"IT'S NEVAA PLAIN SAILIN AT THE TOON!"

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Wednesday 10th January 2018

News reaches The Geordie Times by the wonders of modern technology (carrier pigeon!) that club legend and U23s heed coach Peter Beardsley, haz been given 'gardenin leave' by NUFC for allegedly bullyin and racially abusin some of wor U23 players!
5 current players and 1 former player have come forward to make the above complaints!
Beardo denies it and the club are holdin their own enquiries in the meentime

In othaa news we hear that Rafa haz been told by 'The Fat Controller' that he must SELL players before he can buy! (I 'FINK' I've hord this one before!?---I 'FINK' I've hord this one before!?---I 'FINK" I-------!!!!????)

And STILL ne news of an inpendin take over!

It's NEVAA plain sailin at 'The Toon'-------IZ IT!!!???

THE CUP DRAW HAZ NOT BEEN KIND!

Posted '12:25pm bells' Tuesday 9th January 2018

The last time we were here

A month ago---lost 3-1 !

The FA Cup 4th roond draw haz paired us to Chelski away when they beat Norwich in their 3rd roond replay! (we can't envisage any othaa result!)
The tie will be played at the end of January and we dont 'fink' it will be picked for live telly!

Yet anothaa train trip to King's Cross (London) against the current Premyaa Leegue champions (we  were anly here in December!)---Anly Man City away could have been worse oot of the 31 clubs we could have met like Rochdale, Mk Dons and Yeovil!


We've got ne luck---thats for certain!

FA CUP DRAW TOONEET!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Munday 8th January 2018

"I HAVE A DREAM!"

The draw for the 4th roond of the FA Cup takes place at '7:00 bells' this evenin  and iz live on BBC 2 and Radio 5 Live!

A home draw would be preferable, but an away tie at a groond that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been to, would be wor 2nd choice!

There are FIVE possibilities oot of the other 40 teams still left in the competition that we could visit!

They are!: Rochdale, MK Dons and Newport who are aall through and Shrewsbury who must replay at West Ham and Fleetwood who must replay at Lestaa!
In all probability the latter 2 will lose to their Premyaa Leegue opponents, which leaves the forst 3 az possible new groonds for 'the mad-sad groundhoppers' to visit!

We are number 27 in the draw and we will let yoo know the outcome az soon az we find oot!

Updated 11:04pm bells @ Woodall sorvices truck park M1

Its CHELSKI AWAY (when they beat Norwich in their replay!)
The 2nd worst tie we could get! 
(Anly Man City away would have been worse!)

THE TOON 3 THE MAD HATTERS OF LUTON 1 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 7th January 2018

"The Toon' Wreck 

'The Mad Hatters' 

Tea Party!"

Tales of the unexpected happened when Rafa sent oot a near full strength team against Luton, when we fully expected a line up of fringe players!
Aalso we didnt expect a crowd of 47,000 plus, despite the fact that The Mad Hatters brought nearly 7,500 fans with them!

Neethaa did the programme publishers, who didnt print enough programmes, az they expected a crowd of 30,000 and subsequently sold oot lang before kick off time!
I woz lucky and managed to get mee hands on one just before they sold oot!

THE TOP DECK OF THE LEAZES END IZ FILLED WITH 'MAD HATTERS'!

The game kicked off and The Toon went straight for 'the jugular' az they attacked The Leazes goal where the Mad Hatters were housed on level 7 of the upper tier--their noisy fanbase stretched aroond the corner of the stand and well into The Milburn Stand!

After several missed chances we finally made the breakthrough on the half hour mark when the Luton keeper fumbled the baall, which fell nicely to the feet of Perez for a simple tap in!

Goal 2 came 6 mins later when again Perez woz on hand after a game of 'head tennis' in the Luton box and he had another easy chance to double wor advantage!

JONJO SHELVEY GOAL

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

The thord goal in 9 minutes came just 3 minutes after the 2nd when  a neat 'one two' between Perez and Gayle foond Shelvey just inside the box and he wellied the baall past their dispairin' keeper to effectively wrap up the game and put us into the 4th roond draw on Munday!

WHEY! NOT EXACTLEEE!---this IZ NUFC after aall and not lang after the restart The Mad Hatters pulled one back when Woodman raced from hiz goal to get the baall---he DIDNT and Luton's Hylton had the simple task of hittin' the baall into an empty net to send 'The Tea Party Brigade' into 'party mode'!

ACTION NEAR THE MILBURN STAND

A disallowed goal and a 'bar hit' followed from wor visitors az they desperately tried to pull anothaa goal back az WE desperately defended for wor lives az the clock ticked doon!

WE did have othaa chances to put 'the game to bed' against wor BEDfordshire opponents (sic!), but we just couldn't get a 4th goal!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

'It mattered not' az the clock finally ticked doon and to wor relief a replay doon at Luton woz not needed---(thank god, coz the place iz a dump!)

HAPPY TOON FANS CELEBRATE AZ GRANDSON JAMIE POSES FOR A PHOTO!

Toon team: Woodman, Manquillo, Lascelles (Hayden 31), Clark, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey (Diame 71), Merino (Saivet 80), Murphy, Perez, Gayle

Attendance: 47,069 includin' 7,450 Mad Hatters---wor highest FA Cup 3rd roond crowd since 56,569 torned up half a century ago, when we lost to Carlisle 1-0 in 1968 (I woz there!)
The Mad Hatters had the largest away followin' for a competitive game since Brightin brought 10,000 in 1979, when they won promotion to the top flight---(Rangers had 15,000 for a friendly in 2004) 

PS: For the benefit of wor overseas reeders, Luton's nickname iz 'The Hatters'---hence 'The Mad Hatters' headline!

The
"LET'S HAVE A BEVVY IN JANU-ERY AND FEBU-ERY!" 'crusade' continued in various locations before and after the match!
(In defiance of the 'Dry January Brigade'!) 

TOON FANS HAVIN' A 'BEER PARTY' AFTER THE MATCH

IN THE PREMIER INN!

Footnote: Watched 'Match of the Day' this mornin' and wor game
got precisely ONE MINUTE air time!---aall they showed were the
goals, (no replays!) and nowt else!(Aye I timed it!---1 minute for a programme that woz on for an hour and a half!)---While Lestaa'z goal-less draw at Fleetwood 
got FIVE TIMES az much air time!
(An utter disgrace!---bet if Luton had WON 3-1, it would have been
on for half an hour!)   

THE TOON v THE MAD HATTERS *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** SATURDAY

Posted '12:41pm bells' Thorsday 4th January 2018ŕ
Updated Friday just before 'high noon bells'

A TEA PARTY SOMEWHERE IN LUTON!

We take a break from the 'grind' of the Premyaa Leegue when we take on 'The Mad Hatters' of Luton in the thord roond of the FA Cup at 3 bells this Saturday!

We fully expect that NUFC will field a weakened team involvin Woodman in goal and the likes of Saivet and Mitro up front!
Rafa haz since hinted that 'squad players' WILL be used!

Aa meeen!--- lets face reality--- we are very unlikely to 'win the cup', for when (of if) we get through, sooner or later we will get one of the so caalled 'big 6' and it will probably be: "Bye bye Wembley!---Hello free Saturday!"

'The Mad Hatters' will be backed by 7,500 fans for their 'cup final' (they took less than 300 in the last roond at Gatesheed!) (For the benefit of wor overseas reeders, Gatesheed's groond iz 2 miles from SJP on the south bank of the River Tyne!)

And because of unexpected high demand from Toon fans, parts of the top deck of The Milburn Stand will be opened (so we understand!)
Because of this a 40,000 plus crowd iz expected!
Not bad for a game where everybody naaz that we WILL play 'fringe players', against a Leegue 2 side! 

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

SPECULATION ACROSS THE GEORDIE NATION!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 3rd January 2018

Speculation and rumours that wor 'beloved'?owner, known affectionately to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller' iz ready to sell the club to 'Amanda's mob' have been dein the rounds yesterday and today and that its a 'done deal'!

Its been reported that the BBC haz excluuusive rights to break the news on Saturday!

Personally I wont believe it until 'Yee naa who' flies off in hiz helicoptaa --NEVER to be seen again!!!😨

THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE 0 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 2nd January 2018

1st half action az NUFC attack 'The Boothen End'
(The Toon are in the light blue strip)

"The nevaa endin NUFC roller coaster ride!"

One week we are on 'a low' and the next week we are on 'a high' az the roller coaster takes us doon---and then back up again az results eethaa gan 'against us' (like the weekend just gone!) OR 'for us' like yesterday at Stoke!

Lets be honest here, the last 2 performances have been riddled with missteakz, v Brightin on Saturday when we drew 0-0 in a shockin game---and yesterday against anothaa poor side, which we won 1-0, thanx to a goal from Perez, wor number 17, with 17 minutes left on the clock!
Within the space of a few days we have risen from 3rd bottom to 13th top on the NUFC roller coaster ride!

The day started off at '7:30 am bells' where a taxi whisked me to 'The Central' for the train(s) to Stoke. After changes at York and Manchester, we arrived in The Potteries at '11:50am bells' and heeded for the hotel bar ower the road from the train station for the forst 'liquid lubrications' of the day (er! that's apart from the 4 cans aa drank on the way doon) <(now that WILL shock the "Dry January Brigade!" (see article below this)

It woz then a £10 taxi ride to Longton Rugby Club which woz a mile and a half south of the ground, where we partook in several more 'liquid lunches' (it woz dinnaatime by then!)

It had started rainin' by the time we set off on the lang trek to the away tornstiles and 25 minutes later we were in 'the dry' of the stadium concourse az Toon fans hoyed beer ower each othaa, rather than drink it az you're supposed to do!? (not so DRY after aall!)

The game kicked off and the forst thing we noticed woz that Atsu and Perez were up front in a new tactical move by 'Rafa the Gaffer'
It worked fairly well az the insistent rain bleached doon in a howlin' gail in a half dominated by 'us'
Clark missed an open goal from 1 yard and somehow managed to put the baall ower the bar when it looked much easier to tap it in!?-'--We simply couldn't make the breakthrough az we attacked the far 'Boothen End' and went in goalless at the halftime interval!

Durin' the interval we hord with great sadness that one of wor number had passed away on New Years Eve.
He woz known az 'Gordon the Gloves' az he aalway wore white gloves to matches  RIP Gordon

Action at 'The Sharp End' in torrential rain (2nd half)

In the 2nd half we attacked 'The SHARP End' where the 3,200 Toon fans were housed and Shelvey went close with a free kick just outside the box az the Toon faithful cheered the team on!

Stoke's main stand

The vital breakthrough came in the 73rd minute when a wayward pass from a 'P*ss Potters' defender foond the feet of Murphy on the edge of the box---He 'fed' Perez inside the box and he applied A SHARP finish past Ing-er-land goalie Butland at 'The SHARP End' to give us the lead!

We went wild az we knew that one goal could win it and at least 3 vital saves from Darlow in The Toon goal at the far end near 'the end' of the match, secured the 3 points to propel us up the table!

The Toon attack the far goal az Officer Dibble watches on!

The Toon fans then 'took the p*ss oot of 'The P*ss Potters' with chants of "You're getting sacked in the mornin'!" towards Stoke's beleaguered manager Mark Hughes!---and the Stoke fans joined in az they pointed towards the home dugout!!! 

It WASNT pretty futbaall---but who cared az we set off on the '3 trains' jorney yem!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Manquillo, Shelvey, Diame, Murphy (Dummett 82), Atsu (Gayle 64), Ritchie, Perez (Hayden 90)

Attendance: 28,471 (3,200 happy Toon fans!)

"LETS HAVE A BEVVY IN JANU-ERY @ STOKE

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards! New Years Day 2018

Followin on from wor "Lets gan on a bender in November and December!" campaign we are startin off a new one in defiance of the "Dry January!" brigade!

"Lets have a bevvy in Janu-ery!"

Hotel bar opposite Stoke train station

Longton Rugby Club Bar--

Lang waalk to groond from here!

FT Won 1  0  Perez!

13th in table!

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"☺

Full match and "bevvy" report tomorrow dinnaatime!

THE P*SS POTTERSS v THE TOON **** THIS AFTERNOOON

Posted 7:00am bells New Years Day 2018

We are off to Stoke in less than 2 hours time and shud be there by 'high noon bells' for yet anothaa nail bitin game at the bottom end of the table!
The P*ss Potts lost 5 0 at Chelski on Saturday, but played their resorve side az they thought they had ne chance of beatin them!
ie: they 'fink' theyve got more chance of beatin us and are playin a full strength team today!

Lets hope it backfires spectacually on them and that WE  can win away for the 2nd game in a row!
We shall soon find oot!
A full match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

"HAPPY NEW YEAR TO AALL WOR REEEDERS!"

THE TOON 0 (NE WHERE NEAR) BRIGHTIN 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:02am bells' Sunday 31st December 2017

"FROM 'ENTERTAINERS' TO 'NO BRAINERS'!"

Yet anothaa aaful home performance against a so caalled 'lesser team' ended scoreless az 52,000  plus watched on in 'sleep mode'!

We did have a few chances when Merino fired wide twice at The Gallowgate End and Gayle's 'cross/shot' woz well saved by Brightin keeper Ryan--but 'that woz it' for the forst half!

The 2nd period wasnt much better with the 'highlights' bein Hayden's shot which woz well saved by Ryan who tipped hiz shot roond the post and a Gayle heeder aboot 20 mins later, again well saved by the Brightin keeper!

From 'entertainers' to 'no brainers' in the space of 20 years iz hard to believe!

Both teams were az bad az each othaa az time after time possession woz  lost after 2 or 3 passes az the clock agonisingly 'ticked by' in 'slow mode'! ( no goals for 'us' in the last 3 home games and no goals for Brightin in their last 5 away games!)
(2 teams who came up from The Championship, playin' 'Championship futbaall'!)

Othaa results at the bottom went against us az well, and 3 of the teams beneath us have games in hand az we sit just 4 points off the very bottom of the table!

Thats 6 home games in a row withoot a home win and just ONE point from 18 with the 'trapdoor' just beneath us!

The last 9 years in particular have been depressin to say the least---relegation, promotion, relegation, promotion and yet anothaa relegation battle because of lack of funds for the managers, in that time!

It seems that The Fat Controller will NEVAA LORN az hopes of a takeover recede az the days pass--dont forget he wanted rid of the club by Xmas and its the new year tomorrow, with (seemingly) no progress made!

We of course travel to The P*ss Potts of Stoke tomorrow who lost 5-0 at Chelski yesterday!---anothaa 6 pointer---but will we win it?
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!?" lets hope so!

Toon team: Darlow,Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Ritchie (Perez 72), Hayden, Merino (Shelvey 76), Atsu, Joselu (Murphy 85), Gayle

Attendance: 52, 209 (2,200 Brightin fans)
*
The "Lets gan on a bender in December!" 'crusade' continued at various locations includin' The Leazes End Club, The Bodega and 'The Premier Inn bar' on Newgate Street (would yoo believe!)