TWO DOON***ONE TO GAN!

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Munday 10th May 2021

With Fat Sam's West Brom the 2nd team to be relegated yesterday from the top flight (for the 5th time in the Premyaa Leegue era!) and with Sheff United aalso gone of course, this leaves just one place to fill in the relegation trapdoor!

Fulim play Bornley tooneet in West London and if they win they can still mathimatally match wor points total!

If they draw, then they CANNIT catch us!

If they lose, then they are relegated az well!

Aall Toon eyes (or in my case ears, from mee truck radio!) will be listenin'🎶 on intently from '8:00 🔔s'  onwards!

The Geordie Times will publish the final score az soon az we can!🙏

Updated just after 'midneet bells'🔔

Bornley won 2-0 so NUFC are safe (for another season at least)👍 and Fulim gan doon!

WOT GANS AROOND COMES AROOND!

 Posted '8:51pm bells' Sunday 9th May 2021

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' woz overjoyed when NUFC went doon in 2016, when he woz manager of the SMBs---and aall Toon fans are overjoyed that the same fate haz now happened to him a few seconds ago tooneet, when hiz West Brom side lost 3-1 to 'The Arse' to relegate them to The Championship!

Hiz CV of never being relegated from the top flight now lies in tatters!👹

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 2 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021"

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Saturday 8th May 2021

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Wot can we say? We fully expected a 4 goal thrashin and NOT a 4 goal victory! This woz NUFCs best performance by miles this season az we pulverised  the Champions Leegue contenders to gan up to 'nose bleed' height in the table!

How it unfolded:

Aa couldn't find a boozer in The Toon to watch it, so aa heeded yem to watch on mee laptop, with some broon ale and mee mascot Toon bear for company!

Playin in wor aall yellow away kit we started off on the front foot and 'hunted' the Foxes from the word go!

22nd minute: Joe Willock opens the scorin with a nice finish 

0-1 to The Toon!

34th minute: Paul Dummett leaps above the Lestaa defence to power in a great heeder from a Matt Ritchie corner

0-2 to The Toon!!

PAUL DUMMETT GOAL (NUMBER 3 IN YELLOW!)

64th minute: An ootstandin pass from Matt Ritchie finds Callum Wilson and wor top scorer makes nee misstayk with a fine effort to beat Schmeichel in the home goal!

0-3 to The Toon!!!

73rd minute: Wilson hits the post, but the rebound faalls to him to put the baall in the net from a very tight angle!

0-4 to The Toon!!!!

80th minute: The Basil Brush Brigade pull one back through Aalbrighton

1-4 to The Toon!!!!

87th minute: Anothaa Lestaa goal from Iheanacho to set the norves janglin!

2-4 to The Toon!!!!

But their comeback came too late in the game and thankfully NUFC held oot for a very famous victory to propel us up to 13th in the table and virtually banish aall thoughts of relegation az Fat Sam the Ugly Man's West Brom cannit now catch us and Fulim can now anly match wor points total if they win their remainin 4 games and we lose wor remainin' 3!-----Very highly unlikely az now we need just ONE point to secure safety!

HAPPY DAYS!----Can we now have wor takeower pleeeeeze!?

*

BEWARE OF DARK FORCES!!!

 Posted '2:11pm bells' Friday 7th May 2021

Forst of aall!---apologeeeez for not puttin sommik online for a couple of days! This iz because I have been tryin frantically to get through to the NUFC website to book a place on the ballot for one of the 10,000 tickets available for the Sheff United home game later this month!

After an hour and half aa finally got through and booked a place in the huge queue, waitin' to 'log on'!   At the time of writin this, nearly 20,000 have applied for the 10,000 tickets available, so I reckon I have a 50/50 chance of gettin' one!🙏

And now to other matters!

If there's one thing that's absolutely true, it's that wor beloved owner? 'The Fat Controller' DOES want to sell NUFC!

He haz said that there are 'dark forces' tryin to stop the Saudi takeower gannin through and he haz launched another 'secret weapon' against the PL to try and get the takeower through, after ower a year tryin to do so! 

We can anly hope he iz successful this time!🙏

"50 NOT IN!"

Then tooneet NUFC travel to Lestaa to take on 'The Basil Brush Brigade' (Foxes!---Basil Brush!---get it?) and up til now aa havvint been able to find a boozer that isnt fully booked, to watch in an outdoor area! Amazingly, this will be wor FIFTIETH  GAME IN A ROW MISSED! since the pandemic stopped us gannin last year! 

The game kicks off at '8:00 bells' and iz on SKY and ☠ !

If aa cannit find a place with a telly aa will be forced to come yem and watch on mee laptop with some bottles of Dog (broon ale) for company! (Plus mee mascot teddy bear!--of course!)

I actually get mee 2nd 'Bat out of Hell' coronavirus 'jab' at 'The Centre for Life' near The Central Station later this afternooon, to keep me immune from that nasty virus! (Hopefully?) So it would be great if aa could find a beer garden in The Toon to watch it! (Very few boozers have tellys in their beer gardens!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Saturday!----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

Update '6:40pm bells'

Went to Tilly's on Westgate Road for an ootside drink and then the rain came doon!

Abandoned Tilley's and went yem!  The sun woz oot and then hailstones came doon!

A rainbow then appeared above the black clouds! Crazy weather for May!

  

AWAY THE LADS!--OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 5th May 2021

THE PUTNEY END

"NEE ENTRY TO TOON FANS!"

Forst, away fans would'nt be allowed---then they would---then they would'nt--then they said they would--now they WON'T!

Wot a farce! Yet anothaa U turn! We now hear that NEE away fans will be allowed to attend their last away game of the season, because of policing and safety concerns!

We wish they would make their bloody minds up!

This meeenz that the 237 Toon fans who were due to be let into the Putney End of Craven Cottage will be denied entry!

The whole situation iz a complete and utter shambles, if yoo ask us! (ie: The Premyaa Leegue--not fit for purpose!)

Still nee news aboot the 10,000 they will (allegedly!) let in for wor last home game v Sheff United???

THE TOON 0 THE ARSE 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 3rd May 2021

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME!?"

Well!--we had a great chance to banish the relegation blues, but failed miserably to do so yet again, with yet another shocking performance, to end wor 4 match unbeaten run!

From the word 'Go' NUFC were 2nd best in every department and it took The Arse just 5 mins to open the scorin at The Gallowgate End through Elneny with a shot from the edge of the box!

We were watchin on from The Strawberry boozer balcony, just yards away from The Gallowgate End, in the freezing cold and light rain!

They couldn't put the shutters doon az it would be classed az indoors(which of course iz still off limits) so one lass on the next table put hor brolly up to keep hor and hor mates dry!(See top photo!)

Thankfully it stopped raining and we were able to watch the debacle on a ☠ channel on a laptop, az they divvint have SKY in The Strawberry!

It woz like a winters day and everybody woz wrapped up for the outdoor experience!

We counted one shot on goal for us in the forst half (a Saint- Max deflection) az wor visitors poonded wor goal!

It somehow woz still just 0-1 at the break and it woz just a matter of time before The Arse got their 2nd goal and this arrived in the 66th minute when an unmarked Aubameyang fired the baall into the net and the 3 points were gone!  Not one shot on goal for us in 2nd half!!!

Like we say, yet another dismal day at SJP in more ways than one!

PS We can anly hope that we can pick worsels up for wor game at Lestaa next Friday, but it now looks az though it will be a nervy last few weeks til the end of the season!

Updated '8:00pm bells'

Fat Sam the Ugly Man's West Brom drew 1-1 with Wolves in the black country derby!  This meeenz that they are 10 points behind NUFC with 4 games to play!

They would need to win 3 of them and draw the other to match wor 36 points total and we would have to lose wor last 4!--

Bornley play West Ham at '8:15 bells' and are currently level on points with us-----A West Ham win pleeeeeze!

Updated '10:30pm bells'

West Ham won 2-1!  the gods were smilin' on NUFC tooneet!🙏

THE TOON V THE ARSE *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Saturday 1st May 2021

THE STRAWBERRY BALCONY WITH THE 'STRAWBERRY CORNER' OF THE GALLOWGATE END AND EAST STAND TO THE LEFT

"WE COULDN'T GET MUCH CLOSER!"---COULD WE!?"

NUFC divvint play til tomorrow at '2:00 bells', so aall eyes will be on the Chelski v Fulim game, which kicks off at teatime today!

A Chelski win will give us a 'free hit' tomorrow, but a Fulim win will reduce the gap between us and them to 6 points and will have us nervously lookin ower wor shoulders!

Even a draw would be a canny result with games runnin oot!

Joe Willock cannit play for us of course az Chelski are hiz parent club, but top scorer Callum Wilson iz fit and hopefully Brucey will play him from the start!

The Arse are not playin very well and sit 10th in the table.

They lost 2-1 to Villarreal in the forst leg of the Europa Leegue semi final on Thorsday and might, just might, play a weakened team, with the 2nd leg next week! (The winners of the competition qualify for the Champions Leegue next season!)

The Toon are unbeaten in wor last 5 home games, winnin' 2 and drawin' 3 and have lost just 1 oot of the last 8, while The Arse have won just 1 of their last 5 games!

However, we have aalready lost twice away to them in January (0-2 in the FA Cup and 0-3 in the Leegue)

We will be watching the game on The Strawberry balcony again, which iz within 'hocklin' distance' of The Gallowgate End---We couldn't get much closer withoot actually bein inside the groond!

A full Geordie Times match and drinks report will appear here sometime on Munday!----Az per usual--"Watch this space!"

Updated on '10:31am bells' Sunday

Chelski beat Fulim 2-0, which meenz they must win 3 of their last 4 games and NUFC must lose AALL of wor last 5 for them to catch us!

A win or a draw today v The Arse shud be enough to secure safety!🙏

(West Brom don't play Wolves til Munday and shud they lose they will surely be relegated!)

THE STRAIN OF THE TRAIN--IT REEELY IZ A PAIN!

 Posted '12:46pm bells' Friday 30th April 2021

  KING'S CROSS  ➡️➡️➡️   

  "SORRY! FULLY BOOKED!"

Mee mate 'Sarnie Steve' (coz he always carries a bag of sarnies on away trips!) booked 4 train tickets for wor away game at Fulim, when they said some away fans would be allowed in! (We took a gamble that we might get some of them!)

Then they said only home fans would be able to attend, so he cancelled the tickets with a £10 cancellation fee, last week!

Now we hear that 500 away fans WILL be allowed, but the trains are now fully booked, az yoo need a seat reservation to travel!

"YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!"

**************************

IMAGINE!?

In other news

Here iz a photo of Dunston chairman cum waiter Malcolm 'Manuel' James serving beer to loyal fans behind the goal at 'The Tea Hut End' last Saturday!

Can yoo imagine NUFCs MD Lee 'Penfold' Charnley deein' the same for Toon fans at SJP???

PS: Dunston's beer garden iz open between '2 bells'🔔🔔and '6 bells'🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔this Saturday az well! 🍺🍺🍺🍺

Aall welcome at this 'liquid lubrication location'! Loads of spare space for!---🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

"SNAKES IN THE GRASSSSSSS 2!"

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Thorzday 29th April 2021

"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

THE GEORDIE TIMES MAIN PIC FROM 22nd APRIL

*West Ham co owner Karren Brady speaks oot aboot the so caalled 'big six's'? attempt to run a European cartel! 

THE MAGNIFICENT 7!

 Posted '10:44am bells' Wedinzday 28th April 2021

*5 weeks ago the smb were in a 12 game undefeated streak and heedin' for automatic promotion from Leegue 1 to The Championship.

 NUFC on the other hand were in a 2 wins in 21 streak and heedin for The Championship in the other direction!

The mackems were full of themsels and couldnt resist a dig that we would be meetin' once again next season!

They even drove to SJP with a missspelllt home made banner and displayed it ootside wor main entrance!

5 weeks later they have went 7 games withoot a win and cannit now win automatic promotion after their defeat to the mighty Blackpool at the SOS last neet!---The playoffs beckon yet again!

NUFC though, have put a 7 game streak of wor own, losin just once in the process to propel us 9 points from the relegation zone!

Of course the mackems could still come up through the playoffs (IF they dont lose their last 2 Leegue games) and we could still be mathematically relegated should WE lose wor remainin games and Fulim win theirs!----

These 2 scenarios are now highly unlikely together!

Can't see any smb banners ootside SJP now ---can yoo? 

*

*What gans aroond comes aroond!

YOO CAN'T BEAT BLACKPOOL THIS TIME OF YEAR! (NUFC360 TWITTER)