THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE of LESTAA 4 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 13th December 2021

"OUTFOXED BY THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE!"

We went to this game full of hope after wor forst win of the season last week and left 'shattered' by the reality of wor situation after this 4-0 thrashin'!

NUFC held their own for precisely 38minutes when a mix up at the back by Dubravka, Shelvey and Lascelles let in Maddison who woz allegedly fouled in the box by Lascelles and the ref pointed straight to the penalty spot!

It looked a very harsh decision az Maddison had made 'a meal of hiz dive', but it didnt even gan to VAR and Tielemens gave Dubravka in The Toon nee chance with the penalty to put Lestaa 1-0 up!

In total we had NEE shots on target in this half!

HT 1-0 to them!

The 2nd goal came when Manquillo played Lestaa onside and Daka had the simplest of tasks to put the baall into an unguarded net in the 57th minute!

The 3rd goal woz again Manquillo's fault when he sold Murphy short and Tielemens had the easy task of scorin' in the 81st minute!

88th minute---Joelinton 'gifts' the baall to Maddison who wellies hiz shot into the roof of the net to complete wor humiliation!

(Toon fans have made up a new song for Joelinton-- "He's from Brazil, cost 40 mill and iz brill!") I hate to disagree, but he iz far from brill and isnt worth 4 mill!

In total we had 2 weak shots on target in this half from Joelinton and Saint Max!---that's 2 shots in the whole game, by the way!

SUMMARY: On Friday aa went to 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Xmas Pantomime-----and aa went to anothaa Xmas 'Pantomime' 170 miles south of Tyneside, in Lestaashire yesterday!!!!

Attendance: 31,959 (3,300 totally p*ssed off Toon fans in one of the 'corners'!)

*The pre match 'gargels' took place in The Regent Club aboot a mile from the stadium

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Saturday 11th December 2021

WE HAD TO WATCH WOR 4-2 WIN AT LESTAA LAST SEASON ON WOR LAPTOPS IN THE HOOSE!

"MAGnificent and FANtastic!"

We (hopefully?) travel to Lestaa tomorrow for a Premyaa Leegue game at '2:00pm bells'

We say 'hopefully' az Lestaa have had a Covid outbreak and there iz still a possibility of the game bein' postponed because of this!

The game iz a complete selloot for Toon fans and we have been allocated 3,300 tickets!---Indeed wor next SIX games home and away are completely sold oot to Toon fans, which iz MAGnificent and FANtastic, considerin that we are joint bottom of the table with just ONE solitary win aall season!

The six sold oot games are:

Lestaa, away: 3,300 Toon fans

The Liverbirds, away: 3,000 Toon fans

The Blue Moonies of Mancland at SJP: 52,300+ (3,100 away fans)

Moan U at SJP: 52,300+ (3,100 away fans)

The Toffee Noses of Evaatin, away: 3,000 Toon fans

The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton, away: 3,300 Toon fans

The game at Sooothampton iz on January 2nd desorves a special mention, az transport iz very difficult and of course its wor langest jorney of the season! (Originally New Years Day!) A 700 mile roond trip!

We are gettin the train doon on New Years Day, stoppin owerneet and flyin back from Eastleigh (Sooothampton airport), coz aall the train are fully booked!  To sell oot for this game in particular shows just how loyal wor fan base iz!

Hopefully the game at Lestaa will gan aheed, but if it doesnt then the re-arranged game will be well after the transfor window opens, with new players on board!

A match report will appear here on Munday (Fingers🤞crossed?)

CINDERELLA AND NUFCs U18s AND U23s GAN TO THE BALL!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th December 2021

Az mentioned previously, aa woz unable to gan to wor U23s Premyaa Leegue Cup game v Wotfaad az aa had a prior engagement at 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Cinderella Christmas Pantomime, where she performed in the dancing!

It woz a bit farcical at forst az they were unable to dim the lights to start the performance, but after tryin for 3 minutes they suddenly dimmed to loud sarcastic applause from the audience of aboot 70 or so! (They aalso seemed to have trouble openin' the curtains to start the show!?)

We had to wear face masks for the 2 hour show, followin new Covid restrictions, which iz the langest that av ever had to wear one! Some of the audience were packed together like sardines---a 'super spreader' if ever there woz one! (Whatever happened to the '2 metre distance' rule?) 

Then Cinderella couldn't fasten one of hor glass slippers on stage, sayin that, "This iz not in the script!", ie: it woz indeed a propaa pantomime!

Freya woz brilliant and kept wavin at us, when she spotted us in row 9 of the audience, az she danced on stage! (Takin photos woz banned!)

Meeenwhile aboot six miles away at Whitley Park, Benton, wor U23s were beatin Wotfaad 2-1 with goals from Dylan Stephenson and Lucas de Bolle in front of a 138 'audience'!

SPECIAL THANX TO 'ONE OF THE 'NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS' FOR THE PIX AND TEAM SHEET FROM BENTON

300 miles fortha south in east London wor U18s were in action in the FA Youth Cup v West Ham at Rush Green Stadium ---and they too were successful, winnin 3-2 with 2 goals from Michael Ndiweni and 1 from Jay Turner-Cook in front of an official 0 'audience', az it woz played behind closed doors for some unknown reason?

We play Colchester at SJP sometime in January in the next roond!

A very satisfactory day aall told az Freya reeely enjoyed the limelight on stage and wor 2 'young guns' teams reeely enjoyed their victories az well!---In othaa words 'they aall went to the ball' and came oot winners!---Aaall we want now iz for wor forst team to get sommik at Lestaa on Sunday!

AM I THE PANTOMIME VILLAIN!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 10th December 2021

"IT'S BEHIND YOO!"

I had planned to gan to the NUFC U23s game at Benton tooneet v Wotfaad in The Premyaa Leegue Cup, after aa had been to mee 8 year old granddaughter Freya's Christmas pantomime, in which she haz a part in the dancin' sequences!

However!---a spanner haz been hoyed into the works, az the game which woz supposed to kick of at '6:00pm bells' haz been moved forward to '4:00pm bells'---meenin that aa cannit be in 2 places at the same time--- and so az a'd promised Freya that 'grandad' would be there, aa cannit let hor doon and so aa will have to be 'The Pantomime Villain' and miss the U23s game!

But fear not!---there will be a report on the pantomime instead, which I am sure yoo will be thrilled with!????

PS: A match with pix report WILL be forthcomin' az well, az some of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have promised to send 'The Geordie Times' a few pix and a brief match report! (Lets hope that that game izn't a 'pantomime' az well)

AZ per usual 

"Oh no it izn't!"---"Oh yes it iz!"---"Watch this space!"

"WE'VE GOT WOR GROUND BACK!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 9th December 2021

The NUFC official website haz released this fantastic photo of SJP, az the pitch lights blaze away, with those 300 or so ugly red and blue SD signs removed from the entire ground!  

Imprints of the signs can still be seen beside the club name in chatty SD italics, which iz the anly reminder left now of 'The Fat Controller's 14 year disastrous reign! 

Aall we need now iz the original NEWCASTLE UNITED sign back on The East Stand  roof facia!

We are gettin there, but it takes time to remove the stains that have blighted 'The Cathedral on the Hill' since 2007!

"We've got wor ground back at last!"

  The best place for them!

POSSIBLE LAND GRAB FOR NEW GALLOWGATE STAND!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 8th December 2021

*This iz a great chance to buy back the land that 'The Fat Controller' sold (for a pittance to some relative of hiz) and build a mirror image stand like The Leazes End at Strawberry Place!

Another tier could then be added to The East Stand to harmonize the size of the other stands!

Wishful 'fink'in perhaps, but a real possibility!

"Amanda!, are yoo readin this!?"

*

THE TOON U23s 2 THE SMBs U23s 0 *** FA PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 7th December 2021

"ARE YOO sUND'LIND IN DISGUISE!?"

After a few 'liquid lubrications in the nearby 'Black Bull and 'Ship' with a lad caalled Davy, it woz time to heed for the groond where an ower zelious steward asked me if I woz a Toon fan!

Az I woz wearin a black n white Toon wooly hat and scarf, with the club crest on, (plus badges) aa said "Wot do yoo 'fink?" az aa pointed to the badge on mee hat!---He gave me a dodgy look before lettin me pass! (The SMBs were segregated behind one goal and he thought I might be one of them????) ('Fink' he needs to gan to 'Specsavers'!)

This woz because wor second string were takin on the mackems equivalent last neet at 'Blue Flames, Benton and we came oot 2-0 winners, thanx to Dylan Stephenson who scored 2 excellent goals---one in each half!

The SMBs had Almond sent off in the 17th minute after a bad tackle on Charlie Wiggett, but thankfully he woz OK and continued after some treatment!

5 mins after the sendin off Dylan Stephenson opened the scorin' when he dribbled roond 2 mackem defenders to cooly fire home to send the home faithful into delerium! (whey!--light applause, anyway!)

Then in the 2nd half with just 5 mins left on the clock, a shot by Lucas De Bolle woz parried oot by the SMBs keeper and Stephenson woz on hand to fire home and seal the points!

"WHO WE GOT IN THE CUP---LIKE!?"

Durin the forst half the draw woz made for the FA Cup 3rd roond and some fans watched intently on their mobile 'telling bones' to find oot that we had drawn Leegue One CAMBRIDGE UNITED at SJP! (That'll dee nicely!)

Attendance: 475 includin' 23 SMBs behind one of the goals!

* 

"COME IN NUMBER 29!" *** FA CUP DRAW AT '7ISH' TOONEET *** TYNE/wear DERBY AT BLUE FLAMES TOONEET AT '7:00 BELLS'!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Munday 6th December 2021

The 3rd roond draw of the FA Cup takes place on ITV4 tooneet in approx 1 hours time and NUFC are baall number 29 in the draw!

A home tie would be preferable, but if it's away, we want a groond that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been tee!

NOT many to pick from there I'm afraid, with just 3 left in the draw where we have never seen The Toon play! And they are AFC Wimbledon, Bristol Rovers and Brentfaad---who we of course will visit in a Premyaa Leegue game next year!

The Geordie Times will of course bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders the news az soon az we find oot!

AND NUFC WILL PLAY!!!!-----CAMBRIDGE UNITED AT SJP

Aalso at '7:00 bells' wor U23s take on the mackem U23s at Blue Flames (aka Whitley Park) in a Premyaa Leegue 2 derby encoontaa!

A match report on that game will appear here on Tuesday---sometime!

LATEST FROM ST. JAMES' PARK!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 6th December 2021

"JOYOUS NEWS FROM ST. JAMES' PARK!" 🤪👍

*

*'FAT CONTROLLER GONE!--BROKEN NOSE BRUCE GONE!---PENFOLD GONE!---SD SIGNS GONE!"----SO A'V GONE ON 'A BENDER'!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

*"AT LAST THOSE 300 UGLY SD SIGNS THAT HAVE BLIGHTED WOR STADIUM HAVE FINALLY BEEN BANISHED TO THE RUBBISH SKIPS!"

"WE'VE GOT WOR CLUB BACK!"

THE TOON 1 THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 5th December 2021

"WE'VE ACTUALLY WON A GAME!!!!!!"

SIX months after wor last Premyaa Leegue win (away to Fulim) we finally---finally!--broke wor duck for this season at the 16th attempt (15 Premyaa Leegue, 1 Leegue Cup) by actually winnin' a game!!!!

Callum Wilson woz wor hero of the day when we wellied home a shot into the roof of the unguarded net in the 40th minute, after the Bornley goalie dropped the baall at The Leazes End!----VAR intervened to see if he had been fouled, but thankfully----mercifully!---the goal stood az the roof woz lifted off the stadium!

Then a late shock when 'The Hillbillies' equalized, but again VAR intervened and thankfully!---mercifully!---the goal woz disallowed for offside! (the line-aa on the East Stand side had raised hiz flag)

When the final whistle blew the noise and celebrations from the fans and players and backroom staff woz unreal---If yoo were a stranger yoo would have thought that we'd actually won the Leegue or FA Cup, such woz the relief of everyone inside SJP!

Attendance: 51,948 (2,500 Hillbillies!) < (They live high up on the Pennine hills of Lancashire!)

Wotfaad's loss to Man City meeenz that we are anly 3 points from safety with 23 games to gan!---OK, the next 4 games are against big opposition in the form of Lestaa away (could nick a point?), Liverpoool away(ne chance), Man City at home (nee chance) and Moan United at home (could nick a point?)--and after that it's Evaatin away (could nick 3 points?)---and then the January transfor window, when, hopefully some big guns will roll into the side!

HAPPY AND RELIEVED TOON FANS LEAVE THE GROOND, SINGIN' THEIR HEEDS OFF!

Everybody, includin most NUFC fans thought that we were doomed before the game, BUT now they realize that we could in fact escape the drop! (The Geordie Times never gave up hope!)

We have got that 'monkey off wor back' at last! (apologeez to Hartlepool fans!)  🐒