THE TOON 0 THE COTTAGE PIE GUYS OF FULIM 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 23rd December 2018

"THE WORLD IZ WATCHIN'!"  (AND BEYOND!)

"IZ THAT THE PLANET SATURN ABOVE THE EAST STAND?"

Anothaa 'must win game' that we didn't, in what woz an aaful performance against the Premyaa Leegue's bottom club, who hadn't won away aall season and who hadn't kept one clean sheet!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The forst half woz terrible with misplaced passes and hardly any action in front of goal to keep the 51,000 plus crowd awake, the day after 'Black Eye Friday' when many were feelin' the effects of the demon drink from the night before! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!" (MOTD showed TWO minutes of the 1st half 'action'!)

The 2nd half wasn't much better az we huffed and puffed az the crowd got restless!
Grandson Jamie woz so bored I lent him mee mobile to take some great pix! (below!)

"WHO SAYS THE PITCH HAZ A SLIGHT SLOPE?"

The 'highlight' of the game woz from a distant planet in the sky above The East Stand, which looked remarkably like Saturn with a ring around the middle (see top pic)---so we DO have fans from outer space!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!--WHEY AYE MAAN!"

"I USED MY SATURN NAV TO GET HERE!"

A penalty claim, when sub Kenedy woz pulled back in the box woz'nt given and then 'The Cottage Pie Guys' (They play at Craven COTTAGE!) had 3 great chances to win it, but former Toon player 'Mitro' woz denied on 2 occasions, the last when Lascelles made a great tackle on him to deny wor former man!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END

The game woz last on MOTD ----not suprizingleee!
Aalso, the fact that we have won just 2, drawn 1 and lost 7 of wor forst 10 home games, iz the WORST in wor entire leegue history, stretchin back to the 19th century!😦

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Yedlin 81), Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Atsu (Kenedy 72), Ki, Diame, Perez, Rondon

Attendance: 51,237 (1,000 Cottage Pie Guys') (Plus some aliens from Saturn!)


*WOT THE LOCAL PAPERS SAY!

AND MORE WORRYINGLY

FROM SKY SPORTS NEWS!😨

THE TOON v THE COTTAGE PIES OF FULIM *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '9:08pm bells' *'Black Eye Friday' 21st December 2018

ST. JAMES' PARK FROM THE TOP OF THE HAYMARKET CAR PARK

(Pic by The Silver Fox---see hiz page)

"CAPITAL GAINS?"

Tomorrow we face yet anothaa London club at St. James' Park and after 4 defeats to Sporz, The Arse, Chelski and West Ham it iz time to end the 'hoodoo' and get wor forst home victory ower a 'capital city side' this season.

Reeely there shud be 'ne problem' az Fulim are rock bottom of the table havin' anly taken ONE solitary point on their travels this season!
BUT Mitro will be playin' and we aall naa wot he can de----lets hope he cannit de it tomorrow afternooon!

Yedlin iz available for us after suspension and Fernandez iz fit again to play---however Shelvey, Clark and sub goalie Darlow are aall still carryin injuries and are ruled oot

With just 2 home wins oot of 9 and 7 defeats, it iz vital to get the 3 points which would take us 10 points clear of *'The Cottage Pies', especially az we face 'The Liverbirds' at Anfield on Boxin' Day and then Wotfaad away 3 days later!
*The Cottage Pies--an explanation: Fulim play at Craven COTTAGE---get it?

Az per usual a full and compreeehensive match report will appear in The Geordie Times sometime on Sunday!

*We say 'Black Eye Friday' az this iz the day that The Toon gets swamped with Xmas 'do's on the last Friday before Xmas and invariably drunken fights break oot in the packed bars and clubs!--with 'black eyes' the predictable outcome! 


SMB SELLOOT!

In othaa news, aall 2,800 away tickets have been sold for wor RESORVES/U21s Checkatrade Trophy game v sund'lind's forst team at 'The SOS' (Stadium Of "Sshhh!-yee naa wot!") on Tuesday January 8th, despite the mackems tryin to put us off gannin by chargin a ridiculous £15 for tickets (5 times az much az the charged in the last roond!)
This woz NEVAA gannin to put us off and predicably aall available tickets have been snapped up, just days after gannin on sale----to see wor RESORVES divvint forget!!!

Under competition rules NUFC are entitled to 10% of the 48,000 capacity, which iz "er!"---4,800 seats---so we have requested 2,000 more tickets!---It aall depends on wot numbers that The Northumbria Dibble force can cope with!

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY! (Part 4)

Posted '1:17pm bells' 'Black Eye' Friday 21st December 2018

50 years ago today aa paid mee 2nd ever visit to 'the smoke' (London) to watch The Toon, when we played QPR at Loftus Road--- or Rangers Stadium az it iz officially known!
This woz mee 4th and last new groond of 1968, havin' visited Anfield, Highbury and Molinuex in the previous 3 months.
Joker Park in 1967 and of course St. James' Park before that in 1964 made it 6 groonds in total watchin' NUFC

The 1968-1969 season woz the forst season aa travelled away on a more regular basis, and bein' a fresh faced schoolboy at the time, every trip woz an adventure! (It's more like a 'chore' sometimes now!) 

An archive match report on that game at QPR iz printed below!
(Groond number 006)

SMB BUSES

Posted '1:37pm bells' Thorsday 20th December 2018

The last time we went there on the bus---300 yards from the SOS

"Are those peoples hooses!"

NUFC are puttin' buses on for wor resorve/U21s game at 'The SOS' against the mackems forst team on Tuesday January 8th, in The Checkatrade Trophy

The cost iz £7 (to match ticket holders only) and they depart from Barrack Road @ '5:30 bells' for the '7:45 bells' kick off!

NUFC have been allocated 2,800 tickets and 40 loyalty points are now needed to get your hands on 1 (ie: that's 40 away games attended)

SPORZ NEW STADIUM UPDATE!

Posted '4:20pm bells' Wedinzday 19th December 2018

                        'GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!'

"MORE MUNDAY MISERY!"

Posted '1:33pm bells' Tuesday 18th December 2018

                         THE AWAY STORY SO FAR!

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!---"THE INJUSTICE OF IT AALL!"

(AND THERE'S ANOTHAA ONE TO ADD TO THAT!)

The telly fixtures for February are belatedly oot!

And yet again 2 of wor away games have been changed to daft day and kick off times, while wor 2 home games remain the same!

Sporz away at eethaa Wembley or their new stadium haz been changed to a '12:30 bells' kick off for 'SKY' telly on Saturday 2nd Feb, (meeenin aa must take the Friday nightshift off work and must catch a train @ '5 am bells'!) while we must travel to Wolves for yet anothaa 'SKY' Munday neet away game on 11th Feb @ '8:00 bells'!---The most by far of any Premyaa Leegue club! (See chart)

To date we have played just ONE home game on a Munday neet, while the Wolves game will be wor THORTEENTH (13th) AWAY!

Of course this meenz that we will have yet anothaa blank weekend and will have to take the Munday off work for the 13th time!

Wor 2 home games v 'uddersfeeeld on Sat 23rd Feb ('3:00bells') and Bornley on Wed 27th Feb (7:45 bells') will remain the same with ne live telly!

SMB TICKETS NOW ON SALE!

Posted '1:43pm bells' Munday 17th December 2018

The Geordie Times can tell yoo!---wor loyal reeeders!---that tickets for wor resorve U21s away game at the SOS v sund'lind's forst team in The Checkatrade Trophy are on sale NOW!

50 loyalty points are required and they went on sale at '1:00pm bells' today
NUFC were allocated 2,800 tickets @ £15/£5 (sprogs) and the game will take place @ '7:45 bells' Tuesday 8th  January!

The SMBs excuse for puttin' their 'Checkatrade' prices up from £3 to £15 iz because of policin' costs of a reputed £500,000! (wot!--HALF A MILLION for an NUFC RESORVE game!) ie: WE are payin' for 'The Northumbria Dibble Force' to police the match! 

REMEMBER!--yoo read this news forst in The Geordie Times!---and ne where else!

'UDDERSFEEELD 0 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:15am bells' Sunday 16th December 2018

"ANLY 25% POZESHIN ---
BUT ITS GOALS THAT COUNT!"

On a bleak day in West Yorkshire with freezing rain faallin from the sky, we somehow pulled off wor 2nd away win with an excellent goal from Rondon 10 mins into the 2nd half, which proved to be the winner!

THE OWNER OF THIS BAR IZ OBVIOUSLY A JIMI HENDRIX FAN!

The day started off at 'The Central' (station) and we got to wor destination in good time for some much needed liquid 'sustenance'
in The Kings Heed next to 'uddersfeeeld station, which woz suprizingly half empty!
After more 'sustenance' 'doon the road' it woz time to heed for the tornstiles az the 'said' freezing rain came doon in buckets!

The forst half woz az bleak az the weather and we anly had 2 chances at the far end from us, from Atsu and Schar!
The home side wornt very good eethaa az the half ended goalless!
(NUFC were playin' in wor change claret and blue hooped shirts for the forst time this season)

The 2nd half wosnt much better than the forst, but we took the lead in the 55th when a through baall from Manquillo foond Rondon free up front and he made 'ne missteak' az he excellently beat Lossi in the 'uddersfeeeld goal to send the 2,400 Toon fans wild with delight behind that goal!
Some fans fell ower seats in the 'celebrations' and one lass woz sprawled on the groond in the seats in front of me, az somebody knocked mee Toon hat off and anothaa kid punched me in the side of the face (accidently!) (it's still sore!)

RONDON'S GOAL (MOTD)

It proved to be the anly goal of the game, with Dubravka in The Toon goal pullin' off a great save just after the goal to deny the home side!
A goal from Perez woz then harshly ruled 'offside' but it 'mattered not' az we held on for the 3 valuable points to move us up to 14th in the table and (more importantly) 6 points above the drop zone (for now!)

If anly we could replicate <(we naa aall the big words!) wor away form at home, then we would be in the top half of the table!

More 'celebratory' liquid lubrication were partook in 'uddersfeeld and York on the way back!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Schar, Lascelles, Clark, Kenedy (Dummett 89), Diame, Ki (Hayden 72), Atsu, Perez, Rondon (Ritchie 81)

Attendance: 24,036 (2,400 very happy and frozen Toon fans!)😀

*PS: Sooothampton's shock win ower 'The Arse' on Sunday afternooon meenz that we are now just 4 points above the drop zone!😨

More pub crawl pix

'UDDERSEEELD v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:58pm bells' Friday 14th December 2018

WE heed for deepest Yorkshire tomorrow afternoon for wor game against 'uddersfeeeld and 3 points iz wot we want and desperately need!
This iz wor shortest away trip this season in The Premyaa Leegue (91 miles by train via York) and we leave on the '8:58 bells' train in the mornin' from 'The Central' (station) and shud arrive in good time for plenty 'liquid lubrications'!
Snow iz forecast ower the Pennines, so wrap up in warm clothin' if yoo are gannin!                        ↓↓↓↓↓

Wor opponents lie below us in the table and have won just ONE home game this season, scorin' just THREE goals in the process!

Schar iz available after suspension but Yedlin iz banned after hiz 'sendin off' v Wolves last week!
Shelvey and Fernandez are not expected to 'make it', but Dummett could retorn to the fold!
Aall away tickets have been sold.
(Tickets for wor away games against The Liverbirds and Wotfaad have aalso sold oot!)

'Yours truly' will actually be passin 'uddersfeeeld on the M62 on the way back from mee Manchester 'truck run' in the orly hours of Saturday mornin' (for the 10th time this week!) ---and then after a brief 'shut eye' "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"--I'm up again to catch the '8:58'!
"It's aall go!"


NUFC v HTFC history lesson:
The forst ever meetin' took place @ SJP nearly 99 years ago, on 31st January 1920---'uddersfeeeld won 1-0 in an FA Cup 2nd roond tie in front of a 46,462 crowd.

The last meetin' took place, again at SJP, on 31st March this year, where NUFC won 1-0 with Perez scorin' the anly goal of the game in front of 51,261

Full record: Played 64, Won 27, Drawn 15, Lost 22

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday---az per usual!

"SMBs TAKIN' THE P*SS!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Thorsday 13th December 2018

News reaches us that wor U21s resorve game against the mackems 1st team at The SOS in The Checkatrade Trophy will be played on Tuesday 8th January with a '7 bells' kick off!

The SMBs are chargin' fans FIVE TIMES az much to get in compared to their previous Checkatrade Trophy home game!

They charged £3 the last time and they are chargin' NUFC fans a ridiculous FIFTEEN QUID to get in!

This iz ne doubt in conjunction with the Northumbria Dibble Brigade to try and deter fans travellin' from Tyneside!

Their excuse iz that they will have to open more than ONE STAND to accommodate us! (Extra Dibble and steward costs etc!)
"WOW!" --- "TWO STANDS OPEN OOT OF FOUR!"

sund'lind owner 'Donald the Duck Egg' said this on Twitter:
"Opening one stand for a low risk game has a completely different cost base to a game against our biggest rivals who want their full allocation regardless of who is in their team."


Their own fans will AALSO be charged £15, az they must charge the same for both sets of fans!

In the FA Cup replay v Waalsaall they charged £10 and £5 and got a 'massive' 8,212 tornoot, which included 201 Waalsaall fans! (Anly the East Stand woz open to home fans with Waalsaall fans in one corner behind the goal at pitch level, where Toon fans used to be accommodated)

This pricin' policy iz a disgrace, but WONT stop up to *4,000 Toon fans from travellin', (az they'd hoped), and it will badly backfire on them for sure! (If anything---it will make us even more determined to gan!)

*4,000 iz wor normal allocation!