FANS ALLOWED BACK, BUT WHICH ONES?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 24th November 2020

TELLY VIEW OF EMPTY SEATS AT SJP---BUT WHO WILL GET TO SIT IN THEM?

Boris haz annoonced that teams in Tier 1 of the new lockdoon system will be able to allow 4,000 fans into their stadiums!

Those in Tier 2, 2,000

And those in Tier 3, NEEBODY!

NUFC are likely to be in eethaa Tier 2 or 3

And so the question on everybodys lips (or at least mine, anyway!) iz just who do we let in for punishment!, if we are in Tier 2?

Private box holders will get top priority which meenz at least 1,000 tickets will gan to them

That leaves 1,000 tickets for 30,000 othaa season ticket holders!!!

It will be very interestin indeed to see wot actually happens if we are in Tier 2!

Aalso, iz it fair that some clubs in the north will have to play in front of empty stadiums, while those in the lower Tiers in the south can let fans in, givin them an unfair advantage!

It will nee doubt unravel in the next few days!

Watch this space for forthaa news when Boris decides which Tier we are in on Thorsday!

THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES! *** FROM 2nd PLACE IN SEPTEMBER TO 15th PLACE IN NOVEMBER!

 Updated 'high noon bells' Munday 23rd November 2020

 "WATCH OOT NEAR THE BOTTOM!"

After yet another International break we reflect on the 0-2 horror show at SJP v Chelski on Saturday!

After the weekends results we now find worsels in 15th position in the table!(from 13th)  Wor lowest position of the season (so far!)

It's a rollercoaster season for sure! Win, lose, win, lose, lucky draw, lucky draw, win, lose, lose!---?

The pundits have defended 'Broken Nose Bruce', sayin that do we (the fans) really 'fink' that we know better than him? and that we expect to be in The Champions Leegue!

Oh no!--We know that iz just a pipe dream under the present ownership, but the dire futbaall on show from NUFC iz truly shocking!

Two heeders on goal at Soothampton and nee shots in wor last away game--and even worse, NEE efforts on goal at aall in wor shock 3-0 home defeat to Brightin the other month, and just ONE shot on target in stoppage time v Chelski on Saturday!

If yoo were a neutral fan, yoo would simply turn off your telly when The Toon are on!

Old Broken Nose now has 5 days to try and sort oot this "Work in progress" mess, (Palace away on Friday neet) or else 15th place will soon become 16th and then 17th etc!

25% possession to 'us' and 75% possession to 'them' is wor prediction, az we sit back and hope for a break by hoofing the baall upfield in the blind hope that it will faall to one of wor strikers!       (2 shots/heeders on target iz wor prediction!)

Wor possession and strike rates for the season so far, make sorry readin and we are currently in 20th position with these stats added!

West Ham away 2 shots 2 goals   up to 2nd position in table       Won 2-0

Brightin home NEE shots nee goals  doon to 11th position         Lost 0-3

Sporz away 1 shot 1 goal (lucky penalty) up to 9th position

Drew 1-1

Bornley at home 5 shots 3 goals  up to 6th position                    Won 3-1

Moan U at home 4 shots 1 goal  doon to 11th position                Lost 1-4

Wolves away 2 shots 1 goal  doon to 14th position                    Drew 1-1

Evaatin home 4 shots 2 goals  up to 11th position                       Won 2-1

Sooothampton away 2 shots (heeders) nee goals  11th position   Lost 0-2

Chelski home 1 shot nee goals  doon to 15th position                 Lost 0-2

Total 10 goals and 21 shots (includin' the goals (3 penalties) in 9 games = 2.33 shots per game or 1.16 shots per half!!!

"Oh for a takeower by a very rich Saudi prince!!!!"

THE TOON 0 CHELSKI 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd November 2020

A COW ON THE TOWN MOOR ("ER! SORRY!") 'BULL'

 WITH ST. JAMES' PARK IN THE DISTANCE!

FOR AN EXPLANATION OF THIS PHOTO, SCROLL DOON TO THE END OF THIS ARTICLE!

"AA TOLD YOO SO, BUT AA WISH AA WOZ WRANG!"

Mee mate 'Tex' Taylor invited me to hiz hoose in Howden to watch the game, az aa didnt fancy watchin it on a dodgy channel on mee laptop in wor hoose! (Aa divvint have any of the pay per view channels) (Howden iz between Waallsend and Tynemooth on the Metro line) A visit to hiz local conveeeniance store to buy some broon ale woz the forst thing aa did when aa got to Howden and then it woz off to hiz hoose to settle doon and watch the game! 

And a totally predictable non performance from those in black n white striped shirts woz the outcome of yet anothaa "faall asleep game!"

We actually started off well in the first 5 minutes as we attacked the Leazes goal, but after this Chelski totally dominated the game for the next 85 minutes!

After missed chances and excellent saves from Karl Darlow at the othaa end, the predictable happened in the 9th minute when Fernandez inadvertently put the baall into his own net to give wor visitors from London a deserved lead!

A few minutes later the telly flashed that Chelski had had 92% possession at that point!!!

After several more near misses NUFC finally broke away through Joelinton and from near the halfway line he attempted a shot which went well wide and into the empty seats of the lower section of The Leazes End! (Wor 'highlight' of the forst half!) "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

It just aboot summed us up and aa nearly hoyed an empty bottle of broon at Tex'z telly in frustration!

Somehow it woz still just 0-1 at the break and the graphics told us that the possession rate woz 20% to 'us' and 80% to Chelski with NEE direct shots on goal from NUFC!

The 2nd half wasnt much better and we still haddint had a shot or heeder on target when Chelski killed the game off in the 65th minute when Abraham fired home, with a shot that went in off the far post at The Leazes End!

Sean Longstaff hit the bar 7 mins later with a glancin shot that went ower  the bar, which woz the closest we came to scorin' aall game!

(Wor 'highlight' of the game!)

Broken Nose Bruce then took the anly player that woz likely to score OFF in the 74th minute (Saint-Maximin) to be replaced by Andy Carroll! (Who hazzint scored since he came back, well ower a year ago!)

And then the moment of the game in the 84th minute!

NUFC are 2-0 doon, we get a throw in near the 18 yard line of the Chelski half at The Gallowgate End---and after 4 passes it ends up in with goalie Karl Darlow at the Leazes End!  (Yi couldnt make it up!)

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOWER!

Near the end and into stoppage time, Carroll had a shot which woz deflected away by a Chelski defender---wor one and anly (alledged!) shot on target of the game!!! (A shot which woz deflected by a defender!)("WOW!")"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

Aa honestly cannit remember the Chelski goalie havin to make one solitary save in the entire game? (Pleeeze correct me if a'm wrang?)

PS: Since been told that Almiron did have a deflected shot saved by Mendy in the visitors goal, at some point in the 2nd half? (Must have been to the 'tool-shed' for a 'gypsies kiss' when that happened!?)

The final whistle went and in the post match interviews Bruce said that: "There were pleasing points in the second half!" (Were there Steve?---Yoo mustiv been watchin a different game to us, like!) 

 Official attendance in Tex'z hoose: 2  (we are in the same 'bubble') (alledgedleee!)

Mee pre match prediction that NUFC would have 30% of the possession to Chelski's 70% woz nearly reet! (29% to 71%) and aa said that we would have 3 shots on target, when we had just one solitary deflected effort!

WE are SO predictable---for aall the wrang reasons!

A BRILLIANT PIECE BY CRAIG HOPE OF THE MAIL ON SUNDAY!

THE TOON v CHELSKI *** DINNAATIME TODAY!

 Posted '11:00am bells' Saturday 21st November 2020

Updated throughout match

What will it be today?  ONE for sorrow OR TWO for joy?

I divvint want to be the eternal pessimist, BUT how many shots do yoo 'fink' NUFC will have on target from open play today???

ONE? TWO?? THREE??? FOWER????  Well if the past displays this season are anythin to gan by, then THREE shots on target at the most (not includin heeders) iz my prediction for this afternooon! (KO '12:30 bells' on BT)

On average we are havin two and a half efforts on target per game---and this includes heeders, direct free kicks, penalties and goals scored!

It reeely iz dire stuff to watch, and if we get anything from Chelski at SJP, then it will be a bonus for sure!  A bit of good news iz that top goalscorer Callum Wilson haz declared himself fit and haz trained yesterday! Ryan Frazer, however iz still crocked and wont take part!

More good news iz that Chelski will be withoot several key players, but just how will Bruce will take advantage of that? 

Defend, defend, defend and hope for a breakaway attack by hoofin the baall upfield? (az per usual)---and mee prediction for possession iz 30% to 'us' and 70% for wor visitors! (We shall soon find oot!)

Former players like Chris Sutton and Mark Lawrenson say we should be grateful that we have got 'Broken Nose Bruce' az manager and lorn to live with it!  ---And Villa player Gabby Agbonlahor haz caalled Toon fans 'deluded!' (But they divvint have to watch us every game---do they?)

WE expect The Champions Leegue says Lawrenson, when in fact we just want a team where we divvint faall asleep before the end of games and end up back in the-----Championship! 😨

Aa reeely DO want the team to do well, of course aa do---and aa sincerly hope that a'v got 'egg on mee face', come '2:30 bells' this afternooon!

But will I? (hopefully so!)

A full Geordie Times 'mad-sad tellyhoppers' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---Az per usual---watch this space!

"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"😴

Stop press! Wilson oot!---Joelinton in!🥶

HT 0-1  nee shots on target

Possession 20% to 80%

FT 0-2    1 shot on target (Carroll stoppage time)

Possession 29% to 71%

The Geordie Times predicted 30% to 70%

So sorry we were SO wrang!

We said we would have 3 shots on target when we had just 1 !

Full match report tomorrow! "ZZZzzzz!!!"😴

"NO ONE LIKES THEM!" (APART FROM THE SO CAALLED 'BIG SIX') "THEY DON'T CARE!"

 Posted '8:00pm bells' Friday 20th November 2020

^        From left to right      ^

A 'big six' shoe-----Richard Masters!

"Lick, lick, grovel, grovel!"

A damning letter from the DCMS Committee to The Premyaa Leegue aboot the deathly silence and non co-operation to bail oot lower leegue clubs, reaches us!

The incompetence of cheef exec Richard (Disaster) Masters and hiz sidekick Gary Hoffman iz staggerin', with the usual "de nowt, say nowt" message, in the hope that everybody will gan away and forget aboot it!

(Like the NUFC takeower which HAZZINT been forgotten!)

No one likes them apart from Liverpool, The London big 3 and the 2 Manc clubs, who the Premyaa Leegue bends ower backward to keep happy! ("Lick, Lick, Grovel, Grovel!")

The rest of the 14 Prem clubs and the 72 lower Leegue clubs divvint come into the equation az far az Masters and Co. are concorned!

Just az lang az 'the (so caalled) big six' are kept happy! 

The sooner they are forced to leave their posts the better!

AND YOUR 'BIRDS' CAN SING!

 Posted '1:15pm bells' Friday 20th November 2020

NUFC have issued a statement in relation to the 'leakin' of a report that they intend to gan to arbitration with The Premyaa Leegue, ower the never endin' takeower saga!

This woz supposed to be confidential, but somebody from the Premyaa Leegue's side 'sang like a canary', in an attempt to put yet anothaa 'spanner in the works' to try and stop the takeower by the PIF group!

The Premyaa Leegue's legal team are caalled 'BIRD & BIRD'!

"Say no more!---wink, wink, nudge, nudge, TWEET, TWEET!" 

DOON MEMORY LANE *** MIDDLESBROUGH 1996

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th November 2020

RIVERSIDE STADIUM 1996

(Before the corners were filled in)

It woz the year of 'The Entertainers' when NUFC went to Boro's new abode and won 2-1 to gan 12 points clear at the top of The Premyaa Leegue!

It seems such a lang time ago now, especially when yoo look just how far doon the peckin order we have dropped since then!

From title contenders to relegation contenders now! (2 relegations since those heady days!)

An  archive match report from that game at The Riverside Stadium ower 24 years ago iz printed below! (Ground 133) 

PS: This archive match report will be mee 151st new ground report in total, oot of the 346 I have  visited watchin NUFC teams---leavin 195 reports still to de! (It's a marathon for certain!)

133 riverside stadium, middlesbrough

Ground number 133

Date of First Visit: 10th February 1996

Riverside Stadium, Middlesbrough

Middlesbrough 1

Newcastle United 2 (Steve Watson, Les Ferdinand) 

FA Premier League

Attendance: 30,011 (3,000 Toon fans)

"GET YOUR 'KICKS' ON ROUTE 66!"

This win meant that NUFC went 12 points clear of Man U at the top of the Premyaa Leegue for a brief period!

Az we travelled doon the A19 towards Teesside, on 'Barrett's bus', yoo could see from a distance the huge steel and chemical works that darkened the skyline with pollution, smog and dust! (a more depressin place in the UK would be hard to find!)

VIEW OF TEESSIDE FROM THE A19

(Now yoo know why they are caalled 'The Smoggies'!)

However! Wor forst ever visit to 'The Smoggies' new tin shack abode, woz not a happy one for some Toon fans, who were ambushed and attacked by 'The Smog Monsters' near the A66 duel carriageway near to the stadium before the kick off!

Some Toon fans, includin' Davy 'The Silver Fox' were kicked in the back, az the fighting spilled onto the carriageway, stopping the traffic in the process--which brought a new meaning to the legendary song, 'Get your 'kicks' on route 66'! (sic!)

This woz the forst of the 'new build' stadiums and it looked like a chatty Lego construction from the ootside---built on the cheap for certain!

It woz near some chemical works and the smell woz akin to rotting eggs az we waalked past, az plumes of thick smoke rose into the sky above!

Inside, we were behind the goal and one Toon fan had a full chemical suit on and he woz reet next to the segregation area, with the Boro fans on the othaa side!   They were non too pleezed to see him and were gannin metal az he stood with his arms folded, lookin their way!

It woz hilarious!  (After this game the 'dibble' banned away fans from wearin face masks!)

The game 'kicked off' with The Toon on the attack from 'the off' az we attacked the end we were in! (NUFC had obviously lost the toss!)

But it woz 'the Smoggies' who had the better chances az they went close several times, with Brazilian Juninho their star man!

In the forst half Keith Gillespie had a great chance in front of the 3,000 Toon fans behind the goal, but hiz effort went wide!

But then disaster struck in the 37th minute, when, at the other end a Juninho cross woz inadvertently put into hiz own net by John Beresford az the 'Smog Monsters' went wild with delight behind that goal!

The turnin' point in the game came in the 2nd half when new signing Tino Asprilla replaced Gillespie and hiz pinpoint cross from the wing foond Steve Watson's heed and he plants the baall into the net for the equaliser in the 74th minute!

The drama wasnt ower however, and just 4 minutes later, a Peter Beardsley pass foond Les Ferdinand who made nee misstayk az he fired a shot underneath the body of Boro goalie Gary Walsh to win the game in the 78th minute!----This sent the Toon fans crazy at the other end!

Az the final whistle blew, there were scenes of jubilation az NUFC went 12 points clear at the top of the Premyaa Leegue table!

The convoy of coaches filled with very happy Toon fans left on the retorn jorney to Tyneside via the A66 (where else?)

"Get your kicks on route 66!" (You'd better beleeeve it!)

  

HERE COMES THE SUN!? (HOPEFULLY!)

 P🌞sted '1:42pm bells' Munday 16th N😎vember 2🌞2😎

News that Brentfaad have foond the porfect place to put away fans, (when we are allowed to gan back!) reaches The Geordie Times!

Lookin directly into the sun from their allocated section!

Of course, when we play Brentfaad on 22nd December in the qwaataa finals of the Leegue Cup it will be behind closed doors!- another new groond we cannot gan tee after wor enforced 'no show' at Newport in the last roond!

So we are hopin that they win promotion this season so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' can get a sun tan next season! (providing of course that WE divvint gan doon!)

Brentfaad are currently just ootside the play off positions in The Championship!

"Come on yoo Bees!"

DOON MEMORY LANE *** WOTFAAD 1984

 Posted '10:01pm bells' Saturday 15th November 2020

THE HOUSE OF HORRORS HOTEL, LOUGHBOROUGH!

Anothaa Saturday withoot a futbaall 'fix', so a'v delved into the archives again after watchin BBC news where Alfred Hitchcock's horror film 'Phsyco' woz featured!---This brought memories floodin back of a trip to Wotfaad's Vicarage Road groond 36 years ago in 1984, when we stopped off in Loughborough on the way back from the game! 

(Ground 073)  

See archive match report from that game, below