THE TOON 0 THE BLUE MOONIES 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 20th December 2021

NEE HORRIBLE SD SIGNS---"WE'VE GOT WOR GROOND BACK!"

"AN ORLY XMAS 'GIFT' FROM NUFC!"

It woz great to waalk into SJP and see none of those 300 or so horrible red n blue SD signs, which had blighted the stands for 14 years and had finally been removed last week!

Within 4 minutes we were behind after a disastrous mix up between Dubravka and Clark, who both left the baall from a cross, for Dias to heed into an empty net from 1 yard oot at The Gallowgate End! (A goal that your great granny could have scored!)

0-1

We regrouped and attacked The Leazes goal but couldn't find a way past the City defence!

Cancelo doubled wor visitors lead in the 27th minute with a lang range pile driver, which whizzed past Dubravka!

0-2

And the major controversy!

Fraser woz clean through in the box after a misstayk in the City midfield and woz rugby tackled and brought to the groond by Ederson in the visitors goal for a stonewall penalty!

But unbelievably the ref Martin Atkinson waved 'play on' much to the disgust of the Toon players and crowd alike!---the 3rd game in a row when a penalty incident hazn't went wor way!!! It didnt even gan to VAR!

HT 0-2

'The Blue Moonies' then went into cruise control and a 3rd goal came in the 63rd minute when Mahrez gave Dubravka nee chance at The Leazes End with a volley!---The goal went to VAR to see if it woz offside, (az the linesman had raised hiz flag) but it wasn't and we were 0-3 doon!

A 4th 'tap in' goal from Stirling in the 86th minute, after a byline cross into the box, finished us off, az large sections of the crowd heeded for the exits!---In contrast and defiance 'The Gallowgate End' flag wavers gave a fantastic last few minutes display az they sang "Eddie Howe's Black n white army!", til the final whistle!

FT 0-4!

We desorve better than this for certain and major transfers in the January window are needed to avoid the dreaded drop! 11 goals conceded in the last 3 games, with just 1 scored tells its own sorry tale!

Attendance: 52,127 (3,100 Blue Moonies)

"GROUNDHOPPERS GROUNDED!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th December 2021

"COVID CATASTROPHE!" 

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were 'toyin' with the idea of gannin to Nottingham today, to watch wor U18s at Forest's 'Nigel Doughty Academy' today!

However!---that dreaded word 'COVID' haz reared its ugly head and the game haz been caalled off, az several Forest players have tested positive!

Plan 'B' haz now been put into place ('B' for 'Beer'!) and instead 'yours truly' iz now heedin' for the Dunston v Brighoose game at UTS Stadium instead, for a Northern Premyaa Leegue Division One North encoontaa!

(The clubhoose 1st 'port o call'!)

At the time of writin' this, the NUFC v Man City Premyaa Leegue game at SJP tomorrow iz not 100% certain to gan aheed eethaa, because of the new Covid Omicron variant, which iz spreadin like wildfire!

'The Geordie Times' will of course keep yoo, wor loyal subjects, fully informed of any forthaa developments!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS: IF wor game gans aheed, we will publish a match report on Munday---sometime!

THE LIVERBIRDS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from '10:00am🔔 bells' onwards, on the train back, Friday 17th December 2021

"3-1 TO THE REFEREE!"

"Mike Dean!---It's aall aboot yoo!"

Az expected we lost yet again at Anfeeeld, but nee thanx to Mike Dean the ref, who got loads of stick off the Toon for ignoring Hayden who woz injured in the box when The Liverbirds scored their equaliser through Jota in the 21st minute---4 mins later a suicidal back pass from Shelvey foond Salah who cooly finished to put them 2-1 up!

TOON IN AALL BLUE--VIEW FROM ROW 14  seat 45

Before that Jonjo Shelvey had scored a 😱 screamer in the 8th minute in front of The Kop, to send The Toon fans at the othaa end into raptures!

Toon fans celebrate Shelvey's goal---but that's az good az it got az Shelvey woz at fault for their 2nd goal!

HT 2-1 DOON!

The 2nd half woz aall Liverpoool az they attacked the Kop---Mike Dean had got in the way and blocked Dubravka's view az Arnold hit a shot into the corner of the net, with wor goalie's view blocked!

Goalscorer Arnold, assisted by referee Mike Dean!!!

This woz in the 87th minute, so there woz nee way back for a 'toothless Toon'

3-1 to the referee, FT!

Attendance: 52,951, Inc 3,000 Toon fans in The Anfeeeld Road End!

The defeat meenz we sit rock bottom with Nohrich, with ONE solitary win in EIGHTEEN games!(Inc Leegue Cup!)

The pre and post match gargels took place here!

And the next mornin before we caught the train yem!

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 16th December 2021

LAST SEASON BCD  1-1 WILLOCKS EQUALISER IN 97th MINUTE! 

(Nearest to penalty spot)

Tooneet we gan to Anfeeeld and can anly hope that it's not a cricket score against us!

We can anly hope that they have a bad day az anything else will dent wor aalready bad goal difference! We actually came away with a 1-1 draw last season, when the game woz played behind closed doors.

Joe Willock grabbin' an injury time equaliser to send 'The Strawberry' into raptures! (where we watched it!)

To be honest, we cannit wait for the transfor window to open, when hopefully we can sign some quality players to drag us oot of the mire!

ONE solitary win oot of 17 so far (inc Leegue Cup) tells yoo aall yoo need to naa aboot wor predicament!

NUFC might be the richest club in the world, but we are probably the worst in the Premyaa Leegue this season----thanx to 'The Fat Controller's failure to agree to buy any new players last summer!

Hiz legacy hangs ower us like a bad smell!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here on Friday or Saturday----Lets hope its not a bad report???

CUD THIS BE A BLESSIN' IN DISGUISE!?

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Tuesday 14th December 2021

CAN COVID ACTUALLY SAVE NUFC?

News that Moan Us game at Brentfaad tooneet haz been caalled off because of a Covid outbreak haz reached 'The Geordie Times'!--This follows on from Sporz postponement of their game v Brightin on Sunday

If the Premyaa Leegue gets suspended az the above headline states, then by the time we can play again the January transfor window will be open (it's anly 17 days away anyway) so that we can strengthen a seriously weak squad, in wor bid to avoid the dreaded drop! (NUFC have 4 games to play til January--3 against the top teams!)

Wishful 'fink'in perhaps???---but Covid 19 cud actually be wor 'get oot of jail' card!

It cud work the othaa way of course and if games can't be played for a lang time, then current leegue position cud be to determine who wins the leegue and who iz relegated!--Az we are joint bottom that scenario wud see us gan doon!

Aalso anothaa behind closed doors scenario cud happen!----God forbid!🥶

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE of LESTAA 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th December 2021

"OUTFOXED BY THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE!"

We went to this game full of hope after wor forst win of the season last week and left 'shattered' by the reality of wor situation after this 4-0 thrashin'!

NUFC held their own for precisely 38minutes when a mix up at the back by Dubravka, Shelvey and Lascelles let in Maddison who woz allegedly fouled in the box by Lascelles and the ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!

It looked a very harsh decision az Maddison had made 'a meal of hiz dive', but it didnt even gan to VAR and Tielemens gave Dubravka in The Toon nee chance with the penalty to put Lestaa 1-0 up!

In total we had NEE shots on target in this half!

HT 1-0 to them!

The 2nd goal came when Manquillo played Lestaa onside and Daka had the simplest of tasks to put the baall into an unguarded net in the 57th minute!

The 3rd goal woz again Manquillo's fault when he sold Murphy short and Tielemens had the easy task of scorin' in the 81st minute!

88th minute---Joelinton 'gifts' the baall to Maddison who wellies hiz shot into the roof of the net to complete wor humiliation!

(Toon fans have made up a new song for Joelinton-- "He's from Brazil, cost 40 mill and iz brill!") I hate to disagree, but he iz far from brill and isnt worth 4 mill!

In total we had 2 weak shots on target in this half from Joelinton and Saint Max!---that's 2 shots in the whole game, by the way!

SUMMARY: On Friday aa went to 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Xmas Pantomime-----and aa went to anothaa Xmas 'Pantomime' 170 miles south of Tyneside, in Lestaashire yesterday!!!!

Attendance: 31,959 (3,300 totally p*ssed off Toon fans in one of the 'corners'!)

*The pre match 'gargels' took place in The Regent Club aboot a mile from the stadium

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Saturday 11th December 2021

WE HAD TO WATCH WOR 4-2 WIN AT LESTAA LAST SEASON ON WOR LAPTOPS IN THE HOOSE!

"MAGnificent and FANtastic!"

We (hopefully?) travel to Lestaa tomorrow for a Premyaa Leegue game at '2:00pm bells'

We say 'hopefully' az Lestaa have had a Covid outbreak and there iz still a possibility of the game bein' postponed because of this!

The game iz a complete selloot for Toon fans and we have been allocated 3,300 tickets!---Indeed wor next SIX games home and away are completely sold oot to Toon fans, which iz MAGnificent and FANtastic, considerin that we are joint bottom of the table with just ONE solitary win aall season!

The six sold oot games are:

Lestaa, away: 3,300 Toon fans

The Liverbirds, away: 3,000 Toon fans

The Blue Moonies of Mancland at SJP: 52,300+ (3,100 away fans)

Moan U at SJP: 52,300+ (3,100 away fans)

The Toffee Noses of Evaatin, away: 3,000 Toon fans

The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton, away: 3,300 Toon fans

The game at Sooothampton iz on January 2nd desorves a special mention, az transport iz very difficult and of course its wor langest jorney of the season! (Originally New Years Day!) A 700 mile roond trip!

We are gettin the train doon on New Years Day, stoppin owerneet and flyin back from Eastleigh (Sooothampton airport), coz aall the train are fully booked!  To sell oot for this game in particular shows just how loyal wor fan base iz!

Hopefully the game at Lestaa will gan aheed, but if it doesnt then the re-arranged game will be well after the transfor window opens, with new players on board!

A match report will appear here on Munday (Fingers🤞crossed?)

CINDERELLA AND NUFCs U18s AND U23s GAN TO THE BALL!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th December 2021

Az mentioned previously, aa woz unable to gan to wor U23s Premyaa Leegue Cup game v Wotfaad az aa had a prior engagement at 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Cinderella Christmas Pantomime, where she performed in the dancing!

It woz a bit farcical at forst az they were unable to dim the lights to start the performance, but after tryin for 3 minutes they suddenly dimmed to loud sarcastic applause from the audience of aboot 70 or so! (They aalso seemed to have trouble openin' the curtains to start the show!?)

We had to wear face masks for the 2 hour show, followin new Covid restrictions, which iz the langest that av ever had to wear one! Some of the audience were packed together like sardines---a 'super spreader' if ever there woz one! (Whatever happened to the '2 metre distance' rule?) 

Then Cinderella couldn't fasten one of hor glass slippers on stage, sayin that, "This iz not in the script!", ie: it woz indeed a propaa pantomime!

Freya woz brilliant and kept wavin at us, when she spotted us in row 9 of the audience, az she danced on stage! (Takin photos woz banned!)

Meeenwhile aboot six miles away at Whitley Park, Benton, wor U23s were beatin Wotfaad 2-1 with goals from Dylan Stephenson and Lucas de Bolle in front of a 138 'audience'!

SPECIAL THANX TO 'ONE OF THE 'NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS' FOR THE PIX AND TEAM SHEET FROM BENTON

300 miles fortha south in east London wor U18s were in action in the FA Youth Cup v West Ham at Rush Green Stadium ---and they too were successful, winnin 3-2 with 2 goals from Michael Ndiweni and 1 from Jay Turner-Cook in front of an official 0 'audience', az it woz played behind closed doors for some unknown reason?

We play Colchester at SJP sometime in January in the next roond!

A very satisfactory day aall told az Freya reeely enjoyed the limelight on stage and wor 2 'young guns' teams reeely enjoyed their victories az well!---In othaa words 'they aall went to the ball' and came oot winners!---Aaall we want now iz for wor forst team to get sommik at Lestaa on Sunday!

AM I THE PANTOMIME VILLAIN!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 10th December 2021

"IT'S BEHIND YOO!"

I had planned to gan to the NUFC U23s game at Benton tooneet v Wotfaad in The Premyaa Leegue Cup, after aa had been to mee 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Christmas pantomime, in which she haz a part in the dancin' sequences!

However!---a spanner haz been hoyed into the works, az the game which woz supposed to kick of at '6:00pm bells' haz been moved forward to '4:00pm bells'---meenin that aa cannit be in 2 places at the same time--- and so az a'd promised Freya that 'grandad' would be there, aa cannit let hor doon and so aa will have to be 'The Pantomime Villain' and miss the U23s game!

But fear not!---there will be a report on the pantomime instead, which I am sure yoo will be thrilled with!????

PS: A match with pix report WILL be forthcomin' az well, az some of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have promised to send 'The Geordie Times' a few pix and a brief match report! (Lets hope that that game izn't a 'pantomime' az well)

AZ per usual 

"Oh no it izn't!"---"Oh yes it iz!"---"Watch this space!"

"WE'VE GOT WOR GROUND BACK!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 9th December 2021

The NUFC official website haz released this fantastic photo of SJP, az the pitch lights blaze away, with those 300 or so ugly red and blue SD signs removed from the entire ground!  

Imprints of the signs can still be seen beside the club name in chatty SD italics, which iz the anly reminder left now of 'The Fat Controller's 14 year disastrous reign! 

Aall we need now iz the original NEWCASTLE UNITED sign back on The East Stand  roof facia!

We are gettin there, but it takes time to remove the stains that have blighted 'The Cathedral on the Hill' since 2007!

"We've got wor ground back at last!"

  The best place for them!