The forst signin of many we assume, az a new exciting era at St. James' Park becomes reality at last!

🤪👍

IN OTHAA NEWS!

CAMBRIDGE TICKETS SOLD OOT!

We hear that aall home and away tickets for wor FA Cup tie v Cambridge at SJP on Saturday are completely sold oot!---This meeenz that there will be a capacity crowd of ower 52,000!

Cambridge have sold 4,900 tickets!---well done!

In contrast, Leeedz have anly given us 1,500 tickets so far for wor game at Elland Road near the end of the month and 150 loyalty points are needed to porchase one!

NEE NEW SIGNINGS YET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 2nd January 2022

Az of yet there are nee new signings to report!

'The Geordie Times' won't speculate, just who will be comin in the next month!

You've hord aall the names, but until those players are standin on the St. James' Park pitch wearin' a black n white top or wavin' a Toon scarf above their heeds, we won't guess!

"Watch this space! Watch this space!"

SAINTS SORTE SCUPPERED!

 Posted from '1:11pm bells' onwards, New Years Eve 2021

*Sooothampton manager Mr Hasbeenhassle will NOT be a happy bunny!🐰🐇 (See article below!)

Much more to follow throughout the day! 

Az expected Sooothampton's manager and fans have been whingin aboot the 'late' postponement of wor game against them on Sunday, with more than 2 days notice!

However, it's the 3,300 NUFC fans who have booked trains, coaches, flights and hotels for the 660mile roond trip from the north east, who are the most badly affected by this!

Sooothampton DIDN'T complain when Brentfaad asked for the postponement of their game with 2 days notice, orlier this month on December 18th, because of a Covid outbreak in the Brentfaad camp (see below), yet they fink it iz porfectly OK to complain when it iz 'us' who have asked for the postponement! 

Below iz a list of 17 games that have been caalled off this month alone, yet NUFC ask for 2 games off and there's an outcry!

Proof if ever that the other 19 clubs in The Premyaa Leegue divvint like the idea of NUFC bein' a real force in the future!

Most games off because of Covid/injuries in their camp

3 Wotfaad (Nothin said!)

2 Moan U (Nothin said coz it's Moan U folks!)

2 Leeedz (Nothin said!)

2 Lestaa (Nothin said!)

2 Nohrich (Nothin said!)

2 NUFC (COMPLETE OUTRAGE!!!)

1 Brentfaad (Nothin said!)(by Sooothampton, especially!)

1 Sporz (Nothin said!)

1 Villaa (Nothin said!)

1 Evaatin (Nothin said!)

HASBEENHASSLE! (HAS-BEEN-HASSLE!)

 Posted from '2:00pm bells' onwards, Thorzday 30th December 2021

THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE IN PERSON!--A 1-0 WIN IN MARCH 2020

BUT WILL WE BE BACK ON SUNDAY????

COVID CHAOS!

Sooothampton manager Ralf Hasbeenhassle (or whatever he's caalled?) haz stuck hiz 'oar in' and suggested that NUFC are tryin to get wor game against them on Sunday postponed with fake Covid casualties and injuries!

We nevaa hord Mr. Hasbeenhassle complain when Moan U, Liverpoool or Bornley had games caalled off because of Covid----so why pick on us? az the Evaatin game tooneet iz the FORST game we have asked to be caalled off! (Bornley have had FOWER(4) caalled off so far!)

We shud be in Liverpoool az we speak, dumpin wor bags in wor hotel and heedin for boozers near Goodison Park---but instead we are sittin in wor hooses (and own boozers!) wonderin if Sunday's game will 'gan the distance' az well?

We need to naa by tomorrow at the latest az we are due to travel to Sooothampton on New Years Day (Saturday)

The last thing we want iz to get aall the way to the south coast to find the game iz OFF!

Az usual there's no thought at aall for the 3,300 Toon fans, who are due to travel the 330 miles and will be the last to find oot!

PS: 'Hasbeen' coz he's the anly manager to lose 2 Premyaa Leegue games   9-0!

'Hassle' coz that's wot this cry baby 😢 iz givin' us!

Updated '9:09pm bells'

The Premyaa Leegue can hardly say 'YES' to Nohrich and 'NO' to NUFC----can they????(or 'can they'???)

Watch this space tomorrow!

And from this Sooothampton 'dickhead'!

 

"HA! HA! 'Danny the Dickhead'----Does this rule apply to every team who have had games caalled off ?  Moan U, Liverpoool, Wotfaad, Sporz, Leeedz, etc! etc!"

😆😃😄🤣😂🤪👍

"OH NO!"

THE TOFFEES GAME IZ OFF!---A 'BITTER SWEET' MOMENT FOR NUFC FANS!

 Posted '9:40pm bells' Tuesday 28th December 2021

The Premyaa Leegue have reluctantly approved the postponement of wor away game at Evaatin on Thorzday neet because of Covid and injuries in the Toon camp!

Wor game against 'The Toffees' will now be arranged for a future date, which meeenz we can get some new recruits in the fight against relegation!

It's a 'bitter sweet' moment for Toon fans (sic!) az many of the 3,000 travellin fans have paid for trains and hotels for this game!

In wor case we can get the train money back but NOT the hotel money of £20 each!

And az for the Sooothampton game on January 2nd?---we will lose the hotel money AND flight money back of £139 IF that game gans 'the distance' az well! (We are on the train doon, which we can reclaim---but NOT the flight money back!)

If it meeenz that we can buy recruits in the January transfor window, to avoid relegation, with some quality (street) players, then it will be well worth the sacrifice of aboot £200 each! (Sooothampton hotel, £40 each!)

PS: For those of yoo who divvint naa, 'The Toffees' iz Evaatin's nickname!---Get it!?

THE TOON 1 MOAN U 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from just after 'high noon 🔔 bells' onwards, Tuesday 28th December 2021

The main taakin point woz the NUFC team selection with TWO goalies named on the subs bench and one missin place! (9 subs are allowed and we anly had 8)

Nee sign of Richie, Clark or Willock in the line up az Covid and injuries have taken a massive toll!

WELL!-- Who wud have beleeeved it? after that team line up shock!?-- a game we were expected to lose, we shud have won!

A brilliant stike from 'Maxi' in the 7th minute, sent the crowd into '7 heaven' to put us 1-0 up at The Leazes End, az NUFC played wor best futbaall of the season against a very average Moan U side,  which included 'one' Ronaldo who moaned throughout the game!--Their manager Ralf Rangnick aalso had a moan that hiz team wornt good enough (Hence: Moan U!)

The crowd were 'up for it' az they gave The Toon unwaverin' backing and we went off at half time to a standin ovation! A major blow though az Callum Wilson had torn hiz calf muscle and had to be substituted just before the break! 

Joelinton in particular woz outstanding, az he bamboozled their defence with some fine runs and shots!

It shud have been 2-0 when 'Maxi' woz in front of goal at The Gallowgate End, but he couldn't get any power behind the baall from 1 yard oot and De Gea saved easily!

Against the run of play Moan U equalised in the 71st minute after a deflected shot woz mishit by Cavani and luckily for him it went past Dubravka in The Toon goal to level things!

Murphy then hit the post and hiz shot rebounded to sub Almiron who's shot woz brilliantly tipped ower the bar by De Gea!

It just wasn't to be wor day and the game ended 1-1 when it shud have been aall 3 to us!

Saint Maximin aalso had to come off with wot looked like another calf injury!----a depleated squad for sure!

Attendance: 52,178 (3,100 visitors who slagged Alan Shearer off at every opportunity!)

Wor game at Evaatin on Thorzday neet iz now in serious doubt,  with both camps havin Covid absentees and injuries!

THE TOON V MOAN U *** TOONEET AT '8:00 BELLS'!

 Posted just after 'high noon 🔔 bells' Munday 27th December 2021

WE WATCHED THE 4-1 HOME DEFEAT LAST SEASON IN 'ROSIES' WHICH IZ WITHIN SIGHT OF SJP! (MATCH, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!)

NUFC take on Moan U at SJP tooneet and we are desperate for a victory!

Not many give us hope of that, but we must knuckle doon and try and get at least a draw!

Fernandez, Lewis and Dummett are oot lang torm, but there cud be a retorn for Manquillo and Krafth after missin the Man City game with illness!

This iz wor 20th competitive game this season and so far we have just ONE solitary win----the worst sequence in wor entire history!

The January transfor window iz aalmost upon us and we can anly hope that there are some quality players comin' in, az this current squad will surely get us relegated! (We won't speculate az to just who, might be comin' to bolster wor squad!)

Wor game at Evaatin on Thorsday iz still on, despite Evaatin's game yesterday bein postponed coz they have several players oot with Covid!----Wot we divvint want iz to travel aall the way to Liverpoool, to find oot that the game iz off at the last minute!

They shouldn't treat loyal fans in this way and make a decision before we travel!

A full match report on wor game tooneet will appear here sometime tomorrow----Az per usual, "Watch this space!"