JUST WHERE DO WE GAN FROM HERE?

Posted '6 30pm bells' Friday 1st September 2017 at The truck park, Trowell sorvices, M1

        "Its my train set and I'll do what I like!"

The unbridled joy of promotion in May haz been replaced by utter dispair in September!
We thought (wrongly!) that wor beloved  owner? known affectionatly az The Fat Controller to Toon fans had finally lornt hiz lesson after 2 disastrous relegations (and several near misses!)

Unfortunatly HE HASNT LORNT A THING and yet anothaa relegation battle looms with ne hope of anythin better!
We now have players who naa that they are not wanted anymore (Gayle for example!) and they must be az dispirited az the rest of us!

We fully expect that Rafa will 'walk' before wor away game at Swanzee a week on Sunday and that yet anothaa 'yes man' will replace him!

Promises of trophy challenges are laughable ( a resorve X1 v Forest in the Leegue Cup) and a 'Chamions Leegue' top 4 finish are ridiculous (more like a bottom 4 finish!)
The Checkatrade Trophy looks wor best bet, playin against the likes of Crewe, Port Vale and Colchester! (with wor resorve side!)

£210 MILLION haz been spent by Premyaa Leegue clubs yesterday-- but not a PENNY by us!!!

Its a very sorry state of affairs!---thats for sure!

NUFC TRANSFOR WINDOW DEADLINE DAY ***THE STORY SO FAR!

Posted throoughoot transfor deadline day
Thorsday 31st August 2017

                      "ANOTHER FINE MESS!"

ITS JUST BEFORE MIDNIGHT BELLS AND THERE HAVE BEEN NE SIGNINGS BY THE
'11 00 BELLS' DEADLINE!
ITS GROUNDHOG DAY!    ITS A SHAMBLES!   HELP!

IN
Atsu , Lejeune , Jacob Murphy , Manquillo, Joselu, Merino (loan)
Kenedy, possible loan (DIDNT HAPPEN!);

TARGETS
Lucas Perez  an Arsenal striker
Cenk Tosun £ 8 million bid aledgedleee
Anothaa target iz Sooothampton  defender Matt TARGETT! (NON SIGNED!)

OOT
Anita, Sammy Ameobi, Gouffran, Vuckic, Satra, Riviere, aall released
Thauvin, Mbabu, Daryl Murphy, Hanley, Siem De Jong, aall sold


Lazaar on way (hopefully!)
Armstrong, Sels, Toney, aall loaned
Gayle-- £15 million bid from Fulim
Toon want £20 million---Norwich and Leedz aalso interested (DIDNT HAPPEN!)
Tim Krul haz moved to Brighton

EARLIER, WHEN WE HAD A BIT HOPE!
Its 6 45 bells at Trowell Sorvices on the M1 az I write this from mee truck cab---just ower 4 hours to gan til the window closes and NE new signins today yet!?

THE ALEX 1st team 1 THE TOON U23s 2 **** CHECKATRADE TROPHY GROUP D

Posted 11 35 pm bells Tuesday 29th August 2017 @ Woodall Sorvices on the M1 !

The Toon ran oot 2-1 winners in wor forst ever Checkatrade Trophy game at Crewe Alex

Goals from Liam Smith and Luke Charman secured the victory in front of 1,351 spectators includin 135 Toon groundhoppers housed in the ridiculously named 'Ice Cream Van Stand'!!! (Even The Geordie Times couldnt have made that one up!)

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz sent us some pix from the game (and a very brief match report!) az I write this at Woodall Services on the M1 near Sheffield!
"The wonders of modern technologeee!"

Toon fans in The 'Ice Cream enclosure'!
"Can I have a '99' with a Cadburys flake pleeeze!"

THE ALEX U23s v THE TOON U23s **** CHECKATRADE TROPHY*** TOONEET!

Posted 'just after high noon bells' Tuesday 29th August 2017

"CAN I HAVE A 99 WITH LOADS OF FLAKES AND LOLLIES PLEEEZE!?"

Tooneet wor U23s travel to Crewe for a Checkatrade Trophy group 'D' match at the renamed Alexandra Stadium (formely Gresty Road)

Toon fans will be housed in the ridiculously named 'ICE CREAM VAN STAND' (Dont believe me?---then see photo below!)

'The NUFC mad sad groundhoppers' WILL be represented by 2 or 3 fans who have never seen The Toon play here before! ('We' at 'The Geordie Times' were here in the orly 90s for a Leeegue Cup tie, which we won 4-3 after bein 3-0 doon!) (ie: most of us will give it 'a miss' az we've 'got the tee shirt' from this groond!)

NUFC mad-sad groundhopper rules:
If its a competitive first team game anywhere or on a new groond we must gan! (Includin' Europe) (Rule 1a !)

If its a competitive U23/reserve or junior game on a proper new groond, we must attempt to gan!
(ie: An enclosed groond with stands) (Games on trainin pitches/fields not compulsary!) (Rule17c !)

If its a forst team friendly on a new groond, we must attempt to gan ( not aalways possible if its in Europe or beyond!) (Rule 2d !)

If its a U23/reserve or junior competitive game on a groond we have previously visited, then we can 'give it a miss' (like Crewe) (rule 47b!)

PS: Crewe's Gresty Road groond ( az it woz then caalled!) woz mee 106th groond and 100th for a forst team game!

A match report (of sorts!) will appear here sometime on Wednesday!

THE TOON 3 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted ' 9 31am bells' Sunday 27th August 2017
Updated Munday with more pix!

"JOSELU'S GIANTS!"

Toon fans went to this game with nerves janglin az we just didnt know wot kind of performace we wud put in!

We need'nt have worried az we put on an excellent show for the 52,000 in attendance!

Lets be honest here, West Ham were very poor and we took advantage of this az we attacked The Gallowgate goal in the forst half.
'Jossy' Joselu in particular looks a great buy az he jinked and moved easily through the Jellied Eels defence and he woz rewarded near the end of the half when Atsu crossed the baall and he woz on hand to toe poke the baall into the net for forst goal of the season after 2 blank Premyaa games!

The crowd went wild with relief more than anythin else and we went in 1-0 up at the break!

We dominated the 2nd half with both Perez and Richie gannin close.
The 2nd goal woz anly a matter of time and Clark got it az he heeded into the Leazes net after good work fromPerez and Ritchie!

'Supersub' Mitrovic completed the scorin with 4 mins left on the clock , when he woz put clean through and he rounded Joe Hart in the visitors goal to sidefoot the baall into the goal az 'The Jellied Eels Mob' exited the groond in their droves!
A 'giant' performance from the lads and especially Joselu az we climbed to 14th position in the table (The Geordie Times forecast at the start of the season!)

With 7 of wor next 8 games against 'lesser' teams,we have a great chance to cosolidate wor position in the top flight!
Toon team: Elliot, Manqillo, Lascelles, Clark, Merino, Hayden (Diame 82), Ritchie (Murphy 88), Perez, Atsu, Joselu (Mitrovic 72)

Attendance: 52,093 (6 more than woz annoonced ower the tannoy!)  (3,100 p*ssed off 'Jellied Eels'!)
*Explanation: 'Jellied eels' are a Cockney delicasy in east London where West Ham come from! (See 'ground 009 in archive section for a match report from Upton Park in 1969)

Zac and Jamie celebrate!

The pre match 'gargels' took place in 

The Bodega and Soho

The Gallowgate flag bearers march doon Leazes Park Road before the game in a show of solidarity, chantin' Rafa's name az they gan!

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB*** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11 00am bells' Saturday 26th August 2017
Half time and full time scores wil be posted az soon az pissible ("er!---that shud read 'possible'!)

We gan into todays game pointless against a pointless West Ham--- so somethin' will have to give---at some point!
Hopefully 3 points for 'us' and nen for them!
A 6 pointer aalready? After just 2 games played?
We reeely do need to win this or else we will be in the mire for certain

Still ne more players through the door like a proven striker  to bolster wor blank Leegue 'goals for' column, with just 4 days left before the transfor window slams shut!

Az we've said before--the current squad simply isnt good enough az Rafa haz said repeatedly!
Yoo reeely do have to speculate to accumulate (points!)----but try tellin that to wor 'beloved owner'!--- who seems 'blind' to the threat of a THIRD relegation under his 'leadership'!

However! We MUST get behind the team and cheer them on to victory (hopefully!)
A full Geordie Times match report will appear here ob Sunday az per usual!

We will post online the half time and full time score asap below

Half time score: 1  0 up
Josalu

Full time score: won 3  0!
Joselu  Clark   Mitrovic

Attendance:52,087

328 heritage park bishop auckland (v mboro u23s)

Ground number 328
Date of First Visit: 25th August 2017
Heritage Park, Bishop Auckland

Middlesbrough U23s  1
Newcastle United U23s  0

Premier League 2, Division 2
Attendance: 474 (includin' at least 8 mad-sad groundhoppers!)

"MEET ME ON THE CORNER WHEN THE LIGHTS ARE COMIN' ON!"

This linesman haz a very famous name

But who iz he? The clue iz in the title!

 (Answer below!)

The Toon and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' paid wor forst ever visit to the new home of Bishop Auckland FC, which iz actually in the village of St Helen Auckland to the west of 'Bishop' and iz the base for The Smoggies U23 side for the season
Middlesbrough iz some 30 miles distant to the east which makes it a very strange venjue to play 'home games' (St James' Park to the north iz aboot the same distance!)

The groond iz virtually surronded by a huge Sainsbury's superstore behind one side of the groond and a Sainsbury's petrol station behind the right hand goal.
And just alang the road iz a boozer  caalled 'The March Hare', where we heeded for some much needed 'liquid lubrication' before kick off , az we were told that the clubhoose under the main stand woz 'off limits'?

It woz then back to the groond where we heeded for the grass bank opposite the main stand

The game kicked off with The Toon kickin towards 'The Sainsbury's Petrol Station End' and we had several chances to take the lead, but couldnt find the net!

The Smoggies had some chances az well and they made the breakthrough bang on half time with a scrambled effort, az the rain made an appearence from the heavens above!

The 2nd half was dominated by us, but we simply couldnt get on the score sheet, despite bein' the better team!
A Kyle Cameron effort at 'The Sainsburys' Superstore End' woz tipped ower the bar by the Boro goalie in the 61st minute and  a Mac Gillesphey divin heeder went very close 10mins later
A great shot from Dan Barlaser came off the post in the very last minute of the game and  the baall went agonisingly behind for a goal kick!
This woz wor last chance and the ref blew to end the game not long after this!

Can yoo spot the famous assistant referee?
(Havvint got the FOGgiest!)

FOOTNOTE:
For those of yoo who are under the age of 60!  An explanation to the title of this story.
One of the linesmen/assistant referee's woz caalled Alan Hull---The same name az the lead singer of the Geordie folk group caalled 'Lindisfarne' who had 2 massive hits in the 1970's    One woz caalled 'Fog on the Tyne' and the other woz caalled 'Meet me on the corner'

The top picture shows linesman Alan Hull near the corner flag just after the floodlights had been switched on!
The 1st line of the song gans: "Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on and I'll be there---I promise I'll be there!"

Alan Hull from Lindisfarne

wearin a  Toon top!

THE SMOG MONSTERS U23s v THE TOON U23s

Posted '1 00pm bells' Friday 25th August 2017
Score updates at half time and full time

Later on this evenin 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' travel to Bishop Auckland's Heritage Park, where 'The Smoggies' are playin some of their U23s games this season.
The Toon U23s are their opponents and az usual we will be oot in force to support wor 'second string' az we 'clock up' yet anothaa new groond! (aall 10 of us!)
Kick off iz at '7 bells', but if yoo are gannin then heed for St Helens Auckland on the A688 and the groond iz there next to a Sainsbury's superstore!

It seems strange that The Smog Monsters are playin 'home games' nearly 30 miles from The Riverside Stadium (Its aboot the same distance from St James' Park!)
But the same could be said aboot Stoke who play resorve games at St Georges Park near Burton some 30 miles distant from The Britannia Stadium?

A match report and pix will appear here by tomorrow dinnatime!
Half time and full time score will be put online az soon az possible!

Half time score: 1  0 doon

Full time score:lost 1  0

Attendance: 350 est

THE TOON 2 THE FRIAR TUCK MOB 3 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 24th August 2017

"AT LEAST WE DIVVINT HAVE TO GET UP AT 4 IN THE MORNIN TO LISTEN TO THE DRAW FOR THE 3rd ROOND!"

Makin 10 changes from the team that lost at 'uddersfield , we succumed to a Forest side one leegue below us az the wheels came off again for the thord succesive match!

Players like Saivet, Perry, and Barlaser started alang with Hanley and Jesus Gamez who were in 'the shop window' of surplus stock!

But they failed miserably and rather than bein in Harrods shop window, they are more likely to appear in the POUNDSHOP display!

We started off well in front of a half full/empty stadium when Mitrovic fired home from a Aarons pass in the 3rd minute!
Diame then went close with an audicious lob that just went ower the bar at The Leazes End!
But thats az good az it got and Forest fought back with 2 goals in quick succesion on the half hour mark through Cummings who netted twice!

An equaliser after the baall had struck the ref came when the refs 'pass' foond Diame and he slid the baall to Aarons on the edge of the  box and he hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the net bang on half time!

The 2nd half wasnt much cop as extra time loomed and grandson Jamie aged 7 said he wanted it to gan to extra time az it meant he could stop up later!

He got hiz 'wish', but just 7 minutes into the extra priod , Forest's Tyler Walker scored with a well placed heeder which seemed to 'drift' into the net to put the m 3-2 up!

There were ne more goals and we went oot at the  2nd stage of the competition for the fost time in 27 years!

On the plus side-- at least we didnt have to get up at 4 in the mornin to listen to the draw for the next roond from China!
(See story below for explanation!)

Toon team: Darlow, Sterry (Lazaar 58), Hanley, Mbemba, Gamez, Murphy, Saivet, Barlaser (Hayden 70), Aarons (Richie 77), Diame, Mitrovic (Joselu 107)

Attendance: 27,709 (1,000 Friar Tuck Mob!)

The pre match gargels took place in The Bodega and The Leazes End Club!

PS: Because the match finished late aa went to mee 'local' (The Tudor) for mee post match gargels----it woz SHUT!----Just to make my day even more miserable!

PPS: 'The Friar Tuck Mob' have drawn Premyaa League champions Chelski away in the next roond!

Mebeez its just az well we got knocked oot!

THE TOON v THE FRIAR TUCK MOB ****TOONEET!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 22nd August
2017  *** Updated Wednesday from 'high noon bells' onwards!
(Forthaa updates at half time and full time!)

Somewhere in Sherwood Forest near Nottingham, as Friar Tuck tells Robin Hood and Maid Marion the bad news aboot the Leegue Cup draw!
"Lets hope we get knocked out!-- I dont fancy having to get out of bed in the middle of the night to watch the draw!"


Tooneet we face Forest in the Leegue Cup 2nd roond (now renamed the Carabao Cup) and IF we get through we will be in the draw at (wait for it!)---- '4 15 AM bells' on Thorsday mornin---live from CHINA!
A far eastern company iz sponserin the competition, and haz insisted the draw shud be made then ('11 15 am bells' in China) so if yoo want to hear the draw yoo will have to drag your lifeless body oot of your 'scratch pit' (bed!) at this ungodly hour and listen to it on 'TALKSPORT 'radio!

"Wot next?" we ask worsels?  a GAME that kicks off at '4 15 bells' in the mornin for the benefit of somewhere on the othaa side of the world? ---If yoo are a gamblin man/woman, then DONT bet against it!!

More madness from NUFC, this time---ticket prices for the Forest game DOUBLE in price if yoo buy them on match day!
They've done it before of course!
Its crazy!

Meenwhile, we fully expect that we will field a weakened team az Rafa wont want any new injuries aheed of wor vital Leegue game v 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of eest Landan on Saturday!
(Even aftaa Rafa 'juggles' hiz line up, we still shud be too strong for Forest )

News aalso reaches us that wor players are in dispute with club aboot bonus payments this season!---The last thing 'Rafa the Gaffer' needs as he tries to gee the players up!

Still ne sign of any quality new signins eethaa!-
7 days til the window closes---and coontin!

A full match report will appear tomorrow AFTER the cup draw ---(dont 'fink' I can stay awake that long to hear it?)--- thats providin we get through of course!

Oot of the 19 teams who have made into the 3rd roond so far, 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been to them aall, bar Bristol Rovers new groond ( we've been to 2 of their old groonds, but not this one!)
Oot of tooneets ties the anly possibilty of a new groond iz Rochdale, who are away to Stoke!

Az the draw iz unseeded now, with the so caalled 'big guns' enterin, anly London Stadium iz missin from wor 'list'
(A groond we will visit anyway in December in the Premyaa Leegue!)

PS: The Geordie Times haz abandoned attempts at 'live streamin' pictures from games az the reception inside St James' Park iz very poor and difficult to download!
We will however put the half time and full time score out below and download pictures after the game, away from the groond, where there iz better reception! (ie: In some nearby 'drinkin den'!)
The game kicks off at '7 45'pm bells' (unless somebody from China decides otherwise!?)
(watch this space!)

Half time score:  2  2
(Mitrovic  Aarons for Toon   Cummins for Forest)
Full time score: Lost 3  2 after extra time!
Walker scored winner for Forest.

Because of the late finish because of extra time I went straight home to my local pub to drown my sorrows! ---- IT WOZ SHUT!!!

On the plus side: At least I dont need to get up at '4 am bells' to listen to the 3rd roond draw!---OR!---take any more time off graft midweek for future Leegue Cup games!


Attendance:27,709 (1,000 Forest)

Pix to follow in tomorrows match report