PRESTON DEAD END v THE TOON XX11 *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON !

Posted '2:37 pm bells' Friday 26th July 2019

"THE GREENHORNS ON TOUR!"

Tomorrow NUFC heed for the delights of deepest Lancashire when we take on Preston in a friendly fixture at Deepdale where we will be wearin' wor new dark green and black away strip!

New boy Joelinton (and anly new signing, so far!) iz expected to play some part in the game, which iz sure to be a team of '2 halves' az at least 20 Toon players are expected to get some game time (we used 19 players in Chinaa in both games!)

With less than 2 weeks to the transfor deadline, we reeely DO need a few more new faces in wor team before we play 'The Arse' in wor forst game of the season at SJP on Sunday August 11th

'The Geordie Times' will of course have a match report on the PNE 'kickabout' sometime on Sunday!
Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: NUFC's odds to win the Premyaa Leegue are 250/1  which puts us in 10th place according to the bookies!

HAPPY FAMILIES!

Posted '2:29pm bells' Thorsday 25th July 2019

LETS HOPE THAT BRUCE ISN'T A 'FLY BY NIGHT'?

*News reaches 'The Geordie Times' a day late?, that wor beloved? owner, known affectionatly? to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller', flew to wor Benton trainin groond yesterday in hiz helicopter, to meet wor new 'heed coach' (but NOT manager!) for the 2nd (SECOND!) time in a week!
This iz half number of times that he met Rafa Benitez in three and a half years (4 meetings!)

We can anly come to the conclusion that 'The Fat Controller' didn't like Rafa from the start and woz pleased to get rid of a manager who simply wouldn't 'tow the line' and 'do az he woz told'!

'Broken Nose Bruce' iz the exact opposite and 'fits the bill porfectly' of a *subservient <(we naa aall the big words!), who 'WILL do az he iz told'!

Bruce even said that he had the 'final say' on wor new record signing Joelinton, who he'd NEVER seen play---and didn't realise the Brazilian couldn't speak a word of Inglish, until an interpreter translated Joe's words in the hastily arranged press conference at the trainin' groond!

AYE! this appointment looks like a case of 'Happy families' for certain and we can anly hope and pray that many more much needed signings by 'somebody else' happen in the next 2 weeks, before the summer transfor window closes!

We aall support NUFC and whoever iz in charge, we wish them well! (We've got no choice have we?)
Pardew, McClaren, Carver, and Joke Kinnear aall tried ---and failed miserably----lets hope that 'this time' it doesn't end in tears!

*'Subsevient' meaning = 'Prepared to obey others unquestioningly'

JOE'S IN TOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 24th July 2019

Nee expense haz been spared to give wor new record signin' 2 (TWO!) Toon tops! (They are £65 each!)

                               JOELINTON'S THE ONE ON THE RIGHT, BY THE WAY!

'GLIMMER OF LIGHT' BREAKIN' NEWS!

Posted '4:45pm bells' Tuesday 23rd July 2019

BLOND HAIRED JOELINTON SPOTTED AT ST. JAMES' PARK ORLIER TODAY!

News that Brazilian Joelinton haz had a medical at NUFC and that a club record 40 million poond fee haz been agreed with Jawman club Hoffenheim, haz reached The Geordie Times!
These are desperate moves to try and shift a few more season tickets with just 16 days of the transfor window left!

JOELINTON IN TOON TOP

We can anly hope that there are a few more 'bodies' through the door before then, or else we will be in serious trouble!

Joelinton's scorin' record and details below

PREDICTABLE UNDERHAND DIRTY TRIX!

Posted '3:03pm bells' Tuesday 23rd July 2019

"STUFF YOUR JOB!---I'M GANNIN TO NUFC!"

News that Sheff Wed are to report NUFC to the Premyaa Leegue after the dirty trix played on them by 'Broken Nose Bruce' and 'The Fat Controller', comes az nee suprize to us!

Wedinsday gave Bruce companionate leave when they appointed him and gave him time off to gan to Barbados to watch the cricket with hiz faathaa in law in January after family bereavements --they said he could take the reigns in February instead!

Six months later he stabbed them in the back by waalkin oot on them to take ower The Toon!

Wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller' and hiz MD 'Penfold' (he looks like the cartoon character!) didn't even bothaa contactin' Sheff Wed aboot 'Broken Nose' and hiz back room staff---and instead leaked it to the tabloids, that they wanted him/them!

Bruce foond oot of course---and woz told that he would have to resign if he wanted the Toon job, az the Sheffeeeld club said they wanted up to £5 million compensation for Bruce, plus more for hiz back room staff!
'Broken Nose' and hiz team duly did resign, which did not pleeze the Wedinzday owner or fans one bit!

'The Fat Controller' then told the media that Bruce woz wor new heed coach, withoot havin' the decency to contactin' the Sheff Wed owner forst, to tell him!
More predictable underhand dirty trix by wor owner!

Wot a fiasco to get wor SIXTH choice 'puppet on a string' manager/heed coach, who haz the 2nd worst Premyaa Leegue record after Bryan Robson for takin' charge of 250 plus top flight games!

LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING!

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 22nd July 2019

GUESS WHO?

"I'LL TELL YOO A STORY----JACKANORY!"


Wor new manager/heed coach/general dogsbody/yes man, 'Broken Nose Bruce', haz said that he WILL have a say in incoming transfors and that he iz NOT a puppet for wor 'beloved,? owner 'The Fat Controller'!
(Do yoo believe him???)

We honestly divvint believe anything that anybody says at the club anymore, with lies and broken promises 'a plenty' not kept!

ie: 'The Fat Controller' said this in May 2016
"I'm not leaving til we win a major trophy---and that includes a place in THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE!"
(Do yoo believe him???)

Before Rafa left, NUFC were 10th favourites for relegation, which then moved to 6th favourites for the drop after Rafa departed, at 21/10

Since 'Broken Nose' woz appointed we moved to 2/1 and now 15/8 for the drop, which iz 4th equal worst with Bornley to 'gan the distance'!

That meeenz that a 16th or 17th place finish iz predicted by the bookies!

The 3 teams favourite for the drop are: 
8/13 Sheff Utd
5/6 Norwich
11/8 Villa

'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' ARRIVES

BACK FROM CHINAA!

Aaltogether now!

"I wonder if one day, that you'll say that, you care,

if you love me madly, I'll gladly be there,

like a puppet on a string!"

ASIA CUP 3rd/4th PLACE PLAY OFF***THE TOON 1 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0

Posted '10:40am bells' Sunday 21st July 2019

TOON FANS CELEBRATE WITH A CUP THEY WON IN A PUB QUIZ!

With 'Broken Nose Bruce' consigned to the stand az he didn't have the necessary visa to sit in the dugout, it woz left for Ben Dawson to take 'the reigns' once again!

A much better performance followed against The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham, after the 4-0 hammerin by Wolves 4 days before.
Sorenson went close orly on when he woz put through by Muto but he hit a screamer ower the bar and into the crowd!

The one and anly goal of the game came in the 34th minute when a through baall from Jamie Sterry foond Muto and he somehow managed to steer the baall past the West Ham goalie to send the well under capacity crowd wild with delight!

The crowd included once again a few of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and International RUSScue haz sent The Geordie Times a few photos, which we have gladly reproduced in this report! (As per usual in pre season friendlies, a total of 19 Toon players and 19 West Ham players got some 'game time'!)

THE CHINEEEZ BRANCH OF THE NUFC SUPPOTERS CLUB!

So it woz a thord place finish for The Toon in the 4 team tournament (Wolves beat Man City in the final on penalties)
If anly we could finish thord top in the Premyaa Leegue----az lang az its not thord bottom! 

MOON GLOOM FOR TOON!

Posted '9:25 pm bells' Saturday 20th July 2019

50 years ago today, man landed on the moon!
NUFC haven't won a major trophy since then!
"ITS AALL NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAULT!"😳

"One small step for man!
One giant leap back for NUFC!"😳

TOON ARMY IN CHINAA!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Friday 19th July 2019

Those who were lucky enough to be in Chinaa to watch NUFC (or unlucky enough, az the case may be, after wor 4-0 thrashing by Wolves!) have sent The Geordie Times some photos from Nanjing and beyond!
Special thanx to International RUSScue and Big Kev for pix!

"A PUB PHOTO AT LAST!"

Tomorrow morning we play West Ham in Shanghai  for the 3rd and 4th place play off! Let's hope the loyal fans who have travelled aall that way, have something to cheer in the mornin come 'high noon bells' GMT (Geordie Meeen Time!)

"IF YOO DON'T LIKE SWEAR WORDS

LOOK AWAY NOW!"

FOR THOSE OF YOO WHO ARE READIN THIS IN CHINAA

THE TOON ARMY ARE MEETIN HERE TODAY/TONEET

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! *** NEW GROONDS! *** NEW GROONDS!

Posted '3:33pm bells' Friday 12th July 2019
Updated (with dates) Thorsday 18th July 2019

MOSS ROSE, MACCLESFIELD

THE NEW MEADOW, SHREWSBURY

Amongst aall the doom and gloom of 'Broken Nose Bruce's appointment az forst team manager/coach/yes man, a bit of good news, az wor resorve U21 side have been drawn against 2 teams who's groonds we have never been te before, in the EFL Trophy!

NUFC U21s led by Neil Redfearn are in Group 'D' of the competition and will travel to Port Vale, Shrewsbury and Sol Campbell's,  MACCLESFIELD!

We've highlighted 'Macclesfield', az wor resorves  have play here before, but unfortunately the game v Stoke U23s clashed with a forst team game at Cristil Pallis and az forst team games take priority, we were forced to miss it!
This iz the ANLY current Futbaall Leegue groond where an NUFC team have played, where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' HAVENT been tee!

Although we have been to Shrewsbury before, many years ago, this woz at their old Gay Meadow groond!   Since then they have moved on to a stadium on the ootskirts caalled 'The New Meadow'
Anothaa new groond then! 
The anly groond we have been tee before in the draw iz Port Vale's, Vale Park. 

The forst games take place at the beginning of September:
Tue 3rd September: MACCLESFEEELD away (ko '7:45 bells')

Tue 24th September: SHREWSBURY away (ko '7:30 bells') 
This iz in the week of the Caribou Cup 3rd roond az well.
Should Shrewsbury progress to this stage, then the EFL game will be cancelled---Aalso should NUFCs 1st team get through to this roond and Shrewsbury lose, then we could be forced to miss the game if Caribou Cup and the EFL Trophy games are on the same day! 
(NUFC 1st team games get priority!)

Tue 12th November: PORT VALE away (ko '7:45 bells')

*