THE ARSE 3 THE TOON 0 ***;PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '10:34pm bells' Tuesday 19th January 2021

"WE'RE STILL SH*TE, STEVE!---AND YOO KNOW WE ARE!"

'Broken Nose Bruce' made 8 changes from the startin line up who played at Sheff U last week and he promised an attacking 4-4-2 formation after caallin' the team shite in the   1-0 defeat in Sheffeeeld!

However, we had NEE shots on target in the first half against The Arse and just ONE weak effort in the 2nd half!

The gloves are off! Eh?

We matched Arsenal for the first FIVE MINUTES!---and that woz it!---az the norf London side inflicted a not unexpected 3-0 defeat on Brucey's boys!--and it shud have been many more!

That's NINE games in aall competitions withoot a win and anothaa 'blank' scoresheet!.

Yet another different formation!--same result!

Nothin more to say except that if 'The Fat Controller' doesn't sack Bruce forthwith, then a 3rd retorn to The Championship in little ower 10 years will be a foregone conclusion!

After the match Bruce stated the bleeedin obvious!

"To win a match we have to score a goal!"

REEELY???

THE ARSE V THE TOON **** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 18th January 2021

"WILSON!--FRASER!"--WATCH OUT FOR THE HAND GRENADE!"

NUFC heed for Islington(norf London)for the 2nd time in little more than a week after wor 2-0 FA Cup exit to The Arse the last time we were here!

Wor beleagered heed coach haz said that, "He saw nothing wrong with them at Arsenal!" In the one sided 2-0 extra time defeat, which ended wor run for trophies in the very first week of 2021

He's deluded!---nothing wrang???? We lost 2-0 for God's sake and had TWO shots on goal in 120 minutes!

That's ONE shot an hour on target by wor brilliant calculations!

He aalso says that "The hand grenade woz thrown!" In wor disastrous defeat at Sheff U last Tuesday! (that's '8 games in a row' withoot a win!)

Let's get real!---if we get anything oot of tooneets game then Bruce will probably dee a lap of honour aroond the 60,000 empty red seats, such is his desperation to pick any crumbs of comfort, that may come hiz way!

'Yours truly' is workin' and will have to listen on, on mee truck radio, as aa battle mee way up the empty M1 through the Midlands and Yorkshire on mee way back to Tyneside! (not much traffic theeeze days, due to the lockdoon!)

Aall Toon fans desperately want the team to turn the tide, but deep in wor hearts, we fear the worst tooneet!

Pleeeze prove me and the thoosands of fans wrang, lads!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here---eventually!

AN INTERVIEW WITH BROKEN NOSE BRUCE *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Sunday 17th January 2021

'The Toon's heed coach 'Broken Nose Bruce' speaks exclusively to 'The Geordie Times' and gives his thoughts on a very difficult fixture list we have had ower the last month!

Tomorrow we face The Arse again at The Emirates Stadium in norf London and we will bring yoo a match report on the game, second hand, first!

Az per usual watch this space!-----eventually!

BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'S LATEST STATEMENT MAKES STAGGERIN' READIN'!

 Posted '1:05pm bells' Sunday 17th January 2021 🐍

"IT'S A GAME OF SNAKES AND LADDERS!--

AND NUFC ARE THE SNAKES!"🐍

The Geordie Times haz an excluuusive interview with Bruce, live from '6:00pm bells' this evenin'!

Divvint miss it, whatever yoo do!

Watch this space at teatime!

A MATHEMATICAL GENIUS!---OR A 2 FACED LIAR!?

 Posted '7:47pm bells' Saturday 16th January 2021

Quiz question--yoo have 5 seconds to answer!

How many days are there between 31st October and 16th January?  

If you got the answer of 71 days in 5 seconds yoo are a mathimatical genius!

If yoo cheated and counted the days on a calendar and said you'd got the answer in 5 second, then yoo are a 2 faced liar!

See below to see wot the then sund'lind manager Broken Nose Bruce said when we slaughtered them 5-1  in the Halloween derby massacre on October 31st 2010!

Note that Bruce says, "It's 71 days til the next derby at "OUR PLACE", not that we are counting!" (How did he know that it woz 71 days if he didn't count them?) --and he went on, "It was typical of THAT club's etiquette!"---

A boyhood NUFC fan my arse!

The retorn game woz on the 16th January 2011 (1-1), but Bruce woz sacked soon after the 5-1 thrashing and never got his revenge on NUFC! (Until now!)

 10 years later, he IZ gettin hiz REVENGE now az manager of us, with his terrible, defensive, so boring, non scorin futbaall!

He has said he will never walk away from a job!

But he DID walk the walk from Sheff Wed to come here----plus many other teams like Hull and Bormingham!

In other words he talks complete tosh and hiz broken nose does seem a lot longer these days!

Results of the teams below us divvint make good readin today, as WBA and Brightin won away but Fulim who occupy the 3rd relegation place, lost 1-0 to Chelski in the evenin kick off!-- meaning that we are still 7 points above them in 15th place!

It's pathetic that once again we praying for the basement clubs to lose, but we can anly save worsels at the end of the day!

(NUFC divvint play The Arse away til Munday neet!)

"NO 'FUN' AT AALL!"---"THE GLOVES ARE OFF!"

 Posted '8:00pm bells Friday 15th January 2021

"THE GLOVES ARE OFF!", SAYS BRUCE---HAVE YOO SEEN THE ADVERT ON THE LEFT!---YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!

*'Broken Nose Bruce' haz come oot with a quite amazin' statement after bein' ridiculed aboot recent performances!

Says he hazzint been assured aboot hiz position by wor MD known affectionatly az 'Penfold' by Toon fans! 

IN CASE YOUR WONDERIN'---THE '88' IZ FOR THE PERCENTAGE POSSESSION THAT SHEFF U HAD IN THE 2nd HALF!

Iz this the 'end game' for him now?---Lets hope so or else 'The Championship' beckons yet again!

A HORSE WITH NO NAME!---AND A COACH WITH NO BRAIN!

 Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 15th January 2021

'Broken Nose Bruce' haz come oot with some ridiculous nonsensical statements, that make nee sense at aall!

He 'talks the cr*p talk', just like some of the lyrics in bygone hits songs!

Mark Bolan and T Rex: Children of the revolution

"I've got a Rolls Royce, coz it's good for my voice!"

Broken Nose Bruce

"It is what it is!"

America: A horse with no name

"In the desert you can remember your name, coz there ain't no one to give you no pain!"

Broken Nose Bruce

"We are where we are!"

Roger Whitaker: Durham town

"Standing on the banks on the river TYNE!" ? "Watching all the ships going down the line!"

Broken Nose Bruce

"I can see progress!" (After 7 winless games?)(NOT includin' the disastrous Sheff U defeat)

The Pioneers: Let your yeah be yeah

"Let yours yeah be yeah and your no be no!"

Broken Nose Bruce

"We've got to 2 quarter finals!" (Progress indeed, by beatin' Rochdale, Oxfaad, Morecambe and Newport!--in a penalty shoot out--then losin to Brentfaad resorves!)

George Harrison: Any road

"If you don't know where your going, any road will take you there!"

Broken Nose Bruce: "I have to accept what's coming my way.        I don't think it's fair, but I can understand it because if I was a supporter I'd look at it and go, you know what it is? I agree! Simply not good enough!"                                                               (In other words: "I Don't think it's fair, but I agree"!) ???

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

PS: For those of yoo who are not from the north east region, Durham (in the Roger Whitaker song) iz on the banks of the river wear!

The River Tyne iz some 15 miles north of Durham town!

SIMPLY AN INSULT TO WOR CLUB CREST!

 Posted '12:50am bells' Thorsday 14th January 2021 

We havvint commented much on the shambolic display at Sheffeeeld United!---we divvint need tee---The back page of  'The Ronny Gill' sez aall that needs to be said!

THE BLADE RUNNERS V THE TOON *** THIS EVENIN!

 Posted 11:11am bells' Tuesday 12th January 2021 and will be updated aroond aboot '9:00pm bells' when the match has finished!

NICE SMELLY AEROSOL AT THE READY!

Wor manager/excuse spokesman, haz said that he will 'freshen up' the team for the vital clash with relegation bound Sheff U at Bramall Lane today at '6 bells' (Wotevaa that meeenz?)

He's said that they will be a tough team to beat and that it will be a very hard game to win!? (They havint won aall season in the Leegue with 2 draws and 15 defeats!)

In othaa words Broken Nose Bruce iz gettin hiz excuses in, even before the game has kicked off! (With nee wins in 7, he's got the post match "We played well, even though we lost!" interviews, off 'to a tee'!)

If we carnt beat the worst team (by far!) in the leegue,  them who the hell can we beat!???

Make nee misstayk, the result of this game will define wor season!

I will be drivin mee truck to Redditch once again in an hours time and will have listen to the live commentary on the radio, on the way back up the M1 instead of watchin on mee laptop (Am I lucky or wot?)

I will try and watch a bit of the game on mee mobile phone, but the last time the picture froze, so it is likely to be a radio commentary!

Az I carnt dee live updates while a'm drivin, the match report wont be forthcoming til aa stop at Woolley Edge sorvices truck park on the way back! (Brief report!)

Let's hope that it isn't a 'sheepish' report from 'Woolley' Edge!? 🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑

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Will be updated at approximately '9:00pm bells'

Team news here⬇️

The match report will appear here eventually!⬇️

NEE DEFENCE FOR THAT!

LOST 1-0 WITH 10 MEN BUT WE GOT WOT WE DESORVED FOR PLAYIN A DEFENSIVE PERFORMANCE AGAINST THE WORST TOP FIGHT TEAM IN HISTORY!

THE PEN MIGHT HAVE BEEN DODGY BUT WE WERE TERRIBLE!  EVEN ON THE RADIO!

COMMENTATORS 'WILLED' SHEFFEEELD TO WIN!

TOTALLY BIASED COMMENTRY FROM RADIO 5 LIVE!

WE ARE IN A RELEGATION BATTLE NOW FOR CERTAIN!

Even though we played with 10 men in the entire 2nd half the possession stats make very sorry readin against the worst team in the Premyaa Leegue!

*

FUTBAALL WITHOOT FANS IZ FARCICAL

Posted '10:50am bells' Munday 11th January 2021

We've said it before and we'll say it again, that watchin futbaall in empty stadiums from wor livin rooms and pubs (when they are open!) iz a absolutely cr*p!

*

Az the lockdown is due to carry on til at least the end of March, it will meen that we will have gone a whole year withoot wor NUFC 'fix'---sommik we could never have believed 12 months ago!

On Saturday we played at The Emirates Stadium in front of 60,000 empty seats with loads of Arsenal flags and banners scattered aroond the groond!

The away end even had a solitary NUFC banner draped ower a waall. 

A nice touch by The Arse!

We shall continue to watch games from soulless stadium for the rest of this season at least on wor tellys and laptops and sometimes radio commentaries!

Like I will have to do tomorrow when we play Sheff U at Bramall Lane, as I will be drivin back up the M1 in mee truck at that time from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire!---

Ironically, I will probably pass Sheffeeld sometime durin the 2nd half as I crane mee neck to the left for a glimpse of the floodlights in the distance!

Whoever would have believed THAT scenario 12 months ago???